#borderline blues

[fearofahumanplanet]

Pro tip for most of the people irl I seem to be unfortunate enough to interact with: the "P" in "BPD" does not, in fact, stand for "psychopath"

[fearofahumanplanet]

I cant fucking sleep and I'm spiralling so I guess it's time for another bloody vent post why do I do this

I hate having BPD. I'm sick of it

I'm sick of ruining every relationship I care about prematurely

I'm sick of ruining every person I meet when I resist ruining the relationship prematurely

I'm sick of shoving myself inside a box to make myself feel like I'm protecting those around me

I'm sick of feeling unloveable and inhuman

I'm sick of feeling like I'm abusive and manipulative when I should really know that people just don't understand what living with this disorder is like

I'm sick of living the same goddamn cycle over and over

I'm sick of not being able to just feel an emotion normally. why can't I just be sad right now? why does it have to be this overwhelming cloud that I have to scream out?

I'm sick of being unable to write a story with a happy ending because goddamn it I still believe happy endings aren't real

I'm sick of not being able to watch a wholesome show or read a wholesome book without breaking down into tears because I can't have that in my life

I'm sick of people telling me it will be better eventually after 21 years of the same old shite and the same old cycle and the same old feelings show that that ain't fuckin likely

I'm sick of everyone telling me id be loved and cared for if I'd just "be myself" when nobody can deal with myself

I'm sick of living with this ridiculous amount of violent and twisted trauma that makes people ease away from me bc who wants to sit next to a "psychopath"

I'm sick of always trying to be the good guy and ending up the bad guy

I'm sick of everyone hating me

this was a long list of drivel and bullshit and no ones gonna read it and I'll be fine but god sometimes I just need to let it out. I'm sorry if you follow me for whatever reason and have to deal with this shite in your feed lmao

I want to go home and I miss it even tho I've never had one

I am tired and I wish I could sleep

im sorry if this was upsetting to anyone. really. I don't know why I do this

[misslubaluft]

Rich Minus - Borderline Blues