This close to Halloween I nearly forgot to carve this pumpkin and post it, lol..
I made the stencil for it a while ago, a piece partially broke off but I think I patched it up pretty well! this was my first time making a pumpkin stencil, especially one of my OC, so I'm pretty proud of how it turned out! here's the stencil if anyone's curious what I was working off.
happy pride month! I wanted to draw something for it, I experimented with a bit of a more blocky/low poly art style, it was fun to work on.
I figured for the occasion it'd be a good idea to use the opportunity to explain more about my gender identity, as it's a label that's not widely known and I usually have to explain to people when they don't recognize the flag.
The flag shown in the art is the neoboy flag, as soon as I heard about the label it felt right for me. (Plus it definitely helped the flag was my favorite colors. lol) As a transmasculine person, I never felt quite comfortable with the demiboy label, they're similar identities, however I feel neoboy is more specific to my identity.
I always got the impression the demiboy label was used similarly to the genderfluid label, sometimes you feel more nonbinary, sometimes you feel more like a man. Even then, it also tends to be used to represent a blend between nonbinary and man. That sort of label never felt right for me. I never felt that I identified fully with being nonbinary, or fully with being a man.
With the label of neoboy, it specifically mentions having a 'new' or unique connection to masculinity, feeling like a man, but not in the way that you wish you were a cis man. I feel like that label fits my identity well. If I had to pick a gender on the binary, I'd prefer to be aligned as masculine, I feel a much stronger connection to it, but like the label says, in a 'different' way. Ultimately my transition goals don't really change my body that much- The only forms of dysphoria I get are from my chest and my voice. That's all. I don't wish my hips or thighs looked more masculine, or that I had male genitals. I'm mostly okay with my body the way it is, but I still want to be more masculine.
I think the best way I feel I can explain it is in the way people get gender envy for fictional characters.
I'll use KH3 Sora as an example here since it's the first fictional male character that came to mind that I do get some level of gender envy for.
When I say I wanna look like Sora, we can all understand that (usually) doesn't mean I want to look exactly like him, right? That I'm not asking for those saturated blue eyes, I'm not asking for his cartoony proportions and anime-style eyes. I can't speak for other people's experiences, but in my experience when I say I wanna look like someone like this, that doesn't mean I basically want to be transplanted into their in-game model, lol. It just means I want to look vaguely like him or close enough. It means I connect with the pieces of him that speak to my style and my transition goals. I like that he's able to have a long-ish hairstyle for a guy and a mullet while still noticably appearing masculine, his big baggy clothes speak to my personal style, and connect to the way I choose to present myself and my gender. Hell, some people may even perceive him wearing a necklace as a feminine style or a feminine trait, but you can still tell he's a guy! Those are the parts of him I label as 'gender' and want for myself. I want to be able to present myself with styles that could be viewed as androgynous or even feminine while still being recognizable as mostly masculine.
Because I do identify with being a man and masculinity, but that doesn't mean I want to live in a male body. I'm okay with being born as a woman. Transitioning is a stressful process for probably every trans person, but I certainly wouldn't trade it for living in a male body. Once I do transition and do reach my transition goals and I'm able to present my gender in a way that makes me happy, that's what I want for myself. I don't want all of the effects of testosterone, I'm unsure if I want to take it at all or if I'd only take it for a short time, but, anyway- how people perceive my gender in terms of sex/physical changes likely does align more with a cis woman than a cis man, but the way I present my gender still aligns with being viewed as masculine, as a man. Not in a hyper-masculine-very-obviously-a-man-no-questions-asked kind of way, but just. A guy. In the way people see fictional characters like Sora. He has some traits people may question or view as feminine, and with him being a cartoon character, obviously his sex characteristics aren't going to be visible or amplified, so people aren't going to be paying attention to those. (Not to mention they probably shouldn't since he's a teenager, but that's a different conversation.)
I guess the best way I can describe it feels like it's through fictional characters. I don't want to look like a cis man, I don't want to have any kind of facial hair or a bulge or anything else people would identify as typically '100% male traits.' I wanna be seen as a guy in the way cartoon characters are. Their art styles are vague/simplistic enough people can't look for those 'distinctly male traits' most of the time. A lot of fictional characters are younger, so most fictional men probably are going to be clean-shaven, and especially in animation they'll likely have some sort of baggy clothes to give them a more simplified figure, which takes away the opportunity for people to identify a 'male body.' But ultimately most people can still guess it's probably a guy. Even if it's vague or unclear and doesn't adhere to most societal standards for masculine features.
(More pictures of animated guys to show my point)
If people see me and question if I'm a guy or not, I'm okay with that, in a non-binary sense, but I certainly don't want people to look at me and believe I'm a woman.
Sorry for the long rambling. Maybe I could've made this more concise, but I think I'm happy letting myself ramble to make sure I get my point across. Hope this educated at least somebody about the complexities of gender and why someone would identify with a label like this one.
figured now that I came back to make a post I might as well post some art too. I wanna start posting more original art on this blog and less fandom-based stuff, though I'll still keep fandom blogs for stuff like that of course.
anyway here's the new pfp with a little guy i designed for myself.
(i have now made an edited version since to give a better outline + changed the hoodie design a bit. Felt like I should keep the OG version here though since it's nice to see the improvement.)
was gonna try to remake a more detailed ref but honestly. i am lazy. so here's my sloppy half-lineart half-lineless ref of this guy lol
(also yes i was lazy with the stars on the gloves, they're supposed to look like the stars on the eyes or boots but i did not feel like doing that)
of course as soon as I fucking post this I change the design a day later lol. I thought about just editing the post but eh I figure it's better to be open about the differences and whatnot. so here's the updated ref.
