#bpdfamily

[bpd-sid]

I’m so much happier scrolling through posts made by all the people I follow & don’t know (that’s everyone) & tags I follow than following the people I do actually know on FB & Twitter (I don’t do IG & stuff like that). Relatable Stuff™ is just so much more, relatable 🙂

[ellemacdonald82]

“Wisdom and compassion flow from simplicity and clarity; from having nothing to prove and nothing to defend.”

Barry Magid

[ellemacdonald82]

“Love says ‘I am everything’.
Wisdom says 'I am nothing’.
Between the two, my life flows”

Nisargadatta Maharaj

[nmues-blog]

I've been thinking and reading a lot and I thought I'd share what I understand to be true about these situations. The emotions that a pwBPD feels aren't like what we experience. We assume that they feel like we do. They don't. This is important to remember. The closest some of us come is likely to when some of us are discarded. That pain of being abandoned, it's something that is intense and powerful, and it leads us to some dark actions. We don't respect boundaries any more. We spy. We stalk, even if it's electronic stalking. There's that element of "how can I live without them." Now, imagine swinging to that sort of emotion several times a day every day of your life. Maybe dozens of times, maybe more. Equally, then there's the swing towards engulfment, which is just as frightening as it's basically a fear of us stamping out their free will. The "relief" from these swings are disassociate episodes, where all sorts of unpleasant sensations and thoughts can occur. When an infant is dealing with their mother, it's a life or death struggle. They have to attach in some way because mother is life. Since pwBPD are stuck in this mode, they attach to us in this desperate way. Think about this. They are doing everything as if it were life or death, that's what their limbic system is telling them is going on. They will die if they are alone. They will die if they get too close. They will die if they are abandoned. When they "hook" us, they are reaching out for us like a baby needs food. They do anything they can, they give us their bodies, they give us their thoughts, they give us everything they have so they can be safe. When they look at us with that idealization, it's like we are being worshiped, like some mad god that could strike them down if they don't please us enough. Adoration and sacrifice is what they give us. They believe that this time, this is it, this is the one. When they cling, when push and pull is going on, the fear is everywhere. We will destroy their individuality, which is death. We will leave them, which is death. Then at some point, this fear gets to be too much, and so they have to try again. They need someone else to be safe again. If they don't they die. It's sincere. It's not a con. They don't win anything. They are trying not to die. And yes, we need to look at ourselves. We either loved the worship too much, or we wanted to save them too much, or we suffered through things hoping it will all change if we gave enough love, or we were lonely and introverted, or any number of other reasons. There's a reason we felt like a key in a lock, and it's not a good reason. Otherwise, we would be that person who saw something odd and just left it alone

Chad_Sketch - BPDfamily

[nmues-blog]

I'm reading about this shape shifting stuff and trying to fit into heaven knows what you were expected to be. that was ex #2 in a nutshell. i took all her verbal abuse, and i believed it was me. i was always trying to change, trying to be what i thought she wanted me to be...not even what SHE wanted me to be, she just convinced me i wasn't myself. if that sounds confusing, it is, and that's clearly what you've been through. that can certainly nag at you. i lost any and all confidence. it was actually she that was a different person every time i saw her, and id try to mentally prepare for that, and just be super anxious. id blame my anxiety, or accuse myself of not having enough confidence. its a cycle, and it only cycles downward. but i was always trying to change for this person, who couldn't love and appreciate me for me, let alone herself, or anyone else. i ignored wrong against me, after wrong, and certainly no real effort to better herself for me was apparent. and to think, at the time, i was convinced she was my best friend, the person i was most comfortable with by a million fold, and the one for me. its the fact that i laugh pretty hard at that notion that helped me to get through the previous ex who landed me here, and who i thought those same things of. i can read old instant messenger conversations, and i don't even recognize myself, the ridiculous, insane notions i entertained, the garbage i took, the abuse i accepted, there's no way in hell i would have subsequently put up with that. The good news is you're going to feel the same way. betcha a million bucks. you wont understand or see what you saw in her. I'm presuming that during all of this, you too have lost sight of your sense of self. that doesn't mean it cant come roaring back, it did for me at the time. some recoveries take longer than others, but that only bears greater fruit.

Luckystrikes - BPDFamily

[nmues-blog]

The strongest feelings we experience are rejection and abandonment. They way they discard us without a thought truly show's how emotionally sick they are. It isn't you; it may feel personal but this is how they ultimately treat everyone. They see people as objects to fill their needs. This is their filter. The new relationship will unfold as the BPD script that it is. They wear a mask to disguise their inner torture and misery. The mask cannot be worn for long. It cracks and the true them is revealed. It's difficult to accept that the idealizer and the abuser are one and the same but they are both. We are hurt because they work hard to deceive and disguise themselves and others

[bpdmomblog]

Happy Birthday to me

Actually not feeling as shitty as I did on this day last year. Maybe that is because of another year of therapy and the meds... who knows? So far so good I guess. Wishing there were flowers on my desk but there is a lovely Pandora bracelet on my wrist so I should be grateful but yet why is there that constant longing to be "noticed" and "acknowledged even more"??? I hope one day this feeling goes away because it makes me feel like an egomaniac! My own mother forgot when my actual birthday was... what a shocker!!! Family is so overrated. Time to count on the people who truly love and care about me for support and encouragement to keep fighting this fight!!!!