Just looking at the above definition I quoted, it says "Maintaining a lasting relationship with a specific object, or rejecting any substitute for such an object." And this sort of describes a bit of what we find our BPD loved ones seemly incapable of doing. They cannot maintain a lasting relationship with a specific object, i.e., us. Sure they love us intermittently but they cannot "maintain" it in a "lasting" fashion. Moreover they do *not* "reject any substitute for such an object." Rather, they are quite able and readily find substitutes or replacements for their objects, i.e., us. According to Mahler, "object constancy is 'the capacity to recognize and tolerate loving and hostile feelings toward the same object..." which we see they cannot do as exhibited by their "splitting" behaviors. They cannot accept our negative traits along with our positive traits. They can only either idealize us, or else devalue us. Nothing in between. Again, "[object constancy is] the capacity to keep feelings centered on a specific object." Which pwBPD seem not to be able to do. Well when they are centered on us (for good or bad) those feelings can be particularly intense, but they are unable to "keep" those feelings centered on us. And I've observed that often when their feelings are on us (i.e., feelings of intimacy) this triggers other disordered feelings (i.e., fear of abandonment) which is another example of their feelings changing when it comes to their specific object (i.e., us). Finally, "[object constancy is] the capacity to value an object for attributes other than its function of satisfying needs." And this one speaks volumes. To me it says that pwBPD, who *lack* object constancy, are unable to value (or love) an object (us) when they find that we no longer function to satisfy their needs. This is to say, they only love us so long as they need us. And when they do not need us, they find that they are unable to love us.
