#brain goblins

[themaidenofwords]

Theoretically I am built for a hermit cottage in the woods where I never have to be bothered with people again.

In reality, my mind is infested with Goblins that start to chew at the wires if I go for more than two days without seeing my friends.

[neurodivergentbraingoblins]

Okay, I need advice or information or something because I'm very confused right now.

So the name "Neurodivergent Brain Goblins" comes from these bits of myself that I've named and given an identity to in order to help other people understand my brain.

I've had neuropsych testing done (4.5 hrs of testing, surveys, and forms). They agreed that I have C-PTSD and dissociative symptoms with a somatoform disorder, but they don't agree that I have DID because I don't lose time and don't have other personalities that take over/replace mine.

My brain goblins are their own people but also are just me. Mini little parts of me that sometimes control more of my life than I often do.

Reynold is my logic. He is my assistant manager who definitely wasn't given enough training and is more of a glorified babysitter than anything else 😅 I honor the amount of shit he puts up with every day. He is second in command and acts as a buffer to all the other brain goblins.

Then there is Jeff 🫠 I call him my ADHD goblin. Jeff loves buttons. He loves pushing them and watching them light up and hearing them make noise. Jeff also loves running around, jumping, making ridiculous noises, and seeing how many times he can do the same exact thing in a row before it pisses everyone else off 🤣 sometimes Reynold will give Jeff a tennis ball to go bounce against the wall for a while just so he can get some real work done.

(I'm not done drawing Jeff, but this is him so far 😊 he is a very mischievous little shit lol)

I also have Frank my OCD Goblin. He carries around an abacus instead of a calculator because 1. He is obsessed with numbers and 2. Physically moving the pieces to count calms his anxiety 😅. Frank loves simple repetitive tasks that he can do on repeat so he can count them over and over again. He often teams up with Jeff because of this and then they bug Reynold all day. Kind of a "hey! Hey! Hey check this out! Look what we can do! Hey!"

Bobby is my Autism Goblin 🤣 I love him so much but like sometimes I just.. he tries so hard and his effort is absolutely beautiful, but he just isn't good at any of it 🙃 he is the director of communication, so anytime I socialize Bobby shows up to help navigate talking. But like he just REALLY isn't good at it 🤣 the heart and soul he puts into it though is why he is still the communications director 🥰

I also have Manic Manny, Depression Dave, Sensory Sally. Though they like to work from behind the scenes. Their control is really strong but everything they do is by sneaking up and whispering in Reynolds ear and *poof* disappearing. He can't ever see them, but the weird creepy crawly feeling they give him makes him act on what they said every single time.

There are lots of other Goblins that work in this factory, but they are more like background characters? Like, everyone has a job, but most are just quiet office workers that help to keep the lights on 😅

If you have read this far thank you so much!! My question now is, what are my brain goblins? Is this DID or is it something else?? Tbh I don't really care what it is because these are my Brain Goblins and I love them no matter how much they annoy me 😅 but I also like learning information because sometimes it can really help me with managing life lol

[my-job-is-a-series-of-sidequests]

[hermeticbridgetroll]

As a former carousel operator I can honestly tell you that the statement in tma 165 was my exact internal monologue the entire time I worked there. 

[brynwrites]

Some Real Shit (tm) guys: 

I feel like I’m letting everyone down because I can’t be some a major Writeblr Supporter. And I’m really really sorry.

I wish I could do what some of the other awesome writers here are doing by constantly finding and reading and reblogging other people’s work, and I have tried, and I’ve mostly failed, because of lame excuses like I’m tired and I can’t read words properly all the time. (Dammit dyslexia? Or depression? Or some other neurodivergence?)

And it gets to the point where sometimes I’m nearly in tears because how the hell do those people have so many more spoons than me and why can’t I engage with that many awesome wips and writers without my social calibrator dipping into levels that put me in overload mode for days.

I don’t have any sort of motivational moral here, other than, I guess, if you feel like this, you’re not alone? And that I’m really sorry if you’ve wanted my attention and I couldn’t give it to you. It’s not because your wip isn’t great or because I didn’t want to. Keep being awesome.

Actually I do have a moral: It’s okay if you have less spoons than other people with the same interests.

It’s okay if you can’t do as much, or engage as much, or feel as alive as them. It’s even okay if you find people with the same mental illness or disability who can consistently do more. Because all you can do it your best, and if you’re trying that hard, you’ve already won. 

Don’t be upset with yourself. (I’ve been upset with myself enough for both of us.)

That is all <3

[roschka]

Having ptsd be like "are you mad at me? I feel like you're mad at me. Are you sure you're not mad? You're breathing like you're mad at me. Please don't be mad"

[notquiteaghost]

sometimes im like 'i dont have ptsd it’s not That Bad not everything’s gotta be a disorder' and then sometimes i smell the boiled carrots my partner cooked and it ruins my whole damn day

[roschka]

that mentally ill feel when someone asks you why you’ve been acting weird and you don’t know which disorder is causing it so you’re just like “i got adhd, ocd, ptsd, and depression. pick one”