#brexpy

[warsamongthestars]

There’s an Imposter Clone Among Us!

RIP Crewmate.

[warsamongthestars]

BAD BATCH (+1) INCORRECT QUOTES

BAD BATCH INCORRECT QUOTES # # # HUNTER: The bar was so low it was practically in Hell. HUNTER: Yet here you are. HUNTER: Limbo dancing with the Devil.

# # #

CROSSHAIR: what you did was sneaky, underhanded, and down right distasteful. CROSSHAIR: i loved it.

# # # BREXPY: well well well BREXPY: if it isnt the consequences of my actions

# # #

TECH: Would you guys be there for me if I was going through something?

BREXPY: no

HUNTER: Nope.

BREXPY: absolutely not

CROSSHAIR: i hope it sucks whatever you're going through.

BREXPY: i hope it emotionally scars you for the rest of your life

HUNTER: I hope you reach out to me so I can ignore you.

CROSSHAIR: i can't wait to go to your funeral knowing i could've changed that outcome.

WRECKER: SHIT GOT REAL REAL QUICK

TECH: I was just asking if you would be there for me!

# # #

BREXPY: remember BREXPY: the key to being a good thief is nice and stealthy BREXPY: [ breaks a window loudly ] BREXPY: like a mouse BREXPY: in we go

# # #

HUNTER: How did you find us?

CROSSHAIR: oh it was easy. CROSSHAIR: i just listened to the sound of complete and utter betrayal, and followed that.

# # #

HUNTER: We're hunting a Rancor.

BREXPY: a rancor exactly BREXPY: who does that

HUNTER: Us.

BREXPY: us BREXPY: right BREXPY: and thats exactly why our lives suck BREXPY: i mean come on BREXPY: we hunt monsters and droids BREXPY: normal people they run BREXPY: but oh no not us BREXPY: we search for things that want to kill us BREXPY: or eat us BREXPY: or disintegrate us BREXPY: you know who does that BREXPY: crazy people BREXPY: we BREXPY: are insane!!

# # #

CROSSHAIR: hey. CROSSHAIR: mind helping me with--

WRECKER: WHAT WRECKER: AFTER ALL YOU PUT US THROUGH WRECKER: YOU EXPECT US JUST TO HELP YOU JUST LIKE THAT WRECKER: JUST! LIKE!! THAT!!!

CROSSHAIR: yeah.

WRECKER: FINE HUNTER: Fine!? WRECKER: HES VERY PERSUASIVE HUNTER: PERSUASIVE!?

# # #

ECHO: Can't be... ECHO: How did you get back before us?

CROSSHAIR: i-- CROSSHAIR: CROSSHAIR: how did we brexpy?

BREXPY: ygot me BREXPY: [ pulls out star wars canon ] BREXPY: by all accounts it doesnt make sense

[warsamongthestars]

Just some skull symbols inspired by the Bad Batch.

... plus Two.

I wonder who that second one is... ;]

[warsamongthestars]

CLONE UNIT 99 (CU99) - GAUZE AND BREXPY - ON CHIPS AND CHIP HEALTH

I figured, y’know, it’d be more entertaining if we had two characters talk about everything from their perspective, than me just going on another user based dragging rant about ‘blah blah this’ and ‘blah blah that’ and ‘should have been could have been’.

Frankly, this is more interesting.

=== RECORDING START

GAUZE: So about that recording

GAUZE: Look, I get it. There's good reason to be pissed about all of it, it pisses me off too

GAUZE: But everything that Specialist-- sorry Commander-- Crosshair said has to be taken into doubt

GAUZE: He had his very mind messed with. There was a medical record and everything

GAUZE: And of course, that fuckin Tumor

BREXPY: the chip right

GAUZE: Yeah that

BREXPY: karkin longnecks chippin the entire army

BREXPY: and people just went along with it

BREXPY: they even claimed it was for our own good and that it lowers aggression

BREXPY: were soldiers what karkin agression are they talking about?

GAUZE: Hell if I know. The Clones weren't ever going to be exact copies of... of the Prime. It was obvious we weren't

GAUZE: You can't expect exact copies when you get decanted by a tube

GAUZE: But off the topic

GAUZE: What happened with Specialist-- sorry, Commander Crosshair could be filed under being drugged medically

GAUZE: Until we have his chip in our hands, we cannot take him at his word. His judgement is compromised

BREXPY: yeah

BREXPY: itd be like a drunk wandering up to a Courscant Guard and tell him you havent be drinking

BREXPY: youd still get dragged to the drunk tank for intoxication in public

BREXPY: worse if your unit sergeant caught you

BREXPY: i heard the 501st used to run their drunks through morning physical training til they vomited if they caught you

GAUZE: I don't feel pity for them. It keeps people from asking me for medical leave

GAUZE: The point is

GAUZE: Is that our dear brother was full of banthashit

GAUZE: Even the Kaminonian's most advanced medical tools left scars. Chip Removal leaves a Scar

GAUZE: Sure, a bacta patch would clean that scar up. Bacta can fuckin do amazing things. It can heal broken bones, blaster wounds, plasma wounds, burns--

GAUZE: But you CAN'T TELL ME that they put him under Batca

GAUZE: BECAUSE HE STILL HAS THAT FUCKIN ION BURN ON THE BACK OF HIS FUCKIN FACE

GAUZE: And it was still angry too! Probably from a mix of rubbing against his helmet AND NOT GETTING PROPER TREATMENT

GAUZE: THEY SHAVED HIM AND PUT A TOURNIQUET ON HIM AND CALLED IT A FUCKIN CYCLE

GAUZE: WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF FUTURE IS THE GALAXY GONNA HAVE IF DISTINGUISHED OFFICERS GET TREATED LIKE THAT, HE'S A FUCKIN COMMANDER

GAUZE: BACTA ISNT FUCKIN WOUND SELECTIVE. IT DOESNT MAGICALLY CHANGE ITS MIND. SOMEONE HAS TO APPLY IT OR ALLOWED ITS APPLICATION

GAUZE: MOTHER FUCKER

GAUZE: YOU CAN'T JUST STAND THERE AND SAY "OOOH THE EMPIRE IS THE FUTURE" WITH THAT GAPING SORE ON THE BACK OF YOUR SKULL

GAUZE: IF THAT'S THE FUTURE YOU CAN DAMN WELL KEEP IT!

BREXPY: steady there Gauze

BREXPY: lot of troopers pointed out that Clone Force 99 had raised weapons against Commander Crosshair

BREXPY: but well according to reports

BREXPY: thats exactly what Captain Rex did to CF99 when they informed him that they still had their chips

BREXPY: so it can be reasonably assumed thats why they acted as they did

BREXPY: i cant blame them

BREXPY: chip activation means death or destruction for all involved

BREXPY: and from what i gather it really did look like Crosshair was going to shoot Hunter

BREXPY: lets face it

BREXPY: you cant claim sanity and the high ground when youre still acting as nutty as you were when you lost your head to start with

BREXPY: if they had kidnapped the Commander there is a good chance that he would report to the Empire behind their backs like he did when his chip went haywire

BREXPY: it wouldve meant their executions

BREXPY: and if they stayed with the Commander it would also result in their executions or possibly worse

BREXPY: frankly its a karked up scenario

BREXPY: damned if you do damned if you dont

GAUZE: We should've been there, you know, maybe we could've stopped it...

BREXPY: or we would have contributed to the problem

BREXPY: i just hope none of them pay for this with their lives

BREXPY: its none of their faults what happened

BREXPY: yes even the Commanders decisions stupid as they were

BREXPY: until we have that chip we cannot take him as being in full control of his faculties

BREXPY: 'exploring why clones stayed with the empire' my ass

BREXPY: thats exactly what everybody has been doing since the Prequels released

GAUZE: Prequels?

BREXPY: general stitched up records of lord vaders life

BREXPY: his time as anakin skywalker are called the 'prequels' like 'prequels to lord vader' or some nonsense

BREXPY: they apparently even come with a musical number

BREXPY: anyway

BREXPY: since those there have been people trying to explore whats been up with us clones since then

BREXPY: and we already got our answer: the chip

BREXPY: that hasnt magically changed and there isnt some huge secret about it

BREXPY: its just been that damn chip

BREXPY: and even if its not the chip most of the old soldiers would stick around because like hell the empire was going to let them leave

BREXPY: you honestly think that out of all four million of us that some didnt try to walk out

BREXPY: theres been plenty who tried

BREXPY: only Cut ever got away with it

BREXPY: the biggest difference is that the Empire is honest in its decommissioning of Clones and the Republic wasnt

BREXPY: and that just means theyre obviously evil

BREXPY: but theyre just the Republic with all the shackles off

BREXPY: but yeah

BREXPY: can only hope they find a way out in the end

GAUZE: ... It did seem like Crosshair was more coherent after that Ion blast

GAUZE: I'm not far off the mark. That Chip really is like a brain tumor

GAUZE: Radiation might mess with it, though probably not kill it entirely. Chemotherapy runs on the concept of radiation killing tumors

GAUZE: Might require repeated exposure

GAUZE: But that's hoping we can also drain the rads out afterwards. He had a full face of Ion radiation, I'm shocked he's not suffering radiation poisoning

BREXPY: didnt Captain Howzer have burn scars on his face

GAUZE: Yeah... Hm, maybe that's why his Chip didn't activate. Maybe he too got a face full of Ion everything and it messed with the chip

GAUZE: Curiouser and Curiouser...

=== END SESSION

[warsamongthestars]

YOU’RE SPECIAL!

Meet the Bad Batch as Fallout Attribute Bobbleheads!

[ Effulgence is basically supposed to be Wisdom ]

[ Though in this case, it probably means Force ]

[warsamongthestars]

“Dude you Mew2′d yer OCs? And they’re OCs that are specifically Bad Batch members? Dat’s kinda cringe.”

Gauze is the top, and he’s our Dedicated Medic. Fairy-Type

And Brexpy, the bottom, he’s our Speedster and Infiltrator. Dark-Type.

[warsamongthestars]

BAD BATCH (+1) INCORRECT QUOTES - RVB EDITION

BAD BATCH (+1) INCORRECT QUOTES RED VS BLUE EDITION

#=#=#=#

WRECKER: WHAT DO YOU THINK HUNTER WILL DO FOR A DISTRACTION

CROSSHAIR: he'll probably throw a rock or make a noise.

[ explosion in the distance ]

CROSSHAIR: or he'll do that.

HUNTER: Okay, come on out. But come quietly.

WRECKER: UH WRECKER: DO WE HAVE TO USE THAT UH WRECKER: GRAV LIFT

CROSSHAIR: don't be a baby, Wrecker. CROSSHAIR: how bad can it be-EEEEEEEEEE

[ Crosshair steps on the Grav-Lift and is sent flying ] [ He lands, bounces, skids, hydroplanes ] [ and eventually smacks against the side of a speeder ]

CROSSHAIR: KARKIN BANTHASHIT

DROID #1: Did you hear something? DROID #2: ... Whuh?

HUNTER: I said quietly! What part of quiet don't you understand!?

CROSSHAIR: WHAT PART!? CROSSHAIR: how about the part where i got thrown EIGHTY FEET IN THE KARKIN' AIR CROSSHAIR: BY THE STARS DAMN THROWING THING!?

# # #

AZI: Alright gentlemen. AZI: I am going to be giving Sergeant Hunter his physical now. AZI: Would anyone like to assist?

TECH: I can assure everyone that it’s merely holding the vomit bucket.

CROSSHAIR: sorry, i'm busy.

AZI: Specialist Brexpy?

BREXPY: i cant

AZI: Why not?

BREXPY: because im allergic to things i dont want to do BREXPY: [ fakes coughing ]

# # #

AZI: I have discovered the problem!

ECHO: What is it Azi?

AZI: You may not like the diagnosis.

TECH: I believe we will be able to take it, AZI. Just tell us.

AZI: Sergeant Hunter is--

BREXPY: dying

AZI: No, he is not dying. He--

CROSSHAIR: has no chance to live.

WRECKER: GUYS STOP INTERUPTIN!

# # #

ECHO: I thought it lit up green for flesh wounds.

TECH: And infectious diseases.

AZI: It is a general alert, with meaning about any number from a list of health and error codes. For example, this error code alerts us to anger stemming from suppressed feelings of inadequacy from a clone trooper!

WRECKER: IF THAT THING KEEPS TALKIN BAD ABOUT ME WRECKER: IM GONNA SMASH IT

# # #

TECH: I have read reports that natborns can get enormous strength in stressful situations. TECH: There was a human woman that lifted a crashed speeder off her infant child.

BREXPY: you want me to call the generals mother?

# # #

RANDO REG: What, this ship?

TECH: No, another ship. TECH: And then that ship left, and this ship crashed in the same spot.

RANDO REG: Where did it come from?

BREXPY: its a spaceship BREXPY: it came from space

# # #

WRECKER: BUT I WAS SO YOUNG WRECKER: AND VIOLENT

CROSSHAIR: and thats what makes this tragic.

#=#=# EMPIRE EDITION ADDITION #=#=#

BREXPY: yknow BREXPY: we couldve taken that jedi if id have just hit him a few more times

CROSSHAIR: a few more times? how about one time?

BREXPY: well i think i landed at least two or three shots

CROSSHAIR: yeah right. CROSSHAIR: you didn't hit anything but the wall.

BREXPY: hey BREXPY: i need distance to aim to use a gun effectively

CROSSHAIR: where were you planning on shooting him from? CROSSHAIR: the moon? CROSSHAIR: if you had backed up any further you would've had to mail them the bullet.

# # #

CROSSHAIR: brexpy, sitrep.

BREXPY: well BREXPY: theyve had the prisoner in there for far too long BREXPY: theyre probably subjecting them to all manner of unbearable torture BREXPY: i figure that in a manner of hours BREXPY: the prisoners spirit will be just as broken as his body BREXPY: completely unable to cope with the never ending stimulation of pain and horror BREXPY: but to answer the question BREXPY: things are fine BREXPY: could be a little warmer but i cant complain

# # #

BREXPY: well if youre the judge and DA BREXPY: and im the defense BREXPY: you know that e03 is gonna want to be the bailiff BREXPY: and that means hes gonna wanna wear the shock trooper uniform with the short shorts

CROSSHAIR: great, officer hot pants.

BREXPY: and we all remember the emperors birthday holiday party

[ flashback ]

BREXPY: that cake is karkin huge

E-02: Its big enough to fit a person!

CROSSHAIR: why does it smell like baby oil?

E-05: Oh fuck where's E-03?!

#=#=#=#

[warsamongthestars]

darth dad needs to have words to idiot clone sons