#bruthalia

[whalehouse1]

Bruce: I don’t know why everyone thinks I’m bisexual, I’m not.

Dick: You’ve dated Thalia, Selina, Minkhoa, Hal and possibly Dent along with others, are you saying your pan or Demi or something else?

Bryce: No, I’m 100% straight. Look at the woman I’ve dated. The men though…can I say I’m attracted to them if they’re so awful?

Tim: What do you mean?

Bruce: Khoa’s a sociopath who has no issues killing, Harvey was a lawyer and almost beat Dick to death and Hal is Hal. I feel they shouldn’t count as being attracted to men but more of a trashsexual.

Jason: I think that suits them liking you more than you liking them.

[whalehouse1]

Talia Al Ghul: Oh, Selena, I didn’t expect my beloved to let a stray street cat riddled with diseases come in here.

Selena: And I didn’t expect a terrorist whose only claim is she had a child with the man to be here.

Khoa: And I didn’t expect two women to be here…or any woman.

Hal: I just came for the post-sex snacks.

All four nod that he does give out great snacks.

[whalehouse1]

Bruce: I don’t know if you’re dating me for me, my money, my other identity or something else.

Selina: Other identity, makes breaking in easier.

Thalia: For you and only you my beloved. My father has a fortune accumulated over 600 years, I have no need for your money, just your body.

Khoa: I think it’s mostly muscle memory at this point for me.

Hal: I got evicted and needed a place to stay or have you co-sign a lease for me. Carol slapped me when I asked.

[whalehouse1]

Hal looks at the other “guests” in Bruce’s room, a ripped guy he thinks might be from southeastern Asia, a woman from the Middle East who looks like she was carved by a master sculpture and a short haired woman who was the physical incarnation of lascivious behavior. He looks at Bruce, “What in God’s name do you see in me? These guys are way out of my league.” “And I’m in your league?” “Well no, but one is a mistake on your part, four is…”

[whalehouse1]

So because I can’t get pole dancing Selina out of my head or hot mess Hal out of it either; Selina, Thalia, Khoa and Hal have a stripper pole off to impress Bruce. Obviously Selina rocks it at first. Thalia started off slow to get used to it but once she gets an idea on how it works, her body is moving on it like no body has any business moving on a pole. Khoa puts Magic Mike and Thunder Down Under to shame. Hal touches the pole, goes for a small spin and launches himself facedown off the stage. The other three understand why Bruce has to tap that.

[whalehouse1]

I know it got retconned and Mar'i is an elseworld (also why did they have Damian marry his niece?) but imagine Talia bringing Damian around when he’s 8-9, Ma’ri being around 5-6 and Helena back when she was Selina’s and Bruce’s daughter being the same age as Damian. Those three would be absolute terrors and I’d love to see a mommy off between Talia and Selina. “Well my son has been handling swords since he was five months old.” “Well my daughter was able to throw her bottle into the sink at four months old.” And then Kori is just, “Ma’ri burped really loud in Dick’s face right before pooping a large amount into her diaper that smelled so bad that he threw up at two months.”