Human Form!Bryaxis has been occupying my brain so here’s a quick doodle. Some headcanons:
• Learns how to take on a human form after quietly observing the library’s Priestesses.
• An exiled Death God of Nightmares, confined to his beastly form at the NC library after challenging Koschei centuries ago and losing. Their dispute was over Koschei’s treatment of the females at the lake, which Bryaxis perceived as cruel and unnecessary.
• Stripped of most of his powers, he is but a reflection of other people’s worst nightmares. In his beastly form, his presence is enough to incite the horrid visions; in his human form, you must look into his depthless eyes. Your visions will occur whether he wants them to or not. He usually doesn’t.
• He sees the nightmares of all the Priestesses when they sleep at night, but due to the nature of his being, he is unable to stop any of them.
• Sometimes, he sleeps, too, and is plagued by nightmares of his own. When he does, he claws at his own skin, leaving scars that often take weeks to fade.
• In his human form, he has a deep, lulling voice that can compel anyone to fall asleep in mere seconds.
Summary: Azriel never thought he’d find his mate, was convinced the Mother hadn’t even given him one because he was unworthy. That is, until he stumbles upon his mate while looking for the most unusual ally.
Based on this request.
Warnings: very brief illusion to past SA
⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆
“We’ve exhausted all our options,” Rhys declared, dropping his head into his hands. “I’m afraid another war is on the horizon. Koschei cannot be dealt with alone.”
“I don’t understand. The weaver and the bone carver were able to be killed,” Cassian interjected. “Why is it impossible for us to find a way to kill Koschei?”
“It took the might of the cauldron to defeat them,” Rhys explained.
“Well, then let’s ask Miriam and Drakon if we can use the cauldron,” Cassian replied, giving the obvious answer.
“It would be no use,” Feyre sighed. “I destroyed the book. We’d have no idea how to cast the spell the King of Hybern used that day. And we risk Koschei, himself, getting his hands on the cauldron.”
“There’s got to be another way,” Mor chimed in. “Something, someone, that could be as powerful as the sorcerer himself. He wasn’t the only God that found their way to Prythian.”
“Most of them are locked up in the Prison,” Rhys said. “And the Prison would not allow us to free any of them even if we wanted to.”
“Az, how has your search for Bryaxis been going?” Feyre asked.
“Not good,” Azriel answered honestly. “It’s like that thing disappeared from Prythian entirely.”
The room was silent for a moment until Amren sat up straight. “Wait, there is someone we could go to for help. As a last resort.”
Rhys lifted his head, staring at her with a heavy resolve. “No, absolutely not. It is too dangerous.”
“You said it yourself, we’re out of options!”
“What are you two talking about?” Feyre asked, looking between them.
Rhys let out a long breath. “Bryaxis…had a sibling. If you could even call her that. Someone who also came from wherever he slipped through from.”
“And why haven’t you mentioned this before?” Mor asked with a glare, crossing her arms.
“Because,” Rhys started. “Like I said, it’s too dangerous to get into contact with her. She’s…well, to be honest, no one really knows much about her. She keeps herself in a dark cave somewhere in the middle. Likes the darkness as much as Bryaxis does.”
“If no one knows much about her, then how do you know she’s dangerous?” Feyre asked. “Everyone was scared of Bryaxis until I went down there and was helped by it.”
“I’ve been told stories of her from my father,” Rhys explained. “How in the past, long before any of us were born, she could cause the fall of entire armies. Could level any court into rubble and dust.”
“And if that’s true, then doesn’t it speak to her character that she hasn’t done any of that? Maybe she is good of heart,” Mor suggested.
“We’re out of options, Rhys,” Amren said. “She might be our last hope.”
“Fine,” Rhys sighed. “I guess we better get ready for a trip to the middle.”
⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆
“Alright, maybe this was a bad idea.”
Azriel glanced at Cassian to see him frowning as they stood in front of the dark cave. It was just him, Cass and Rhys who had come here to try and find this creature to ask for help. But it seemed Cassian was already losing his nerve.
“I tried to tell you,” Rhys muttered under his breath. “Azriel, can you scout ahead with your shadows?”
As soon as those words left Rhysand’s mouth, Azriel’s shadows darted ahead, trailing into the cave in a flurry. Azriel’s eyes widened as he was left standing completely bare, exposed. Not a single shadow had stayed with him, which was unusual. He tried to brush it off, tried to hide how uncomfortable he felt without them.
They waited expectantly but his shadows never returned. Azriel’s brows furrowed in confusion.
“I can’t call them back,” he said to his two brothers watching him. “They aren’t listening to me.”
“That’s…unusual,” Rhysand said, stroking his jaw.
Nothing more was said as the darkness in the cave seemed to grow and grow, almost extending out towards them despite the sun overhead.
“Who are you?”
The feminine voice was sensual yet sweet, playful almost. Nothing like he had been expecting. It struck something inside of Azriel, making his chest ache. Rhysand stood up straight, switching from brother to the High Lord in a mere second.
“I am Rhysand, High Lord of the Night Court,” Rhys answered, plucking a piece of lint from his coat. “If my sources are right, I believe you are y/n, sister of Bryaxis.”
“That I am,” the voice answered. “Why are you here? No one ever dares come here.”
Those words might’ve seemed like a threat, but her tone was light, curious.
“We’ve come to beg a boon,” Rhysand answered honestly. “There is another Death God who threatens war. We have been unable to stop his efforts.”
“Nobody has ever asked for my help before,” the voice said back in that same curious tone. “And what of Bryaxis. Will they help as well?”
“Bryaxis…Bryaxis was freed by my High Lady. We have been unable to find them.”
A step in the darkness. Another. Light footsteps came closer and closer to the edge of the cave. Azriel’s heart rate picked up, his hand falling to truth-teller. Cassian’s face was white and he looked ready to flee.
“You are afraid.”
It was not a question. Just a statement. But Rhysand answered it like it was.
“Bryaxis is made of nightmares,” he explained. “Something so terrifying to us. Perhaps you do not see it the same way but I imagine you are much the same and that is why we are…nervous.”
A laugh. A light, lilting laugh. Something sparked in Azriel’s chest.
“Me and Bryaxis are not made of the same thing, but opposite. A balance for our world,” the voice said. “Bryaxis is made of nightmares but I am made of dreams.
“Then why do you hide in the shadows?” The question came out of Azriel’s mouth before he even realized he was speaking. He could see his own shadows now, twirling in the darkness as if they were home.
“When we were captured, Bryaxis caused them fear so they were locked below the earth.” Her voice was sadder now, more serious and Azriel found himself hating that. “But I-I caused them…something different than fear. So they kept me locked in their bed chambers for decades, centuries, until I was able to escape. But then I learned those that did not desire me, feared me instead for the same reason. I was either caged or hunted. That is why I hide here.”
A shiver ran down Azriel’s spine. His face hardened at what she was implying. The fae who had captured the two Gods had locked one beneath the library and had used the other for…He felt sick to his stomach.
“If you are to help us,” Rhysand spoke, “I can promise you that we have no intention of keeping you locked up at all.”
“I do not trust the fae. Bind your words to magic and perhaps I will help you in return.”
“What is it that you want from us?”
It was silent for a moment, as if she were pondering.
“A place to stay. A place to live. Somewhere safe from being hunted or kept as a prisoner. A chance to live in this world, outside of this cave. To get to experience all that you do. That is what I wish for.”
Azriel knew that wish. Knew it all too well. For it was one he had for years while being locked in his father’s dungeon. So maybe that is why he found himself stepping closer to the cave, found himself unafraid of the darkness that had captured his own shadows.
Maybe that was why those words slipped out of his mouth before he could think of the repercussions, before he could be held back by one of his brothers.
“I will promise you that, y/n. I will promise you the opportunity to experience life outside of this cage, outside of the darkness.”
He could feel the heavy stares from his brothers on his back but he didn’t turn around, didn’t look anywhere but that darkness, even though he felt so exposed without his shadows.
Another footstep.
And another.
Until a figure began to emerge from the darkness, finally stepping into the light.
Azriel’s breathed hitched, his eyes widening in surprise. He wasn’t sure what he had been expecting, but it hadn’t been this.
Because before him now stood the most beautiful female he had ever seen. The type of beauty only a Goddess could possess. The type of beauty that had his head spinning, had his heart palpitating in his chest.
She smiled and he felt the whole world pause in that moment. It was a sight that would bring any male to his knees. A sight that could start wars.
She held out a small, delicate hand.
“Then I will help you, shadowsinger,” she said.
He mindlessly took her hand in his, shaking it as the sting of magic burned on both of their skin forming a bargain tattoo on the inner wrist. He looked down at it to see what the magic had created out of their promise to each other.
Swirls of shadows with a small lunar moth emerging at the end. A creature that sought light, finally leaving the darkness.
When he met her eyes again, those beautiful expressive eyes, he stumbled back a step. Stumbled as a golden thread unwound itself in his chest and pierced straight through the universe to the female standing before him.
⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆
The battle lasted thirty-seven days. Koschei was defeated, the females he had spelled were freed. Beron had been exposed for helping him and was killed by Eris finally, bringing a new leader to Autumn.
And things were finally at peace.
“What are these again?”
Your index finger poked at the spongy thing on your plate. It smelled sweet, good. And it was warm to the touch. You glanced up to see the shadowsinger watching you, amused.
“Those are pancakes,” Azriel answered with a chuckle.
“Pancakes,” you repeated, slowly, testing the word on your tongue. “I thought cakes were desserts. Not breakfast.”
“They are a bit different from cake. Made in a pan instead of baked in the oven, hence the name,” Azriel explained.
You hummed in response, taking a bite out of one of the pancakes. “Hm, just as sweet as cake.”
“I might’ve added a bit more sugar than normal to them,” Azriel said, rubbing the back of his neck. “To satisfy that raging sweet tooth of yours.”
Your cheeks heated, that ticklish feeling in your stomach came again. A feeling you had never felt before this month and still had yet to make sense of. It made something in your chest ache when you looked at Azriel.
“You made these?”
Azriel nodded. “Someone slept through breakfast with the others.”
Your cheeks turned even redder.
“You should’ve woken me up,” you muttered before stuffing more bits of pancake into your mouth.
“You deserve to rest, y/n.” Azriel was still watching you with that little glint in his eyes. “After everything, you deserve to rest.”
Since coming to Velaris to help with Koschei, Azriel had been the one to show you around, to help you learn the customs of the fae. He had so much patience for you and your endless amounts of questions.
The others had helped you as well, had welcomed you into their home with open arms, but there was just something special about Azriel. You felt some sort of pull towards him. As if the darkness inside of you called to his.
He was beautiful, more than any God or male you’d ever seen before. And beneath his icy exterior, he was sweet and kind. Thoughtful. Witty.
You enjoyed being with the others but you preferred times like this, when it was just the two of you. He was less shy, more at ease, when it was just you. And something about that made you happy.
Seeing him smile, even when it was just the faintest expression, brought you joy like you’ve never felt before.
And Gods, he brought out so many emotions you had not felt in a very long time, some you hadn’t even known you could feel. You had begun to crave his presence. Desire it. You wondered if he felt the same.
“Did you still want to come with me to the city today?”
Azriel’s voice pulled you from your thoughts. That’s right, Azriel had cryptically told you he needed to pick something up from Velaris today. When you had asked him what he was getting, he had refused to answer.
“Yes, I would like to.”
“We’ll leave as soon as you’re ready.”
An hour later, you found yourself in Azriel’s arms, flying down to the city. Your heart was pounding in your chest at how closely he held you, like he was afraid you’d suddenly fall from his arms. You kept your own arms around his neck, playing with the ends of his hair.
You still remembered the few hours after the last battle. The showdown with Koschei had left you depleted, covered in wounds, but otherwise okay. Still, Azriel had burst into your tent with panicked eyes and only seemed to be calmed when you had let him tend to you like a mother hen.
You didn’t know what to make of his behavior. But you did know that being in his arms made you feel safe.
“Can we get more of those honey mooncakes on the way back?” you asked, trying to distract yourself from the ticklish feeling in your stomach again.
Azriel laughed, his chest rumbling against your body as he tightened his grip on you. “That sweet tooth of yours really is insatiable.”
“I didn’t get to finish mine from last time,” you said in defense for yourself. “Cassian got to them before me!”
“Well, next time tell Cassian to go get his own,” Azriel said. His breath ghosted against the tip of your ear, causing a trail of goosebumps on your skin. “I buy them for you, not him.”
Once again, you found yourself with red cheeks and a swelling heart. Ever since he had discovered your sweet tooth, Azriel had a habit of leaving sweet treats out for you. At first, he found it hilarious that a Death Goddess craved pastries of all things. But now he found it just downright adorable.
When the two of you returned to the House of Wind, you found Feyre and Mor waiting for you. You barely got out a small goodbye to Azriel before they were pulling you away, telling you it was time to start getting ready for the night.
Tonight was Starfall. Something you hadn’t seen in centuries. The girls helped you get ready as day turned to dusk and finally night.
“Come on, we’re going to be late,” Mor giggled, leading all of you out of the room and up to the main balcony. You could already hear the crowd and the music.
You felt nervous as you reached the top, your eyes instantly darting around to find that one person you were always looking for these days.
Azriel stood with Rhysand and Cassian, dressed in all black, finely tailored pants and a matching coat. He looked handsome, yet still beautifully lethal. The darkness and light bounced off the elegant planes of his face, causing his hazel eyes to glow golden.
When he caught sight of you, those eyes widened and you felt them roam your entire body. You’d always hated being looked at in such a way, but not with Azriel. Never with him.
In fact, you found yourself getting heated under his stare.
Rhysand and Cassian moved to their respective mates, leaving you to greet Azriel alone. He took your hand in his, pressing a gentle kiss to your knuckles.
“You are stunning,” he whispered. “Absolutely stunning. Happy Starfall.”
You blushed. “Thank you.”
Azriel gave you a rare smile that had your heart pounding. You peered at the crowd, watching the faeries enjoying their evening. Azriel stood with you, his fingers brushing against yours in a comforting gesture. He knew you weren’t the biggest fan of crowds, not when your presence was met with so many stares of both fear and desire.
“What are they doing?” You looked at the crowd of faeries that seemed to all be paired off, moving to the music from the band.
Azriel’s lips twitched, like they always did when you asked him a question like this. “They’re dancing.”
“Dancing,” you repeated. The word sounded familiar, like something you had known in a past life. You had spent so many years in that cave, you had turned into a mere shadow of who you used to be.
“Would you like to dance?”
Azriel had turned to look down at you, running a hand through his hair. His shadows curled around his wings.
“I don’t think I know how,” you whispered.
He held out his hand to you. “That’s alright. You can follow me lead.”
You bit your lip but decided to take his hand. He had promised you a chance of experiencing the world as it should be. He hadn’t led you astray yet.
He pulled you to the dance floor and you mimicked the other pairs, keeping one hand in his and placing the other on his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around your waist, yanking you closer to him.
The music started up again and Azriel began to lead you through the dance. It was easier than you thought it would be or perhaps he was just a good lead. Still, it wasn’t long before you were smiling and being twirled around in his arms.
You danced like that for a while, basking in the feeling. The soft music, the laughter, the gentle faelights above you. You had never felt so alive. And it was all thanks to the male who held you in his arms.
A slower song came on, some pairs leaving the dance floor. You looked around in question until you realized the pairs who had remained held a more intimate position. You copied them, placing your arms around Azriel’s neck.
Both of his arms wrapped around you now, resting on your lower back.
“Is this okay?” He leaned down to whisper in your ear.
You nodded, letting him drag you even closer until your bodies were pressed together. The dress you were wearing was thin and you could feel all of him through it. His hard chest, his sculpted muscles.
Azriel swallowed audibly, swaying you gently to the music. You laid your head on his chest, letting him rest his chin on top of your head. Every inch of you that touched him was on fire.
You closed your eyes for a moment, just letting yourself feel this, embrace it. You’d never felt like this before. So warm and light. It felt like it was just you and him that existed.
That is until you opened your eyes. You suddenly felt overwhelmed as you noticed lingering stares. A lot of them. You felt uncomfortable under the weight of them.
“What’s wrong?”
Azriel had some sort of sixth sense when it came to you. He always seemed to know what you were feeling before you said anything.
“Everyone’s looking at me,” you muttered under your breath, staring up at him.
He raised his head, looking around with narrowed eyes. That caused most of them to look away, not wanting to risk the shadowsinger’s wrath.
“Come on,” Azriel whispered. “I know somewhere we can go that’s more private.”
He enveloped you in his shadows until you were stepping out of the darkness and into a rounded alcove somewhere else on the balcony. Vines dangled down from the roof, trailing down the pillars holding it up.
You stepped forward, placing your hands against the stone railing. You could see the crowd below, the one you had just been in. Still hear the music and still see the night sky. You turned to face Azriel.
“Thank you,” you said. “I-I just hate it when they stare. Like I’m some weird creature.”
Azriel stalked forward until he was right in front of you, so close you had to tilt your head up to look him in the eyes.
“They don’t stare at you because they think you’re weird,” Azriel replied. “They stare at you because you are beautiful.”
His hand rose and brushed a strand of hair behind your ear. Your heart skipped a beat. Your mouth parted to say something but a roar of cheers cut you off. You whirled around to see thousands and thousands of stars beginning to soar through the sky.
Your mouth dropped open. It was more beautiful than you remembered. The stars kept falling and falling, like cascading fireworks. So bright and breathtaking. You couldn’t stop the small laugh that escaped your mouth, standing on your tippy toes to lean over the balcony as if you’d be able to reach the stars.
An arm circled your waist and Azriel’s front was pressed against your back as he held onto you.
“Careful,” he whispered in your ear, scared you were going to tip right over the edge and fall down the steep mountain.
“So beautiful,” you murmured, staring up at the stars. “Oh, it’s so much better than I remembered it from all those years ago.”
“It never stops amazing me,” Azriel said. “No matter how many times I watch it.”
You both watched in silence for a little longer, letting the music and laughter and cheers fill the space. Eventually, you turned in his arms, now pressed against the railing.
“Thank you,” you said again, “for bringing me here.”
“Anything for you,” Azriel whispered, raising a hand to rest on your cheek. His eyes were filled with a reverence that stole your breath away.
A brush of magic zipped by in the air and you gasped, raising up your wrist. The tattoo was gone. The bargain had been fulfilled. You had defeated Koschei and Azriel had given you the opportunity to live a life more than you had dreamed. That chance at life was in your hands now.
“The tattoo is gone,” you said, grasping his arm and pulling back his sleeve.
Your eyes widened to see his tattoo still there. The lunar moth emerging from the swirls of shadow.
“Wha—”
“I got it tattooed,” Azriel cut in. “Permanently.”
You glanced up at him in question. “Why?”
“Because I always want a reminder of what I promised you,” he said, his thumb stroking your cheek. “What I still promise you, y/n. A life worth living. I want to continue showing you the world, to be there when you experience new things.”
You were speechless. Completely, utterly speechless.
No one had ever shown such devotion to you, such care and love. Your heart swelled up, your chest ached.
“Azriel,” you stuttered out. “I-I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything,” he replied. “I was trapped in the darkness once too. I know what that’s like and I never want you to fall back into it. I don’t need anything from you, just the chance to be there with you while you learn, while you feel.”
Something was building inside of you, building and building until it was ready to break out. You rubbed at your chest, at the unusual feeling.
“I feel this…I feel this thing inside,” You said, gesturing to your chest. “Do you know what this is? Do you know why I feel this way?”
Azriel grabbed your hand and placed it on his chest, in the exact same spot yours ached.
“It is the mating bond,” Azriel answered, softly. “I feel it too. Right here. I have since the day I met you.”
His shadows swirled around like they had been waiting for this. You felt your own darkness rise in response until the two had joined together, watching together from the dark crevices.
“A mating bond,” you repeated.
Something snapped the moment you said it out loud. As if a question you had been asking your whole life had finally been answered. A gold thread was woven between the two of you, a beacon of light in the darkness. A place for that moth to call home.
You gasped looking back up at Azriel. Now that you recognized the bond, it grew more taut. You stumbled closer to him, fisting his coat in your hands.
“A mate,” you whispered. “You're my mate. I..I didn’t even know Gods could have mates.”
“Say it again.” Azriel’s voice was as dark as the shadows. A shiver ran down your spine.
“Huh?”
“Say it. Say that I’m your mate again.”
“You’re my mate,” you whispered, looking up at him through your lashes. “My mate.”
A quiet whine came from the back of Azriel’s throat that sent heat between your legs. Your eyes widened. A muscle in his jaw clenched. The air around you was charged and you felt like you had been set on fire.
“And you are mine,” Azriel growled. “My mate.”
His possessive tone only made that heat grow. Your lips parted, a small breath leaving your lungs. His eyes glanced down to your lips, hungrily. You gave him the smallest dip of the head, the permission he was waiting for.
Azriel surged forward and crashed his lips against yours. You stumbled, your backside hitting the stone railing behind you. You met his vigor with your own.
His lips were soft and warm. And his kiss felt like heaven and hell all mixed in one.
He groaned as you deepened the kiss, tilting your head back to give him more access. You yanked him closer, wanting to feel him everywhere. You never craved someone as much as you craved him.
His tongue swiped your bottom lip and you opened for him, letting him claim your mouth. His scent was intoxicating, he tasted like pure sin. You could drown yourself in him.
Your hands trailed up from his chest to circle around his neck. His own hands were holding you by the waist, pulling your hips into his. They traveled down your thighs until he was lifting you up, seating you on the stone railing, never pulled away from your kiss.
You parted your legs, letting Azriel step even closer as he finally pulled away, trailing kisses down your jaw to your neck. You whimpered at the feeling of his canines grazing the sensitive skin.
His nose traced the column of your throat before he rested his forehead against yours. You were both panting, both completely lost within each other.
“Wait,” Azriel breathed out, squeezing his eyes shut for a second. “I got you something. I don’t want to forget to give it to you.”
Because he would. He would forget his own name as long as the sweet scent of your arousal filled the air. Would forget the whole world existed if you kept staring at him like you were.
He pulled a small black box from his pocket, handing it over to you.
You opened it, gasping at the beautiful ring displayed inside. It was made of gold with a mesmerizing amethyst gem in the shape of a teardrop, accentuated by crescent moons on both sides and tiny stars.
“Azriel,” you breathed out. “This is beautiful.”
A small smile ghosted his lips.
“May I?”
You held out your hand and he pulled the ring out of the box before sliding it onto your ring finger. It was the perfect fit. You admired it, twisting it under the faelights to see the gem glow.
“It’s perfect,” you sighed.
“I had it made just for you,” Azriel said. “It’s what I had to pick up in the city today.”
“I-I really don’t know what to say, Azriel.”
Azriel rested his forehead against yours. “Just say it again. Tell me you feel this too. I’ve been searching for you for over five hundred years now and I just need to hear you say it. Again and again. Until I can wrap my head around it. Until I realize I’m not dreaming.”
You smiled, lifting up to press a small kiss against his lips. Your heart fluttered in your chest at his words, at the realization of why exactly the bargain had been fulfilled. You had asked for someplace to be safe, for a home, a chance to live. Azriel was giving you all of that and more.
“You are my mate. And I am yours,” you murmured against his lips. You pulled back to look him in the eyes. “All I’ve ever wanted was to find somewhere to call home. Being with you, being in your arms—that feels like home to me, Azriel. The one I’ve been looking for my whole life.”
Azriel’s eyes searched yours, as if he was trying to find the lie in your words. But there was none. Of course there was none. You were falling in love with him.
“Does this mean you want it?”
“It means I want you. I want all of you, everything.”
Azriel smiled and the sight nearly blew you away. You giggled as he held you close to him, buried his face in the crook of your neck. He kissed your throat once, twice.
“Then I think we’re due for a long vacation,” he murmured against your skin.
You knew what he was referring to. The frenzy that would come with this. Just that thought alone caused a tantalizing ache between your thighs.
“I think so too,” you whispered back as Azriel pressed kisses up your neck and jaw.
He held your face in his hands, his thumbs brushing against your skin as he stared into your eyes. His gaze was filled with so much promise, so much love. And then he kissed you again and everything felt right in the world. You were home.
A silly little comic by @dawneternal commissioned by me. It started as a joke about the cute moth man plushie (as linked) looking like Cassian and Bryaxis had a baby and me going “CASSIAN THIS IS YOUR BABY”
Summary: The line between fear and arousal may have become too thin for Cassian
Pairing: Bryaxis/Cassian
Words: 586
@acotar-kinktober
Here on AO3, preview after the div
Cassian moaned, stuffed until he thought he might break. It was too much, nearly unbearable. He could hardly breathe, rubbing helplessly against the sheets, his cock leaking and smearing them with arousal.
He could have fought, pretended he didn’t want it. But it felt too good—to give in, to let Bryaxis take, take, and take—
Finally, he was buried to the hilt. Cassian nearly sobbed.
tag because u are a perv and i miss you: @constantsins
Elain didn’t know how much time had passed since sitting on the stone floor at the bottom of the library. The darkness had snuggled up against her petite form, a velvet caress against her bare arms. Up above, voices drifted down through the vastness of the library soft and lilting, echoing faintly off the marble. Elain recognized one of them instantly.
“…Nesta’s ceremony is going to be beautiful,” the priestess was saying, laughter in her voice. “Cassian will probably trip over himself trying to look presentable.”
The other priestess chuckled. “And you’re only looking forward to seeing a certain Shadowsinger cleaned up.”
Gwyn’s laugh was bright, easy. “I’ve seen him plenty sweaty and dirty. I don’t mind either way.” Their laughter rang out like silver bells, fading into the shelves.
Elain sat utterly still, her heart twisting sharp and low in her chest. The sound of Gwyn’s fond amusement, the effortless affection, landed like a quiet blow. She could almost see it: Gwyn’s bright teal eyes, her quick smile, Azriel’s rare, quiet humor answering it.
Something hollow opened inside her. Elain looked down, but there was nothing to see. Not herself nor the floor anymore. The darkness had crept close, a soft tide that muffled everything in its wake. She couldn’t be seen now, she thought. The shadows had claimed her, wrapping her in their cold stillness. Her shoulders and arms trembled. Elain drew her knees closer to her chest and made herself small against the stone and a shaky exhale escaped her lips.
“I don’t want to be here,” she whispered. “Please… take me away.”
The air shifted, the darkness pressing gently closer like the slow heartbeat of the deep earth. It didn’t frighten her, and it felt almost like an understanding. She closed her eyes. “Anywhere but here.”
The shadows stirred with more intent, rising and falling like waves in a summer storm and then moved soundlessly over her. It felt cool and tender, like rain on warm skin. The darkness didn’t take her. It simply held her. Until thought and pain slipped away, and all that remained was stillness and the faint echo of a laugh she tried not to remember as she glided through the shadows from the depth of the library.
Azriel moved through the training ring as controlled as possible but there was a dissonance in his movements that even he couldn’t ignore. Each strike he made was precise, clean, but behind the motions, a tremor ran through him. A tightness in his chest that didn’t belong.
He pressed a hand to it, fingers splayed over the spot where his heart beat too fast and too irregularly, and exhaled sharply. The shadows at his feet twitched nervously, curling and flicking at angles that felt wrong, their fluid forms whipping in frustration. He hadn’t been able to control them fully in weeks, but now they snapped and hissed at the edges of his awareness like they were aware of his unease.
Cassian’s voice cut through the ring, sharp but not unkind. “Az? What’s wrong with you?”
Azriel didn’t answer. He couldn’t. Every time he thought about speaking, a hot ache pressed in his temples, splitting his skull with sudden intensity. His hand went to his head, pressing at the pulse of pain, jaw clenched. He tried another swing, another defensive stance, but his body was betraying him. His chest constricted, his shadow thickening and curling in jagged arcs.
“I…I don’t know,” he admitted finally, voice low and strained. “Something’s… off.”
Cassian’s brow furrowed. “You’ve been off for weeks. You’re pale, your shadows…”
Azriel didn’t answer. He swung, trying to channel the unease into motion, but the headache spiked again, fierce and relentless, forcing him to stumble, to stop entirely. He crouched, pressing his palms to the floor, breathing hard through the sharp pulse behind his eyes, through the rhythm of his heart, which now thumped in a dissonant, erratic cadence.
Cassian’s voice came again, closer now, softer but urgent. “Az, look at me. Something’s wrong. Talk to me.”
He shook his head, hand still clutching his chest. “I… I can’t explain it. Every now and then…” His words broke off, swallowed by a hot spike of pain that shot through his chest and into his head. He leaned forward, shoulders trembling, shadows whipping around him like a storm breaking loose, and for a moment he feared he’d collapse entirely.
Cassian’s eyes were sharp and wild with worry. “Az! You’re not hiding this from me! What the hell is going on?!”
Azriel swallowed hard, fighting the tightening in his throat. He wanted to tell him. He wanted to say it all. The emptiness he felt, the sharp stabbing pull of something wrong or the way his chest ached in fits.
“I… I don’t know,” he repeated, voice hoarse, brittle. “I just… I feel it. Pain. I don’t-” He pressed both hands to his temples, shadows flaring violently at his feet and trailing out like black flames licking the edges of the ring.
Cassian’s hand came down hard on his shoulder. “Talk to me.”
Azriel looked up, eyes dark and stormy, shadowed in frustration, confusion, and fear. He wanted to scream, to tell someone to run straight into the woods and find whatever was wrong with Elain. But all he could do was breathe, feel his chest burn, and watch the shadows that had always obeyed him turn wild and untamed under some invisible weight he didn’t understand.
Cassian’s jaw clenched. “Damn it, Az. This isn’t just fatigue. You’re hurting yourself.”
Azriel’s head dropped into his hands, shoulders shuddering. The shadows coiled tighter, twisting and thrashing as though echoing his panic. He didn’t know what was wrong, but he knew one thing: something was very, very wrong.
He rose, letting the shadows at his feet ripple and flare like black waves in a storm. His vision blurred slightly from the residual headache, but he didn’t care. Every instinct, every ounce of tension in his body, screamed at him to move. To find Elain.
Cassian’s voice followed him, urgent. “Az, wait! What are you doing? Where are you going?”
Azriel didn’t stop to explain, didn’t stop to answer. His shadows leapt ahead of him like living scouts which started skimming the forest edge, curling along the ground and through the trees, seeking, probing.
Azriel’s jaw tightened. “Something’s wrong. I can feel it.” He shadow walked into the forest without hesitation. Branches whipped at his face and arms, roots tried to catch his feet, but he ignored them all. His shadow lashed ahead, sweeping along every path, every hollow, every patch of earth, hunting for the faintest trace of her presence.
Nothing.
His chest tightened again. His heartbeat pounded in his ears, sharp and uneven. Every nerve in his body screamed “She should be here!” He ran blindly, heedless of scratches, dirt, bruised ankles. Every instinct, every shred of his being was focused on finding Elain.
He skidded to a halt at the edge, shadows swirling furiously around him. His chest heaved; the ache in his heart clawed upward like fire. The willow’s long branches swayed in the wind, brushing the ground. But the space beneath it was empty. The moss pillow she’d curled against was undisturbed. No sign of her curled form. No sign of the small figure that had always been there in the nights before.
Azriel dropped to his knees, hands pressed to the earth where she had slept. His shadows whipped violently, snapping and coiling like a living thing, lashing out at nothing. His chest rose and fell raggedly. “No… no, she can’t be gone,” he whispered, voice rough with panic. “She can’t be…”
He pressed his hands to his face, fingers tangling in his hair, and let out a low, feral growl that echoed through the clearing. His shadows twisted, striking at the willow, at the earth, at themselves. His head throbbed, eyes burning with tears he wouldn’t allow himself to shed. Azriel couldn’t sense her anywhere. Where are you? The thought repeated in a loop of agony.
The willow swayed gently in the breeze, oblivious to his fury, to the desperate emptiness pressing down on him. The moss pillow, the soft imprint of her body from nights before was all cold now. She was gone.
Azriel pressed his forehead to the ground, inhaling the forest air, the faint scent of leaves and soil mixed with her jasmine and honey. Every pounding heartbeat screamed: She is missing. She is out there. I have to find her.
A shadow informed him that Nesta had noted Elain’s absence to Cassian and that she was looking for her in the House of Wind. The sisters had met for tea when Nesta had stepped away and left Elain by herself. More shadows came rushing in, alerting him that she had been crying in the library. Azriel balled his fists and wasted no time to get back to the House of Wind.
He dove through doors, down halls, over terraces and he finally felt a trace of Elain coming from in the library. He skidded to the top of the stairs, shadows lashing like coiled serpents and his muscle trembled with anticipation. But when he entered… nothing.
Cassian appeared at the edge of the stairs, voice taut and concerned. “Have you seen Elain?”
Azriel let out a growl of frustration, raw and unformed. The library was empty, silent, still. Azriel’s eyes darted around the empty shelves, scanning, feeling, trying to sense any hint of her. Nothing. His heart lurched. His stomach churned. Every nerve was on fire. His fingers dug into the marble banister, leaving shallow scratches that faded almost instantly under the shifting shadows.
Azriel swallowed hard, shadows thrashing like a storm without release. He didn’t speak. He couldn’t. All that remained was the gnawing, burning ache of panic, the raw, desperate need to find Elain, and the fear that she had disappeared entirely.
