the secret notebook
pairing: best friend!Kim Taehyung × best friend!Reader
Genre: smut, friends to lovers, romance, pining, confession, first time together
Warnings: 18+, mature themes, explicit sexual content, mutual pining, friends to lovers, secret crush, emotional misunderstanding, jealousy, explicit fantasies (journal entries), dirty talk, possessive language, praise, oral sex, rough sex, multiple orgasms, creampie, explicit language | cover cr - pinterest 📌
WC: ~7k–8k words
The afternoon sun streamed through Taehyung's window as he bounced around his kitchen, grabbing juice boxes and ripping open bags of chips with his usual chaotic energy. "Make yourself at home! I'll be right there!" he called out, his voice muffled from inside the fridge.
You smiled, shaking your head at his enthusiasm. Studying for finals together had been his idea , his way of making sure you both passed. You'd been best friends since middle school, and being at his place felt as natural as breathing.
You wandered around his room, something you'd done a thousand times before. The same band posters on the walls. The same messy desk with textbooks scattered everywhere. The same unmade bed that he never bothered to fix. And then your eyes landed on his drawer with the small sticky note on the handle: "Do not open." Curiosity prickled at your skin. You knew you shouldn't. You really shouldn't. But the note felt like a dare, and your fingers were already reaching for the handle before your brain could catch up.
The drawer slid open smoothly.
Inside lay a black leather notebook, worn at the edges. And beside it, your breath caught a box of unopened condoms.
Your stomach dropped.
With trembling hands, you picked up the notebook. The pages were soft from use, filled with his messy handwriting and sketches. You flipped to a random page.
And your world tilted.
The first thing you saw was a drawing. A portrait of a girl with long hair, her face buried in a pillow, her back arched in ecstasy. The details were stunning, the curve of her spine, the way her fingers gripped the sheets, the flush on her exposed skin.
Below it, in Taehyung's distinctive handwriting:
"I want to fuck her from behind while she screams my name. Pull her hair so she knows who owns her. Make her cum so hard she forgets her own name."
You flipped the page, your hands shaking.
"I think about her mouth constantly. How it would feel wrapped around my cock. I want her to choke on it. To drool all over it. To look up at me with tears in her eyes while I fuck her throat."
Another page. Another drawing. This time of a girl on her knees, hands tied behind her back, blindfolded.
"I want to tie her up. Edging her for hours until she's sobbing. Then use her every way I want. Anal. Oral. Make her squirt until she passes out. Then do it again."
The pages blurred as tears welled in your eyes. You kept reading, unable to stop, each word like a knife twisting deeper.
"She doesn't know how much I want her. She talks to me about other guys and I want to scream. I want to bend her over her desk and show her exactly who she belongs to."
"I'd fuck her in public. In the library. In the bathroom at parties. Risk getting caught just so everyone knows she's taken."
"I'd make her say my name. Beg for it. Cry for it. I want to ruin her "
Your vision swam. The notebook slipped from your fingers, falling to the floor with a soft thud.
He had a girlfriend. A secret girlfriend. Someone he drew, dreamed about, fantasized about in the most explicit, filthy ways possible. The condoms made sense now. Of course they did.
And you, had been pining after him for years. Thinking maybe, just maybe, he saw you as more than a friend.
You were just his best friend. Nothing more.
"YN? I brought snacks!"
Taehyung froze in the doorway, two juice boxes in his hands, a bag of chips dangling from his teeth. His eyes darted from your tear streaked face to the open drawer to the notebook on the floor.
The chips fell. The juice boxes hit the ground, one of them bursting open, but he didn't notice.
"YN. What did you- " His voice cracked. "You read it?!!!"
You forced a smile. A wobbly, pathetic thing that didn't reach your eyes.
"So you finally got yourself a girlfriend, huh?" Your voice was too high, too bright. "That's great, Tae. I'm happy for you. Why didn't you tell me? I thought we told each other everything, but I guess" You laughed, a broken sound. "I guess some things are private. Haha. That's- that's fine. Totally fine."
He stepped forward, panic in his eyes. "YN, let me explain - "
"No, no, it's okay!" You held up your hands, backing away. "I get it. She's clearly special. All those... those things you wrote. She's a lucky girl. Really. I'm sure she'll love all of it."
You bent down to pick up the notebook, holding it out to him with a trembling hand.
"Here. You should probably hide this better. Don't want the wrong person finding it, right?"
He didn't take it. He just stared at you, his chest heaving.
"YN. Stop."
"Stop what? I'm just-"
"Stop pretending." His voice was rough, raw. "I know you. I've known you for ten years. Don't give me that fake smile. Don't pretend you're okay."
Your smile crumbled. The tears you'd been holding back spilled over, hot and fast.
"Who is she, Taehyung?" Your voice broke. "Who is she? Is she pretty? Is she nice? Does she know how much you want her? Does she know you draw her? Does she know you think about..about tying her up and.."
You couldn't finish. A sob escaped your throat.
"I've liked you for so long," you whispered. "So fucking long. And you're out here writing sonnets about some other girl. About how you want to ruin her. And I'm just, I'm just your friend."
He crossed the room in two strides, grabbing your wrists. His grip was firm but gentle, his eyes burning into yours.
"The notebook," he said, his voice low and intense. "Read the last page."
"What?"
"The last page. Read it."
You shook your head, trying to pull away. "I don't want to see more of-"
"YN. Please."
Slowly, you bent down and picked up the notebook again. Your fingers found the last page. You opened it.
And your heart stopped.
It was a portrait of you. The exact way you'd looked last week when you fell asleep on his couch, your mouth slightly open, your hair messy, your hand tucked under your cheek.
Below it, in his handwriting:
"It's always been her. It will always be her. I'm just too scared to tell her. What if she doesn't want me back? What if I lose my best friend? But God, I want her. I want her so much it hurts. She's the only one I think about. The only one I draw. The only one I dream about.
If she's reading this: I'm sorry I'm a coward. I'm sorry I couldn't say it to your face. But every single word in this book is about you. Every fantasy. Every desire. Every filthy, desperate thought. It's all you. It's always been you."
The notebook fell from your hands again.
You looked up at Taehyung. His eyes were wet, his lips trembling.
"It's you," he whispered. "It's always been you."
He stepped closer, his hands cupping your face.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you. I was scared. I am scared. But seeing you cry, seeing you think it was someone else- I can't, can't let you believe that."
His thumb brushed away your tears.
"I want to do all those things to you. I want to tie you up and make you squirt until you can't move. I want to taste every inch of you. I want to hear you scream my name" His voice dropped to a whisper. "But only if you want it too. Only if you want me."
"You're an idiot," you breathed.
He let out a shaky laugh. "I know."
"I'm sorry." He pressed his forehead to yours. "Let me make it up to you. Let me show you how much I want you. Please."
Your hands found his shirt, fisting the fabric.
"Show me," you whispered. "prove everything you wrote"
His eyes darkened. His grip on your face tightened.
"Are you sure?"
"I've never been more sure of anything."
He didn't waste another second. His mouth crashed into yours, hungry and desperate, all the pent up longing from years of friendship pouring into the kiss. His tongue slid against yours, tasting, claiming, and his hands moved down your body, gripping your hips and pulling you flush against him.
"You have no idea," he murmured against your lips, "how long I've wanted to do this."
He walked you backward until your knees hit his bed. He pushed you down, crawling over you, his body a cage of heat and muscle.
"I meant every word in that notebook," he said, his voice low and rough. "Every single fantasy. Do you want to know what I want to do to you right now?"
You nodded, breathless.
"I want to take you apart piece by piece. I want to hear you beg. I want you so desperate for my cock that you'll say anything, do anything." His hand slid down your body, between your legs, pressing against the heat there. "I want to make you squirt all over my face. Then I want to fuck you while you're still sensitive from cumming. Make you scream until your voice gives out.
His lips found your neck, biting and sucking, marking you.
"And after that," he continued, his voice dropping to a whisper, " Then I'll take you however I want, your mouth, your pussy, your ass, until you're filled with my cum and too exhausted to move."
He pulled back, his eyes burning into yours.
"That's what I want. That's what I've always wanted. Do you still want me to show you?"
You reached up, pulling him down into another kiss.
"Show me, Taehyung. Show me everything"
"You have no idea what you just started."
His hands found the hem of her shirt and tore it over her head, not bothering with the buttons. The fabric ripped, and he didn't care. His mouth was on her neck, biting, sucking, leaving bruises that would bloom into purple marks of ownership.
"I've drawn this moment a hundred times," he rasped against her skin, his fingers working at the clasp of her bra. "But the real thing, fuck. The real thing is so much better." His lips traced a path down her stomach, leaving wet, open mouthed kisses. When he reached the waistband of her jeans, he didn't bother unbuttoning them. He yanked them down her legs, panties and all, leaving her naked and exposed beneath him.
"So beautiful," he breathed, his eyes devouring her. "I'm going to take my time with you. I'm going to do everything I wrote in that notebook. Every. Single. Thing."
He spread her legs wide, settling between them. His breath was hot against her cunt, and she shivered, already soaked
"I want to taste you first," he murmured. "I want to feel you cum on my tongue. And then I want to make you squirt all over my face."
He didn't tease. He dove in, his tongue flat and firm against her clit, licking in long, broad strokes that made her cry out. Her hips bucked against his face, but he held her down, his strong arms wrapped around her thighs, locking her in place.
"You taste like heaven," he groaned against her flesh, the vibrations sending shockwaves through her. "I could die right here, with your pussy on my face, and I'd die happy."
His fingers found her entrance, sliding in, curling. He knew exactly where to touch, what to do. He had practiced this in his mind a thousand times while lying alone in this very bed. He sucked her clit into his mouth, building a rhythm that had her climbing higher and higher.
"Cum for me," he commanded, his voice muffled against her flesh. "Cum all over my face. Let me drink you."
She shattered. Her orgasm ripped through her, a torrent of liquid gushing from her core. He sealed his lips over her, sucking, swallowing, groaning as he drank her release.
"Fuck, yes. Give me more."
He pushed her through another orgasm, and another, until she was a trembling mess, tears streaming down her face, her body quaking with overstimulation.
"Please, Tae, I can't- "
"You can. You will." He slid two fingers into her pussy, then three, stretching her, pumping into her while his tongue worked her clit. "I wrote about making you squirt until you passed out. Don't you want to fulfill my fantasy?"
She screamed, her fourth orgasm splashing against his chin, soaking the sheets beneath them. He drank every drop, his tongue lapping at her greedily, not letting a single drop escape.
He pulled away, his face slick with her cum. He stood up, unbuckling his pants, letting them fall to the floor. His cock stood rigid, slick with pre cum, the head glistening.
"Kneel."
She struggled to her knees, her legs weak, her body still humming from the aftershocks. He stepped closer, his cock bobbing in front of her face.
"Open wide. I want to see my cock disappear into your throat."
She opened her mouth, her tongue extended. He fed himself into her, slowly, letting her tongue wrap around the head before pushing deeper. He watched as her lips stretched around his girth, as her eyes watered, as her throat bulged with the shape of him.
"Fuck, you look so pretty like this. Choking on my cock. Drool running down your chin."
He began to fuck her throat in earnest, his hips snapping forward, deep and rough. He held her head in place, his fingers tangled in her hair, guiding her movements.
"Look up at me. I want to see those eyes while I use your mouth."
Her gaze met his, glassy, desperate, full of devotion. The sight pushed him to the edge. He held her deep, his cock throbbing as he unloaded into her throat.
"Swallow it all. Every drop. I want you to taste me on your breath for the rest of the day."
She swallowed, her throat working around him, taking every pulse of his release. He pulled out slowly, a thick string of saliva and cum connecting his tip to her lips
"Good girl."
He lifted her, tossing her onto the bed, spreading her legs wide again.
"On your stomach."
She rolled over, burying her face in the pillow. He crawled over her, his tongue tracing the curve of her spine, down to the swell of her ass. He spread her cheeks, exposing her tightest hole.
"I drew this exact picture," he murmured, his breath hot against her skin. "I imagined burying my face here."
He licked her asshole, circling it with his tongue, dipping inside. She moaned into the pillow, her hips pushing back against his face, begging for more.
"You taste so good everywhere," he growled.
He sat up, spitting onto her asshole, rubbing the thick glob of saliva into her with his thumb. He slicked his cock with more spit, dragging the head through her folds to gather her wetness before pressing against her hole
"I'm going to fuck you now. And you're going to take it like the good girl you are."
He pushed in, just the tip. She cried out, a mix of pain and pleasure. He waited, letting her adjust.
"Relax for me. Breathe."
He pushed deeper, his thick cock stretching her tight hole. She gasped, her hands gripping the sheets, her knuckles white.
"That's it. Taking me so well."
He began to thrust, slow and deep at first, then faster, harder. The sounds of his hips slapping against her filled the room, mixed with her whimpers and his guttural grunts.
"I'm going to cum in your pussy," he snarled. "Fill you up. Mark you as mine."
He reached around, his fingers finding her clit, rubbing in tight circles. She was already so sensitive from her previous orgasms that she came instantly, her body convulsing, her pussyclenching around his cock. The feeling of her climaxing around him pushed him over the edge. He buried himself deep, his cock pulsing, flooding her ass with his cum.
He pulled out slowly, a trickle of his release leaking from her. He flipped her onto her back, spreading her legs again.
He crawled up her body, his face slick with her, his eyes burning with love and possession.
"I love you," he breathed, his lips brushing against hers. "Every dirty, perfect part of you. I've loved you for years, and now I finally get to show you."
He lined his cock up with her cunt, still wet from their combined fluids.
"This is the finale. The fantasy I saved for last. I want to look into your eyes while I fill your pussy with my cum. I want to breed you. I want my cum dripping out of you for days."
He slid inside her, deep and slow, a single smooth thrust that buried him to the hilt. She wrapped her legs around him, pulling him closer, her heels digging into his lower back.
"Fuck, you feel so good. So tight. So perfect."
He thrust into her, a steady, relentless rhythm. Their eyes never left each other. His forehead pressed against hers, their breath mingling, hot and desperate.
"Who do you belong to?" he asked, his voice low and rough.
"You," she whispered. "I belong to you."
"Say my name."
"Taehyung. I'm yours, Taehyung. I've always been yours.
"Cum for me. Cum on my cock. Now."
Her orgasm crashed into her, a violent wave that made her scream his name. Her cunt clenched around him, milking him, pulling him deeper. The feeling of her climaxing around him pushed him over the edge. He buried himself deep, his cock pulsing, filling her cunt with his cum, pumping into her until he was completely empty.
He collapsed on top of her, his weight a grounding comfort. His lips found her neck, pressing soft, tender kisses against the bruises he had left earlier.
"That was just the beginning," he whispered against her skin. "I have a whole notebook. We have the rest of our lives."
She smiled, her fingers tracing lazy patterns on his back.
"Then show me. Read to me. Show me everything you want to do to me."
He rolled off her, reaching for the notebook on the floor. He picked it up, his fingers brushing the worn leather cover.
"Let's start from the beginning."
He opened it to the first page, where a portrait of her sleeping face stared back at them.
"Chapter one: Waking her up with my mouth between her legs..."
She laughed, a soft, happy sound, pulling him closer. "I can't wait."
