“I have used you all in learning to love myself and trying to define what loving yourself means. So, let me say one thing: use me. Use me to love yourself.”
Namjoon in his closing commentary at the LOVE YOURSELF Tour concert in CITI Field, NYC
Wow. I’m home back from New York, where I had the amazing gift of being able to see BTS live on their Love Yourself world tour. I’m literally out of words to describe it, but I’ll try.
I saw in someone’s post about seeing them on the Wings tour that they were sad for a week after and I thought to myself, “it’s just a concert! How the heck would that happen?”
...and here I am, having cried a bunch of times in the last two days (though none of them actually during the concert, there was too much adrenaline), now I am living it. I really feel it in my body. I’m exhausted. My voice is destroyed from so much cheering and fan-chanting. But I’m also sort of happy about that, because it’s a marker of having gone through that experience and I want to hold onto that. I was off work Monday and spent the entire day at my house watching Bon Voyage and Run episodes (didn’t realize they were only 20 minutes!!) to console myself.
I’m sad the concert’s over, and I’m also sad that the Love Yourself era is also basically over too, some additional concert dates notwithstanding. This era really encapsulates everything I love about BTS: their positive message, their incredible songwriting and producing and music in general, and their growth as artists. I have complete faith in our boys that whatever comes next will be fantastic and that they’ll keep growing, I just desperately hope this isn’t their peak. But regardless, I’m glad I got to see this show because it felt like such a special one—their first sold-out North America stadium show. And it seems like BTS felt like it was special as well.
I’m also feeling intense love, because love is at the heart of it all. BTS’ love for ARMY and their earnest and sincere desire that we love ourselves, and be our best selves (see: Magic Shop, etc). And ARMY’s love and deep appreciation for BTS seeing us and our struggles, and believing in our ability to succeed. I was a little leery of calling myself an ARMY before this concert, mostly because of ARMY’s reputation on the internet as being kind of a crazy and intense fandom, but I fully embrace ARMY-dom now, because I understand that it’s really all about love.
So to recap, I’m going to do some best-ofs and link to Twitter and Insta pictures and videos. My phone camera is the literal worst, which is why I unfortunately don’t have any of my own!
Best deep thought: RM, our leader, always and forever. Sometimes I forget that he’s a literal genius because he’s also so derpy and cute, and then it’s moments like this that I re-remember that he does absolutely nothing related to their music or public presentation by accident or without forethought.
Via @mimibtsghost
He—and all of them, really—understand so well their role in our lives and our role in theirs. ARMY loves BTS, and BTS loves all of us so much, and truly wants us all to be happy and to live our best and whole selves. RM literally said this in his UN speech (which he also mentioned). When he says Speak Yourself, I think what he means is a combination of “Tell your story,” “Speak out,” and “Speak your truth.”
Best bias wreck: Jimin
Now I’m one of those people who legit loves all the members almost the same (except for Jin, I don’t love him quite as much) and my biases are Suga and V, but only by a little. But oh my goodness, Jimin was such a bias-wrecker in this concert. His solo set was ridiculous, he was wearing this beautiful sparkly top and did his amazing lyrical dance moves. So many eyebrow quirks and hearts. I’m completely dead. The friend I was with is a Jimin stan, and I think they were like, “how did it take you this long???” I now have three coequal biases. Here’s a good one, and this cutie pic.
Best corny-yet-adorable moments: J-Hope and V
J-hope’s Trivia: Just Dance stage was J-Hope being a major hype-man for the entire concert. And oh man, did it work. He’s such an exuberant live performer and the perfect choice for the second song. That white suit?? And his joy and enthusiasm is completely infectious. Hope World was my favorite of the three rappers’ mixtapes, and I was happy that his Trivia song was very much in that style, lots of old-school rap vibes. His joy is just so pure.
Also, Taehyung’s sign-off for ARMY at the end of the show: “You are the brighest stars in my universe.” Corny, but sweet and touching; also poetic because the ARMY bombs really do look like stars to the performers on stage, and we are orbiting around them, pulled into their gravity. Ah, V, so poetical as always <3
Unexpected song I liked live: Epiphany
Jin’s not my favorite member (see above), and I’m honestly a bit mystified by why people seem to like him so, so much. I’m also not a lover of ballads, usually, and the Epiphany video was fine but not one of my favorites. But I really liked this song live, way more than I was expecting to. Jin does have a really great voice, and it’s a bit less breathy than Jungkook’s in particular (still love you, Jungkook, you also sound great live!) He really gave a powerful vocal performance, and I’m going to put Epiphany back in my listening rotation…..after I listen to Suga’s I Need You x Seesaw remix another 15 times, sorrynotsorry.
Best gay/ship moments: Vkook, Suga
Vkook showed up again at this concert in force! One moment I saw myself, one I missed and found later on Twitter.
1) Tae hopped onto Jungkook’s back for a piggyback ride. It was super-brief but I know it happened because I distinctly remember thinking, “huh, usually Tae hops on Jungkook’s back, but Jungkook hopped on Tae’s this time. Interesting!” Turns out I was wrong and Tae hopped onto Jungkook as usual! Here’s a still, via @harchu2
2) Apparently, Tae also gave Jungkook a little kiss and/or nuzzle on the neck at the end. I completely missed this myself, but hey, it’s there on the video. Vkook, you’re being so loud <3
Suga’s Seesaw performance also pinged my gaydar in a major way, I’m not even sure why myself. He started off lying on this white couch. And he’s just so sassy. And this sparkly red top with a sash that he was wearing. Suga, you’re the best. Here’s a really nice pic, via @maggiejslg + Seesaw clip
Best PSA: RM
Three separate times, RM said that we shouldn’t shove one another for our safety. Our boys are so considerate and want everyone to have a good time!
Most impressive stunts: V, Suga
V’s Singularity set was fcking amazing. He’s really the most stellar performer, such a true artist. It seems positively unbelievable that he’s only 22 (what the heck was I doing when I was 22??). His little video before his solo stage (all members had them) was him surrounded by dark flowers and a pane of glass that frosted over. The hand-in-the-coat dance, and his backup dancers with masks that moved with him…the visuals of his set were stunning, and his singing was really stellar live (well, truly, everyone’s was). Here’s a clip.
In Suga’s Seesaw performance, he did this slick little stunt where he slid down a lit white long prop bar, like a seesaw. It looked really cool. I love the song Seesaw, it really shows how versatile Suga is, and his performance was a giant f-you to everyone who thinks he can’t sing or dance.
Best surprise songs: Dope and So What
Dope has always been one of my favorite songs. It’s so clearly and lovingly descended from 90’s American boy band stuff, but updated and, frankly, better. It’s got the killer hook and the great dancing, and is almost always the first video I show someone when I’m trying to explain why I love this K-pop band so much. I thought there was next to no chance of their playing it, but they did!!! I can die happy now. It was part of the medley in the middle, including Boyz With Fun, Attack On Bangtan, Fire, Bapsae (another one I was thrilled to hear), and Dope.
So What is also lowkey my favorite LYS: Tear track (though like the members, really only by a little on what’s a phenomenal album overall). I knew there wasn’t a dance for it so I didn’t think they’d play it, and was so, so thrilled when they did! It was like having a huge party with BTS and ARMY at the end of the show.
Best emotional vulnerability moment: Jimin
Jimin did some excellent crying at the end of the show, when they all came out in black t-shirts and addressed ARMY directly. Oh my goodness, it was so cute and sweet. They’ve really come so far; Yoongi tends to respond through bravado and celebrating their accomplishments, and Jimin cries. I just love so much that he’s modeling being emotional and vulnerable, and everyone just wants to give him a big ol’ hug.
Such beautiful crying.
Best Jungkook moment: End filming
At the very end of the concert, right as they were about to sink down into the floor, Jungkook grabbed a camera and started filming ARMY. I was just like, “wow, they want to remember this night just as much as we want to.”
Favorite fanchant: DNA
There were so many fun fanchant moments. My only regret is that I didn’t learn the words to Seesaw better (@StanningBTSpod, you did warn me, I should have!) But DNA has the name bit at the beginning, and BTS! BTS! BTS! in the chorus, it was just super fun. Toward the end of the concert honestly there was so much screaming and such that it was hard to even hear the fanchants. That was fine too!
Happy me success moments
Met the wonderful @daftlolita waiting in line to get into the venue, it was super great to hang out!
I made this jacket, and got a bunch of compliments! My entire goal was to find other queer ARMYs and I think I pretty much succeeded.
I also gave out most of the pins I made (made a bunch of extra ones precisely for that purpose). I don’t love Twitter that much and much prefer interacting with people in person, and generally feel like I succeeded on that front.
I kinda wish I’d gotten at least a little merch, but honestly the ticket was expensive enough. I also kinda wanted an ARMY bomb, but also, see ticket price. I tried to go to the BT21 store in Times Square on Sunday before I left and it was an hour wait so….no go on that one, I’ll get back to New York soon though.
At the end of it all, I cannot tell you how indescribably proud I am to call myself an ARMY. Although our fandom has its flaws for sure because we live in a broken world, to me, being an ARMY means co-creating a better world with BTS. A happier world.
A world where we love ourselves.
A world where there’s no stigma attached to mental illness and we can ask for the help we need
Where we take care of one another and are mindful of others (no shoving!!)
Where we celebrate and embrace difference
Where all young people have the resources they need to thrive
And where people of all races, genders, and ranges of life experience come together to express joy. I’m tearing up again as I write this.
Arundhati Roy has this beautiful quote that I’ve seen around activist spaces. It goes, “Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing.”
I saw a small glimpse of that world at #BTSCitiField. Janelle Monae will lead us through the narrow places into that world. Or, as BTS have it, from the desert to the ocean. And BTS will be there to make sure we drink enough water and are good to one another while we’re moving forward.
Suga, you said you’d be back. I’ll hold you to that promise.
And please, wear that red sparkly top again. It was absolutely killer. I purple all of you beautiful, special, luminous men who are making our world better, one song at a time.
