cw: smoking
“Mommy,” Your seven year old daughter looks at you. “Why does daddy smoke?”
You pause your movements. Why does Simon smoke? That’s a loaded question with many answers.
It calms him down, settles his aches, makes him feel in control, or maybe because it’s a nasty addiction he can’t break. These might be a little too complicated for your daughter's young mind.
You never were the person to get Simon to stop smoking, nor was it your daughter. He slowed it down though. Sometimes he can handle not smoking a single cigarette, while other days one or two would suffice.
“Daddy smokes because it makes him feel good.” You settle for that. An almost truth. Something to satisfy her.
“My teacher says smoking is bad and it will hurt you. I don’t want daddy to die.” She looks up at you innocently.
You can’t control the strangled sound that escapes your lips. She can’t possibly believe that Simon will die from smoking. Right?
That’s when it hits you, like a punch right to the gut. You’ve seen her throw away his cigarettes, you’ve seen her hide them, asking him if he’s ok after a coughing fit. She worried her daddy is going to die.
“Oh baby, oh no.” You can’t control the tears falling down your cheeks.
“Daddy isn’t going to die. Daddy loves you too much for something that silly to kill him.”
You see a foot in the doorway. You know Simon heard the whole conversation.
