#burninglakes

[soulfulreverie]

1. Have you looked at the back of the polaroid pictures they took of us? I scribbled some sweet remarks in there. I'm guessing you don't even check them anymore. What on earth was I thinking? [delete] 2. Look, I miss you. I hope it is as simple as that. [delete] 3. It hurts me that you passed up on the possibility of me having to come home to you after a terrible day at work, or the chance to have your arms around me and to wake up with you next to me. It's a shame you took that away from us. It's a shame you never even tried. [delete] 4. The books I read lately makes me feel like I should cut you off. We've only had this toxic, never ending cycle of you and me and our stupidity and having rebound relationships but we can't even talk about what we feel to each other. [delete] 5. Just...can you just let me know if you're at least happy? [delete] 6. Can I call you? I just wanted to hear your voice. [delete] 7. I never planned on loving you this much. [delete] 8. I'm not drunk. I only had a couple glasses of wine. No, scratch that. I had a whole bottle. Where are you? Call me. [delete] 9. Did her kisses felt divine like mine? [delete]

s.a., Texts I (almost) Sent You pt. 5

[theprocast]

This month was beyond expectations and one thing it surely did—it made me learn a lot of things. 1. Not everyone deserves a second chance. And when you see red flags, remember that for some reason, rose is red. 2. Learning to understand is different from being weak. It is a strength, not a weakness. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise. 3. Wherever you are, you are there for a reason. And that reason is not to impress and please people. 4. People say that time heals all wounds; it does. But apparently, not all wounds. 5. Adulting will make you feel like you are not good enough, you are not strong enough, and that you can never manage things any longer. But that is not the reason to give up. You might get tired but it's okay. Rest then fight again. Remember what is your core, your center, your grit, and stick with it. You are surviving because of it. 6. Life responds to the quality of the real character within you. When you rise, everything else will, too. Be patient. There are no things such as delays. 7. Always aim for excellence, it whatever means it may serve. 8. Sometimes, saying nothing is the best message you can deliver.

s.a., what December has taught me

[knifepoetry]

4/16/18

I heard from someone that there are bodies frozen in agony on the top of Mt. Everest, and they call them landmarks. So I guess what I’m trying to ask is: how can I halt this bloodbath if not to let it consume me? I’m convinced that a heart doesn’t break; no, she sheds her skin and she retches her guts out on the bathroom floor and she tears her own hair from the follicles and she resents the sun for its insistence on breathing into her mouth. I keep writing about heaviness; about patterns, about rotting flesh in rivers, about stones in pockets, about failed parachutes. If hope is a window, can I shut it without making noise? Today, I worry how much of this heart I have left to open, to relinquish without pleasure, to surrender to an unwilling keeper with something much better in mind. In a month, I fear I’ll find her again on my front porch, soggy and bruised and begging me to stop having faith in constellations. I blink and I submerge myself in a reddened lukewarm bathtub cocktail where light can’t touch me, waiting for my chest to collapse. 

[emofricc]

I wanted him to need me so badly, but the truth is, he just didn’t. As much as it ached through me, it was so wrong to force my help onto him, like he was a wounded animal, instead of just a person. He had to help himself. We all do. This wasn’t about me at all.

9:19 A.M. // S.M.

[autumnsletters]

his hands snake up my sides & his mouth finds my neck & he digs things out me with just his eyes & i chant to myself: i am brave i am brave i am brave and he whispers back to me: you are afraid, you are afraid, you are afraid.

[soulfulreverie]

you fed me, when I had no appetite for life.

s.a., dining companion

[soulfulreverie]

1. I don't think we'd ever be friends. No, not unless I stop thinking that we would somehow end up together. [delete] 2. How was your game last weekend? Did you guys win? [delete]

3. Do you still have a cold? Try drinking an echinacea tea, I heard it is good. It will soothe your throat and your immune system. Don't forget to do a salt water gargle! [delete] 4. It's only been less than a week that we stopped talking but it's already killing me. [delete] 5. I can still taste you in my lips. [delete] 6. Funny, I look over my shoulder as though I would see you in the crowd knowing you're on an entirely different country. [delete] 7. My mom asks about how you're doing. She still doesn't know what happened. [delete] 8. I wish you didn't have to meet her, or that you didn't have to ghost me because you were unsure of how I felt. I wish you would've just asked me. I have always, always been yours. When are you gonna learn that? [delete] 9. I want to stop loving you. [delete] 10. Do you think of me when you're with her? [delete]

s.a., Texts I (almost) Sent You pt. 4

[soulfulreverie]