I have something in my eye and can't take it out ughhh

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I have something in my eye and can't take it out ughhh
as i got older and got past the insecurities around my own worthiness i realized that it's not being loved that i yearn for, i love being tended to and appreciated and being held dear, but what i really really really long for is to love someone back. i don't know if this is an arrogant line of thought but i feel like many people can love me good enough, i'm just not sure if i can love back in this bigger than world way i want to, where i don't feel like i'm putting on a performance of loving while lacking that real spark or affection or fondness...idk
sorry this is random but you are so button coded to me, like i saw these and thought of u
dont apologize i love you!! ugh i love buttons, they're so silly and fun, and literally just yesterday i was looking at button hairclips + my medieval hat had buttons so this is definitely a sign 😌 mwah ily girl
Guys I actually have the motivation to write the next chapter but I sadly must work on a 12-page paper
Soooo, I took a peek at the 'maribat? Get in!' discord server.... I was so nervous, I was literally shaking. I want to talk to people but I don't know how.. I want to talk to people with the same interests as me, I want to share my ideas... But I can't because aim a freaking coward.
My family is quarantining me In the room I have to share with my 2 sisters... They now have to sleep on the couch.
Every time I leave the room for anything (food, potty break, need another sacrifice, ect. Ect. you know, Daily human life) I make sure to say
"ayo, watch out for the living desease!"
...
I do not like this anymore-
It was first fascinating how it really affected only me but sitting here on the floor and she is not running towards me with her big shining eyes makes me understand a little more. She was really so sick and still felt joy when I petted her and now I am just wondering how she did that haha...
It's such a horrible feeling to come down the stairs and she is not laying in the way... It made me also realize I have a routine with every single cat I have and now I can't greet her in the morning how I usually do...
Sorry ...idk I had to write something...