so, the US just attacked Iran, and that is fucking terrible. Something we all need to think about right now is how we can stop the harassment and violence against Muslims and Arabs in the US that got so much worse in the early 2000s from happening again to people now.
To that end, I wanted to share some resources on Bystander Intervention. One of the biggest things I learned from training like this is that there are many ways to intervene, and they don't all involve putting yourself in front of the person who may harm you or others. It's ok if you feel intimidated by that because there are more ways to help! And once you do the training, it might not be so scary.
Right to Be has Bystander trainings based on the 5Ds of Bystander Intervention (Distract, Delegate, Document, Delay, and Direct).
The trainings are free!! sign up here.
I took one of their trainings a few years ago (when the org was called Hollaback!) and it was really very good, they have trainings at multiple levels and focused on various topics. They also partner with other orgs to focus on specific issues (like anti-AAPI harassment and with CAIR Chicago for anti-Muslim harassment, etc.).
been thinking a lot about anti jewish, anti muslim, anti islamic sentiment in the light of everything happening with the I/P conflict, and let me tell you, i'm 38 and nothing on the internet has taught me as much about bystander intervention as moderating a public discord server for a little over two years.
we have (apparently? according to our members?) a pretty unique method of dealing with trolls: when they come in, we bait them. you can identify them pretty fast, right? a lot of folks have obvious red flags in their user names or profile pics, or put quotes from the bible or from fascist leaders in their status. as soon as they're identified, the staff initiates what i can only term a period of gentle cajoling harassment. we start asking the trolls questions about the stuff in their profile. not accusations, always questions.
the intention here is to kick off the troll so that they reveal themselves ASAP, and begin posting reportable content - which 9/10 times we can get done in about 15 minutes. so then the troll starts spamming the N-word and the F-word and dropping horrific memes they've got saved up and talking about how all X should die and all that nonsense, and this is when the community rallies: they bully the bully. not with reportable content, but generally with:
insults about their social life
softcore queer gifspam
confused, innocent questions intended to garner more reportable content
generally, the troll gets so frustrated and annoyed, they leave. if they don't, we ban them after a minute or two of community-wide booing. then we report and delete all the offensive content.
the point here, though, is that we get the entire community involved. EVERYONE gets a taste of learning how to speak up, in a setting where they know that they're supported by the majority. everyone gets a lesson in standing up, even when it's not their demographic. and it's been really easy to get people on board with this for BIPOC racism and for LGBTQ+ phobic behavior, but you could feel the handholding that was necessary for defense of Jewish communities, Muslim communities, SWANA communities.
but it WORKS, yall. the hand-holding WORKS, and the catharsis is INSANE. the staff leads the charge (we have one staff member from each of these communities, btw, that helps a lot) and the community learns how to defend itself and each other. instead of ending these sessions feeling angry and unsafe and rankled, the mood is celebratory and proud.
not every setting in life is safe for you to confront a bully. not every setting lets you fight back. but when you can, and when you can bring people into it with you, and when you can educate, and when you can do it safely: do it. fight back. teach others how to fight back.
and you know, it's wild that how no matter what flavor the trolling content is, they all really hate softcore queer gifs. reeeeeally makes you think. ✨
From bystander intervention training, the best technique we learned was the following:
When someone says a “joke”, make eye contact and just dead pan stare. And here’s the nail to the coffin, if you want. Just ask “I’m sorry, can you explain the joke? I don’t get it.”
They are forced to explain what they said in more depth and it doesn’t always work but sometimes it makes them realize how dumb they sound. I’ve used it before.
Note: only do this in a situation you feel safe ofc like with someone you know. this technique is a little safer the calmer you say it because you have plausible deniability but never use it with a stranger and/or in a violent situation
Don’t Be A Bystander: 6 Tips for Responding to Racist Attacks (2017)
Created by Barnard Center for Research on Women and members of Project NIA, this video offers an abolitionist approach to bystander intervention that does not rely on the police.
I don’t follow too many romantic comedy series, but I love Aka Akasaka’s Kaguya-sama: Love is War. The antics of Kaguya Shinomiya and Miyuki Shirogane never cease to make me laugh and cry. While I love almost the whole cast of the series, there’s one character I like a lot and it’s someone who’s kind of a rarity in romantic comedy anime/manga series.
Yup, it’s the lovable emotional/otaku boy, Yu Ishigami. He’s become one of the most beloved Kaguya-sama characters (not only because he’s a 2nd major male character in a rom-com) due to his disdain for anything that’s "normal” to most people, his keen observation skills, and a desire to help anyone in trouble. The latter part is what I’ll focus on because the storyline behind that desire is what gained him many fans (including myself).
Ishigami is the treasurer of the Shuchin Academy high school Student Council. He prefers to stay at home playing video games all day and night. Ishigami has shown signs of depression and only goes to school because Miyuki convinces him to. Ishigami also has a knack of observing things (mostly people’s insecurities) to the point where he’s unaware that he’s crossed the line as he tends to make others angry with his observations. This is a recurring joke throughout the series for Ishigami.
However, his observation skills make him a great analyst of people. Ishigami just happens to feel inferior since he takes his observations a bit far. He wasn’t always like this. Back in junior high, Ishigami was a young man trying to come into his own. He wanted to help people and was willing to do what it takes to do so. His life changes when he meets a girl named Kyoko Otomo and her boyfriend, Ko Ogino. Ishigami felt Kyoko was a good person after she interacted with him a few times. One day, Ishigami finds out Ogino is talking to another girl behind Kyoko’s back after overhearing a phone conversation. Ogino tries to bribe Ishigami by offering Kyoko, but the latter takes matters into his own hands and beats up Ogino in order to force an apology to Kyoko.
Instead of an apology, Ishigami gets framed as Kyoko’s stalker. Kyoko, who witnesses the beat-up, becomes disgusted at him. The whole school then criticizes Ishigami to the point where he got suspended for a month. Ishigami becomes depressed, fails all his courses and chastises himself for having a childish view of justice. He barely passed junior high without help from the leader of the school’s disciplinary committee, Miko Iino. School officials would try to get Ishigami to come back to school only if he wrote an apology to Ogino. Ishigami couldn’t bring himself to apologize since Ogino was the one who was the bad guy. It took Miyuki to come into the picture and tell Ishigami that it wasn’t his fault and more importantly, he should feel proud in trying to protect someone he cared about.
Over the course of Kaguya-sama, Ishigami starts to become a more optimistic character after joining a extracurricular club, the cheerleading club. While taking part in the school’s sports festival, he sees Kyoko in the audience only to freeze. Kyoko yells at Ishigami for ending her relationship with Ogino. The past comes back to him in full detail. Miyuki helps him snap out of it and Ishigami tells Kyoko the words Miyuki told him to say to the person who was truly at fault, “Go to hell, jerk!”
I think we can all relate to Ishigami’s past. We sometimes see bad acts of faith happening to people we care about. We try to intervene because it’s the “right thing to do.” And sometimes, maybe more often than not, justice isn’t on our side. We end up becoming the bad guy because we didn’t reason with the perpetrator. We end up physically hurt. We get told to help others, but we never get told how to help in a way that benefits everyone. To be fair, large groups of people combined with power and politics have a bit too much say in things.
Bystanders are willing to help those being harassed. Sometimes, they can’t due to pluralistic ignorance. Pluralistic ignorance is a psychological gap where one’s view of public opinion conflicts with one’s personal beliefs. It leads to people underestimating how different or similar people really think. The best example I can give is college drinking. When you see almost everyone on campus doing it, you think it’s fine even though you have doubts. But in reality, there are people on campus like you that have the same doubts. They don’t express them because they're worried of being the only ones who think differently.
There’s much talk about the bystander effect, which ties into pluralistic ignorance to a huge degree. I feel that Ishigami smashes through that. It is hard though. Like Ishigami, there’s a good chance of going through severe repercussions.
Miyuki told Ishigami that while his actions were extreme, he did frighten enough Ogino to the point of hiding. Ogino’s subsequent breakup with Kyoko did anger the latter, but she never knew that Ogino was someone who messed around with other girls to gain popularity and that Kaguya (who tries to help Ishigami change) forced him out using her school connections. Ishigami never wanted Kyoko to experience trauma, so he took her anger as long as she was safe and happy. He even allowed rumors about him to circulate to preserve that peace to this day. Hence, justice did prevail.
I do feel that we're secretly like Ishigami. It’s just that we get vague advice on how to help people the right way. Sometimes, we get so desperate like Ishigami did and pay the price. When Ishigami starts to panic after seeing Kyoko again, Miyuki is there to bring him back to the present. Ishigami then thinks that if someone like Miyuki understood him, it’s more than enough. It helps that Ishigami’s current support system (i.e. the Student Council) is one that reassures him to commit to self-progress and growth. Most importantly, one that is safe and teaches him safe ways to handle things despite all the gags that happen in the series.
I think it comes down to a classic shonen trope - training. It’s not just for battles, but for real-life tense situations. Ishigami’s past brings light to the perils of young women being manipulated by men who think of them only as objects. Being reactive isn’t enough. It takes proactive measures to help prevent terrible situations from happening. Like one notable bystander intervention program states, we have to shift community norms that support bad behavior along with reacting in appropriate fashion.
Ishigami’s a nerd who, despite his own insecurities and social awkwardness, does help people in need - which becomes an attractive quality. He’s currently involved in a possible love triangle that’s about to become a huge serious arc. Regardless of how this arc will end, despite your messiness, if you show how kind you are to others, good things can happen.
When Miyuki tells Ishigami he wasn’t crazy in casting doubt on a suspicious person, it reminds me how the real craziness is in not listening and believing those not involved in group dynamics that have honest and thoughtful doubts about what’s happening around them. Let’s give the bystander that wants to do something someone they can stand by at their side for love’s sake.
My mom saved a disabled boy from being mob-lynched.
#Fast reblog
My mom told few days ago she was going through a crowded public bus and she was on the ladies seat.
There was a boy standing because the general seats were filled.
The boy was near the ladies seats but he was often losing balance and he almost hit an woman. The woman became anxious or panicked; she misinterpreted the boy as having rapist/abusive intention. She started to rant and yell.
There were probably 1 or few feminazi-like women who caught anger and started accuse the boy. Soon a lot of men and women gathered and was about to lynch. The boy was frozen and silent.
Since my mom handled me so she practically knows how does visibly severe dyspraxia look like (although i had not any diagnosis even only few years back). She claims herself as normal, and he also claims herself to be good in guessing people's moods and intents by looking at them. However she readily recognised the boy was simply loosing balance, and perhaps is a "special needs person". She told the crowd to shut off their mouth and that he is a special needs child having some problem.
The entire crowd surrounded and pressed my mom and yelled and criticised her. They told my mom that she is being supporter of rapists and male abusers. The mob also criticised that the boy looks perfectly normal (in spite of his dyspraxia was visibly discernible) and that he is adolescent so he have to have sexual intents. But mom repeatedly urged to leave the boy. After lot of bargaining the crowd left the boy from being lynched. My mom tried to offer him the seat but other people did not allowed this little help to happen.
