This guide is aimed at in-system plural sex (i.e. only one body is involved). In particular, really, it's about the types of intimacy that you can probably achieve with some knowledge of how to co-front. semiplural has a great comic on the various states of being, here.
A few notes:
Our experience isn't something that's perfectly... transferrable to everyone. We're a transfem layered system that some may say is... polyfrag (we meet a medical polyfrag threshold, not that we care). We're a little traumagenic (but who cares about that either way; you can read the Memory essay if you want that dump). We're not diagnosed, and don't plan to be; we have survived cosplaying as a singlet and will continue to do so in spaces that aren't safe.
We're not great at visualisation but we do have a headspace and inner world and it's sort of... Large. Most of our sex however doesn't happen in headspace itself; it more or less happens in what i'd call thoughtspace. Like the comms band of your spaceship, or a voice chat.
If you're capable of visualising and fucking your headmates in headspace, great! We love you, but this guide won't be about that.
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Some cautions:
There's a slim chance that your in-sys partner — particularly if you possess steep memory barriers — will have some degree of traumatic flashbacks that occur when you have plural sex.
If that happens — STOP. Work through some grounding exercises, if you can. Offer to clean up after your in-sys partner if you've been making a mess. If they have trouble with the resultant emotions, seek help if you can. It will be hard to work through potential trauma, but you can get through it.
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Without further ado, let's start!
Step 1: preparation
This is essentially, foreplay. You want to be able to tease your headmate as much as possible.
Have them be aware of what you're doing. Bring them to front. We used to have front triggers for our primary taskmoder, Cait — we'd put on some really cerebral show (NERDDDD!!!) and lure her to front, and then tell her about what we intended to do.
After you bring them to front, let them watch, perhaps, as you get yourself (and them) in the mood. Of course, ask for their consent before you start. If they don't want to, then stop.
This teasing can come in many forms. The most vanilla thing we do really is to browse the nsfw channel on the servers we frequent, to imagine ourselves in scenarios we find hot, and then to touch sensitive areas of our body.
You probably know how best your body responds to things, use that knowledge to your advantage! If you don't remember, or if you're a fictive or introject and this isn't a body that you're used to, then... alright. Get some time to know how your body's like. Your in-sys partner will probably have some idea, as well.
Step 2: cofronting
This is fairly tricky, in our view. We most commonly exist in a state of cofront, with a taskmoder and a separate social aspect in front at the same time. (Our front console actually has three seats — taskmoder, analysis, and communications, but we digress).
To get into a state of cofront, invite your in-sys partner (the headmate you'd like to fuck) to front. You can put yourselves in headspace and be intimate there. Kiss it, perhaps. Hear its fans whirr. Or pose her like a doll. Touch its most sensitive parts. Kiss her again. Kiss her a lot. Tell it how much you love it, and tell it that you really want it to feel pleasurable.
It's not unlike fucking a partner outside of your system. You gotta make them feel good!
Step 3: the fucking
Let your in-sys partner feel how aroused the body is. If you have some degree of dysphoria, perhaps, you can manage this by touching yourself in a more appropriate way. (We do this by fondling the little spot on our tip using our fingers; treating our bits as a clit.)
This will be a key part of the split or partial control mechanic. You'll take motor control of your hands or arm while they feel all of what's happening. It's likely that when you start fucking you'll start feeling a bit blendy, and that's okay.
You're going to be able to feel what your in-sys partner is feeling; reassure them if they're feeling a little uncertain and remember to stop if they feel uncomfortable and no longer want to continue.
Either way, knowing what your in-sys partner is feeling is extremely titillating. You can read their mind! You know what they want! You might know they want to be treated like a little doll with no agency, or you might know that they desire to be held and cuddled and be told that they're okay, or you might know they want to be muzzled and for you to totally dominate them in headspace. Do that, maybe!
Of course, you're cursed to have only one body. Here's some things we've tried:
Using fingers in place of a phallus that the other in-sys partner had
Using a pillow in place of the head of an in-sys partner and pressing their face into the pillow (along with a vibe)
Touching the sensitive bits of the system totem (this plush) and letting the in-sys partner feel our touch
Grinding upon a pillow prone and fucking our in-sys partner (this isn't really recommended, pressure can desensitise your bits)
Pretending the vibe was an in-sys partner's phallus and that we were frotting
And finally, the favourite and most common: having the in-sys partner in our embrace while we jill them off
The point, here, for us, was to simulate or basically pretend that the in-sys partner was... there, with us, in the real. I know it can be a bit disappointing for some, but your brain is a magical sexual organ and you can make it work!
Step 4: the climax
Some really interesting things can be done here. If you're into denial, perhaps, you can take front when the body climaxes, denying your headmate of... the orgasm. It's going to be deeply frustrating, perhaps.
How do you do it? Just take over. Just take over the damn front. In our guide to intentional switching we talk about influencing the "persistent I". Here, you take control of the "persistent I", and you steal the orgasm.
Okay maybe you think it's kind of rude. So let them have it, perhaps! Let it roll over the two of you (or multiple, if you can do that; we've never really had more than two at once), and cum.
Step 5: aftercare
Yes, your headmates need aftercare too!
Specifically when you fuck a denial headmate (Astraea: fuck off) they might feel that sharp separation between you and them. That they were fucked, plurally, is pretty intense evidence of plurality, and well... (Asty: I just hate it okay?)
You can hold them in headspace if feasible, cuddle with them, make them feel safe. Particularly, if feelings of anxiety and dysphoria bubble up a bit, you might need to ground them a little in the comfort that you're offering.
You're probably going to make a mess (most of us do); offer to clean up.
Conclusion
So, now you know how to fuck your headmate. It'll take some practice — do what makes you comfortable! — but we believe you can do it!
anyway gifmakers i love you fanartists i love you fic writers i love you meta writers i love you fanvid makers i love you people who make fandom fun i love you
