A complaint letter I had to send today...
Hi Dr Oetker employee!
Unfortunately I'm writing this email to you to complain about one of your products. It pains me to do this because I have used Dr Oetker bakery paraphernalia for years with no complaints. In fact, just two weeks ago I had to send someone out for food colouring to finish icing a cake and told them, and I quote "Try not to get Goodall's, that's shite. If they have Dr Oetker, go for that. Remember that name. Dr Oetker. Red food colouring. Dr Oetker if at all possible."
So today I found myself making another cake. This one happened to be for myself, as it's my birthday. I was an impoverished child and I wasn't able to have one of those fancy princess cakes that I now make for other little girls from time to time. So this year, I said feck it, reliving childhood for one night. I decided on Cinderella, and of course in the strictly colour-coded Disney franchise Cinderella is blue. I got Dr Oetker gel food colouring for the icing.
I used that entire tube of food colouring in the cream, and never got anything more than a very pleasant shade of turqoise green. You could argue that it's Tiffany blue but that's more of a philosophical question. It's not the shade of blue I intended, or even a bog standard sky blue. Funnily enough, it matches the blouse I was wearing so I'll give it points for trying.
It's ironic that Cinderella's signature song was all about dreams, because now my dreams of having a perfect princess party at the grand old age of 33 are dashed to pieces. In all seriousness I don't mind (I am going to get very drunk and laugh about this at the party tomorrow) but had this cake been for an actual little girl I would have had to have a very convincing story about an evil cake-ruining witch at the ready, and kids these days with their smartphones and Tumblr just aren't as gullible as they used to be.
Consider this a heads up; your blue dye does not work. I cannot vouch for the other colours.
