#cally talks

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Oh, Luci-ngmyinterest is off the screen finally? Guess I'll turn off the Bo Burnham from my phone and actually watch now.

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I have not been handling that set of pictures of Cas’s b–

of *Cas*

–very well 😕😞😐

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oh man, I just thought. seeing the “then” opener for s13 is going to show That Scene of Cas, ain’t it?

it’s going to hurt as if i felt it in my own flesh 😢😭

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So I’ve been trying to deal with the whole constant negative self-thoughts thing by sorta personalizing it.

A whining kid in the backseat you just have to sigh and deal with for a bit until they tire themselves out. A character you loathe (Lucifer? Metatron? Zapp from Futurama? Ross frickin’ Gellar? 🙄) who you wouldn’t be able to take seriously if they said the same words, or who you’d get angry at enough to want to spite (“‘I can’t finish this fic’? The hell I CAN’T, Umbridge!”)

This is another one I thought of the other day at work: imagining those thoughts as Brainy, always lurking, wheezing over your shoulder. Just get your fist ready. Don’t even gotta look back, just *whap*!

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something my sister said when she was super little (like 8) always stuck with me. It was right after my abuse had come out (not that she herself knew about any of that yet), and I was still v much blaming myself for all of it. and we were just having a quiet moment hanging out together. I can't remember what she said at first but it went basically: d: "[something]?" me: "i don't know. cause I don't like myself very much." d: "how come?" me (thinking): [oh god, shit, shit, what can I say?] me: "...cause I've... cause i've done bad things." (d frowns and thinks) d: "it's ok to like yourself even if you do bad things. I like myself [even] when I do bad things." 11 years later I still keep those words in mind. Thanks, sis. ❤

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I miss Cas. I miss him so much it hurts. Working hard on pulling together my dcbb was distracting me for a bit (and it still isn't 100% even done) but now that I'm stopping for a breather, I'm lying here just thinking how long it's been since the finale and how long we still have to go, and may not even see him for a few eps yet. I really do want them to "he was just in the shower" it all away. I miss him. I'm tired of the tears. 😢

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Man, for a fandom with a tagline of "family don't end with blood," there sure are an uncomfortably large percentage of fans who insist Ben is Dean's son when -Lisa has said he isn't and she's not the type to obscure the truth -the demon who briefly possessed her mocked Dean by saying he was, but DEMONS LIE and it also said it was lying anyway -Zachariah showed no interest whatsoever in Ben and instead, they resurrected their dead brother. It would have been so much easier to go after Ben, wouldn't it? -Lisa was under the Veritas spell and said nothing. Just in case she was obscuring "the truth" earlier. But so many comments on this one post on a fb group I saw the other day. "She was waiting to tell him", "they're so alike", as if music taste is passed down through DNA in the first place? 🤔🤔😶 Why Does It Matter So Much For Dean to be Ben's ~real father~? Did Bobby not matter to Sam and Dean cause they didn't share blood? Do Alex and Claire not matter to Jody cause they're (essentially) adopted? Family don't end with blood. That statement doesn't need to be ignored just cause it would be "cute" to ignore canon and have Dean have ~Official~ offspring. He loved Ben just as much as he would have if they shared genes. Taught him stuff. Hung around with him. None of that goes away because Ben's biological father was someone else.