"what animal do you think you could take in a fight?" [all gn! reader]
summary: fight club characters respond to your silly text.
a/n: meme is from pinterest.
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☽｡⋆ JACK/THE NARRATOR
You and Jack were sitting outside at a quiet cafe and there were little to no civilians passing by. He looked up towards the sky with his black shades and sighed. He seemed to be bored.
You snapped your fingers in front of his face and his gaze met yours. Well, you weren't actually sure if he was looking at you. You couldn't tell where his eyes were, only that he tilted his head.
"What," Jack mumbled.
Someone's cranky today. As he is, like, literally every day.
"What animal do you think you could take in a fight?" you asked.
Jack scoffed and shook his head, "Oh my god. How much time do you have?"
You shrugged and checked your imaginary watch.
"According to my calculations... all day."
He took off his sunglasses and stared at you intensely.
"Honestly speaking, maybe an armadillo."
ੈ✩‧₊˚ MARLA
You coughed as Marla blew cigarette smoke in your face. She never did stop smoking, even though every time you saw her, she promised to quit.
"I'll quit smoking forever next week, okay?" she teased, knowing full well she won't.
"Hell will freeze over before that ever happens," you laughed.
She playfully swatted your shoulder, and you threatened to take her cigarettes as payback. She quickly hid the carton to protect them from you.
"Hey, Marla, what animal do you think you could take in a fight?"
Marla glanced at you and smiled. You could see her sharp cheekbones clearly.
"You," she replied, blowing another puff of smoke at you.
Your eyes watered as you resisted the urge to cough. Fanning away the cloud with your hand, you gave her a "seriously?" look.
She simply cocked her head like a puppy and grinned.
シ TYLER DURDEN
Tyler was getting his waiter outfit on for his late night shift, and you were fixing his bowtie. He didn't know how to tie it correctly around his neck.
"What animal do you think you could take in a fight?" you asked, tightening the bow.
Tyler adjusted his sleeves and pondered for a moment. Before answering, he took a deep breath and placed both hands on your shoulders.
"That's a very good question. In fact, I'm glad that you asked. See, I think I'm strong enough to take any animal in a fight- especially gorillas. The whole point of fighting the animal is not to win, but to become the animal yourself. This is how you achieve great results, and scars. I've never fought any animals before. I think I should try it someday. Actually, this gives me an idea. We could release all the animals out of the public zoos! We could form an animal fight club. Instead of them eating stale peanuts, they'll finally taste sweet revenge against those that ridicule them. And let's not forget..."
You zoned out for a couple minutes while he was ranting. Maybe you shouldn't have asked Tyler that question right before he had to leave.
"...and what an amazing question that was! Thank you, truly. I know what my next objective is now. While I'm gone, I need you to search 'how to help animals escape from the zoo without anyone seeing.' Okay? Wonderful," he concluded.
He quickly left the house with a task assigned for you. You guess that there was no other choice than to complete it. In Tyler We Trust.
ʚɞ ROBERT "BOB" PAULSON
You and Bob were sitting on a park bench watching birds fly around, peck at the ground, and chirp. He seemed focused on them for some reason.
"Psst, Bob," you whispered, nudging his arm with your elbow.
"Hm? Yes? Oh, what do you need?" he asked, turning his attention to you.
He's got a serious case of sweaty pits.
"What animal do you think you could take in a fight?"
Bob's eyebrows furrowed as he tapped his chin like an enlightenment thinker. Talk about using brain power.
He raised one finger in the air and declared, "I choose peace."
"That wasn't the question, Bob," you chuckled.
"Doesn't matter, I choose peace. I love the animal kingdom. I would never hurt a fly nor an alligator."
He had a point; he couldn't harm a fly even if he tried. And he did try once, but poor Bob burst into tears before swatting it.
inspired by my dad who almost always says "俄国人是蒙古人和白人的混血" (translation: "Russians are the mixed child of Mongols and White people." when talking about Russia.
