So Anyway… I Have Some Gender Lore To Drop 💀🐱
So hey, it's pride month and I figured this is as good a time as any to talk about something I've been figuring out about myself for a while now lol
So like... okay here's the thing. I've always been a tomboy. Like aggressively, unapologetically, "no I don't want to wear makeup" tomboy. And for the longest time whenever I felt more masculine than usual or felt weird about certain feminine expectations I just went "yeah that's just tomboy brain, that's normal, moving on" 💀
And like... that explained MOST of it. For a long time it genuinely seemed like a complete explanation and I didn't question it further.
But then at some point I started noticing that "I like masculine things" and "I just AM masculine sometimes" felt like two different things that I kept accidentally mixing up. Like the tomboy label fit but it didn't fit COMPLETELY you know? There was always this tiny bit left over that it didn't quite cover.
And I spent so long going "wait am I actually a man or is this just my tomboy identity doing its thing" because from the inside those two things can look really similar and genuinely hard to untangle 💀😂
Turns out the answer was both. Because I'm bigender. And it took me an embarrassingly long time to figure that out purely because "tomboy" kept seeming like enough of an explanation lol
So before I go any further let me actually explain what bigender means because I know not everyone's gonna know what that is and I don't want people to just nod along confused lol
Bigender basically means you identify as two genders. In my case that's both a woman and a man. Not halfway between them, not neither of them, but genuinely BOTH. Sometimes I feel more like a woman, sometimes more like a man, and sometimes both at once. Think of it less like being stuck between two things and more like genuinely having both as real, valid, equally present parts of who you are.
And just to be clear — bigender isn't a one size fits all experience!! Some bigender people (like me) identify as woman and man, but others might identify as a woman and an agender person, or two completely nonbinary genders, or any other combination of two genders. The "bi" just means two — what those two genders actually ARE is completely different for everyone. How people experience it is different too. Some people feel both genders simultaneously like a blend, others switch between them at different times, some do both depending on the day. There's no single correct way to be bigender and my experience isn't the blueprint for everyone else's 😄
For me specifically it shows up like this — when I'm in my female headspace I'm still the same tomboy I've always been. When I'm in my male headspace I might lean more toward a femboy vibe aesthetically, though my actual personality doesn't change at all either way. Same blunt, loud, chaotic person regardless of which headspace I'm in. The gender shifts, the person doesn't 💀
Now — I also want to address something real quick. You might notice I refer to myself as an AFAB bigender woman, meaning assigned female at birth. And I know that for some people in the nonbinary and trans community, emphasizing AFAB or AMAB status can feel uncomfortable or even come across as unintentionally transphobic in certain contexts, and I completely understand why that conversation exists!!
But here's my specific reason for mentioning it — I don't want anyone getting confused about my background, especially when I talk about identifying as a man sometimes or potentially presenting as a femboy. Without that context someone might assume I was born male and that changes how my whole experience reads. I'm not mentioning it to gatekeep bigender or to make any statement about what bigender "should" look like for anyone else. It's purely personal context about MY specific experience, nothing more. Every bigender person's story is their own and mine just happens to include this detail being relevant 🙃
Oh and while I'm already dropping identity revelations on you — I also recently figured out that I identify as catgender!! 🐱
Yeah I know. I'm already bigender and now I'm adding xenogender to the pile. (It’s not for the sake of looking cool or whatever people think though)
So for anyone who has no idea what catgender is — catgender is a xenogender where someone feels an extremely strong connection to cats or felines, either strongly identifying with them or wanting to incorporate that connection into how they understand their gender identity. And before anyone says it — no it doesn't mean I literally think I'm a cat 💀 I know I'm a human being. It just means that my connection to cats runs deep enough that it genuinely feels like part of how I experience my gender identity rather than just being a personality trait or a preference.
And honestly?? Looking back it makes complete sense that I figured this out eventually because my connection to cats has never just been "aw cats are cute." It goes way deeper than that. I genuinely identify WITH cats on a real level. Like beyond just being a cat person, which I absolutely am and always will be regardless of any gender stuff 🐱
It was also originally coined by an autistic person to better describe their own gender experience which honestly tracks so hard for me personally given my whole neurodivergent situation lol. Sometimes a label just fits and this one really does.
So yeah — bigender AND catgender.
Now I do have to address something because I KNOW someone is gonna bring it up — yes, I am aware that Meowbahh also identifies as catgender. And I know that for a lot of people that association alone is enough to make them roll their eyes at anyone else who uses the label. So let me explain the situation for those who don't know who she is and why this is even a thing worth addressing.
Meowbahh is an Australian PNGtuber and content creator who built a following through a cutesy kawaii catgirl persona. Sounds harmless right?? Yeah not so much. She racked up a genuinely impressive list of controversies including using ableist slurs on camera, being openly racist and islamophobic, making a non-apology video where she literally chewed food loudly while saying sorry to what she called "the disabled fandom" 💀 and allegedly encouraging people in her Discord server to hurt themselves for server roles. Among other things. It's a lot.
And somewhere in the middle of all of that she also claimed to identify as catgender. Which the majority of people who follow her situation believe was never genuine and was most likely just trolling for attention and shock value like most things she does. It had that same "I'm doing this to be chaotic and weird online" energy rather than any genuine connection to the identity itself.
The problem is that because of her association with the label, a lot of people now see catgender and immediately think troll, joke, or attention seeking behavior. And that's genuinely frustrating because catgender is a real identity that existed long before her and means something real to the people who actually genuinely identify with it.
So just to be crystal clear — my catgender identity has absolutely nothing to do with her. I'm not trolling. I'm not doing it for shock value or to be quirky online. I identify as catgender because I have a genuine deep connection to cats that goes beyond just liking them as animals, and that connection is authentically part of how I experience my gender identity. That's it. I refuse to let one messy chronically online disaster of a person take away something that actually means something to me. Catgender existed before her and it'll still be here long after people forget who she is. 💅🐱
Now let's talk pronouns because this is where it gets a little specific so pay attention lol 😗
So I've got a few different pronoun situations going on and they all make sense in context I promise!!
She/her is my default and always safe bet. Especially when I'm in my female headspace. If you don't know what headspace I'm in or you're just not sure, she/her is always the right call.
He/him/his is preferred when I'm in my male headspace. If you know me well enough to know where I'm at on any given day, feel free to use these when it fits!! 😄
They/them is a "meh" situation for me honestly. It's not my preference but it's acceptable from people who don't know me well yet or aren't aware of my gender identity. Basically if you're a stranger or we just met, using they/them as a placeholder until you know me better is completely fine. But once you actually know me?? Stick to she/her or he/him depending on context please!!
It/its — hard no. Always. No exceptions. I find it personally dehumanizing and I don't want it used toward me under any circumstances. And just to be clear — I fully support people who DO use it/its for themselves, that's completely valid for them!! It's just not for me and that boundary is firm 💅
And NOW for the fun part — cat/cats/catself!! 🐱
So these exist as an option but I want to be real with you — I don't require anyone to use them 24/7 and I'm definitely not gonna hunt someone down for not knowing about them or forgetting. They're not mandatory and I won't be upset if a stranger doesn't use them!!
BUT — if we're mutuals or actually close?? Using them every now and then is genuinely really welcome and appreciated, whether it's affectionate, jokey, or just because you feel like it in the moment 😄
And just so you can visualize how that actually works in practice — it sounds like (for example):
"Did cat just post that at 3am 💀" "I was talking to cat yesterday and cat completely lost catself over this" "omg this is so cat coded I'm sending it to cat immediately" "look at cat doing catself things again"
See?? It flows super naturally in casual conversation once you get the hang of it and honestly it's kind of adorable and chaotic at the same time which is very on brand for me lol 😂🐱
And just a general note on ALL of my pronouns — misgendering me whether it's using the wrong ones, using it/its, or doing it "as a joke" is not something I'll let slide. Not as a troll, not as a meme, not as anything bad. It's not funny and it never will be. Just don't. 😒
And since I KNOW some of you are gonna have opinions about all of this, let me just get ahead of it right now 💀
"So you just can't make up your mind?" Actually I did make up my mind!! It just doesn't look like the standard cisgender or transgender or nonbinary box you're used to seeing and that doesn't make it any less valid. My mind is very much made up, thanks for your concern 😊
"You're just confused" NO I AM NOT. I'm actually the least confused I've ever been about this?? YOU'RE the one who's confused because you're refusing to understand what bigender actually means. I didn't come here to be gaslit about my own identity 💀
"So are you a boy or a girl RIGHT NOW" Okay here's the thing — asking me what I'm identifying as at the moment is actually fine!! I don't mind that question when it's asked genuinely and respectfully. But the second you ask it in a demanding, rude, or invasive way like you're somehow entitled to that information?? I'm gonna get annoyed and pissed off and that's entirely on you 😐
"That sounds exhausting" Either make an effort to actually learn and understand or get off my blog if it's too confusing for you. Those are genuinely your two options here!!
"You're just doing it for attention" Apparently just existing as what you actually are is attention seeking now?? Wild concept!! (Sarcastic)
"So which one is your REAL gender" Both. They're both real. The concept of having two real genders is literally right there in the name. Bi. Gender. Two genders. Both real. Next question!!
"You can't be both that's contradictory" That's like telling someone eating a cheeseburger that they can't eat both meat AND cheese at the same time. Or telling someone who's into cutegore that cute stuff and gory stuff can't coexist — spoiler alert, there's literally an entire aesthetic called cutegore that proves otherwise. Contradictions aren't always what they seem!! 😄
"Pick a side" What if I told you that's literally not how this works?? And also you're essentially telling me to either identify as fully female or fully male, which is ignoring the entire point of what bigender means. I'm not on a fence. I'm on both sides simultaneously. That's the thing.
"Bigender just means you're confused about being nonbinary" These are genuinely different things that exist separately from each other!! Nonbinary is an umbrella term for anyone who doesn't identify strictly as a man or a woman. Bigender specifically means identifying as two genders — in my case both woman AND man. Nonbinary people often feel outside of or between the binary entirely, while bigender people like me actually identify WITH two genders simultaneously. Different experiences, different labels, both valid, please learn the difference!!
"You just want to be a man because you hate being a woman" Identifying as a man sometimes and hating being a woman are two completely separate things that don't have to be connected at all?? And for the record I don't hate being a woman. I also identify as one!! That's literally the whole point. My womanhood is just as real as my male identity 😊
"You're just a tomboy who took it too far" How exactly does being a bigender person who happens to be a tomboy mean I took anything too far?? What's the tomboy limit and who decided what it was?? 💀
"You don't LOOK bigender" What does bigender look like to you specifically?? And also this is especially ironic coming from people who have never even seen what I look like in real life — and even if you HAD you still wouldn't have the right to judge!! This is literally the same logic as saying a gay person or a lesbian has to look a certain way or else they don't look "gay enough." That's not how any of this works!!
"So you're basically just a girl pretending" Pretending to what exactly?? And based on whose definition of what's real?? Because from where I'm standing my male identity feels pretty damn real to me 💅
"Being raised as a girl means you're just a girl" Upbringing and identity are not the same thing and never have been. Plenty of people are raised one way and identify completely differently as adults. That's literally what being trans or nonbinary or bigender means for a lot of people!!
"You can identify as what you want but the fact you were born with a vagina still means you're biologically female whether you like it or not" GENITALS DO NOT EQUAL GENDER. This is not a new concept. Biology and gender identity are two different things and one does not automatically determine the other. We've known this for a long time now!! 💀
Now for the femboy stuff specifically —
"You're just a girl in feminine clothes that's not a femboy" The girl part isn't the only part though?? I identify as a man sometimes and THAT'S the part that makes the femboy label applicable. Try again!!
"Femboy requires actually being male" There IS a male identity present here. That's literally the whole point of being bigender. The male identity is real and genuine and it's right there. So by your own logic the label fits 😊
"You're appropriating femboy culture" From whom exactly?? And how?? I'm genuinely asking because I cannot figure out the logic here 💀
"You're just a feminine girl cosplaying as a femboy" Cosplaying implies it's not real. The male identity is genuinely real. So that argument doesn't work!!
"Real femboys are born male" Birth assignment and gender identity are two completely different things and we've literally already been over this. Keep up!!
"You're just doing it because it's trendy" Yes I definitely invented an entire gender identity as a fashion statement 🙄 (Sarcastic) And also femboy as a concept existed way before I was even born so the "it's trendy" argument doesn't really hold up does it!!
Xenogender stuff —
"Xenogenders aren't real genders they're just aesthetics" Gender and aesthetics aren't mutually exclusive though!! You can have both!!
"You're making the whole LGBT community look bad" We've been hearing this exact argument about literally every new identity that ever got recognized and yet here we all still are!! Almost like it wasn't actually making anyone look bad 😊
"This is why people don't take LGBT seriously" What actually makes people not take us seriously is saying stuff like this honestly!!
"You just want to be special" Or maybe some people just genuinely experience gender differently and that's completely valid?? Not everything is about wanting to be special!!
"Xenogenders are just for neurodivergent people who don't understand gender" First of all that's ableist as hell — especially considering I AM neurodivergent and I understand my own gender identity just fine thank you. Second of all no, anyone can identify with xenogenders!!
"This is cultural appropriation of nonbinary identity" From whom 💀 Genuinely from whom??
"You're trivializing real gender dysphoria" Xenogender people can and do experience dysphoria so that's really not the gotcha you think it is!!
"This is just a Tumblr thing" And so what if it came from Tumblr?? That doesn't make it any less valid!! And honestly?? Better Tumblr than Facebook or X formerly Twitter, just my personal opinion lol 😂
"Kids made this up for fun" And?? People exploring their identity however makes sense to them is fine actually!! The origin doesn't automatically invalidate the experience!!
Catgender stuff —
"You think you're a cat??? 😭" No. Genuinely no. Did you read literally any part of the definition?? At all?? 💀
"This is why normal people hate us" The word "normal" is doing a LOT of heavy lifting in that sentence and I think you should examine that!!
"You're just a furry using gender as an excuse" Catgender and being a furry are two different things that CAN overlap but are absolutely not the same thing. Please learn the difference!!
"You're making nonbinary people look ridiculous" Or maybe you're just being unnecessarily judgmental about how other people experience gender and that's the actual problem here!!
"Catgender is just catgirl aesthetics with extra steps" It's actually about a genuine deep connection to felines that influences gender experience but thanks for your totally correct and well researched opinion 😊 (sarcastic)
"Real trans people don't identify as animals" Catgender people aren't identifying AS cats, and also who exactly appointed you to the real trans people committee?? And I'm pretty sure there are plenty of trans people who DO identify as catgender so your point is already invalid 💀 (Sarcastic)
"This is offensive to actual transgender people" Plenty of transgender people identify with xenogenders so that argument collapses immediately!!
"You're just doing it because cats are popular online right now" Yes I definitely developed a deep genuine lifelong connection to cats specifically because of internet trends 🙄 That's absolutely what happened!! (Sarcastic)
And finally — the Meowbahh ones —
"You're just copying Meowbahh" Yes I definitely based my entire gender identity on one of the most controversial and problematic people on the internet!! Great observation!! That's totally what happened!! 🙄 (Sarcastic)
"Catgender is just a troll identity Meowbahh proved that" One person potentially trolling doesn't define what an entire identity means to everyone else who genuinely uses it. That's not how any of this works!!
"You're defending Meowbahh by using the same label" Using the same label as someone is not the same as defending or endorsing them. If you genuinely think those two things are equivalent that's a you problem!!
"Meowbahh made catgender so it's her thing" Catgender existed years before she ever touched it so that's just factually incorrect!! Do some research!!
"If you were really catgender you'd be embarrassed to say it because of her" I'm not embarrassed because my identity has absolutely nothing to do with her and I refuse to give her that kind of power over me. She doesn't get to take this away from me!!
"Catgender people need to condemn Meowbahh or they're complicit" I don't owe anyone a condemnation statement just to be allowed to use a label that was never hers to begin with 💀 That's not how accountability works!!
"You're just doing the same thing she did for clout" She allegedly trolled for shock value and attention. I'm genuinely identifying with something that's been a real part of my experience for a long time. These are not remotely the same thing and comparing them is genuinely insulting!!
"Catgender died when Meowbahh claimed it" Identities don't die just because problematic people associate with them. If that were true we'd have lost half of everything by now!!
"Why would you want to share a label with HER" I don't WANT to share it with her. I just refuse to let her presence drive me away from something that's genuinely meaningful to me. There's a big difference between those two things!!
"You must be a Meowbahh fan/simp/worshipper then" I literally called her out by name in this very post so 💀😂 Try again!!
One quick bonus note —
Just because my gender identity has changed doesn't mean my sexual orientation or relationship style has!! I'm still pansexual and still polyamorous, and yes those are completely separate things from being bigender lol
Gender identity is about who YOU are. Sexual orientation is about who you're attracted to. And relationship style is about how you structure your relationships. Three completely different things that don't automatically change just because one of them does!!
So yes — bigender, pansexual, AND polyamorous all at once. 😄
And just in case anyone needs the reminder — being pansexual means I'm attracted to people regardless of their gender, which honestly makes even more sense now that my own gender experience is more complex lol. And polyamorous means I'm open to multiple loving relationships with everyone's knowledge and consent. None of that changed just because I figured out I'm bigender!!
Oh and one last thing —
If you've been following me for a while and haven't checked my intro post recently, go check it out because it has changed quite a bit lol 💀 Like. A significant amount. It's basically had a whole glow up in terms of accuracy to who I actually am now!!
Same chaotic person, just with a much better understanding of herself/himself/catself at this point 😂🐱
Tagging my moots because why not: @ruinationz and @turbotasticnumberone and @cartoon-cat7241 and @seleyaaaa and @sssanga and @strayfelinez and @yukihirop and @rivertheemoo and @meatmedallion and @drownedsilverforever and @senpaipaws and @cartoonlover999 and @byronicmoron and @crowtheorie and @human-n0-l0ng3r and @rotibakarstuff and @glooberousgoon and @goddess-of-lov3 and @lucifersdog-luci and @aoihibiki247 and @klyju and @ace-productions7 and @fiberopticemoweeb666 and @cryptedlullaby and @3veryth1ngstays and @blossomletters and @sapphicavocado and @bloodybigirland @yanderehiro and @dnplicoricenutttt and @2catnip4me and @miracle-winkel and @mickyx-x and @biblicallyunhingedtheo and @the-only-good-ai and @prettirei and @unhinged-pink-espresso and @patchofglass and @m0nstrsk8bri and @ghostie-bunni and @nocthour and @ohthisisanna and @evergardenwall and @ladylrbloom and @themermaidavenger and @the-eclipse-is-in-me and @fannishwitch and @sleepyblogthingand @spookysimsspookythings and @sherotopia and @thekittykiller and @kindlykittie and @goldensnowspiderand @sulmii and @abeelarts and @talapride and @anneswritingnook and @funkydeathmdnss and @taliasims5 and @ieatrocks0912 and @rei-ayasaki and @jaq-of-hearts and @higuysetc and @thef-150 and @scaliedog and @everheardofaboondoggle and @dianaforever and @candy-floss-consumer and @zrofor09 and @writer-fennec and @harthue and @velvet-ruin and @hvybrth and @nights-like-this17 and @stilesispackmomof-thehalepack and @sapphicluma and @avery-is-sleepy and @aphexpuppy-x0x and @quietlychaotic13 and @rin-rineya and @secreteldritchhorror and @ladykillerzsstuff and @cruvlllsworld and @the-only-good-ai and @c1el-phantomh1ve and @striving4mikey and @yukihirop-is-prussia and @deadmegime and @miraculousadrienettemarichat and @agra-absurdis and @kopickoncave and @billy-bob-xiv and @foxunikilo and @nightmarezs and @leafgreen222 and @marshme110w and @niyahbabes and @marshme110w and @allie-ever-posting and @xd3ardiaryxx and @garciaswife and @gothygardner and @expensiveprincessofherself and @ask-zhe-awesome-prussia and @ac1dbvnny and @pookieadriana16 and @jett-blasts-0ff and @d3adbydawnmari0 and @slain-angel-broken-wings and @l1ly0fth3va113y and @silentthillsz and @a4a-x and @ask-aph-prussia-and-yukihirop and @pinkswirlybubbles and @allndverse and @hop2fuldream3r and @sinful-snaps234 and @br3ns1lly and @m1sssaint and @macaquewifey and @craigburnsall and @roxyyyyyyyy and @kennieluvzvox and @nothingness–isdead and @sjsroom and @skinwalkerbunny and @wolf-lavender and @petrichoreghost and @urlocalengene and @mraltruist and @absvored and @h0pl3ss-dr34m3r