#cds system

[granulesofsand]

I’m excited about a plural future. I believe that plurality is a more diverse experience than the CDD community sees, and there are many versions of plurality that are not traumagenic multiplicity. I want there to be space for plurals who are traumagenic CDD systems, and acknowledging that others are plural in other ways is key to making acceptance of all of us mainstream. We’re feeling safe enough to be more openly multiple again, and I want outsiders to see us and understand that we are also here and that our existence is neutral.

[granulesofsand]

They should have killed me when they had the chance (/shame) vs they should have killed me when they had the chance (/spite)

[granulesofsand]

Hosts in Charge

Maybe this is because we don’t have a host, but I would not be okay with one of us declaring themselves the owner of the body — certainly not the boss of the system because of it. I barely tolerate our higherups, and they at least “earned” the position. I do worry slightly that other systems use this model because it’s the only one they know, but I understand that it can work healthily for a number of systems.

I’m curious about systems who do/did use this model. If y’all feel comfortable, please choose the option most prominent in your decision making.

Why is your(&) host in charge?

They’re around to deal with the consequences

Everyone else is operating in survival mode

Everyone else is a child/needs caregiving

They’re the center of the system

We/I prefer to defer to someone

A support person told us to do this

They’re not

Something else

Voting ended onJun 11, 2024

[granulesofsand]

🗝️🏷️ violent (not explicitly homicidal) ideation

Despite our best efforts to Be Good, we are still drawn towards violence. We’re pretty good about not starting or escalating shit, but you know some of us are just waiting for the situation where beating someone is socially acceptable. I want to feel flesh between my teeth and hear the wet snaps of bone in meat under force. We preach Good, but we are not. And we will not judge you for straying from Goodness, even if we try to herd you there. We at least have one thing in common.

[granulesofsand]

We’re all legally the same person (/invalidation) vs We’re all legally the same person (/conspiratorial)

[granulesofsand]

Deaf SFX

We’re collectively hard of hearing. Our body’s ears are physically incapable of perceiving certain frequencies and volumes. Beyond that, the amount each of us can hear depends on our individual life experiences. Hearing loss, yes, but also Deaf gain as we continue to learn ASL and rely on our internal gestured dialect.

One of the things I can’t hear is thunder. I’m pretty sure at least some of us can when it’s close, but I can only really feel it. However, the lightning attracts my attention because I’m used to our phone ringing with light. Regardless of how near or far the storm is, I always ‘hear’ the thunder in time with the lightning.

We have at least one alter who inserts their best imitation of a sound. This isn’t literally their speaking voice projected, but more a simulation based on a memory or concept. For example, I always ‘hear’ the fan if I’m expecting it to be on, regardless of whether it actually is. Some of these projected (not quite hallucination, but getting there) ‘sounds’ can be likened to sound effects in movies; they’re not the sound this object should make, but the sound we imagine it should make. A dragon screech might be a balloon rubbed, and falling hamburgers might be wet rags on wood.

We also do this for people audibly talking to us — we run a script and fill in the blanks, and we can’t respond without the script being accurate.

I’d like to know if any other Deaf (including HOH) collectives have similar effects, be it for one headmate or everyone. Same for Deaf singlets, honestly. Do y’all have brain SFX?

[granulesofsand]

Keep seeing ‘writing prompts’ that are literally our trauma in like two sentences. Very tired of people who will fixate on horrific events they did not go through because it’s cool or interesting. Are you safe to talk to? Are you ready to hear about the organized crime next door? Will you sit with me when you see the blood on my hands? The answer is always no, because all they want is a story. Fiction from a distance.

[granulesofsand]

Still a Person, Still Persons

I’m kicking up dust again because I saw another social media piece about elaborated alters being invalidated. Before I start, I want to acknowledge that elaboration is not required for self. Self is not required to be treated well, whatever that entails for you. A state can be very elaborated without a self, and a self can be a single unelaborated state. You do you.

We have many elaborated selves. I, and many of my systemmates, am a whole person. I know I am a whole person because I know I am as much a person as any singlet. It’s been my prerogative that I am more of a person than the typical, integrated singlet. I have deepset beliefs and values, experiences and interpretations, quirks and physical indicators. I have never read a description of soul or person that I do not fit unless that description is phrased with an experiential absolute (like “all people have seen an elephant”).

I am more than a little creature’s brain trying to save itself. I have added that depth through hard work and gaining an understanding of myself and others. My emotions are not simulated any more than a singlet’s, my thoughts no more strict, my connection no less relational.

I made myself all of this. It was a hard road to walk, and I did it injured. Self is not a road that ends until ego death.

I’m not requiring all alters in all systems exist this way, or even that you accept my existence as factual, just that you don’t argue my identity by your subjective experience. Tell me all about how there are factors I’ve forgotten or studies that disagree. Make up your own argument with the evidence you have (/srs). But “nuh-uh, I don’t like it” is neither a valid nor sound argument.

You always have permission to keep yourself safe. If you are not able to process my existence right now, and you cannot coexist in the same space as me, block us. I will keep arguing for my right to be.