#ramcoa vent

[collective-chaos101]

"You don't smell good" Thanks our programming that causes severe depression and rapid splitting/switching got triggered and we can hardly do anything but I'm glad you noticed how we smell ! (asshole) -Husker

[torture-labyrinth]

[freakthingg]

ways my ramcoa trauma caused me to develop aspd

i was heavily normalized to abuse, torture, and harm to others and myself. this caused me to become rather "jaded" and apathetic to immoral actions, and to sometimes even seek them out.

i was lied to so often that i ingrained those lies into my brain and began to see lying as a way of life. i still struggle to understand why people get upset over "small" white lies or lies that benefit the person im speaking to.

life was so chaotic in my cult that i developed a sense of chronic boredom when outside of abusive environments. if i'm not fearing for my life every day then what's the point?

i was subjected to so much random violence by my abusers that i am very quick to anger and set into a fit of rage, i jump to my fight response very fast. i struggle deeply with violent impulses whenever people antagonize me.

i was taught that my life isn't one worth valuing and therefore have little regard for my own safety, frequently committing dangerous acts that could hurt or kill me.

i am incredibly financially irresponsible. nobody ever taught me how to properly handle money. i spend whenever i feel the urge to and am incredibly impulsive with cash.

might make a part 2 if i feel like it.

[tobst4r]

hi guys im back again and im here to vent

tw ramcoa

sometimes we're worried we're faking being programmed because we cannot remember how the programs were inserted into our brain. we remember we were tortured both sexually and psychologically, we remember we went through abuse of extreme lengths. well, we're aware that it happened. but we can't remember how the programs ended up as programs. does anyone have advice?

[flames-and-feelings]

will I ever know what happened? I need to. I need to know so badly; it is tearing me apart to have no memories of ANYTHING.

Nothing explains the sidesystems we found. We can’t come up with entire organized structures and alters and roles overnight.

Nothing explains the trafficking ring we have in the main system.

Nothing explains the giant gap in memory we have from birth til age 13.

Nothing explains why we get triggered by whips or chains or neon lights.

Nothing explains how we wrote a story with oddly specific torture and characters with behavior and triggers that we found within the system too.

Nothing explains why we’re even a system!!! how could we have been programmed I don’t believe it man!!! we had a good life there was no trauma the most was probably just emotional neglect!!!!

sure there was that one memory of us in 2nd grade when we were 7 where a teacher or staff member likely SA’d us in the school staff bathroom but ?!;?;?; it explains one thing but doesn’t explain anything else

I JUST WANNA KNOW!!!! WHY IS THAT AUCH A HARD ASK

im literally living a burning movie reel, everything is present and past and future at the same time. I can only see it happen and I can never see it again. why can’t I see it again

[hound-of-sin]

I'd love to live in the world of the fucking people who vehemently deny that people come together to do fucked up things to children for their own benefit. Instead I get to remember horror after fucking horror every day while acting like everything is fine so I don't end up in a psych ward where I will undoubtedly get traumatized further. Instead I get to deal with the crippling fear I have of making decisions because I'm still so terrified that making the wrong one will result in us getting tortured again, despite us being so very far away from where our group was. I hate people. It's already so hard to talk about with people I know irl because I feel like there's no way I'll be believed. It took me years to finally accept that my own memories are real. The belief that it's all fake hurts survivors. Pretending this level of vile cruelty and greed doesn't exist only fuels our and other survivors' denial and fear. By not believing victims you are siding with the people who hurt us. They want you to think it's not real because that means they get to keep doing it to more children. They get to profit off of more suffering. Maybe not the healthiest outlook to have but I believe if you deny the reality we and so many others face, you're almost as bad as the ones that made it hell in the first place. I probably won't feel the same about that later but rn I'm just hella pissed off at having to see so much idiocy and ignorance on here.

To other oea/itbc survivors, I believe you, wholeheartedly. There is no part of your story that would make you less credible. You didn't deserve it. No matter what was done to you, no matter what you had to do to survive, you are worthy of love and acceptance and a place to tell that story freely, without judgement. My dms are open if you ever want to talk or vent. Take care of yourselves as best you can. You're all doing amazing and you're all awesome.

[svyetofor]

The existence of 'transRAMCOA' and similar bullshit labels is exactly why older RAMCOA survivors have been telling us to keep our abuse private. Stop posting programming scripts and sharing types of programs. Stop explaining the way trafficking or cults works in families. Stop providing strangers with details to your system, how it was programmed, and how you got that way.

This doesn't mean keep it a secret. Keep it in closed RAMCOA spaces as much as possible. Not only is sharing those details publicly very dangerous for yourself and other survivors who might come across it and be triggered, it's now dangerous in that it is giving a bunch of freaks the ammunition they need to completely discredit everything that survivors and professionals have worked DECADES for.

The majority of professionals in my country do not take RAMCOA or any forms of extreme abuse seriously and deny the existence of disorders like DID – domestic violence is legal here, they do not care about ''regular'' abuse, let alone extreme. Even in the USA, RAMCOA survivors are constantly being dismissed and ignored for the association people have with the 'satanic panic' in the late 20th century. Whether our real, lived experiences even happened is still debated by people who never experienced it and don't even know us. Now, with these new 'trans-disorder'/'trans-abuse' freaks, there is just another reason for us to be completely ignored, disregarded and discarded as making it all up.

The same thing happened when DID began to get more public recognition online through people being open about their experiences and trying to get people to believe us. Suddenly there was a massive wave of losers 'identifying' as having our disorder. They came up with new terms and made themselves a bunch of ''pride flags'' to go with it. 'TransRAMCOA' is identical (though I have noticed there is a significant number who actually seem to have a sexual fetish for it, which is even more disgusting and these people deserve to take a long walk off a short pier with weights tied to their ankles).

Keep yourself and others safe. Keep the details of your programming and abuse in safe, private spaces. As unfortunate as it is, sharing the details is very dangerous, which these 'transRAMCOA' people have only proven.

AND PLEASE AVOID THE TRANSRAMCOA TAGS AT ALL COSTS. THERE ARE PEOPLE POSTING KINKS AND FANTASIES ABOUT RAMCOA AND OPENLY SEXUALISING OUR TRAUMAS.

[granulesofsand]

They should have killed me when they had the chance (/shame) vs they should have killed me when they had the chance (/spite)