I wanted to share something about my inspirations behind the first chapter of Cecaelia and why it was so heartwrenching.
Honestly I was gonna write smut write off the bat, like I don't enjoy making Rehman suffer (especially baby Rehman, like that's my angel OK).
If you're uncomfortable, don't read ahead. TW: Abuse and SA.
A few days ago a person extremely close to me who was also sexually assaulted me when I was 14 got married and my entire body has just been stricken with grief.
I'm not sad that he's married (although I feel sad for the poor girl, she's married a pedo), I'm just disappointed, because he's living in Europe, enjoying his life, getting married and then there's me who's had to battle this shit ass depression, anxiety attacks, panic attacks and what not while balancing demanding academics since I was 14 because of what he did.
My parents know about this, and they didn't support me one bit since the time I told them about what happened to me and today they're even congratulating him haha. Like I've been isolated since I was 17 some how I had managed to move one and often there are times when my PTSD gets triggered but I was doing fine man.
There is so much pain inside me (cuz of being reminded of his existence again) and I didn't have anywhere to channel it and I guess while writing baby Rehman, I made my bbgurl suffer so much. This is the pain I was feeling for the past few days and I wanted to vent it out somehow and this was the best way to do it.
Im sorry for making y'all cry for it 😭 and but I'm glad y'all liked it 🥹. Also I had the AK x Saumya smut ready since the start of the week but I just didn't feel like posting it (ik I'm sorry I lied, but my college was gen haranguing me and I had to travel to Mumbai for an interview, so it was all just a mess 🥀) but I hope you understand now why I did it.
Rehman from Cecaelia is genuinely one of my favourite works of mine, because it came from a place of intense, complicated and messy emotions and in the final scene when he rose to power, I felt so vindicated and joyous for the first time in many days ❤️
