-snot running down my face- o-okay, i cant write out his whole damn monologue but Lloyd fucking destroyed me this chapter
First of all. Lloyd keeping a smile on his face the entire time he's talking to Javier.
Lloyd's eyes became red, even without him realizing it. But he still maintained the smile on his face to put his friend's mind a bit at ease. It was to make him feel a little less guilty.
Lloyd is literally committing to an act that he's been actively avoiding for about 80 chapters, and he's making sure his friend won't be as sad instead. To make who a little less guilty though? Javier for failing his friend, or for Lloyd doing this in front of him?
"If I have to really choose between you and me for this to end once and for all, I choose to banish myself from this world. After all, you really belong to this realm whereas I don't. I came from elsewhere. I am an outsider. This all happened because of my stubbornness and unwillingness to cease to exist."
Lloyd choosing to finally reveal his secret just before his death... I just know this is his way to try and soften the blow for Javier, not just to finally get it off his chest. I'm not who you thought I was, I'm just a cuckoo bird who has taken someone else's nest, it's okay, I'm not actually the count's son. His "stubbornness and unwillingness to cease to exist".... Lloyd. You've worked so hard....
"[...] I really enjoyed my journey with you. This has been the best part of my life, away from the moldy and smelly, tiny room I spent most of my time in. I really, really had a lot of fun."
He had fun. He's been moving nonstop, doing work constantly, but with his friend by his side, he was able to have fun. He had a friend.
"Thank you so much for spending time with me."