Hey, Shirley! I’ve heard some concerning rumors about you recently, and I’m sure they’re not true, but I’d like to hear firsthand, if that’s alright! Did you…rob graves, eat corpses, and try to kill a legal professional? Please do respond as soon as you can, to lay these nasty, horrible rumors to rest!
Namaste, Charlie. Thank you for not believing these rumors at face-value. Two of them are simply not true, and the other is taken out of context.
Firstly, yes I did technically organise and unofficial exhumation of a corpse. The purpose of this was to defuse a situation where one of my new friends was insisting there was no body, so I showed it to him to calm him down and stop an online flame war that was causing a lot of negativity. I'm sure you can appreciate my motives, as a non-conventional therapist. This friend then took a phone from the grave, however this was not my intention for exhuming the grave.
Secondly, no, I did not try to eat the corpse. I said the corpse looked tasty, but I didn't even touch it. This rumor has been spread by homophobes who are offended that I recently came out as rabiosexual, and now use rot/rotself pronouns.
Thirdly, I did not try to kill a legal professional. A few days ago I was invited to stand in as a judge when the former judge would be unavailable. As soon as I got to the courtroom, a known terrorist tried to kidnap me. I escaped, and they tried to kidnap me again. I then shot them in self-defense. I had no idea at the time they were a legal professional, and to be honest I don't think it's relevant whether or not someone is a lawyer when they drop a Loony Tunes style cage over you and start dragging you away.
Thank you again for letting me address these vile stories myself!
Shirley Smith, communications mamanger for @sonic-for-divine-justice and manager at Chakraura Alternative Tent née Hospital