#chama spam

[gerundsandcoffee]

[gerundsandcoffee]

Took two weeks off from work to rest and do personal stuff like doctors and taxes and actually see friends.

Y’all, we were not made to work 50 hours a week. Not even 40 hours a week. Maybe 30? I’m not even sure of that.

We were made to rest, connect, serve others, and… sometimes work.

[gerundsandcoffee]

Insomnia check.

Also heys to the GMT+10 crew

[gerundsandcoffee]

All my execs are on strike.

I keep procrastinating leaving this beautiful house, but…. I’m gonna save several hundred dollars in rent before this is all over.

Just picture me

recharging… bugging @onewngdseraph on her dayoffday and just generally not getting stuff done..

[gerundsandcoffee]

Going to a visitation and funeral in the next 24 hours that I helped arrange and plan (emotionally if not literally) and really right now all I want to do is go home and play Dragon Age.

[gerundsandcoffee]

There is something really, really…. indescribable about enjoying your work. Enjoying your work.

It’s taken almost six years to get here, and man did covid throw me for an angsty, angry, exhausted loop (the process of working in a hospital during covid, not the state of being sick with the virus (also new vaccines are out and it is also officially FLU season as of TODAY), but I think I am finally recovering….

Last night I was chatting with a friend, whose father recently had a laryngectomy, and is currently working with SLPs. She made some comments about therapy that made me feel so seen.

The contract I have been working since May has given me so many opportunities to do helpful and meaningful work with people in a rural area, which, having grown up in a rural area, I never thought I would do long term. But when you can see and feel the actual appreciation in the people you’re working with? When you can be the bridge for them between need and best practice? Because heck if I ain’t giving you everything I’ve got*. When you learn how to stand on your legs and give tough love? Because therapy is about empowering you to your highest state of autonomy and self sufficiency. And sometimes patients tell me, “No more,” that they are satisfied and don’t want to keep striving. And you know what? That’s a valid choice, too, as long as they are educated about the choice! (Also, why does every mom and pop that looks like it’s never seen a mop always make a burger that will blow you away? RIP my cholesterol).

Anyway, this company offered me a full time job. I turned them down. They offered again, and said, “What we can we offer to make you stay?” And so I think I’m going to go type up a wishlist and see what we can make happen.

[gerundsandcoffee]

Good morning, friends! I did something incredible a week or so ago; trekked north and got lost found in the woods. With 9 others (some of whom I had never met), we canoed and portaged ~40 miles (64km) in 5 days.

It was so incredibly gorgeous—at every point and turn we were seeing glorious, new vistas. After a day and a half of drenching rain that left our portaging trails exceptionally muddy, everything else was so lush and clean. The true glory was in feeling God’s protection during every fall, for which we had no injuries, every near fall, of which there were dozens, the weather, finding campsites for ten that were not already in use, no one getting sick as we pushed ourselves every day—most importantly, the attitudes.

We were beyond tired, out of our comfort zones, and everyone was reliant on everyone else. And we helped each other. Without complaining. Why? Because we all needed help. Humbling yourself from being The Helper, to asking for help? And not just once, but over and over and over again. Dropping the perspective of, “I should be able to do this,” to, “I can’t carry this by myself. I have to set it down, carry what I can, and come back for the rest later.”

Profound… and empowering, to let the burden down.

We made it! Of course, I have been sleeping almost as much as a newborn this past week (ok, I have napped more than normal). But it was absolutely incredible. I can’t wait to go back next year.

[gerundsandcoffee]

Hey, what’s up team?

Just a check in since I’m rarely on Tumblr these days. How are you? Promise I’ll come back to read the responses.

Me? I’ve been all over the US doing travel healthcare, which is peachy for making new friends and encouraging people who aren’t yourself, but sucks when you think about the impending implosion of the US Healthcare system. Also it’s 14:35 and I’m drinking wine so I’m a little more loose with wording than normal.

My car started to go out, so I bought the one I’ve been saving five years for (new to me but still ten years old) and then found out the initial car was OK? So, yay for instigation to things you’d been dragging your feet on.

What would you think about dating and marrying someone old enough to be your parent? But… they’re great? I’m not a teenager, or even a twent-ager. I’m much older, so it feels like the age difference is really not a thing as far as life experiences and values and whatnot. It’s really a hypothetical and probably won’t happen, but I haven’t talked about it a lot, so… /again, wine.

Started a new contract only to have it cancerled [sic] one week in, so now I’m taking some time off for as long as I can manage (meaning, until I start to get super antsy). Going to be income poor but spirit rich for a while. Plan on writing and studying and napping and running and cooking and visiting and just…. Living the best, cheap, parts of life.

Hoping, anyway.

I’m nearing midlife, and I feel good about the strides I’ve made in navigating the c-ptsd. But I’m also tired of being tired.

Yep.

How are you?