The Chaos of Drunk Rehman
A/N: Requested by my love @pavbhajisupremacist based on her dhurandhar quote post. I don't know how it turned out to be. Read and let me know. It's all fluff, romance, flirt, drunk Rehman chaos and Ulfat handling him.
Word count: 2.5K
Rehman stumbled through the corridors of his haveli at midnight until he reached his master bedroom. The door slammed open, and he entered inside, tripping over the corner of the rug. Ulfat was sitting on the bed, reading a book. When he entered, she looked up at him, and realization settled over her. His uneven footsteps and narrowed, squinting eyes told her exactly what was coming next.
Drunk Rehman. Too drunk to the point that he might have forgotten his own name. She sighed deeply and placed a bookmark between the pages.
Rehman narrowed his eyes as he found a woman sitting on his bed. His black kurta was slightly wrinkled, his hair messy, his sleeves folded, and the top few buttons of his kurta were open, revealing his toned chest. His expression carried the confidence of a man who had consumed enough alcohol to believe he was the smartest person alive.
He gasped dramatically and placed a hand over his chest and muttered to himself "Mere kamre mai itni haseen larki... ya Allah, lagta hai kal qayamat hai."
He then squinted harder, leaning forward slightly to look at her more closely "Lekin yeh hai kon... aur yaha kaise ayi?"
Ulfat lowered her book completely and watched him with an amused expression. Rehman cleared his throat and straightened his shoulders. "Aap kon hai, mohtarma?"
Ulfat slowly blinked "What?"
Rehman pointed dramatically at her.
"You."
"Me?"
"Yes, you."
Rehman stumbled forward "Aap mere kamre mai kya kar rahi hai?"
Ulfat pressed her lips together, realizing that the idiot had absolutely no idea who she was. A mischievous thought crossed her mind. She decided to play along and tease him about it the next morning.
"Rehman," she said calmly, setting the book aside, "you came home drunk."
Rehman immediately straightened himself and lifted his chin "No, I'm perfectly fine."
Rehman moved forward and walked directly into the cupboard. The cupboard won. Rehman's forehead bumped into it with a dull thud. Ulfat immediately covered her face with her hands to hide her smile, her shoulders shaking slightly. Rehman recovered with dignity that didn't exist.
"I meant to do that."
Ulfat nodded seriously "Of course... maine toh kuch kaha bhi nahi."
Satisfied with her answer, Rehman walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. Resting his chin on his palms, he stared at her face. A long silence settled over the room. Then Rehman narrowed his eyes again as if inspecting her.
Ulfat raised a brow. "What?"
Rehman replied thoughtfully. "Maine apko kahi dekha hai."
Ulfat pressed her lips together. "Acha?... kaha dekha hai?"
Rehman hit his fist against his palm. "Yahi toh yaad nahi aa raha kaha dekha hai."
Ulfat remained calm. "Zaroor dekha hoga apne mujhe... apki haveli ke samne wale ghar mein rehti hu."
Rehman gasped dramatically. "Meri haveli ke samne ghar bhi hai?... Mujhe kyu nahi dikha?"
Ulfat scratched her temple and deliberately avoided looking into his eyes, otherwise she would burst into laughter. "Ap busy rehte hai na. Subah jaldi chale jate hai, raat mai late wapis ate hai. Isliye nahi dekha hoga."
Rehman snapped his fingers. "Point." He nodded to himself as if she had revealed a great mystery.
Then he once again rested his chin on his palm and looked at her dreamily. "Waise apka naam kya hai?"
Ulfat narrowed her eyes. "Apko mera naam nahi pata?"
Rehman lowered his gaze. His cheeks turned the darkest shade of red as he smiled shyly. He began rolling the hem of his kurta around his finger. "Nahi ji.....woh kya hai na ke mujhe larkiyo se baat karne mai sharam ati hai."
Ulfat bit the inside of her cheek. "Ulfat naam hai mera."
Rehman repeated it carefully, as if saying a secret "Ulfat."
The name lingered on his tongue for a moment. He straightened himself and held out his hand. "Mera naam... Rehman."
Ulfat shook his hand. Rehman didn't let go. Instead, he kept staring at her face as if he were looking at the most beautiful view he had ever seen. Ulfat's heart jumped inside her chest. Seeing how hopelessly her idiot husband was attracted to her was strangely endearing. Drunk or sober, he always found his way back to her.
Ulfat raised a brow. "Kya dekh rahe ho?"
Rehman smiled like a fool. "Apko dekh kar woh gaana yaad aa raha hai."
Ulfat tilted her head. "Konsa gaana?"
Rehman cleared his throat and sang the line in his hoarse voice. "Mere samne wali khidki mai ek chand ka tukda rehta hai."
Ulfat tried hard to stay serious, but her lips twitched into a smile. "Yeh ap kya kar rahe hai, Rehman?"
"Shhh." Rehman raised a finger. "I'm trying to flirt with you."
"You are terrible at doing that."
Rehman pouted. "How rude... efforts matter only."
Ulfat spoke. "You don't even know who I am."
Rehman ignored that completely and offered a crooked grin "Kya kabhi apko kisi ne bataya ke ap kitni khoobsurat hai?"
Ulfat smiled. "Ji, bahut baar."
Rehman immediately knitted his brows. "Kisne bataya?... Kon hai woh chichora insan?"
Ulfat made the most innocent face she could manage. "Ji, woh insan mere husband hai."
Rehman gasped dramatically and placed a hand over his chest "You are married?"
Ulfat nodded. Rehman looked at her as if she had personally offended him.
"Kyuuu?"
Ulfat stared at him. "Kya kyu?"
"Aisa kyu kiya apne?"
"Kya kiya maine?" Ulfat laughed.
"Mujhse milne se pehle kisi aur se shadi kyu kar li?"
The heartbreak in his voice was so genuine that Ulfat had to bite her lip to stop herself from laughing.
"I am sorry."
"You should be."
Rehman folded his arms across his chest and pouted. An actual pout. The feared gangster of Lyari was sulking like a child because a stranger, who was actually his own wife, was married. Ulfat was trying very hard to control herself and not pull him into a kiss.
After a moment of sulking, Rehman asked again, hope shining in his eyes. "Is your husband handsome?"
Ulfat nodded, looking far too pleased with herself. "Yes."
Rehman narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "More than me?"
Ulfat replied without hesitation. "Yes. Very much."
Rehman immediately crossed his arms over his chest in disagreement. "Impossible. I'm the most handsome man alive in Lyari."
Ulfat rested comfortably against the headboard. "You haven't seen my husband. That's why you're saying that."
Rehman slowly lowered himself onto the mattress and looked up at her face like a child listening to a bedtime story "Does your husband give you gifts?"
"Yes."
"Flowers?"
"Daily."
Rehman looked wounded.
"Does he love you?"
There was a tiny bit of hope left in his voice.
"Oh... a lot. He is so much in love with me. I'm his jaan."
Rehman's shoulders slumped. He pouted and buried his face into the mattress. His voice came out muffled. "That's unfair."
Ulfat folded her arms and smiled. "What is?"
Rehman turned his head and looked back at her. Then he pushed himself up and sat on his knees. "Your husband didn't do the right thing."
Ulfat questioned him. "Do what?"
Rehman looked completely serious. "Look at yourself. You are so pretty and beautiful."
He gestured dramatically toward her "He didn't give me a chance to try and impress you. How could he allow you to get married already?"
Ulfat coughed into her hand to hide her laugh. "Really?"
Rehman nodded firmly. "As a man, I'm disappointed in him."
That was it. Ulfat couldn't hold it in anymore. She burst out laughing. Rehman's face immediately lit up. He pointed at her proudly.
"There."
"What?"
"I made you laugh."
"You are impossible."
His grin widened. Then suddenly his expression became serious. "Ulfat ji... ek baat kahu?"
Ulfat was enjoying this far too much. "Jee, kahiye na."
Rehman cleared his throat dramatically. "Sheeshi bhari gulab ki, patthar se tod du... Ulfat ji, ap kahe toh apke shohar ka sar phor du."
Ulfat gasped and placed a hand over her chest. "Nahi... kyuuuu? I love him so much."
Rehman made a pout like an angry child. "I am jealous of that man."
Ulfat nearly choked. "Kyu?"
"Because he got you."
He stood up suddenly and offered her his hand. "You are too pretty to be anyone's wife but mine."
Before she could reply, he gently pulled her toward the mirror. They stopped in front of it. Rehman stared at her reflection. "Look at yourself."
He pointed at the mirror "This pretty face... these pretty green eyes... soft cheeks...those delicious lips"
His gaze lingered on her reflection with genuine admiration. "And now look at me."
Ulfat obediently looked at him. He looked like a complete drunken disaster.
"I am such a handsome, hot freak." He pointed at himself proudly. "With this sharp jawline... these muscles... look at my toned chest."
To prove his point, he opened the remaining buttons of his kurta. Ulfat bit the inside of her cheek so hard it almost hurt. Laughing now would ruin everything.
"I did a lot of workouts for this." He flexed his arm proudly.
"We are a perfect couple. Two hot people will make beautiful kids, you know."
He nodded as if presenting scientific evidence. "Our genes will do their work."
Ulfat felt heat crawl up her neck, but somehow managed to keep a straight face. She turned toward him. "You are trying to convince me?"
Rehman nodded eagerly. Then he spoke with complete confidence. "Leave your husband and come to me."
Ulfat's eyes widened. "Why?"
Rehman spread his arms dramatically. "Because I am handsome."
Ulfat replied instantly. "You just bumped your head into a cupboard some time ago."
Rehman grinned widely. "That doesn't matter. I am still handsome."
Unfortunately, he wasn't wrong. Even drunk, Rehman was looking annoyingly appealing, and it was becoming increasingly difficult for her to maintain her composure.
Rehman took a step closer. "Come with me. We will leave this place."
"Aur hum jayenge kaha?"
He shrugged. "Pata nahi. Woh baad mai dekh lenge."
Ulfat blinked. "That's your grand proposal? with no planning?"
Rehman nodded proudly. Ulfat shook her head and laughed. "I am sorry, Rehman, lekin aisa nahi ho sakta. I love my husband so much. I won't leave him."
The words hit him like a bullet. Rehman's face crumpled. Then, to Ulfat's horror and amusement, he actually started crying. He sat down on the floor and stomped his foot like a child throwing a tantrum.
"Whyyy? Why can't you marry me?" He pointed at himself dramatically. "Please marry me, Ulfat jaan. I promise I will love you more than your husband. I will take care of you. I will do everything you say."
He sniffled loudly. "Mai joru ka ghulam ban kar rahuga apka. Please maan jao na."
Ulfat looked at him for a moment before kneeling down in front of him. "Phir mere husband ka kya hoga?"
Rehman looked at her through his teary lashes. "Naam bataye mujhe uska."
He wiped his tears with the back of his hand. "Everyone fears me. Mai use duniya se gayab kar duga."
Ulfat laughed. "Mere paas ek aur idea hai."
Rehman sniffled. "Kya?"
Ulfat gently helped him stand on his feet. "Ap abhi ja kar so jaiye. Jab subah uthenge na, tab tak mere husband ja chuke honge."
Rehman's eyes immediately brightened. "Phir mujhse shadi karlogi?"
Ulfat smiled softly. "Ha....Phir mai apse shadi kar lungi."
"Lekin us se phele hum date par jayenge" Rehman confirm before moving
"ha pakka...baut sari date par jayenge" Ulfat noded taing him towards bed
Rehman grinned like an absolute fool. Without another word, he stumbled toward the bed and dropped onto the mattress. The moment his head touched the pillow, he fell asleep. Ulfat shook her head fondly. Leaning down, she pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek.
"Pura pagal hai..." Her smile softened as she brushed a lock of hair from his forehead. "Jaisa bhi hai... hai toh mera."
Then she pulled the blanket over him and tucked it around his shoulders before turning off the lamp.
**************************************************
The next day, Rehman woke up late. The sunlight entered the bedroom through the large window and fell directly on his face. His eyes fluttered before slowly opening. He blinked several times to adjust to the brightness. With a groan, he grabbed a pillow and pulled it over his face. The one name he could never forget escaped his lips.
"Jaan... yeh khirki band karo please."
Ulfat entered the room holding a glass of lemon water for his headache. She placed the glass on the bedside table and sat beside him on the bed. Gently, she took the pillow off his face and pressed a soft kiss to his forehead.
"Uth jaye, Rehman. 10 baj gaye hain."
Rehman slowly opened his eyes and looked at her, but his head throbbed painfully. "Ulfat, mere sar mai bahut dard ho raha hai... sone do mujhe."
Ulfat smiled, remembering the events of the previous night. "Aise kaise? Rehman, uthe. Apne kaha tha aj mujhe date par lekar jayenge."
Rehman's eyes snapped open and he immediately sat upright. He looked at her carefully before pointing at himself. "Maine kaha tha date ka?"
Ulfat nodded sincerely. Rehman narrowed his eyes. "Maine kab kaha?"
Ulfat replied calmly. "Kal. Jab ap mere husband ka murder karke mujhe bhaga kar le jane wale the yaha se mujhse shadi karne ke liye."
Rehman stared at her as if she were telling him a horror story. "Jaan... kal kya hua tha?"
Ulfat looked at him innocently. "Tumhe nahi yaad?"
Rehman slowly shook his head.
"Kal tum khud ka murder karne ke liye tayar ho gaye the... aur mujhse flirt kar rahe the."
Rehman relaxed a little. "Tum toh meri jaan ho. Tumse flirt karne mai kya problem? Lekin ek minute..." He frowned. "Mai khud ka murder kyu karna chahta tha?"
Ulfat replied immediately. "Kyu ke maine kaha ke meri shadi ho gayi hai, toh tum rone lag gaye the. Isliye mujhse shadi karne ke liye mere husband ka murder karna tha tumhe."
Then she proceeded to tell him everything he had said the previous night. With every sentence, Rehman's expression became more horrified. Finally, he buried his face in his hands. His ears turned a deep shade of red.
"Ya Khuda..." He groaned loudly. "Maine yeh sab bola tumhe? Itna embarrass kar liya khud ko."
Ulfat laughed. "Mujhe toh bahut maza aya. Mere liye toh best night thi. Tumne bahut hasaya mujhe."
Rehman looked at her, feeling far too pleased by that answer. Then he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her a little closer. Leaning toward her, he whispered, "Waise option bura nahi hai..."
Ulfat immediately became suspicious. "Kon sa option?"
Rehman grinned. "Chalo bhag chalte hai."
Ulfat rolled her eyes. Rehman continued anyway. "Genes achi hai hamari. Kafi pyare bache honge hamare."
"Rehman." Ulfat gave him a warning look, but he completely ignored it. Instead, he brought his face even closer.
"Socho. Meri good looks... tumhari beauty..." He pointed between the two of them. "Kya haseen bache honge hamare."
Ulfat felt warmth creep up her neck. Trying to hide her embarrassment, she pushed lightly against his shoulder. Rehman looked entirely too pleased with himself. Then he rested his chin on her shoulder and continued teasing. "Kitne bache chahiye waise tumhe?.....mujhe twins bana ne ka bhi process ata hai""
Ulfat immediately pushed him back. "Shut up, Rehman. Utho aur tayar ho jao."
Rehman blinked in genuine confusion. "Tayar kyu hona hai?"
Ulfat stared at him. "Kyu ke hamara jo ek beta hai na, Naieem. Use aj bahar lekar jane ka promise kiya tha apne."
Rehman processed that information for a moment. "Oh..." He nodded thoughtfully. "Hamara already ek beta hai."
Then a slow smirk appeared on his face. Ulfat instantly knew he was about to say something ridiculous. "Koi baat nahi." He shrugged casually. "Naieem ko bhi toh uske bhai behen chahiye honge na."
Ulfat pointed a threatening finger at him. "Rehman."
But he continued anyway. "Aur bachon ke liye bhi soch sakte hain hum."
Ulfat grabbed a cushion and threw it at him. Then she immediately sprinted out of the room before he could continue. Rehman caught the cushion, fell back onto the bed, and laughed loudly. The image of her blushing face was enough to keep him entertained for the rest of the morning.
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