Okay, but more bobitms thoughts! Cw: extremely vague bobitms spoilers, but spoilers there are.
I feel like, for as many people who react poorly to Alice's chapters and the repetition of her Catty memories, I end up finding a new thing about them that I love. Though, if i'm honest, I feel like Alice's chapters are perhaps the most challenging because they're so unsparing when it comes to her flaws and the fact that those flaws are incredibly relatable.
Alice is a young woman stuck at the cusp of her life, and has delayed that step beyond for far too long. Though what I think the Catty segments show even moreso is that Alice has always been on the cusp. She constrains herself to manage the feelings of others, trying to keep peace in a household that will never be peaceful (insofar as there is something of a feminist critique to be mined that speaks to an injustice, the very sort Catty is flipping out about), and has to silence her own wants and truth. However, what all this shows you, through each of these memories, is that the timid adult doesnt spawn ex nihilo. Each one of those moments swaddled her in layer after layer, and she's drowning within them, barely able to tread temporal water without being dislodged from her present.
Consequently, it strikes me that much of Alice's story (at least its beginning) is the presentation of a terrifying truth: if you don't make choices in your life someone will make them for you. In delaying her life, the development of herself, she becomes easy prey for Lottie. The perfect prey in fact, if we believe Lottie's reason for taking intrigue in Alice. Alice may have consented to sex, but she was very much hunted in a manner not that different from how Lottie was hunted by Sabine. Prey may choose to run, but the predator is guiding them toward the ambush.
And this is where Alice is so hard for so many to read about. They want to focus on cool vampire powers and hunts; the idea that, like Alice, they'd still be uncool, anxious, and timid despite all their newfound power is agonizing. To be told that you are only going to be more of yourself is awful when you lack a clear image of who you even are! Then there's the elements of shame at play that so many lesbians tend to have these days; while we have so much more language than our elders did (like Sabine and Lottie), there's a lot of invisible structures in play in our lives that leave us inept at even talking to girls. Made all the worse when our environment is so lacking in other queers, mentor or otherwise, who might show us how we can be. Yet, so many of us turn inward (in part due the lack of a social group usually) and self-flagellate via recognizing how our elders had it so much worse but that they can do all this stuff you're failing at, ignoring the fact that some of our elders had more mentorship and physical community than many of us possess. A strange lack which has meant a lot of us never received a low stakes space to be taught how we might exist in our world.
In this way, Alice embodies so many of the implicit struggles of the modern young lesbian. She might have no been fast tracked toward marriage, but the gravity-like presumption of naturalism that Patriarchy possesses is still in play, weakening our ability to exist. All of which is a hard pill to swallow, but a fundamentally necessary one. Being able to name your identity isnt enough. A single label will not save your life. Only through being able to live your life, make choices for yourself, and surround yourself with a supportive community will save you. To do otherwise is to be left at the mercy of any passing monster.
Shidou is uncomfortable, imperfect. He's vulgar, he's gross, he's blatantly cruel, and he's incapable of compromise. He's hyper-excitable, constantly ready to fight and even looking forward to that brawl. He switches between moods like a kaleidoscope, and what falls out in that kaleidoscope is unpredictable.
Shidou has absolutely no understanding of morality.
This is especially evident in his encounter with Kunigami.
He has absolutely no understanding of the concept of protecting someone simply for no gain. Trying to protect someone heroically, purely because of an understanding that it's wrong, is ridiculous to Shidou. Shidou has only "his" and "others", and that "his" so far includes only Sae, as shown in the episode where he tries to turn Sendou's face into mush.
Nor does he understand the moralization that it is wrong to hit people. He just doesn't get it, and it's probably ridiculous for him to even think about it, because at the deepest level he has an attitude to respond to any hint of a threat with a fight.
Most likely Shidou grew up in an environment where brute force decided everything. That's why he's so hyperexcitable.
Shidou is in a constant state of tension, waiting for even the slightest hint of a threat, which he is happy to crush immediately. He's constantly ready to strike because he's used to constantly feeling a threat - one that he had to respond to with violence because he wouldn't have survived otherwise. His "fight" response, out of a combination of ancient instincts called "fight-flight-freeze," is always switched to the max.
We all know that the attack is the best form of defense, and Shidou follows this motto with his entire being. "Beat your own so that others will fear you" is about him.
Shidou doesn't mention his family at all in his Blue Lock profile like other players do. Remember how he talks about Santa in the same form - "I can buy something on my own" sounds very childish and unhappy. When you're trying to prove to yourself that you don't need it at all - because if you need it, you won't get it anyway.
Beyond that, even leaving aside his family and theoretical home environment, we know for a fact that Shidou didn't play for any football team before Blue Lock.
He was a loner, and therefore the only space where he could practice was the street.
And street football is insanely, inhumanly violent.
And it makes sense that this similar environment, both at home and in the game, formed the core of Shidou's personality that we see in the manga. The core of personality, which is based on the desire to survive, and not just survive, but to show everyone around him that despite everything he has gnawed out a life for himself with his teeth. A life in which cruelty is the law.
A life where he exists.
Shidou is probably one of the most evident Blue Lock players, for whom football is not only inextricably linked to life - it is life. And Shidou is absolutely explicit about this both in the interview and in the manga.
For Shidou, football and life are one and the same.
The same thing that Aiku says: Shidou is incapable of separating the field and life. They're inseparable in his world in general; they're one and the same.
It is only logical that Shidou transfers the laws of his life to football as well; and ends up playing football the same way he plays life - a football of the "survival" kind. Where it is his biological need (I'm sorry), his only aspiration, the violence that breaks everything in its path. Where the way to "survive the game", just as in life, is to leave your mark, to somehow prove your existence in people's lives, to be remembered by them and imprinted in their memories.
And pay attention to the way Shidou lives: not according to the rules, uncomfortable and bright, believing that it is better to burn to the death than to lie in a corner as a gray shadow, but alive.
There are no rules in Shidou's football; therefore, there are no rules in Shidou's life.
And that's why Shidou despises heroes and "good guys"; because only naive idiots who don't understand real life, the one where your survival is all that matters. That's why he mocks Kunigami's principles so much: because to him, a child for whom his whole life has been one big attempt to gnaw his teeth out to survive, such principles are irrelevant.
Because there are no heroes in Shidou's world, and even if there were, they've long since broken.
And there are no restrictions in Shidou's life either. He lives a violent life, and it makes sense that he lives by the same principles in Blue Lock, not hesitating to threaten Rin with the end of his career or Igaguri with murder.
He's not violent because he takes some special pleasure in bullying Igaguri: he's violent because that's just who he is. He doesn't have a "harming others is not okay" attitude. It's instinct - as seen especially in his episodes of fighting with Rin. He doesn't care at all about causing him long-term harm or ruining his career - on the contrary, he enjoys it in the moment.
And this is especially evident in his relationship with Isagi; while Shidou had nearly smashed his head in the day before, on the field he already openly admires him and is quite friendly. Shidou doesn't give violence any particular importance - you don't give any importance to brushing your teeth or throwing out the rubbish in the morning, do you?
For Shidou, it's just insignificant, because violence is the organic basis of his life, its law and right.
Today he's trying to kill Isagi, and tomorrow it's Isagi-chan.
Because Shidou has no social competence - he had no parents to bring him into society and set some morals.
And his desires are pretty simple and even primitive. When he learns of his potential salary, his first thought is how much he can eat on it. All he basically wants, almost to the point of obsession, is to induce vivid emotions, explosion, adrenaline - something Shidou is addicted to, living in constant danger and something that allows him to feel alive and existent.
You know who that sounds like? Denji. A main character from Shidou's most favourite manga.
They both had no guides to society. They're both unfortunate kids who were deprived of absolutely everything when they were young. Who are so vulgar and repulsive not because there's anything wrong with them and they act so deliberately and meanly - but because they just don't know any other life. They just don't understand what it's like to live differently. They both live on base instincts.
And they both try to greedily claim as much as they can from the life around them - the food, the people, the sensations.
Because they had nothing before.
Back to Shidou and his football.
The most amazing thing about Shidou is the way he treats his opponents (omitting attempts to injure them). Shidou, even when losing, finds time to admire them - to admire those who took the ball away from him or stole a goal. He's really just having a good time - while for Rin, football is something to be taken completely seriously, for Karasu it's a need to pre-analyse opponents, and for Snuffy it's work, Shidou is just having fun.
And at the same time, what, along with "watch as world reaches its end" and "at the end of the day, when I became nothing, tears came out" demonstrates the duality of his nature is his attitude to losing.
He and Kaiser actually have too many parallels, but this is one of the most obvious - even though they treat the issue differently, they act in the same way.
They're both prepared to admit when they're losing - and they're both willing to break themselves for the sake of the goal. They both know how and when to tame jealousy and the losing parts of their being.
Because they don't believe in winning (explosion) any other way.
Shidou knows when to back down. Because he learnt this too from his childhood - that if the opponent is stronger than you and you keep carelessly breaking forward, sooner or later it will destroy you. The only way to win is to recognise his superiority and fracture yourself, forming a new self - one that can defeat him (as seen in Shidou's willingness to stop fighting so that Ego would let him out, and Kaiser's with his story with Noa).
The ability to appreciate and recognise the strength of your opponent is a basic principle of survival.
But at the same time (just like Kaiser), Shidou doesn't believe that there are invincible opponents. You just have to know the way to break them.
Or rather, not know: feel. Which is what happens at the U-20 game when Shidou enters the flow.
Logically, with all of the above, Shidou is a complete individualist, and is unable to comply with Rin even for the sake of a goal - because Shidou knows he can beat him. The point at which his PXG game has evolved - with two formations, one centered on Shidou and the other on Rin - is the clearest evidence of this.
Shidou knows when to back off - but Shidou isn't going to back off until circumstances force him to.
And in the end, this approach of Shidou ended up being too egoistic for Blue Lock, which is insanely ironic. What's also funny is that along with it, it's his attitude towards football that epitomises Ego's ideal - a player who puts everything he has into it because it's his way of surviving.
And so we come to that one scene of punishment. And it's this, along with Shidou's monologue from the U-20 game, that reveals him the most.
Because in the first few frames Shidou looks frankly miserable. Of course, anyone would look that way in his position. But suddenly Shidou starts talking calmly, offering a compromise - and then in the same second he snaps.
He explodes, cursing Ego - though as his words show he understands the reason for the punishment - he's even willing to compromise. It's illogical to curse the one on whom his salvation depends, isn't it?
Shidou acts this way because he's afraid.
Because in this moment - bound, locked up, and alone - he is defenseless.
He's like a caged animal that can't think logically - he's terrified, he's scared, he can only throw himself helplessly around the cage, grinning his teeth wantonly. This is the first time we see him so seriously angry (he still did get some fun, adrenaline rush during the fight with Rin).
The worst thing for Shidou, free as a bird or a tiger and most of all wanting that very freedom (more about that later) is vulnerability and limitation. Powerlessness. For the sake of overcoming this, he is ready to give up violence and his principles of life, as long as he is released and pulled out of this hell of helplessness.
And this fear is actually incredibly characteristic of his personality too.
But in order to understand why, of all the possible punishments of the world, it is the restriction that drives him to panic, let's remember what football means to him and his style of play in it.
Shidou has sharp and monstrous, even beastly reflexes and instincts. They are honed to the max. He is very strong physically, fast, agile, flexible, perfectly sensing the space around him. Optimal in his movements. Unpredictable. His illogical patterns are impossible to read.
Shidou is all of one naked reflex and instinct, free in his absolute savagery. He is a completely separate character outside of the Ego's system. He literally speaks a different language.
And Sae happens to be the only one who understands that language.
And up until their moments together, this is most vividly shown when Sae stops Shidou from beating up another player - and not just stops him, but understands what needs to be said.
Which again proves that in the violent chaos of Shidou's life he does have a certain logic. A constantly shifting, flexible one, but one...
Which, again, Sae alone understands.
And it is through playing with Sae that the whole point of why football is so important to Shidou is revealed. Why he plays it so instinctively, despising the rule, the tactics, and his teammates. Why is he suddenly willing to "break himself" for Sae, adjusting his rules of life to fit him, yesterday's stranger - because Sae accepts both him and his football, and doesn't try to limit or remake him. And that's exactly why Shidou is willing to be changed to match him.
Because Shidou's football, the life he wants to achieve, is all about freedom.
And that's not enough for him. It's not enough for Shidou just to play, just to live. It can't be enough for a man who is used to living on adrenaline and fighting for his existence every day.
Life for Shidou is about freedom, just as football is his escape and a place where he can exist.
Shidou stands out, doesn't follow the rules, exists so vividly and with every action clearly and distinctly proving his presence...
To live.
Both football and Shidou's life are about escaping, about breaking out of his limits. To see the world as himself - free and alive.
Football makes Shidou feel whole, feel alive. Football is what glues him together. It's the only way he can prove what he is - by achieving something. By making himself colorful, visible, uncomfortable - in a way that he can't be turned away from.
One that will allow him to leave a trace of his existence in the world. One that will prove to him that he is.
For Shidou, all these metaphorical (or not) explosions are actually a way of proving that he exists.
Even his fights and quarrels actually serve his purpose - and Shidou himself confirms this in his monologue. All of this is to be vivid, to imprint, to exist.
To be someone who cannot be forgotten or turned away from.
Who cannot be overlooked.
Who exists as obviously as he can.
Even his favorite subjects at school - Art and Physical Education (the latter obviously about football) - are related. Because it's possible to leave your mark on the world with art, too - and it makes sense that Shidou admires it so much. Because art is, after all, the most colorful thing a living person can leave behind.
And for Shidou, art is football.
For him, to exist is to be free. And to burn so brightly that it blinds his own eyes - otherwise both life and football become bland, boring and insignificant to him. Just like his evenings - remember "When is the last time you cried?" from The Egoist Bible? And remember Shidou's response?
"At the end of the day, when I became nothing, tears came out."
Because in the evening, emotions and people disappear and you're left to yourself. Empty, aimless and in a way pathetic - because you're no longer on fire. Because you lose all the things that made you feel during the day.
Shidou depends on vivid emotions - because, due to his difficult youth, they are the only things that allow him to feel that he is alive.
That he's free.
Shidou's favorite song is also about freedom and trying to break free from the constraints of his life.
There is nothing in the world Shidou longs for more than freedom.
And the spider in Shidou's favorite song is limited and weak.
A spider without wings is incapable of flying. The spider without wings is trapped in unfreedom, looking at the blue and vast sky above his head every day - one that he cannot reach.
A spider without wings is incapable of flying - and those wings Shidou himself, like the spider in the song, could not get, no matter how hard he tried.
But Sae gave Shidou those wings. Sae gave Shidou the ability to play to his full potential, the way he craved with his entire being. Sae took him out from Blue Lock. Sae acknowledged him. Sae gave him a chance to make his mark on the world and gave him purpose, he showed him that there was someone who understood him and his aspirations on this base, animal level.
The last look that Aziraphale gives Crowley in Ep. 6 is… weird.
They’re at a standoff, right? They’re ‘mad’ at each other, or at least in the simplest sense of the word. They’re on opposite sides.
The thing is: Aziraphale could have been looking at Crowley longer.
During the Bandstand Breakup, Aziraphale just stands there, stupefied, for quite a while. The key difference is Aziraphale’s outlook.
During the BB, Aziraphale is angry — not only at Crowley, but at everything. Heaven, Hell, everything. He claims that he doesn’t even like Crowley — this is a lie — and looks after him once he’s gone. It’s almost longing.
But.
In E6, Aziraphale had just been kissed. He actually told Crowley that he needs him — this is not a lie. You’d think that, after six thousand years of waiting just to acknowledge some sort of friendly agreement, he’d have been ecstatic.
But now, he’s devastated. Why?
Is it because he has to leave Earth? No. In the BB, Az was conflicted both by his feelings for Crowley — even if platonic — and his wish for normalcy on Earth.
But in E6, he’s conflicted by two different things, and it’s not what you think they are.
He wants to fulfill his angelic duty. In the bookshop, after Beez and Gabriel confessed, he tells Uriel that the angels haven’t done anything wrong. They won’t Fall.
Aziraphale has been terrified of Falling for the entire course of the show — except for when Crowley was an angel.
In a way, Aziraphale was happier when Crowley was an angel. He’s worried that no matter what he does, if he and Crowley are an us or not, he can’t be happy if Crowley isn’t an angel. Crowley’s Fall has made him the fussy perfectionist he is, scared of making mistakes.
The other reason, now.
Az and Crowley have had fights before. They’ve been fighting for six thousand years, maybe even longer than that. The worst part is, they’ve been loving for that long, too.
I think that he’s afraid that Crowley doesn’t know how much he loves him. I think he’s afraid that the demon will take his words for granted, and when they’re finally reunited, they’ll have to spend a long time trying to love each other again.
Again, he’s scared.
He wasn’t afraid of Falling during the BB — he thought that he was supporting Heaven, doing everything he could.
He’s scared to make eye contact, because to an extent, Crowley’s emotions are his own. They aren’t an us - they’re so closely intertwined that they are parts of each other.
That’s why he doesn’t hold Crowley’s gaze for longer.
He’s afraid e will have to face his own fears, but worse — through the eyes of the being he loves most in the universe.
gonna be completely honest. i don’t think c!wilbur likes people. i think he likes the idea of people but not the actual people.
people are loud, needy, annoying, and they need taken care of. their ideas however are something he can control. only pay attention to when he wants to and it never talks back. if it does… well then it’s really the peoples fault isn’t it?
you might say “oh but tommy” but i don’t think he actually liked tommy as a person either. i think he didn’t start out that way but over time the people part just got lost and the only thing wilbur really cared about was his idea: that’s right l’manburg.
now here why i think this: wilbur said in his last lore stream that l’manburg was important to him because it was tommy’s and it reminded him of tommy. he died for l’manburg. would not leave it go even when it wanted to be left to the point where he destroyed it and himself with his obsession. he didn’t wait to leave tommy. he didn’t even properly apologize before leaving forever. he didn’t give the actual person tommy the effort it took to at least give his one devoted follower, someone he called a brother once, a well earned goodbye. instead he pushed tommy until it triggered tommy, he blew off tommy’s attempt at closure (you haven’t apologized to me yet - oh i did, when i got dream off you - but you haven’t said sorry - …) and then just left him with nothing but a note and empty promises of a return? it doesn’t feel like the same level of care. not only that he had spent the time before getting annoyed at tommy and just dragging the poor boy_around. . my point is, if he can’t show actual signs of caring to someone who’s supposed to be closest to him? does he actually care at all? or does he care only about the ideas they make that he can use.
You know, Katara really gets the short end of the stick in the Kataang relationship. She's forced to fill the shoes of an entire lost nation, forced to inherit that void and the trauma that came with it--as if she didn't have enough trauma of her own. And what does she get from the relationship? Relationships must have a give-and-take. Her position is to give, but what does she take?
From the moment she meets Aang, she's thrown into a one-sided relationship with him. It becomes clear Katara is little more than the object of his obsession, and, as we see in "The Guru," the object of his grief. She alone is set up to replace his people. That's an impossible burden for anyone to bear, much less for a stressed child. Aang clearly desires a relationship with her, but is she ever consulted? Is she ever asked what she wants?
No, because somehow Katara doesn't deserve autonomy in their relationship. Who cares whether she ever wanted to be with him? Who cares about the times Aang disrespected her and forced a kiss on her? It was his right. He was the hero, and she was his trophy.
Make no mistake; Aang is not inherently a bad character. It's the writing that's bad. It's their relationship that's bad. It's unhealthy. It's imbalanced. It's toxic.
When you hear "toxic relationship," you think about an overtly abusive one. Kataang isn't abusive, but it's toxic in that it isn't a mutual agreement, and it wasn't entered into in a healthy way.
Had it been held off until a couple years after the war, when life settled down, it wouldn't be as bad. But there's no way their relationship, as it was written, is healthy. We're talking about two children who've been through unimaginable trauma being coupled together for the rest of their lives. There's nothing healthy about that.
The emotion within their relationship isn't romantic love. They're not together out of romantic love. They're together out of necessity and survival because they're afraid of losing each other. They've both been through so much grief and trauma in their lives that they've become emotionally dependent on each other. Their relationship is one of emotional self-preservation. There's no true romance between them.
Every relationship must be beneficial to both partners. Healthy relationships are ones in which both partners are nurtured and encouraged to grow. Katara certainly nurtured and encouraged Aang, and he grows into one of the most powerful Avatars. But what happens to Katara? Did Aang encourage her to grow? Well...quite the opposite, actually.
We knew her in Avatar: The Last Airbender as a fierce, passionate, and restless warrior. But once she becomes the Avatar's girlfriend, that's all she is: the Avatar's girlfriend. She becomes just an extension of Aang, and her identity revolves around him. Who she is and what she does is entirely dependent on him. Katara just seems to exist to be his assistant, his partner in justice. Later, she just seems to exist to be his wife and the mother of his kids. Who was once a valiant, independent warrior is now reduced to a homebody. Every member of the Gaang has done something significant between the time of ATLA and the time of TLK except for Katara, and that’s really sad.
Katara deserves so much better than she was given. She deserves to be in a fully equal and consensual relationship, and to be more than a trophy for an entitled kid who doesn’t know how to respect boundaries. Katara deserves better than to be the object of misplaced grief and immature obsession, and she doesn’t deserve to be forced into a relationship that ultimately stunts her.
Kaladin doesn’t have issues with authority, he has issues with abusers. I could make a whole post about his relationship with his father, but he loves and respects Lirin’s opinion. Even though he doubts it, even though it causes him conflict and even despair, he respects his father’s words because of what they mean coming from him. He takes and remembers Tukk’s advice when training with the spear to heart; he respects Dalinar immensely. Any issues he has with authority is coming from a place of abuse--he had an extreme distrust for Dalinar at first because Dalinar reminded him of people who had hurt him in his past. Now let’s examine the authority figures he really has issues with: the one who murdered his men and sold him into slavery, his slaver, the little guy who supervises the bridgemen, purposefully situates Kaladin--who he doesn’t know--in a position to be murdered over pettiness, and mocks Kaladin for not killing himself, Sadeas, who’s the one responsible for their needless slaughter in the first place... yeah, he has reason to hate and backtalk these little bitches. Though authority and abuse can often coincide, they are not the same things.
What the (Doctor or destroyer?) foundation comicbook tells me about the Mordin Solus character.
Being that he is the leader of the Genophage modification project, Mordin is steadfast in his opinions and beliefs that the sterility plague is an absolute necessity. Little could persuade him otherwise (at-least early in his career as an STG operative), that there exists a viable alternative.
He finds true delight in science and takes pride in his work regardless of its apparent impact on those it was designed to affect most of all. It is an intellectually motivated arrogance that defines his personality, Maleon (Mordins assistant and student) has served as a contrast to Solus’s blind eccentric personality in the face of such an ethically questionable reality that permeates the work being done. Unlike Solus there is a sense Maelon understands the ramifications of this research and it is through Mordin’s constant dismissal of the student's warnings that we see just how almost completely unwavering Solus truly is... Later in his life, the professor will come to develop a more nuanced perspective.
When on the mission. Mordin is a stone-cold professional to the core, he kills without much remorse in the immediate sense and also carries himself with a formality that is slightly subverted by a certain amount of disturbing charisma. Sometimes even enjoying the rush of having defeated those he deems lesser, again this serves as another example of his arrogance.
There are moments where through hearing the counter-arguments/opinions of others both friend and foe, Mordin’s arrogance begins to crack... Brief moments of existential self-reflection where he will stop and start to change his mind on a subject. Sometimes he will begin talking to himself, repeating things he has said over and over trying to self convince that his actions and thoughts are still correct even when faced with the very strong possibility there are in-fact not.
There are in conclusion, two sides of Mordin. Both are struggling to find a balance, stubborn arrogance vs compassionate humility or apathetic intellectualism vs emotional empathy. Which of these become who he really is, will become entirely dependent on his connections to others and those who also influence him indirectly.
Miyazaki's opinion of a certain doctor in Bloodborne initially brought a lot of shouts that he was trolling, and then kind of mild 'in general' interpretations of his statement. By no means do I think the doctor is good, but I think writing them off is a mistake. So below, I've written out a more clear reasoning for what makes the doctor heroic, with a cut to hide major spoilers.
If you're reading this you probably already know about the Impostor Doctor, also affectionately referred to as Fauxsefka. Miyazaki made a comment implying she's meant to be 'good'; “[D]uring development I'd say to the team '[Fake Iosefka]'s one of the heroines of this game' and nobody would believe me, which left me a bit crestfallen.” (Drained of Blood) That's an interesting quote to make about a woman who experiments on kids.
“Well, I won't make any excuses. Would you mind leaving us alone?”
At first blush, it definitely seems like Miyazaki is pulling our leg, and like his team we can see that she's an antagonist. But Miyazaki also said that, “Some people in Yharnam are just completely beyond help, but she … [is] different.” Iosefka is certainly sane, so it seems likely the Fake Iosefka is implied here to also be sane. Her actions are guided by sanity and insight, and she hasn't 'lost herself' in her ambitions (until the red moon). “[Y]ou could say that I have a thing for the “scholarly investigator” character trope. You have Sage Freke in Demon's Souls and Master Willem in this game and the fake Iosefka kind of descends from there.”
'But that makes her even worse,' you cry, 'Then she's torturing people and knows it!'
I don't think pure sadism is at the heart of her motivations. One of the recurrent themes in the game is the lengths at which people will go to do what they believe is 'right,' and the horrible consequences of those choices. Ludwig is a prime example of this, as is Laurence. Trying to do the right thing as the player character invites a fair bit of suffering as well; the young girl who is gored by a pig or experimented on, the suspicious man who departs to the clinic if told of the chapel, Adella's jealousy fueled by the player's own hand, and even those who are naively sent to the clinic in the belief they are being 'helped.' We kill Rom not because she's evil, but because she's protecting the city from the influence of the Great Ones (the known presence of which would drive most humans mad), and we know that as terrible as the revelation is it's the only way to end the hunt.
I do not mean to suggest the Fake Iosefka is cleared of wrong-doing, or naive to the cruelty of her choices. She would not conceal it, if she thought it socially acceptable and humane. I think she does see it as sacrificing them for a greater purpose, however, because if nothing is done Yarnham will collapse much like ancient Loran. With humans transforming into beasts and amygdala swarming the city, it's only a matter of time.
“Ahh! Can't anyone comprehend?!”
Beasthood is rampant throughout the city, and Miyazaki says that, “The urge to transform into a beast is in conflict with the basic sense of humanity we all have. That humanity serves as a kind of shackle, keeping the transformation in its place. The stronger the shackle keeping that urge to transform in place is, the larger the recoil once that shackle is finally broken.” At some point even those resisting will succumb, becoming gradually more horrific the longer they can hold out. The Church's response in Old Yarnham was to burn it all to the ground, but the sickness has spread too far for that now. I believe that by severing humans from their inner beast, they also lose their corresponding humanity, since both are meant to be one; thus ascending them into celestial kin also neuters the beast. This is the secret Fake Iosefka has discovered and the road she has chosen to prevent the scourge; and to her credit, she is even able to prevent the abhorrent beast from transforming any longer.
When we go to the Nightmare Frontier, strongly believed to be Loran, we find Healing Church hunters, and a chunk of Byrgenwerth. Fake Iosefka, with her insistence on being intelligent, most likely either attended Byrgenwerth or found it later and tried to learn what was still offered by it. If the Healing Church hunters could be present in the Nightmare Frontier, Fake Iosefka should have been able to find a way there too. She gives us lead elixirs, stated to form only in “the most desperate nightmares.” Instead of seeking to study the amygdala or the nightmare, she set about ensuring the same fate would not befall Yharnam (a world of poison and beasts).
'Then why does she try to get pregnant?' She doesn't. Her line is; “Don't you see? How they writhe, writhe inside my head...” Per the images of Wisdom, we know that higher insight corresponds to more slugs in the skull; these are what she most likely is referring to. She also asks the hunter if they've ever experienced this kind of pain, regardless of gender; few would ask a male hunter if they've been through labour pains. We do receive an umbilical cord from her, but instead of talking about her it refers to Provost Willem; “Provost Willem sought the Cord in order to elevate his being and thoughts to those of a Great One, by lining his brain with eyes. The only choice, he knew, if man were to ever match Their greatness.” By contrast, Mergo's mentions Mensis (whom kidnapped Mergo), Arianna's mentions Oedon (she's in Oedon chapel), and the Abandoned Workshop references beckoning the Moon Presence to create the Hunter's Dream. I think she has found the umbilical cord of Kos' orphan, once used by Rom, and eaten it, in hopes of also transcending her 'idiocy'. (Micolash asks Kos to grant him eyes, to 'cleanse' him of 'beastly idiocy.') Unfortunately for her you need three, not just one (and being chosen by a Great One), and she only drives herself mad.
“I knew it, I'm different. I'm no beast. ... [I]t proves that I'm chosen.”
Fake Iosefka is doing horrible things, but she believes they have to be done ‘for the greater good’. Her goal is to save all of Yarnham, potentially all of humankind, and it's a sacrifice she views worth making. After permanently disabling the ability of her 'patients' to transform into beasts, she turns her experiments on herself, hoping to transcend beyond celestial kin. It doesn't work, as she isn't 'chosen,' and all of the suffering is for naught. She is a hero for intending and attempting to save Yarnham, and exposing herself to Eldritch Truth continuously to do so.
Or she would be, if not for lobotomizing everyone sent to her care.
