sympathy, apathetically | Bakudeku Oneshot
TW: argumentive/hurt/comfort, top(?) Izuku
[Requested]
It pours heavily outside. Why did it have to come to this? Why’d you let go?
Katsuki slumps, his knees crushing the soil beneath him. Chunks of rubble scatter the ground, even after winning the fight, Katsuki was still unhappy. It was too wet to see where Deku landed, now he's trying not to have a panic attack digging through the mud and fallen bricks of buildings.
"Deku!!?" His heart strains, worried, fucking terrified he won't find him. Deku was all he had left. He couldn't lose him like this. He couldn’t stomach the pressure. Not like this. Not without him.
He was losing hope by the second, digging through the rubble over and over again. The rain poured onto his back, tears dropping from his eyes.
He kept telling himself he wasn’t crying, not over Deku. He couldn’t after all this time, and now... would it even be worth it if he was dead?
Deku’s POV:
My eyes opened, agape;
I was in a hospital. I couldn’t remember what happened, or maybe I just didn’t want to, not at the moment anyway. I sat up on the hospital bed, my eyes squinting at the condition my body laid in. My legs were in thick casts, as well as my left arm, my tattoo peeking just above it. Dried blood soaked my fingerprints as I looked at myself, trying to figure out why Katsuki wasn’t sitting in the emergency contact chair, or why he wasn’t here at all for some reason.
A nurse walks in, addressing my state, a small, recovering smile working it’s way across her lips.
“You’ve healed. Good. Do you remember anything?”
my hands shuffle into fists, tensing and relaxing the muscles in them.
“...” I look up to her, as she held a clipboard in her hand, checking something off on the paper attached to it.
“Aaalright. Do you know where your emergency contact went? Did you see him?”
“...he... he was here?” Her commentary brings my heart up to speed, slightly,
She crosses something else off.
“You seem to be in good condition, so you’re free to go home in two hours.”
what?
“..how long was I out?”
She sighs, supposedly hating to hear that question.
“Long enough...” she pauses, scribbling something against the paper one more time before holding it against her side. “Two months. Oh, and take it easy, will you? Your brain... it’s... missing some things.” Her comment caught my attention.
“excuse me? Like what?”
“..Sympathy. Sadness. Your brain took damage from the fall, and it.. altered some of your emotions. But not all of them, so I suggest taking therapy in the meantime.”
Months? Alterations? I didn’t think my injuries could’ve been so severe..
“Don’t worry about it too much, your emergency contact covered the fee and didn’t leave your side, until today. So, when you see em’, tell em’ you’re okay, he was almost sent to the mental hospital for his uh- “unstable state of mind”.”
The comment brought a small smile to my face, I huffed through my nose.
“Did he say where he was going?”
I questioned. “To a flower shop.” She stated back, knowingly smirking at me.
“Oh.. Huh.”
The doorknob twists before creaking open, a spiky blonde coming in, but he wasn’t in his usual mood. His head hung low, his face pink from what I could see, and he didn’t say a word until he looked up at me.
“..Izuku?” His eyes looked puffy red, as the flowers smacked the floor. He rushed to me, gripping me by the collar of my shirt, kissing me aggressively.
The nurse watched for a second but slowly slipped out of the room, assumingly careless at the moment. His lips were shaking, as his crushed palm kept me in reach of him, his tears dropping onto my face before he let go.
“Ive missed you, you dickhead..” His body shook as he looked me in the eyes.
Above his forced palm, I could do nothing but watch him, his eyes flooding again. It hurt to see him so...in anguish.
“...you scared the shit outta me..” he releases me, sitting on the bed with me. “...and I.. I couldn’t even— I couldn’t find you. I swear I tried, I tried so fucking hard, we looked for you for days. And..someone else found you. Someone else found your dead body and I couldn’t be there to see it...” His voice trailed off, facing downwards with his fingers digging into the making of his pants. His tears spotted the floor. He couldn’t fight himself from breaking anymore. And I didn’t want him to. “SOMEONE ELSE FOUND YOUR DEAD FUCKING BODY AND I COULDN’T BE THERE TO SEE IT.”
I’m sorry, Katsuki.
“I- There was nothing you could do to get to me while you still had an unstable villain on your back—”
He lifts his head, gushes of tears falling from his pretty eyes.
“Don’t spit that bullshit at me, Izuku! if you want me to sit here and pretend it’d be okay to let you die, you’re more psychotic than I fuckin’ thought!”
sympathy? Yes, but...
“You were willing to let me die in here when you left me for two weeks.” He flushes. “You were willing to let me die when you decided that I wasn’t enough to come check on for days. But I guess I can only blame myself for that outcome because I married you.” Katsuki falls silent.
“...What did you want me to do?
Watch you die for two weeks? would that’ve made you feel better? That if i suffered the whole two months with you, I’d get some type of fucking reward if you woke up??!—..But you didn’t. ...Not in time anyway.”
my eyes widened, then faltered.
“...I can’t feel what you feel, Katsuki. I wish I could, but until something changes, this conversation is... one sided. It’s... difficult, being with you sometimes.” I sigh.
His eyes scrunched at me. He mugs, leaning in, kissing me on the forehead. He sighs, his eyes glossy.
“I’ll be back later.”
And with that, he disappears.
He didn’t come back until it got late for visitors. He knew he wasn’t supposed to be here. Yet he showed up anyway. Clíche of him.
Katsuki’s POV:
The hospital room’s door creaks open. Inside lays a restless Deku, who scrolls on his phone, his screen light flashing his face in the dark room. I stepped through the door, Subway sandwiches in a bag in my hand. I wanted to sympathize with him. I didn’t want to argue with him. But there was nothing to sympathize about, I knew he couldn’t feel it. And that was worse than the hit he had taken.
“I brought food.” I say, a small smile on my lips.“—Feelin’ any better?”
He sits up on the bed as I flicked the light on. “Now that you brought food, absolutely.” I chuckled. It was nice to see him content, especially after everything. I missed this. I missed him.
We grubbed, and now I lay in bed with him, like we used to.
“Could I tell you something?” I muttered, my arm thrown over his waist. “Always.” He claimed.
“I wasn’t sure if your eyes were ever gonna open again. And I wouldn’t know what to do if you weren’t here with me right now.”
“Well I’m still here right now.” He turns, facing me, his fingers intertwining with mine. “—So your overthinking doesn’t matter. We’re here together, in this moment, and that’s the only thing that should matter right now, okay? I love you.”
I sigh, squeezing his hand in mine. “I love you. Im sorry about what I said,.. what I did. If I was more careful, you wouldn’t be like this. I want to be a better boyfriend, a better husband. To you, to myself. I want to be better for us.” I admit, sighing.
“And I’ll do the same. We’re not perfect, and we won’t always be on the same page, but that doesn’t mean I love you any less. It doesn’t mean I resent you, either. We have our differences, and that’s truly what attracts us to one another in our own ways. As long as we continue to work on ourselves and each other, while keeping each other safe, we’ll be alright.” He grabs the sides of my head, pulling me close and kissing me on the forehead.
“Yeah. yeah.” A tear streams down my face, a breath escaping my lips. It feels good to be cared for. And it felt good to care. It felt good to love. I cherish yo, Izuku. I won’t deny you. I won’t leave you to die.
