#chloe rules

[fountainpenguin]

I forgot how much I love Kevin Crocker... They made him the most self-deprecating character in the series (who is actively being manipulated by his uncle to use that self-deprecation to weasel things out of Chloe) and they also made him the guy who answers his phone with "This is the Crockmeister! Crock to me! :)"

Crocker dunked on him in front of everyone and Kevin just flung his arms in the air and yelled "That's two zingers in a row!! :D" and he's also the kid who taped his mouth shut to express his rage at being used as a puppet.

He's so hungry at home that he steals food from the class rabbit. He's so tired that he crawls on top of his desk and passes out for the rest of the episode. He collapses into a sobbing mess when no one picks him to be in their group for the project. But his big moment is also screaming "From now on, it's GORK!" and wiggling his arms like noodles.

When Chloe invited him over, Kevin put on the biggest smile and told her "Nah, I'm busy being a bitter loner." He is also the kid who loves dentistry and crashes into walls and ceilings because he can't control his completely unnecessary rocket boots.

"It's no biggie. I just kind of wish I was never born." - The kid who just kicked down a door and yelled "Yo, yo, yo, Crockmeister in the hizzy!" and then got immediately told he was pathetic and always would be because of his family tree.

5 seconds after this, he's bursting at the seams with giddy joy. Then he tells you no one's been this happy to see him since his going away party where everyone was excited to see him go away.

Chloe cannot emotionally destroy him in a way that matters. He just jumps out her window and leaves...

He's presumed dead in two of his three remaining episodes this season, and in the other one, he was pretending to be a lifeless doll. Timmy was convinced he'd been beheaded for a short time. Also, he can't walk as fast as his uncle so when they walk onscreen together, Kevin falls increasingly farther behind.

Timmy: Kevin has overcome the Crocker stigma of evil! :)

Kevin: /immediate mental breakdown over the idea that anyone could actually like him, ending with the conclusion that only his uncle's approval matters and he will absolutely kidnap two people if he gets that

He's so funny and every time he shows up, it's a wild emotional ride... I love him...

[commander-of-the-week]

Commander of the Week

Yidris, Maelstrom Wielder

There are so many ways to build Yidris; Voltron, Spell-Slinging etc. I naturally wanted to go the mill route. I know that the best mill colors are indisputably blue and black, but the addition of red gives us access to wheel effects and green gives us access to ramp and enchantment removal so I thought why not go for a four color mill deck instead. I have tested and it actually works better than I expected it to. Yidris hit's pretty hard too and allows you to potentially chain cast multiple mill and wheel effects with his cascade ability. 

First, Ramp 

The presence of green makes ramping easy. We could use elves such as Priest of Titania, Gyre Sage and Elvish Archdruid. Enchantments such as Kruphix, God of Horizons, Burgeoning and Exploration also make ramping really easy. Cryptolith Rite and Paradox Engine also go really well together to really make spells pay for themselves. Also, if I’ve learned anything there’s always one (usually me) who falls for the Tempt with Discovery trick too allowing you to get way more ahead. 

Utter Chaos 

Hopefully no one is keeping their hands beyond a certain point, due to the wheeling. Effects such as Jace’s Archivist, Windfall, Wheel of Fate, Teferi’s Puzzle Box and Reforge the Soul will all make certain that your opponents can’t make long term strategies. especially if you can chain cast multiple using Yidris’s ability. This constant drawing and discarding of cards will hopefully be useful to us later. 

Drawing and Discarding 

Of course we’re going to be taking advantage of these wheel effects with creatures like Nekusar the Mindrazer, Psychosis Crawler and Fate Unraveler. Megrim, Liliana’s Caress, Nath of the Gilt Leaf and Waste Not can be used to take advantage of them discarding too. These effects combined with the milling can potentially whittle down their libraries at a significant rate. The Locust God could also be really useful in this deck to take even more advantage of drawing.

That’s a nice hand you’ve got there... 

If the incremental damage taken from drawing isn’t enough to kill them. I’m hoping that the number of cards in their hand will. Effects like that of Sudden Impact, Fevered Visions and Ebony Owl Netsuke as well as Dreamborn Muse making them mill equal to the number of cards in their hand will hopefully help to finish them off. 

And Finally...  

I thought that since this deck is four colors, I thought that it might be a good idea to use lands with cycling, which can be combined with certain effects in the deck. Lands such as the relevant Deserts, Sheltered Thicket, Fetid Pools and Slippery Karst as well as any lands that tap for any color such as Command Tower, Path of Ancestry and Exotic Orchard. Just combine any of these cards with your favorite mill effects and you should be able to give them hell. I hope you find this both helpful and fun and until next time, Happy Deck Building.

[fountainpenguin]

Big fan of when someone in FOP is like "We can't do that!" and Mr. Crocker just-

"But we don't have hall passes." -> "I'm a teacher! You're all excused!" "We're not going anywhere with you!" -> "Kids on magic tours don't have to go to school." -> "WE'RE IN!" "What's in it for me?" -> "Helping me will be your community service project, for which I will give you a B! ... If I give you an A, the schoolboard will know the fix is in.""

[fountainpenguin]

Rewatching "Chloe Rules" for the first time in a while-

Timmy, fleeing from Chloe's power trip: It's okay! Chloe will always choose our friendship over the rules! Chloe: Chloe:

[fountainpenguin]

Today’s warm-up was a Crockermichael doodle, my favorite ship in FOP </3 Rewatched “Chip Off the Old Crock” and Chloe censoring herself when she’s furious with Kevin is as funny as ever