Thank you for the cute idea; however, you didn't specify anything, so I ran with it. You sent this ask to me on 31st Dec 2025, and I'm more than fashionably late atp, so apologies for the delay. The plot I originally had in mind was too… angsty and frankly boring, so instead I wrote this for you. Hope you enjoy it.
Summary: A series of vignettes over the course of which you decide you're actually pretty cool with the idea of giving Choso head.
Rating: Explicit (Minors do NOT interact).
Word Count: ~7300.
Tags/Warnings: Female Pronouns and Anatomy for Reader, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, First Time Blow Jobs, Social Anxiety, Vomiting (not part of the sex stuff I swear but icks are icks), Angst, Misunderstandings, Oral Sex, Mentions of Non-Con but No Descriptions. Canon-variant, nobody’s dead, everyone’s fine etc etc.
“You’re kidding, right?”
You’re all too familiar with how curses wear their expressions when they become powerful enough to learn to make them.
Not Rated | Canon Compliant Violence, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Reader can see curses so there may be graphic descriptions of curses, Major Character Death, Gojo Satoru is His Own Warning // Please check AO3 for the full list of tags!
✨️ Tropes & Themes:
Isekai and Transmigration, Reader-Insert, Reader is Not a Jujutsu Sorcerer yet, Fluff and Angst, Slice of Life, Eventual Romance, Slow Burn, Class of 2006, Protective Getou Suguru, Protective Gojo Satoru, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Pre-Star Plasma Vessel, Gojo Satoru is His Own Warning, Getou Suguru is Whipped, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Fix-It
📋 Official Fic Summary:
One day, you began to see ghosts. You thought ignoring them would be the best course of action, but how can you do that when 'Geto Suguru', a character that's not supposed to exist in your world, suddenly came to your job and evaporated the ‘ghosts’ surrounding you?
It didn't just stop there. You began meeting the others, who stuck close to you just like these ghosts did, and now you are torn between wanting nothing from this world and being beside these characters that you identified from the start.
Out of all the series to be in, you just had to be in the world where everything feels normal even if the world is close to ending.
//
Or a story where you have the power to see curses and you meet these characters even if you’re a human from the modern world.
(Inspired by Mieruko-chan, Inso's Law, and Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint)
🔗 Read It Here On AO3: Winner Takes All
🔗 Read It Here On Quotev: Winner Takes All
// Please always read the full tags list!
💌 Loved it? Leave the authors kudos & a comment!
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Pairing: Choso x f! Reader
Summary: Will this pain ever stop?
Chapter Warnings: Angst...again lmfao
WC: 6k
Choso Art By:NC9__
**While not all chapters contain adult content, the themes of this story are targeted towards adults, so minors DNI please.
You have an art project due.
You have an art project due that's worth sixty percent of your grade.
You have an art project due that's worth sixty perfect of your grade, and you haven't even started it yet.
The canvas you’d set up two hours ago has been sitting in front of you without so much as a line drawn on it. The assignment is to sketch or paint something or someone meaningful from memory. You have many places you could choose from. You could paint your parents. They obviously mean the world to you. You could sketch your hometown, your friends from home or maybe your childhood bedroom.
Then there’s the obvious choice – the beach. The beach where you spent so many of your formative years. The beach where so many amazing memories were made. The beach where you met –
You shake your head wildly, willing yourself not to think about it, about him.
After four long months, many unanswered messages (because you’re blocked) and too many sad tears shed to count, you have now entered into the anger stage of your grief journey (with a sprinkle of the sads!). And honestly? It’s been easier for you that way. It’s been easier to hate him for what he did.
Him – because he doesn’t deserve his name to be uttered by you ever again. Not after the way he treated you. It’s not even the fact that he rejected you, though that sting was something you never want to experience again. But to make the choice to just end over a decade of friendship in the blink of an eye? A decision that wasn’t only his to make. To block you without another word? To just drop you like some stranger on the street after so many years, so many firsts together. To treat you like you never mattered at all…
Yeah, he can go to hell for all you care.
You push your canvas back with more force than necessary. Your artistic mood is ruined anyway, not that you were in one to begin with. It’s good timing, too, because a light knock echoes through your dorm door, and you beckon the visitor in.
“Hey,” Suguru enters, hands full of two six packs of beer. “You coming to Kai’s?”
Right. Tonight, Kaito – who you may or may not have vomited breakfast, lunch and dinner on after drinking too much and having a full on breakdown about him in the hallway in his hallway a week after he broke your heart – has invited you all over for a party!
It wasn’t Kaito’s fault. It was yours, really. You couldn’t look at the guy without being reminded of the conversation that led to your heartbreak.
“You should be with someone like him.” The memory played on loop in your drunken mind, pulled tears and anger from the depths of your soul and forced it all up for everyone to see.
Absolutely humiliating. Yet, despite your unfortunate mishap at the last gathering, Kaito still seemed to be interested in you. It probably helps that he has no idea that you confessed your feelings to your best – former best friend only to have your heart ripped out and fed back to you. You’d like to keep it that way. Some truths really are better left untold.
“I guess I could go,” you mutter to Suguru who has now cracked open a beer and placed it in front of you.
“Cool. Everyone’s already over there if you wanna walk together..” You open your mouth to protest, but Suguru quickly cuts you off. “I don’t mind waiting. It’s dark out anyway.” He flops down onto your bed, careful not to spill his drink. “Don’t feel comfortable with you walking alone.”
You stare at your friend from your spot on the floor. Sometimes - and you know it’s your mind inflicting its own sick torment on itself - Suguru reminds you so much of him in so many ways that it hurts. He’s quiet and caring, sweet and just an overall good person. He protects you in ways that feel so familiar it scares you. While there are no romantic feelings there for Suguru, you’ve found yourself growing even closer to him while navigating your heartbreak because of the familiar comfort he provides.
The warm sting forming along your waterline surprises you. Yes, you’re angry but there are still times when the overwhelming sadness feels just as fresh. You haven’t cried over this in awhile, but the kindness Suguru shows you consistently makes you think of those summers. And those summers make you think of his warmth and kindness that you’ve known all your life. And the memory of his warmth and kindness feels like a jagged blade being shoved slowly into your chest.
“You good?” Suguru’s quiet voice pulls you back to the present. “You look about two seconds from bursting into tears…”
You swipe at your eyes quickly, clearing your throat. “Yeah…yeah, I’m fine. Just stressed about this damn project. You know how it is.”
Even from across the room, you can see the way Suguru’s eyes narrow just slightly. He’s always been good at picking up on cues, catching people’s lies. But he doesn’t pry further, and you’re grateful when he simply stands and practically floats across the room where he reaches into the box of beers and easily pops the cap off of the bottle before handing it to you.
“Easy fix for all that stress,” he tells you. Your hand wraps around the bottle and you give Suguru a weak smile.
“Kai’s excited to see you, by the way,” Suguru adds, grinning behind his beer when he sees you choke on your first swig. He’s a good friend, but he can be such a dick sometimes! No wonder he and Satoru are so close. They both get off on catching people off guard, watching them squirm.
After nearly passing into the afterlife, you manage to finally catch your breath when Suguru takes pity on you and slaps a large hand against your back. “Is–” you cough harshly. “Is he really?”
“Yup. Dude likes you a lot even after you puked all over his new–”
“STOOOOOPPPPPP!”
“Shirt that he bought exactly for–”
“ENOUGH!!!” You squeeze your eyes shut.
“Hanging out with y–”
“I’m gonna yank your hair!” You slap your hands over your ears.
Suguru’s head falls back with raucous laughter. “As much as I’d love that, save the kinks for Kaito, please.”
Your face practically ignites with embarrassment. Even joking about becoming intimate with someone after having only been kissed once makes you want to crawl into a hole. You take everything back. You hate Suguru and his teasing.
Suguru downs the rest of his beer, happily observing your discomfort. “Go change so we can head out.”
You stand, flipping Suguru off before you head into the bathroom to get ready. You’re excited to go. You’re excited to see your friends and have a carefree time. And surprisingly, you’re kind of excited to see Kaito. You hope tonight will get your mind off of everything. You really need to forget all that’s been plaguing you over the last several months.
- - - - - -
When Suguru said Kaito was having a party, you didn’t think he meant an absolute fucking rager. Does no one give a damn that you’re quickly approaching midterms? Not to mention the mid-semester enormous projects your professors have been dumping on everyone!
No one cares?
No?
Just you?
Okay.
You suppose you could set your worries and stress and lingering thoughts about he who shall not be named aside for one night before it’s back to your regular scheduled programming. Even still, you just can’t wrap your head around how insane this party is. The last time you were at Kaito’s house (that’s putting it lightly – it’s more like a damn castle!), it was just your small study group. And you were very clearly going through something at the time, hence you spewing your guts out shortly after arriving for “casual” drinks and game night.
But tonight is different. There are warm bodies packed into the space, and you wonder if it’s the whole of the university that has been crammed into this place. Music is blaring so loudly you’re sure this party violates almost every noise ordinance there is. And again, no one seems to care. Everyone is pressed up against someone; hips moving scandalously to the beat. Multi colored lights flash across the room in time with the music. It’s more like a club here than a house party. It’s no wonder Suguru made you change out of your sweats and into a practically skintight dress.
If you’re going to enjoy this party, you’re going to need a drink – just one this time! You tell Suguru you’ll catch up with him in a bit, then maneuver your way into the kitchen as quickly as possible. When you’re there, you’re relieved to find that the kitchen is rather empty, just a few stragglers hanging around to grab more beverages. You appreciate the quietness in here, because the short time you were in the main room, the thumping was already giving you a headache.
Your eyes land on the counter where all the mixers and liquor sit. One little tequila and orange juice isn’t going to kill you, or result in you slumped on the couch (again), so you pour your little drink and take a sip. The burn of the alcohol is welcome. It soothes the bit of anxiety beginning to swell in your chest from the idea of having to move through that crowd again to find your friends.
“You look…” A smooth voice comes from behind you, making you jump in surprise. You spin around to find emerald eyes roaming along your form, appreciating the way the fabric of your dress hugs all your curves beautifully. “Wow…”
“Thank you, Kai,” you breathe, hiding shyly behind your red solo cup. “You look good, too.”
Kaito’s pretty grin spreads along his face, the two of you standing to the side of the small group gathered in the kitchen. “Suguru told me you were getting a drink. Had to come find you. How’ve you been?” He questions, reaching past you to grab a bottle of liquor. “Excuse me.” He pours himself a bit of alcohol.
“Not bad, just busy with this art project. I know I haven’t been around much, but I need to get a good grade on this one.”
He nods, eyes boring into yours. “I feel that. That’s why I threw this party.” He waves his hand around the room. “Needed something to get my mind off shit.”
Images of what – no, who – your mind has been stuck on flash through your mind, and you take another swig of your drink to quell the sadness threatening to resurface. “Honestly, I’m glad you did.”
Kaito smiles down at you, and you feel your heart race behind your ribcage. “Me, too. I’m really glad you came.”
You spend a good while speaking with Kaito in the kitchen, completely forgetting about the party outside of this room and your friends in general. It’s surprisingly refreshing. You’re open with Kaito, laughing at his jokes, letting him flatter you with the compliments he can’t seem to help but shower you with.
And you like it.
You like him.
Kaito makes you feel good. You had no idea how much you needed to feel good until now. And even as Kaito leads you outside to a balcony overlooking a gorgeously lit garden, even as the music pumps so loudly through the closed double doors, it’s nothing compared to the pounding Kaito causes your heart to do.
Maybe it really is a good thing that you came to this party. And a good thing you only had one drink!
“So…” Kaito sighs, staring out over the pretty shrubs and the enormous fountain that sits in the center of this outdoor garden. “Can’t believe senior year is coming up so quickly.”
“Oh wow, it really is. You’ll be graduating before you know it.”
“Scary times. Not looking forward to finding out what the real world's like.”
You hum in agreement. In another year you'll be in Kaito’s position, wondering what you will be doing for the rest of your life. And Kaito is right. It’s scary to think about. All of this stress from school will build up to something, though you don’t know what that something is yet. You’d love to sit and ponder on what your future holds, because just a few months before, you were fairly certain you knew what and who you wanted. But so much has changed in such a short amount of time. You don’t know what’s next for you. Regardless, you want to be open to change.
“There will be no talking about futures together, making plans, sailing off into the sunset…none of it.”
Yeah, you need to be open to change.
You sigh loudly. “As much as I love letting the existential dread set in, did you bring me out here to talk about school?”
Kaito laughs, running his fingers through his dark hair and you can just barely make out the crimson spreading along his cheeks in this dim lighting. He’s nervous, and you find it adorable. “No. No, of course not. I just…ah, fuck.”
You place a hand on his arm, soothingly patting. “Take your time…”
His eyes narrow playfully as he bites his lip, shaking his head. He leans against the balcony railing, turning to face you. “I really like you…” he admits, then he chuckles. “You know, if that wasn’t obvious.”
“I would have never guessed,” you tease, and Kaito laughs again. “I like you, too, Kai. I know I’ve been kind of…” You try to find the right word for your behavior over the last four months, but all you can come up with is, “a mess. But I do like you.”
Kaito’s face lights up. It’s so cute, the way he looks so excited to hear this. He moves closer to you, taking your hand in his, and you feel your heartbeat pick up speed.
“I’m so glad. I thought there was no way you were interested.”
This makes you burst into a fit of giggles. “How are you the one surprised here? I puked all over you and somehow you still like me.”
Kaito’s teeth sink into his bottom lip again, and he grins. “Would you think I was an absolute freak if I said that somehow made me like you more?”
Your brows knit together in confusion, but you can’t help the goofy smile spreading across your lips.
“I just mean!” Kaito stumbles over his words, trying to correct himself. His fingers card through his hair again, and you make note that this seems to be a nervous habit of his. “Ugh, I mean…most girls have something absolutely humiliating like that happen and–”
“Off to a great start,” you jest, which makes Kaito smile harder.
“You know what I mean. I just didn’t think that you’d still want to be friends after something like that happened. I was kind of worried that you’d be too embarrassed to want to talk to me.”
“I was,” you admit. “But you kept coming around to study group so it made it kind of hard to avoid you.” Your lips quirk into a smirk, letting Kaito know that you’re still teasing him.
“You’re so mean to me,” he pouts cutely before he adds, “Would you think I was an absolute freak if I said that somehow makes me like you more?” He winks, and you both fall into a fit of giggles.
You’re not sure when the last time you felt so…free was. The air around Kaito is so refreshing, so light, so nice. You can be yourself with him. You can laugh with him. You can just…be with him.
Kaito’s sudden silence has you peering up at him, only to find his face serious. Somehow, you’re just noticing that he’s much closer. He leans down slowly, and your heart thrums loudly in your ears as your breaths mingle. Kaito has his eyes locked on your mouth, his tongue peeking out to run along his bottom lip and your eyes follow the motion.
“I want to kiss you so badly…” He confesses quietly. “So badly.”
Your cheeks warm at the prospect. You’ve never kissed anyone besides him. And you’re unsure if–
No.
You push the memory away. He wanted you to be happy even if it meant it was with someone else. He removed himself from your life to make sure of that. So now, you will do what was asked of you, and move on.
“Can I…” Kaito’s voice beckons you back to him. “Kiss you?”
“...yes.” You nod, agreeing quickly. The both of you slowly lean closer, Kaito’s hand squeezing yours, until your lips just barely ghost over each other. Kaito’s hand comes up to cup your cheek, then he closes the distance, pressing his mouth gently to yours.
His lips are so soft, so careful as they move against yours. The taste of Kaito’s mouth has you sighing into the kiss, the mixture of mint and whiskey more pleasant than you would have imagined. It’s nice, just like everything about Kaito.
Your mind is reeling, heart beating wildly in your chest. You’re finally experiencing your first kiss at college! You used to dream of this moment. Giving your first college kiss to someone you really like. And you really like Kaito. This kiss…it’s everything you ever hoped for!
So why does the way Kaito’s lips caress yours feel so wrong? Why does the way his hand gently strokes your cheek feel so off? And the way he sighs your name against your lips? It’s just all so wrong.
You try to fight it, try to resist the way your head floods with images of that hot summer night at the beach all those years ago, of that kiss that seems to have ruined you for all other men. How compared to everything else going on at this moment, it all felt right. There were no awkward feelings, no doubts, no sudden alarms blaring in your head telling you that you should not be kissing this person. And it has your heart dropping.
This isn’t fair.
It isn’t fair that no matter how much you think you’ve moved forward and healed, it only takes one tiny thing to send you right back to square one. It isn’t fair that you’ve been put in this position by no choice of your own in the first place. It isn’t fair that even as this man who so clearly likes you presses his lips to yours, you can only think of being somewhere else with someone who isn’t him.
It isn’t fucking fair.
What’s even worse is that that damn beach seems to haunt you no matter what you do. It’s crazy how you can see the water so clearly in your mind, damn near feel the mist of the ocean spray on your face as Kaito slots his lips against yours. And it seems Kaito feels this mist as well, because he pulls back, brows knit together as his beautiful eyes roam your features.
“Did I do something wrong?” He questions quietly. The confusion seems to be clear as day on your face because Kaito gently swipes at your cheek and it’s then that you feel the wetness on your skin. Tears; big, fat ones at that. You hadn’t even realized you had started crying.
A sob involuntarily rips from your throat and your hands fly to your mouth to cover the sound. But then another follows. And another. And it’s all you can do to just close your eyes and try to will yourself not to break down right here. But when you feel yourself wrapped in an unfamiliar, but soothing embrace, a wave of emotion comes crashing down on you harder than the wave that brought you to him over a decade ago. And it only makes you cry harder. Kaito’s arms squeeze you tightly, his hand rubbing soft circles on your back.
“It’s okay…” he whispers, though you can hardly hear him over your weeping. “Whatever’s going on…it’s gonna be okay.”
The two of you stand like this for a while. Kaito simply holds you until your body stops shaking with each sob.
“I–” You sniffle loudly, burying your face in Kaito’s chest because once again, you’ve embarrassed yourself in front of him and now you’re too ashamed to look at him. “I’m so, so sorry, Kai.”
His hands fall on your shoulders, pulling you from his hold and you peer up at him, only to find him gazing softly down at you.
“Don’t worry about it.”
Kaito is so sweet. Too sweet for you, who is too damaged to be of any good to him.
“I’m going through sort of a break up right now,” you confess. “I care about him very much, but it just didn’t work out. I thought I was ready to move on, to try this, but I don’t think I am.” You feel fresh tears beginning to fall. “I’m sorry. I really do like you, but I’m just not ready for anything new.”
Kaito nods, in understanding, pulling you back into his arms when he sees another tear roll down your cheek. “I get it. You don’t have to explain yourself.”
See? Too sweet for you.
Kaito whispers your name as he releases his hold on you. “Just know that you’re an amazing person. I’d still love to be friends with you, if you’re comfortable with that.” He squeezes your shoulder comfortingly. “And whoever broke your heart…they fucked up letting you go.”
His words make you want to cry harder. You wish you could believe that, believe that you were worth fighting for. But you were the one fighting, and right now, you feel like the one who lost.
Still, you manage to mutter a quick “thank you” before you hug Kaito one last time for the night.
- - - - - -
Maybe you’re doomed to never leave Kaito’s house on a good note. Twice you’ve left there in shambles, and you’re not willing to see if the third time’s a charm.
You leave Kaito’s without bothering to find your friends to say goodbye. You don’t want to see them, don’t want to explain the reason why you’re suddenly racing back to your dorm. Don’t want them to know that the moment you get back to your dorm you’ll be falling to pieces. You want to be alone.
In the safety of your dorm, there’s no one here to tell you it will be alright, no one to soothe your pain or offer you words of encouragement. And you don’t want it. You want to feel these emotions, let them all out as the waves come. You need the space to do so.
You don’t care that you’re standing in your room in the same stupid dress you were wearing when you broke down in front of Kaito after telling him you liked him, after having your first kiss in college with him. You feel ridiculous as is, so what’s one more thing to add to the roster?
Your eyes spot the stupid blank canvas on your table, still in the same spot you left it when you headed out to the party with Suguru, and your body moves on autopilot. You let your hands do what they know how to do best, dipping your paint brush into whatever color feels right.
Each stroke of the brush feels like a weight lifted, feels cathartic and the sorrow that drove you to paint in the first place melts into raw anger. The tears fall as an image begins to take shape, furious brushstrokes flying across the canvas.
You don’t know how long you’re sitting there painting, but when you’re no longer able to shed another tear, and your angry sobs finally subside, you set your brush aside and observe the finished product.
It’s the beach - your beach - painted the way you see it now.
Messy.
Distorted.
Tainted with memories that now leave a sick taste in your mouth.
And it’s beautiful.
You wipe your swollen eyes as you stand and strip off your dress, leaving the fabric in a pile on the floor. You don’t give the painting any more attention, don’t bother looking back, leaving it to dry while you head to the bathroom to shower and get ready for bed.
Come Monday, when you present your project in class, your professor does not hesitate to gift you an A. You listen numbly as she rambles about the raw emotion it evokes. She sings your praises about your growth this semester, and she tells you she hopes to see more of this passion in your future work.
It’s bittersweet, but you suppose something good had to come from all of this pain.
Maybe one day, when it’s not such a sore spot, when it doesn’t hurt so fucking much, you’ll thank him for it.
- - - - - -
Your senior year creeps up on you. All of your hard work has finally paid off, and you’ve fortunately been able to take it pretty easy for your last year of college. You even had time to complete an internship with an incredible art gallery and may have a position lined up for after graduation!
You want it so badly, so you’ve been spending more time experimenting with your art. It keeps you busy, which is exactly what you need.
Utahime and Shoko are officially together, not that their relationship was much of a secret to begin with. You love seeing those two together. Especially now that Utahime is no longer struggling with her classes. She can dedicate more time to her music and spend more time with her girlfriend before she leaves for medical school.
They’re sweet with each other, but third wheeling with them sucks. Nothing is fun when you’re stuck watching your friends making out wherever you go. You still love them, but you’ll see them again once they’re out of the honeymoon phase. So maybe you’ll never see them again. Who knows?
Satoru and Suguru…They also became a couple, but that was a toxic situation that lasted about a year before they had a very nasty breakup that ended with Suguru transferring schools.
Though Satoru does make frequent visits to “see his friends” that just so happen to live in the same city that Suguru moved to. You’re not sure what’s up with your friends and feeling the need to hide their relationships when it’s all so glaringly obvious what they’re up to. But you don’t pry.
And you? You haven’t tried dating anyone since that disastrous night at Kaito’s. You needed time to heal, so you’ve poured all your energy into your artwork. Clearly it’s paid off for you.
Speaking of Kaito, he graduated! He was offered an amazing position with a great company, and actually moved out of the country. You two remain good friends, which is why as you lie in bed scrolling through your Instagram feed, you see the pictures of him and his new girlfriend on your feed. You double tap, liking it. They’re so cute together. And Kaito seems so happy, and you’re happy for him.
Your finger continues to swipe at the screen, scrolling through pictures and videos of your friends. Some of your high school friends have gotten married. Some are pregnant. Others have adopted a new pet. Now that you’ve got time to breathe, it feels like everyone’s life is changing so quickly.
But still, it’s nice to have time to do absolutely nothing. You spent a good majority of your college career frantically trying to keep your head above water. You’re glad for the downtime.
A notification suddenly pops up on your Instagram. It’s a message request, though you’re not sure from who.
“You love stallions?” You question aloud. “Who the hell…” You squint, bringing your phone closer to your face to see if the profile picture gives you any clues as to who is randomly sending you a message. But it’s just a pair of…red shoes? You have half a mind to delete the message, because when you try to view the page, it’s private.
But apparently, you’ve really got time on your hands, because curiosity gets the better of you and you open the message.
yuluvstallions: hi Y/N!!!
yuluvstallions: (i hope this is ur page. I messaged like 4 others)
yuluvstallions: It’s me! Yuji!! It’s been a REALLY long time! Hope ur doin good! Plz tell ur mom nd dad i said hi!
yuluvstallions: I miss u SO much so i had 2 try nd find u on here! N e way. Idk if u remember but my bday is comin up in a few weeks! Im gunna be 13! Can u believe it?! IM A TEENAGER!!!
yuluvstallions: i think u might b on spring break during that time, so id really love it if u could come. I’ll send details here
Yuji attaches an image of his party invitation, and you can’t even focus on that because you suddenly feel like you can’t breathe. The invitation font sits atop the background image, against the sky. It gives all of the location’s details, the time and the date. And at the bottom of this image are the four brothers, standing on the beach with their arms around each other’s shoulders and big grins on their faces.
There’s Yuji, who looks to be almost as tall as you, wears the biggest smile. Then Kechizu, who is still short and stocky, the same way you remember him. Eso, who has a mohawk now? And then, there’s him.
Choso.
You set your phone down. You think you’re going to be sick.
- - - - - -
It’s nearly one in the morning when Choso arrives home. He’s not usually off this late, but he’s been finding it easier to sleep when he comes home absolutely exhausted. Though it doesn’t help much. He’s only been managing to sleep a few hours a night for the last few years, and somehow, by some miracle, he hasn’t keeled over.
Choso sets his keys down, heading up the stairs, careful to avoid the worn steps that he knows will creak beneath the pressure so as to not wake Yuji. He slips into the bathroom where he strips off his uniform and steps into the shower. The heat of the water melts away the thick scent of dairy and sugar from Choso’s skin and hair, and he finally feels like he can relax.
It’s been a surprisingly busy spring season. He can thank spring break for that. The town has university students coming in and out like a revolving door, and business is booming because of it. He can’t complain. It’s more money, and it keeps his mind off of…things.
Choso finally settles into bed, pulling his blanket up to his chin. He’s exhausted.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem like sleep is in his near future because he hears a knock on his door the second he closes his eyes. The door cracks open, a head of pink hair peeking in. His youngest brother slips into his bedroom, closing the door behind him.
Yuji looks nervous, moving across Choso’s room to sit at his desk. “Hi, big brother,” he beams. “How was work?” And while Choso loves when Choso refers to him as his big brother, he can only assume Yuji wants something.
“What is it?” He asks, voice clearly conveying his exhaustion.
Yuji plays with the hem of his shirt, eyes fixed on the floor. “So…as you know, my birthday bonfire is coming up.”
“Still can’t believe you’re about to be 13,” Choso sighs, shakily. Yuji has grown up so fast and is quickly becoming an incredible young man.
‘Don’t cry. Don’t cry…’
Yuji chuckles nervously. “Yeah…so…It’s a big milestone, right? Like, a big birthday because I’m finally a teenager…”
“Yes…I know…What are you getting at?”
“Would it be okay if I invited…” he trails off, but it's obvious who Yuji’s referring to – you. Of course Yuji wants to see you. He's got the same emotional attachment to you as Choso has to him. He can admit that in the past it made him jealous, how much Yuji loved you. And how much you loved Yuji. But right now, the idea of Yuji extending an invitation to you after not seeing you for almost half a decade, after the way things were left off between you…it sets his nerves on fire.
He has no idea what you're up to these days. It takes a hell of a lot of restraint each time the temptation crosses his mind, but he doesn't check your social media. And if his brothers have any contact with you, they don't provide him any insight into your life either. Though Choso thinks that's more in protest of how things went down between you two, not to protect his feelings. They always did love you more.
But would Choso be able to handle seeing you after the way he treated you all these years later? The idea of seeing you standing in front of him makes him feel sick. And the idea of seeing you standing in front of him with…Kaito, or whoever you may be dating now makes him want to vomit. He knows he told you to move on, find someone who could be better for him than he could ever be, but he doesn’t want that flaunted in his face either.
Ugh, this is just all fucked up.
Choso’s aware of how selfish it would be for him to say no to Yuji because of his own feelings. Because he’s scared to face the consequences of his actions. He caused this rift between you two. He burned the bridge. Not you. Not Yuji. Choso did that. Maybe you’ll show up. He’s sure Yuji and his other brothers would love to see you. Worst case and most likely scenario, you hate Choso and won’t come at all.
That idea hurts just as much.
But Choso can’t use what he did as a reason to tell Yuji no.
“Sure,” Choso finally grunts. “Invite her, but don’t get your hopes up.”
Yuji grins, wide and goofy. He stands, clapping his hands together as he makes his way out the door before calling back, “Good! Because I already invited her and she said she’s comingggg!” He sings from the hall.
“YUJI, SHUT UP!” Choso hears Eso’s muffled yell from his room, followed by Yuji’s loud laughter.
Choso groans, staring up at the ceiling as his mind races. If he thought he was getting any sleep tonight, he was sorely mistaken. How could he sleep now? Knowing that in a few short weeks, he’ll be seeing you for the first time in years. Potentially speaking to you for the first time since he hung up in your face and blocked any form of communication with you. The conversation haunts him to this day, like some strange form of punishment. It’s why he works so much, why he sleeps so little. At least when he’s awake, he can keep his thoughts at bay.
Exhaustion snatches Choso, his body finally giving in so he can sleep. He’s sure he’ll wake up tomorrow feeling as though he never relaxed for a moment. That’s how it always is. Because while he can keep himself busy enough to not think of you for a second while he’s awake, it’s when he closes his eyes that his mind torments him with nothing but images of you.
This time, his dreams are pleasant. This time, he sees you and him together. You and him, on the beach where it all began.
Summary: A series of vignettes over the course of which you decide you're actually pretty cool with the idea of giving Choso head.
Rating: Explicit (Minors do NOT interact).
Word Count: ~7300.
Tags/Warnings: Female Pronouns and Anatomy for Reader, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, First Time Blow Jobs, Social Anxiety, Vomiting (not part of the sex stuff I swear but icks are icks), Angst, Misunderstandings, Oral Sex, Mentions of Non-Con but No Descriptions.
Canon-variant, nobody’s dead, everyone’s fine etc etc.
Read it on Ao3 Here!
“You’re kidding, right?”
You’re all too familiar with how curses wear their expressions when they become powerful enough to learn to make them.
In your line of work — at the level you’ve risen to — you’re often stuck with the ones that take human form. The ones that learn to mimic sounds and words and mannerisms. You’ve watched time and time again, the intelligence that forms in First and Special-grades that allows them to appear so convincingly human in such a short period of time. You learned the hard way early in your career, what it’s like to fall for the act and take pity on a curse. You’ve lost kind people to the trap of sentiment.
You became wise to it; despite all that intelligence that came with such a degree of power, curses bore an unquenchable drive to harm humans.
You learned to see through the pleading. The crying. High-level curses learning to comprehend terror changes nothing. When you despatch them, it changes nothing. No matter how they beg for mercy, the instinct to kill you never ceases.
It’s in their eyes, you learn.
It’s in his eyes, when the remaining students and teachers at Shibuya bring him home to Jujutsu High. A Death Painting Womb. A half-curse. You don’t need to hear the human half of it. Your mind’s made up the moment they put you in the same room as him, ordered in spite of all your protests not to kill him where he stands. He won’t harm the Itadori kid, you’re assured. The kid is safe with him.
Choso.
You can’t even believe he’s got a name.
He sticks to the boy’s side, insisting their blood-relation while he glances about his environment with baby-fresh eyes. He’s a curse in the way he takes in information. Everything is new. Every emotion he feels borders on fresh.
Brow knitted. Jaw set. The dozens of little muscles around his mouth tighten. His eyes don’t blink for their minutes of fixation. Not until his attention is called away and Itadori leaves the room, beckoning him to follow.
It’s in his eyes. You won’t be fooled.
He watches you like he wants to kill you.
_________________________________
Your orders keep you from destroying Choso. They force you to co-exist with your guard consistently up, and as the weeks draw on, your exhaustion builds. You manage to steer clear of him for a good month before Tsukumo weighs in with a surprisingly high opinion of him. Drinking buddies? Fuck off. That’s your job. You’re not going to be muscled out of your place at her side.
You’re confident in her opinion, of course. But it doesn’t change yours. Weakened resolve be damned — there’s no way you’re letting yourself be in the same room as him again.
…
Still, you suppose it couldn’t hurt humouring her suggestions for you to tolerate him. It’s not like you need to do much more than that. If somehow you turn out to be wrong and she starts buying free rounds for a curse instead of you, you wouldn’t be able to live with yourself.
It’s a rainy day lunchtime when you force yourself to approach the man, holding your lunch tray over your torso in the event he makes a jab for your internal organs as you join the line.
He glances at you once. Twice. Aborting a too-late attempt to reach for a rice bowl when you snatch one from the warmer and take a step forward to force him along.
Fear. Good. He’s learned fear.
Your tongue readies in your mouth. Your throat runs dry.
“Shitty weather.” You manage.
His head whips around. Eyes bug out of his skull as he turns to regard you. There’s that clench in his jaw again.
Choso does not respond. His posture changes, dipping down. Momentarily, you ready yourself for an attack, flinching to keep yourself from countering when he makes a sudden lurch for as many items he can reach. Shoving them onto his tray. Half a cup of steaming miso soup spills into his sleeve as he reels back and around you, storming out of the line without a word.
You eat your lunch at the window. Watching as he eats his on a step in the pouring rain, glaring into the middle-distance.
He must know you’re onto him.
_________________________________
The weeks drag on. Somehow, it feels simultaneously like your every move on campus grounds is watched by the half-curse while your every attempt to observe him close up is met with a hurried getaway.
By social means, Choso develops quickly. He still spends most of his time by Itadori’s side, but he begins to branch out. Much to your chagrin, the staff warm to him, too.
It isn’t long until they have the kid hooked up to you, much like Nanami’s old role before his run-in with the disaster curses knocked enough sense into him to go part-time. It pissed you off the first you hear about it; it had to be Choso’s doing. He must have known that you’d had it out for him and he was going to try his luck separating you from your peers after gaining Itadori’s trust.
You knew it. He was plotting to kill you.
Then, you find out that it was Itadori who’d requested you as a mentor, and the wind gets knocked out of your sails pretty fast.
It starts with a “Teacher!” Bellowed across the walkway. You’re hunched over, sipping from a faulty water fountain that the students seem to find great entertainment shoving twigs into to mess with the pressure. You know the kid’s voice well enough that embarrassment creeps up the back of your neck.
You straighten out, wiping your mouth on your sleeve, angling to look a little less lame after being caught at the mercy of a shitty fountain. “Itadori.” You greet the approaching boy. The only acknowledgement you offer his company is in your periphery. Were it not so rude, you’d close one eye so that you only have to look at the kid while you regard them. “Looks like you’re my new protege.”
There’s a pause.
Itadori looks between you and Choso, waiting for the two of you to exchange your own greetings.
It doesn’t happen.
More and more, Choso watches you with those unblinking eyes. Your focus is drawn. Minutely, you realise, he’s trembling.
“You — you know! It occurred to me that you haven’t properly met my half-brother.” Itadori ventures to break the ice. “Figured it would be nice for you two to know one another if we’re going to be learning from you.”
We’re.
You’re not a two-for-one deal. You never agreed to help train a curse.
“You don’t say.” You mutter, finally meeting Choso’s eye. Alright, then. Just because you like the kid, you’ll humour him. “Hey.”
There’s no answer. Not right away. Not until there’s an elbow nudging at Choso’s ribs. His adam’s apple bobs in a visible gulp.
“H-“
That’s all he manages before a mouthful of bile sprays out of his mouth. He has good reaction time, you’ll give him that. But it doesn’t help his cause. It just spills between his fingers as he tries to cover his face. You’d liken it to placing one’s thumb over a garden hose.
Itadori, meanwhile, springs into a panicked attempt to get between the two of you, shielding Choso from view with his body. “Haha! Okay! Great, so we’ll be seeing you!” He exclaims, alternating between leading his doubled-over brother back the way they came and waving at you.
Once again, you watch. Once again, perplexed.
“That was good, but it could have gone better. Next time, don’t throw up, okay?”
Anxiety vomiting.
Huh.
You’ll admit — this is a first.
_________________________________
Okay, maybe he’s not so bad.
Sure, he can hardly formulate a sentence around you, but at least the lack of interjection makes it easier to focus on Itadori’s development. Is Choso’s presence a constant irritation? Absolutely, but not unlike his little brother, you grow accustomed to his presence. That’s not to say that you’d ever grow to care for him to the same extent you do Itadori. In fact, the only reason you keep your trap shut about having him along for the ride is for the kid’s sake.
One thing that does start to irk you, however — even moreso than being stuck with a half-fucking-curse in your downtime, is how quickly Choso develops an opinion on your teaching style.
Rather, how critical he becomes of it.
First, there’s a huff. A sharp exhale out his nose marking disdain when you call Itadori back to rest. It builds from there. Pointed looks. Scoffs. A subtle rolling of his eyes when you snap at the kid to watch his blind spots over the passing weeks.
You’re sure you might end up killing him unprompted at this rate.
“You ought to praise him more.” Is the first full sentence he manages to get through when you’re alone with him. Itadori has left the two of you alone in a booth at CoCo Curry to excuse himself to the bathroom, and Choso jumps at the opportunity to level his criticism at you.
It’s a miracle he’s even speaking to you at all, you think at first.
Then, once you’ve registered what he’s said, you think it’s a miracle you managed to refrain from bringing your spoon down through his hand.
“Excuse me?” You seethe. “For your information, he does this every time. He always picks extra hot. He always empties the shaker when it gets brought out. He’s always shocked when he has to run off and shit himself before he’s halfway done.”
“I know that. His courage is unmatched.” Choso bites back, twisting in his seat to face you. “That’s not what I’m talking about. You’re too harsh on him in training.”
Where is all this bravery coming from all of a sudden? Is this really how protective he gets around the kid?
How misplaced. How sentimental. If you weren’t a sorcerer you might be moved by what comes off as brotherly affection.
You won’t fall for it.
A snarl curls at your lip. “Where do you get off, talking to me? You wanna give me life advice next? Wanna apply for my job? How many months have you been living outside a test tube, huh?”
“I’m only talking to you because I’m looking out for him.” He glares.
“Yeah, you and me both.” You dismiss him. “Look. I’ve got big shoes to fill. Itadori’s last mentor was hard on him. He’s closer to that guy than I could ever hope to be, but at least I know he listens to me when I boss him around. I’d rather the kid be covering his bases and coming home to me alive, than letting too much praise to go his head and getting him killed."
Choso doesn’t reply for a moment. His gaze remains hard, bottom jaw jutting out like a petulant kid. After a moment, he breaks away, redirecting his glare down at his emptied bowl.
“He respects you a lot. He looks up to you.” The man mumbles, crossing his arms and sinking down in the booth. “Please praise him.”
The two of you sit in stubborn silence for the better part of half an hour, until your student returns from the bathroom with an exhilarated huff. You can practically see the stink lines radiating off him.
“Whew!” The kid exclaims, throwing himself down beside Choso. “Aw man, my food’s probably cold.”
Yeah, whose fault is that.
“Hey. Itadori.” You grumble, earning the kid’s attention.
“Hm?” He perks up, mouth full.
“You did well today.”
You’ve turned your attention to the menu, scouring a drinks menu you’re far too full to even consider ordering.
In your periphery, Choso sits up a little.
_________________________________
You don’t make a secret of where you live. In the Jujutsu world, generally speaking (with Tsukumo being an enigmatic exception), the more secretive one tries to be about their lifestyle, the more curious it makes everyone else. You watched Nanami learn this the hard way after his return to the job and the sheer effort he put in for a while there to ensure no one knew how to contact him outside of work hours.
Of course, everyone wound up with his landline number and personal address whether any of you visit him of not.
It helps, having everyone generally know where they stand with you, anyway. ‘Emergencies only’ tends to be your rule. Approachable on campus and on the street, but home time is home time. Only show up if you’re in need of help. Or if you’re bringing free stuff.
So imagine your surprise when you open your front door and find Choso of all people, not at eye-level, but on his knees at your feet, forehead stamped to the doormat.
“What the fu-“
“Forgive me.” The man’s voice wobbles. He doesn’t move from the bow. You take the opportunity to look right. Left. Right again. Scanning for Itadori to come bounding over to escort him away from you once more.
Today, Choso is alone, but the thought of being attacked by him has dimmed to embers by now. You’ll chide yourself for it later, you think.
Right now, you’re more concerned with not drawing too much attention from the neighbours.
“Woah. Hey.” You crouch down. Choso flinches at your fingertips brushing his shoulder blade, but he doesn’t withdraw. Once again, he just starts trembling.
Man, he really is the sensitive sort.
He better not throw up again. Not while you’re close enough to be in the firing line.
“Forgive me.” Choso repeats. “I’ve been rude to you. I’ll try harder from now on. Let me redeem myself.”
“Okay! Okay, you’re forgiven, you’re redeemed. Now would you get up? I wipe my feet on that mat.” You hiss, tugging at his sleeve. This time, he gets the hint, getting to his feet and regarding you with an expression resembling hopeful and a patch of grit on his forehead.
In spite of all the confusion, you’ll admit, he’s cute. In a — born sexy yesterday kind of way.
In spite of yourself, you tug at his sleeve, taking the opportunity to rub the crap off his head. “Come inside before people get the wrong idea. You want a drink?”
“No, I’d throw up again.”
“It’s not that I don’t appreciate your candor…—“ You trail, gesturing for him to take a seat on your couch. He does as instructed, scanning your apartment from left to right, committing it to memory. “Do I freak you out that much?”
Choso doesn’t mince his words. He isn’t learned enough quite yet to beat around the bush. Maybe he might not be the type, regardless. “Yes.” He nods, avoiding your gaze in favour of staring at your reflection on the TV screen. “You have every right to feel uncomfortable around me, but I want your permission to be honest.”
Frowning, you incline your head in acknowledgement.
It’s almost like it’s the answer he didn’t want. All of a sudden, he’s not even capable of looking at your reflection. He seats himself on your couch and rubs his thumb into his palm. Holding his own hand. “I have awful feelings toward you.”
Something pricks at the base of your skull. Your eyebrows shoot up. Is this finally it? Is this your moment of vindication? Is he finally going to admit he wants to kill you?
“How awful are we talking?” You prod.
”Terrible.”
Your gaze flits around the living room for something to imbue, just in the event that he does pounce. “Uhhh, go on. I’m listening.”
“Looking at you makes me queasy.”
You abort an attempt to reach for your shark-grabber, reconsidering its promotion from TV remote reaching. “Harsh.”
“Were it not for the possibility of disappointing Yuji, I don’t know how else I’d be capable of controlling it. If I hurt you, he’d never speak to me again.”
“Well, I’m glad you’re trying to put a lid on it—“
“You’ve been putting in a lot of effort to tolerate me just so you can help make sure Yuji is okay, and I haven’t given you the same kindness. You’re good to him. It intimidates me.”
Okay, this is taking a weird turn-
“—I just can’t stop thinking about you.”
…
Heat creeps up your neck and into your ears.
“Oh.” You breathe, chest tightening as the realisation dawns on you.
Ohh, you get it now. Despite the deviation, Choso looks guilty enough that he may as well have admitted to wanting to kill you after all.
You swallow your pride, sitting down beside him on the couch. “You have a crush on me.”
His brow furrows. There’s that stare again. “I’m sorry. I’m not sure how to handle it. I don’t know what I should do.”
This whole time, it wasn’t aggression he’s been dealing with.
It was attraction.
“It’s okay.” You assure him for once, orbiting a fine line between emotional whiplash, awkwardness, and flattered sort of accomplishment. “You don’t need to do anything. People get crushes, it’s normal.”
People. It’s a person thing. There’s nothing cursed to it. Guilt pools in your gut. Just how nasty have you been toward the guy? Of course you’ve been freaking him out; he’s been catching up with the world this whole time and all you’ve done is make things harder on him.
And he still holds you in high enough regard to seek guidance from you, despite how embarrassing this must be?
“So what do I do?”
It’s not like there’s much of a choice. It’s not like you’ve really analysed your own feelings toward this man beyond bare tolerance at best — but you owe it to him to be sensible. You owe it to him to be a little more merciful than you would, even to a full-blooded human. Were he another sorcerer, you’d probably tell him to fuck off. Stop wasting your time. But he’s trusting you with a first that’s been torturing him.
He’s handsome, sure — but you don’t even know if you’re capable of trusting him not to end your life despite all he’s said. A single conversation can’t undo everything you’ve learned to feel.
“Well, if you wanna spare us both the discomfort, you could try asking another dude about how to handle it.” You suggest, casually as you can muster. “Not your teenage brother. Find an adult.”
Choso nods. You sense his tongue shifting behind his teeth. Considering asking why not you? But he seems to realise the implications by sheer instinct. The kind of conversation he needs to have can’t be with you. Not without altering your relationship before it can even find its feet.
“Yeah.” He agrees, not quite able to hold eye contact with you for more than a few seconds at a time. “I’ll do my best.”
You’re getting sick of this. You’ve never heard such sincerity in your life.
Oh, fine.
You offer him a smile. Another first.
You’d fuck him.
_________________________________
You could never get sick of this.
“Saved you a spot.” Choso’s platforms lift off the seat beside him before you have a chance to notice the half-dozen empty alternatives. You do, however, become painfully aware that you’d been on your way to sit beside him anyway. There are plenty of alternatives. Years-long professional and personal relationships scattered all around the room, but your recent months with this one in particular have made him a begrudging favourite.
“Yeah, yeah.” You grumble, slumping down with a huff.
He’s been ten times easier to handle since your little deep-and-meaningful. As much as you hate to admit it, he’s actually been kind of a cool guy to hang around.
As much as you hate to admit it, you can’t help but indulge in the idea that it’s probably all the jerking off he’s likely been doing. Nevertheless, as far as your increasing curiosity imagines, he hasn’t broached the topic with you since.
“Bring my Kagome?” Choso asks, prompting you to hand him your bag to search through.
“Didn’t miss anything, did I?” You ask.
“Competition’s started, but no one’s made contact yet.” Utahime answers from up front, not bothering to break away from the screens showcasing the exchange event’s progress.
Beside her, Gojo sinks further into his seat. His head lolls against the arm rest. “It’s so boring in here with you lot. Hey, Utahime, why don’t you embarrass yourself for everyone’s entertainment?“
The ensuing squabbling is quickly dulled to you as Choso hands your bag back, stabbing a straw into the juicebox he’s withdrawn. Both of you watch the screens, looking for your protege in particular.
“Yuji’s trying to group up with the other Tokyo kids.” Choso mentions, fingers brushing yours without flinching when you hand the box back after he offers.
“He knows he doesn’t have to do that, right?”
”Depends on how bored he gets on his own.”
Your comment causes Gojo’s head to dip back, angling his attention at you. His mouth opens, but no sound escapes him.
His attention shifts to the side of you.
“Hey, why does he get a juice?”
“Pipe down and watch the competition!” Utahime barks at him. Curiosity draws her attention up and back to you, however, gaze dropping to the drink in Choso’s hand. “Hey — is that berry salad?”
“Berry salad!” Gojo whines. “C’mon, share.”
You watch in your periphery as Choso leans forward, and the two up front stretch out an arm each. Gojo’s spindly limbs have poor Utahime beat, but Choso carries the prize just barely out of the man’s reach.
He holds it out to you instead.
You don't even mind that half the sip is backwash. It's nice being the favourite of your favourite.
One of these days you really ought to blow him.
_________________________________
The doorbell rings.
Habit has conditioned you to expect Choso at your door. When you open it, however, you’re made aware of two surprises: a plummeting excitement that had no right building in the first place that the person bowing at your front step isn’t the man in question, and secondly, that it’s his brother, your protege that stands in his place.
“Oh, for the love of-“
“Teacher!” Itadori exclaims, bent from the hip at a perfect right-angle. “Please date my brother!”
…
What the hell is wrong with this family?
Your throat closes on itself as you claw for a response that doesn’t involve punching this poor child in the back of his head. “Wha—! Who told you I — get off my property!” You bark, heat flushing your ears.
“I thought you rented.” Itadori straightens, confusion tugging an eyebrow up.
“That’s beside the point.”
Then he’s dropping right back down again. “Please date Choso!”
Choso. What’s he been telling the kid? Did he go back on his word and seek relationship advice from a teenager? Is he trying to kill you after all?
“What gives?!” You snarl down at him. “I’m your mentor! Would you pull this kinda shit with Nanami?”
“To be fair, Nanami is the one person I wouldn’t pull this with.” Itadori protests, holding his hands up in defense. “Date my brother!”
“Agh!” With that, you slam the door on the kid. “Learn some damn respect! Jeez, I’m starting to get where Utahime’s coming from.”
There’s a grumble behind the wood. A defeat well-picked.
“Fine. See you tomorrow.”
You pinch the bridge of your nose. “Yeah, yeah. Think about what you want for lunch.”
_________________________________
The moment you wrap the training day and send the kid on his way, you snatch at Choso’s sleeve before he can shuffle off after his brother. “What the hell did you tell him!”
The man flinches at your touch. He frowns hard. “I didn’t tell him anything.” He grunts back, shrugging uncomfortably away from you. “You told me not to. Why are you mad?”
“Don’t jump to calling women angry. It’s anti-feminist.”
It doesn’t immediately occur to you that with just yourself and Tsukumo being the only adult women Choso knows, he probably hasn’t had much interaction with the women’s rights movement. Nevertheless, he runs with it.
“Okay. You’re not mad.”
“I am mad! Why’s your little brother knocking on my door telling me to go out with you, huh?”
“What?!” Choso whips around, regarding you with terror. “Yuji?! I only talked to Ino-“
Your fist collides with your palm. “Ino!” You seethe, content to settle on such a target, at least until Choso taps his index fingers together. Almost…like he’s counting.
“— and he gave me some advice, but he couldn’t help me with one question I had. So I asked Ijichi, but he didn’t have an answer for me, either. So then I asked Tsukumo, and she couldn’t —“
Great, just great, you think, zoning out while the man continues to list off the names of almost every adult you interact with on a regular basis — the entire faculty staff and beyond know. Serves you right for trusting any one of those jackasses to keep a secret from a child.
You relent, if not at his sincerity, then at least just to escape the roll-call. “Okay. It’s fine. It’s all right. We’ll figure it out.” You sigh. “In any case, did you get an answer for your question?”
Choso pauses. Averts his gaze. “No. Well, Nanami gave me an answer he said works, but it’s not something I want to do.”
“…Can I help?” You offer.
“You said-“
“I know, but you’ve exhausted your other options.”
The look on his face is nothing short of defeated. You are not the person he wanted to have to ask.
“Can I take a raincheck?” Choso asks.
You touch a hand to his arm, an assurance of support. After how many months of progress, he shifts away from contact for a second time today.
Months ago, you would have felt relieved by such a rejection; now, it pools hollow and worrisome in your gut.
Something’s changed.
“Yeah. It’s fine.” You lie.
_________________________________
Weeks pass. It feels like an eternity.
You’re beginning to adjust to walking just yourself home again.
Choso seems to make himself scarce in your life what ever way he can, and where he can’t, he puts as much distance between himself and you as possible. He doesn’t look at you anymore. He doesn’t speak to you. You’re not the sort to reach out; you’re plenty used to people disappearing from your life without a trace — but this feels different.
There’s no one to remind to take their big stupid giant shoes off at the step when you enter your flat.
It’s quiet. Lonesome, a needier person might call it.
Had you not convinced yourself this was something you’d wanted from the start, you’d confront him about it. Ask him why he’s avoiding you — but what would that fix?
What would you hope to get out of closure?
You should be relieved that he’s lost interest in you. You should be over the moon that he ejects from conversations entirely upon your arrival. That he stands up and moves to the opposite side of the room should you put yourself in an empty seat beside him.
Your life is no longer haunted by his gawking presence. Itadori shows up alone to his training sessions, and were you not hell-bent on putting on a show of relief at Choso’s absence to the rest of the world, you’d stoop to asking the kid what the hell was going on.
As little as you can convince yourself any longer, you’ve got to convince the rest of the world.
You don’t give a shit.
Pulling the fridge door open, you pull a juice box out of your bag and place it back on the shelf you’d plucked it from this morning.
Yeah. You’re fine. You’re great, actually.
You don’t even fucking like berry salad.
_________________________________
“How do I stop?”
You stare at the man in your doorway, halfway caught between dumbfounded and furious.
He stares back, refusing to elaborate for you.
“Are you kidding me? You haven’t spoken to me in months-“
“You promised me I could take a raincheck.” Choso says. “I’ve tried everything. Tell me how to make it stop.”
You should turn him away. You should say something awful and hurt him. Make him think twice before daring to get under someone’s skin the way he did yours.
A muscle in Choso’s jaw tenses. That would’ve been all it took, and you hate yourself for that much — but then he hits you with a staggered, weak little: “Please.”
“Make what—…ugh.” You relent, stepping aside to let him pass. “Shoes.”
He’s already stepping out of them, padding through your hallway on his way to the kitchen out of sheer habit.
“Don’t even think about taking a Kagome.”
There’s a grunt. The fridge door closes.
Choso’s stepping back into the living room when you’ve caught up with him. “I’m…really sorry.” He fiddles with his hands, shrinking into himself under the heat of your scrutiny. “I’ve—…missed talking to you.”
“Yeah, well I haven’t.” You snap. His gaze hits the floor, and guilt threatens to well in your throat. “I’m angry you ghosted me, okay?”
“I was trying to take Nanami’s advice.” He mumbles.
”Nanami.”
“But it hasn’t worked.“ The man continues, ignoring your targeted rage. “I asked him how I can stop feeling how I feel about you, and he told me to stay away, but I can’t, and I don’t know how to stop, and I know how sad it’s making you, but I can’t—“
You snap out of your haze at the wobble in the man’s voice, finding him clutching at his own sleeves, a futile endeavour at self-soothing. For just a moment, his gaze locks to yours.
Fuck, you’ve missed him looking at you. How sad is that.
“Why do you want to stop?” You ask, and all of a sudden he can’t look you in the eye again. “Did I do something to make you upset?”
“Because you don’t want it.” He explains, frustration mounting. “Everything I’ve read, everything I’ve watched, it’s not one-sided. In real life, with you — it’s only me. It makes-…it makes me feel terrible.” A pit forms in your stomach as he goes on. “Do you know how me and my siblings exist? Through my mother’s suffering.”
...
Oh, fuck.
You’ve been so stupid.
How could you have not thought this through? Choso’s a sensitive guy even without the nature of his existence coming into play, and your most rational thought when he came to you with this problem was to save your own embarrassment and throw him at porn?
The only prior understanding he’s had of sexuality is forced procreation.
All this time you’ve been torturing him, throwing him under the bus. Putting the entire responsibility for his interest in you onto him, without him even understanding any of it. You’ve been leading him along under the impression that you’re not interested, that you detest him, and while that might have been true at the start—
“I don’t want to feel the way my father might have felt about my mother.” Choso admits. “I don’t want to want someone who doesn’t want me back.”
“You’ve got it wrong.” You manage. “You’re not bad for wanting me. There’s nothing I don’t like about that.”
Your words fall on deaf ears. He’s already far too swept up in his own thoughts to hear you.
“Choso.” You speak firmly, and you’re not sure if it’s the tone you take or his own catastrophising, but you’ve never seen him look more afraid of you than he does right now. “It’s not the same, I promise you. That’s not how it works. I know you won’t hurt me.”
“But it does hurt you.” Choso insists, snatching at your shoulders like he's trying to snap you out of a stupor. “I see how much it bothers you. I don’t want to make you suffer.”
Your brow knits. Maybe if you weren’t such a pussy about all this you’d admit to him that the hurt of his absence has by far beaten any negative feelings brought about by having him around.
“You treat my brother so well.” He offers, solemnly. “You tolerate me for his sake. It makes me feel so selfish — I want Yuji to be happy and continue to learn from you — but if you choose not to train him anymore because of me, then I won’t be able to be near you anymore either. I can’t stay away from you, but I can’t bear to make you carry the burden of knowing how I feel about you. So please, tell me how I can stop.”
"I don't want you to stop." You blurt. This time, you're the one incapable of meeting his eye. Instead, you scowl at the wrap over his chest, doing your best not to get swept up in reuniting with the scent of him. "I'm sorry for making you go through this by yourself. I hate that I drove you away and made you feel like this. You can do what you want, but you need to know that what you're going through isn't bad. It's human."
Choso tentatively runs the fabric of your shirt between his fingers. Not quite touching you. Closing your proximity all the while. You feel his breath. You feel his warmth.
“It’s nothing like that,” You promise, “because I think the same of you.”
Then, you feel the fucker smirk down at you. "Yeah, yeah, I get the picture."
"Shut up. I'm trying."
His gaze flits between your eyes and your mouth, no doubt running through the natural course of events he’s been studying in whatever material the others have had him watch. His head dips, catching your attention, and then ever lower, nose almost brushing yours.
“You’re sure.” He breathes.
You answer by covering the distance, ghosting your lips against his. Choso’s body stiffens, leaning into you in what he must assume is how he should reciprocate. You quell the insecurity, sliding your fingers down his arm before you find your balance with a palm pressed to his chest. He’s too inexperienced to take the cue, but he’s smart enough to break away with a questioning look. The blood mark across his nose has altered its shape. Not quite as straight as it once was.
“You can touch me. I want you to.” You murmur, tugging the bands out of his hair one at a time. “I’ll like it.”
The blood mark stretches over Choso’s cheeks. A hollow breathe escapes him just as he pulls you against him in another kiss, long arms wrapping firmly around your waist. He’s clearly inexperienced, but he's a quick learner. He follows your lead, mimicking your motions. Large hands drift over your ribcage. Pawing at your waist. Then, the moment your tongue slips over Choso’s bottom lip, he’s holding your hips just shy of his own.
“You’re sure.”
His pupils are dilated beyond belief as he holds you at bay, lacking the willpower to keep from allowing you to push back into his grasp just a little, just enough to feel a burgeoning erection jutting against your stomach.
His hairties roll onto your wrist. Your fingers toy with his locks, gathering on his shoulders. “I think,” You smile up at him, “You should show me what you’ve been learning.”
Something in him snaps. His mouth is back on yours in a heartbeat, florid, hands yanking you in against his body. A ragged hum spills from his throat as you respond in kind, snatching at his cowl, breaking away from him just to untie the thing and pulling it off over his head.
Choso isn’t much of a talker. Not yet, at least. Not while so much of his concentration is on making up for lost time exploring you. For the moment, you have to find satisfaction in pulling wordless sounds from him, learning where he’s most sensitive. His ribcage. His throat. His hipbones. It’s not until your fingertips graze his cock through his pants that he musters a breathy little ”fuck—“
His weight braces against you naturally, chasing more, confidence growing. He spends a particularly long moment squeezing your ass before he hurriedly shifts his attention — just pointed enough to have you noting that he might already be figuring out his favourites.
When Choso’s fingers paw at your tits, though — a favourite of your own — you can’t help the little noise that escapes you.
He draws back. Pupils constricted. Blood mark tightening across his face. Sensing competition.
Not today, you affirm silently, walking the man backward until his legs hit the couch and he falls into a sit. You follow, sinking to your knees between his, palms resting on his thighs.
“Won’t you?” You ask sweetly, angling for a look akin to innocent, watching Choso gulp at the sight.
“Won’t I wh-what…” He stammers. So much for competition.
Your fingers curl into the fabric of his pants. You don’t take your eyes off him. “Show me.”
Choso takes a moment, considering your words in total silence. Then, with a shuddering breath, he’s fumbling with his underclothes, juban tugging up out of the way. Flashing his lower stomach as he busies himself with pulling his cock out of his pants. You find yourself vaguely scandalised at the sight. You’ve scarcely seen more of Choso than his arms. The flat of his stomach feels oddly intimate.
His cock is just as pale as his fingers. He slowly, steadily pulls his foreskin up, though his grip conceals him for the most part, much to your disappointment. When he draws back, you lean in insistently, ignoring a little shiver on his part at how close your face gets. Colour gathers on the delicate tip, much like the hue of his eyelids. Choso draws up again, and you find your mouth running dry at the glimmer of a tiny drop of pre-cum, at least before it gets swept away by his fingers.
“If you wanted to watch so bad, you should’ve asked.” He mutters, tone chastising — yet undermined by the flush blotting his neck, and again, you make a note. He’s going to be bratty once he gets the hang of this.
“Maybe if you’d been nice about it-“
“Are you gonna let me blow you, or what?” You interject.
Choso goes silent. Eyes wide. You’d think you’d gone too far if he hadn’t immediately relinquished his grip.
You waste no time replacing his hand with your own, balancing his cock between your fingers, tipping it toward you as you shimmy closer, nudging his knees further apart.
The flat of your tongue presses to the tip, and you grin at the way his whole body seems to flinch. A hum vibrates in his chest. Flagging permission to keep going. He can handle it. You don’t have to be content with just a taste.
Your mouth envelops his cock, and Choso grips hard at the cushion beneath him. He stops making noise altogether as your lips venture mid-way, holding his breath while you pause to run your tongue against the underside. Then, when you hollow your cheeks and pull back up, a ragged sound escapes his throat. Pre-cum spurts over your tastebuds. So much so that you’re worried he might already be done for. Waiting another moment brings nothing else, but he probably needs a moment regardless.
Sitting back on your heels, you check in, poising your wettened lips just shy of the head. Choso looks like he’s on the verge of tears. It isn’t helped by the rorschach blotting of the blood mark dripping down his cheeks like drenched mascara.
“You okay?” You check in. “You need to stop?”
“No!” He yips, sitting up, bordering outraged. It takes a moment for him to register the smile on your face as a taunt. That you’re not serious about backing out.
All the same, if you didn’t have him pinned to the couch right now, you’re sure he’d be bowing at your feet again.
“Keep going. I can take it.”
Your hand works him slowly from base to tip, squeezing out another clear, oozing droplet. You smear it back and forth over your lips, and Choso’s head dips back against the couch, scrunching his eyes shut. Poor thing. As fun as it is teasing him, you owe it to him to at least get him off.
“Just relax.” You murmur, licking your lips, brushing your tongue around the head of his cock and waiting for a minute nod on his part before continuing on. Sinking down, you take him deeper with each bob of your head, building into a steady, consistent rhythm so as not to catch him off-guard. You want to draw this out as long as possible for him. You want him at your door again, at your feet, begging you for more.
You want to be the only one he wants doing this to him.
There’s no helping a swallow on your part when he nudges the back of your throat one too many times, though, and Choso gasps like he’s dying. His posture curls, instinctively trying to find purchase on something that isn’t just the couch. His cock twitches in your mouth, and you go still.
He’s on the brink, but you’re convinced you can work just a bit more out of him with a little patience.
Choso’s hands come to hover over your head. You don’t have the ability right now to tell him you’d be fine with having his grip guide you, and without that go-ahead, he’s not taking his chances. He’s far too considerate to do that.
So he just sits there, letting himself suffer, not quite sure what to do with himself beyond entrusting that part to you.
Once his muscles have relaxed enough, signalling his body’s retreat from the orgasm that had been building, you deem it safe to resume. Starting slow and shallow once again, you earn yourself a frustrated groan.
That’s more like it. The nerves are settling. He wants to cum, now.
You can’t help but go back on your word, just a little. You can’t help but taunt him, pulling back to suck on just the head until his fingernails are digging into his palms. Choso’s hips judder, threatening to buck up into your mouth and taking a conscious effort to be stilled. His breaths push and pull through gritted teeth, and fine, it might be time to give the poor guy a break.
Choso all but cries out when you take him all the way in again, stifling an instinctual gag when another spurt of pre-cum hits your overworked throat. You don’t let up, for his sake. His breaths come short and sharp. His cock swells on your tongue, leaking pitifully in sync with an equally pitiful sound in his chest.
“I—“ He whimpers, voice wobbling, “I’m gonna—“
There’s no curse words he’s been exposed to enough to pick out, and when Choso peaks, he does so wordlessly in a mess of gasps and groans. The first pulse of cum jets across your tongue, and you draw back to hold your mouth open, working him through it with your hand. Ribbon after ribbon coats your face as Choso keens his way through the aftershocks, only filling your mouth when the force dwindles and his body slackens.
You’d mistake him for a corpse, were he not twitching every few seconds. His eyes are fixed on your face, glassy and unmoving, mouth agape as if he might burst into tears at any moment, unaided by the running of his blood mark down his cheeks.
Sitting back and admiring your handiwork, you swipe a thumb across a stripe of cum that starts to streak down your face, watching the man with a smile. You pop your thumb into your mouth, and Choso jolts to life at the sight, sitting up, suddenly breathing again.
His hand brushes your face. His own thumb tentatively brushing across the bridge of your nose.
“Please date me.”
You’re pretty certain he’ll cry for real if you say no.
prompt: "Hey, come on now, you look ugly crying, *sighs* if I let you capture me this time, will you stop crying?" "Really? you would do that for me? that's surprisingly sweet" "Anything to stop you from ugly crying, it's pathetic" "I take it back"
cw/tw: just normal jjk battle but other than that none
a/n: Special thanks to @akmwrites, these prompts provided a handful of inspiration for a writing break hehe I changed a bit of the prompts to fit the theme for JJK. Hope you all like it! 🥰
This was one of the Mischievous Villains and Irritated Heroes drabbles from my masterlist.
(P.S. I will update the masterlist tomorrow)
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Bored. It has been a while since you started fighting this human-like curse. But he only wore the same expression. As if your very best on a fight was a nuisance to him.
It started last month. You have met him wandering around the market. Looking so human. Acting so human as he asked the prices of the goods and checking the freshness of vegetables and fruits.
You tailed him, made sure to put a barrier, before he did a sharp turn on a narrow path and in there he confronted you if you were following him. Instead of replying, you started attacking. There is no way to convince a curse so why even start a conversation.
However, he always, somehow, was able to run away before you could finish a fight.
He would stop midway the battle, as if someone was communicating with him inside his head, then he would vanish. He was even able to break the barrier you set up, all the time.
That wonders you a lot because only the most capable curses could do something like that. Yet, your fights always ended up with him running away instead of killing you.
Meanwhile, no matter how strong your attacks were, he just looks the same. He seems bored. If he wore a suit, the best way to describe his expression was a corporate slave who was doing the work for money. Exhausted, tired and lifeless.
There are a couple of times his eyes widen in surprise though. And that makes you happy because you feel seen. His eyes usually turn bigger if you do an incredible curse technique. You felt seen and recognized. However, eventually, his face will go back to how it started. Bored.
You truly do not know if his intention was to insult you but it was working quite well.
Especially on this particular day and fight. You happen to meet him by chance, in the area where they sell antiques and there's a rare number of customers that visit everyday.
Without hesitation, you put up a barrier and started the attack. He immediately jumped back completely evading your quick move.
He seems faster and his reflexes more accurate. There is no delay on how fast he jumps around to avoid your attacks.
Since meeting him, you have practiced everyday and you always imagine how this day would end. Finally, killing or capturing this curse who called himself Choso.
He jumped around the whole time without attacking but no matter how new your move or if you surprised him, his face never wavers nor his eyes widened in shock. He was stoic and bored.
After some time of chasing around like cat and mouse, you realized that he obviously was playing with you. Your limbs were shaking from accumulating rage and anger as you tightened your position, preparing for twice powerful cursed technique.
You breathe in, deeply, preparing your whole body to a stance for an attack. Your mouth slowly turning into "O" and your eyes sharpening with renewed strength. With a yell, you run full force towards him. Much faster, much greater than before. You are moving forward towards his direction….3…2…and BAM!
A loud bang echoed in all corners of the barrier. It was so loud to the point that you would have suspected that there must be a bomb that went off in the middle of the war. But there wasn't.
In fact, It seems like it was you who made that booming sound.
No. It was your body hitting the ground, full force, when you tripped at the debris, casually lodging in the middle of the street.
Eyes swimming with black and white spots, you tried to blink them away. Your face hurts, your nose aching from the impact. There was a sound of falling liquid captured by your ringing ears. Only for you to see and realize that your nose was bleeding. You tried to clean them up with your hands, only for you to smear it more in your hands and in your face.
"Are you okay?" You looked up when you heard his concerned voice. His brow furrowed, which was akin to worry. He was sitting from afar but closer than he had been throughout the fight.
The image of your enemy unscatched and imagining your face bleeding from your own clumsiness had made a tear escape your eyes and run down your cheeks. You made a choked sound before you let the dam go and bawled your heart out.
Your family has always been worried about you. Despite being gifted as a sorcerer, they always pushed you to lead the business side of the family.
You always find the idea silly and dumb. Who would force one of their promising sorcerers in the family to do mortal business instead? That's absurd.
But the very idea of that silly little suggestion had hit you like a truck today. It was so obvious but you choose to remain oblivious.
You were too soft to be a sorcerer.
You had the power, the promise but you were just simply unfit to be one.
Because you cry a lot.
Of course, tears were no sign of weakness. But gods, you just cry a lot, especially when you are embarrassed.
"Hey, come on now, you look ugly crying. If I let you capture me this time, will you stop crying?"
Choso finally spoke after witnessing your utter failure and embarrassing breakdown. He gave out a deep sigh and offered you a clean, white handkerchief.
"Really? You would do that for me? that's surprisingly sweet."
Without hesitation, you grabbed his handkerchief and mumbled a quiet thank you. You wiped your tears first before blowing your nose.
Somehow, the air of hostility shifted to neutral ground.
"Anything to stop you from ugly crying..…you look pathetic for a sorcerer your grade."
He was supposed to quietly mumble that, probably a thought that was intended to be left unsaid, but his mistake was making you hear that loud and clear.
And the way he eyed you? He was appraising your skills and maybe your credibility too. What an asshole!
"I'll take it back! I will kill you!"
This was the war cry you screamed at the top of your lungs before the fight restarted again. But this time, you meant to hurt him. To end him!
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The fight ended with Choso winning. He brought your tired, battered and sleeping body to Shoko.
Good thing his brother, Yuji, was there and he greeted him with a smile but it quickly turned into a frown when he and his friends, Megumi and Nobura, realized that he was carrying your bloody body in his arms.
No serious trauma or injury. Just like he predicted and intended as he used his cursed techniques to protect you from your immature usage of cursed energy. He realized that when you are mad, you forget all of your training and just attack as strongly as you could. Not thinking that your own curse energy can destroy your body when you are out of focus. It surprised him a lot that a child who came from a family of cursed users was oblivious to her own strength.
He deep sighed as Shoko confirmed that you will be fine. Perhaps in a lot of pain but you can take it.
He was just planning to tease you a bit since you looked so naive for not realizing that he was no enemy but an ally.
He surmised that he must have overdone it.
What can he say though? You were so adorable when annoyed. Just like a cute puppy when being teased.
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You woke up, groggily and in pain, on a soft bed and the sterile smell of Shoko's clinic.
It was Yuji who walked towards you and sat at the chair beside your bed to ask you if you were feeling well once the dizzy spell of sleep went away.
All you did was blink at him and you saw from your peripheral that Shoko gave him a glass of water.
He helped you up and he tipped the glass slowly so you could drink it. He mumbled the word "slowly, careful" as the cold water quenched your dried lips, mouth and throat. It feels like an oasis in the middle of the desert.
Once satisfied, he put down the glass and helped you to sit up and lean on the headboard of the bed.
"I am glad you are okay now. Thank God my brother found you!" He grinned and you smiled at him. His energy renewed any fatigue you felt from sleeping, maybe for days.
"Is your brother in here? I'd like to thank him then."
You do not know what happened to the fight. Your memories were still foggy and a bit puzzling. It hurts whenever you try to remember anything that day. Maybe Yuji's brother could help you with all the questions inside your confused brain.
"He went out to buy fruits. I think he will be back so— "
Yuji was cut off when the door creaked and it slowly opened.
"Oh! Speaking of who! Brother, she's awake!"
He looked at the person slowly entering the door so you focused your whole attention to this brother Yuji was talking about.
It was his sleeve you first noticed, it was loose and light tanned. He had huge hands as he held the door handle and pushed the door.
Your eyes traveled from his hands, to his arm, upto his shoulders until the door opened wide enough to reveal his pale face with a blood mark which extends from both sides of his face across the bridge of his nose. His dark purple eyes and slightly thin eyebrow was sporting his usual "bored" look. His long stringy hair tied into two high ponytails that jut upward and outward was familiar.
That was the first time you have heard of Yuji having a brother. A curse on top of that.
The human-like curse you were trying to kill for weeks. That was him. He was an ally. He is related to Yuji.
The moment he drank in your surprised face, he can't help but give you a devilish smile.
Discord 18+ - Twitter - Previous Chapter - Next Chapter - Series Masterlist
Pairing: Choso x f! Reader
Summary: Things take a turn.
Chapter Warnings: Angst...
WC: 6.6k
Choso Art By:NC9__
**While not all chapters contain adult content, the themes of this story are targeted towards adults, so minors DNI please.
No one warned you just how difficult university would be.
Your first semester of college has been kicking your ass in all honesty. Between your art projects, extracurriculars and trying to maintain some semblance of a social life, you’re completely burnt out. It was quite the adjustment from high school where teachers stayed on you about your school work and assignments. You'd learned very quickly that now, one was responsible for you but you.
At 19, it was a true test of your maturity. And you were failing that test quite miserably.
“I have one last project due and then I’ll finally be able to breathe. This professor has been up my ass all semester. I can’t wait for winter break and to be done with his class.” You set your bags down on your desk before you adjust your cell phone between your cheek and shoulder. “Sorry to rant. How are you all doing?”
A deep voice rumbles on the other end of the line with a laugh that makes your cheeks warm every time you hear it.
“Hey, it’s no problem. I’m just happy to hear from you. At least you’re letting me know what to realistically expect when I start school next year.” You hear shifting on the other side and you know he’s getting comfortable, probably in bed. “Yuji’s good. He’s also getting ready for winter break so he’ll be home most of the time. Eso’s been struggling with algebra, but Kechizu is surprisingly good at it. He’s been helping him study and–”
You listen closely, hanging on every word falling from your friend’s lips as he catches you up on his brother’s lives. It’s been a few months since you’ve spoken to Choso over the phone. While you’d keep in touch after the summer months until you were back on the beach, you’ve both been busy with your new normal. You haven’t seen Choso either, your first year of college being surprisingly more difficult than you’d expected so you opted for summer classes in hopes to maintain your GPA instead of taking your annual trip with your parents.
It was the first time since you were 9 that you hadn’t gone back to the beach. Your parents reluctantly returned without you your first summer in university, only after you had pushed them to enjoy a romantic vacation together for once. You remember the pictures you’d received from your mother the night they got into town. She was quick to spam you with pictures of your little pink haired friend who had grown even taller since the last time you’d seen him. She’d also sent a photo of all four of the brothers sitting at your dinner table, just as they always did on your first night in town since you were all kids.
It was reminiscent of all the summers you’d spent together growing up, except there was a noticeable gap where you’d usually be sitting, right between Choso and Yuji. As your eyes roamed over every detail, every way the boys had grown and changed, you couldn’t help the pang of disappointment you felt from missing out on this. You wanted to see them, hug them, be with them and enjoy your summer together. But you couldn’t. And it hurt more than you wanted to admit.
It hurt that you wouldn’t spend days and nights at the beach. You wouldn’t be taking Yuji all over the town with you and spoiling him rotten like you always have. You wouldn’t be climbing out of your bedroom window to sneak out to parties. You wouldn’t be working the summer at Panda’s, closing shop and sitting at the shoreline to watch the sunsets with Choso.
Choso…
Your eyes were locked on the tall figure in the photo and you found yourself pinching your thumb and index finger together, pressing them to your phone screen before expanding and zooming in on the picture. He was wearing his signature tiny smile that he reserved only for you and your family. Those same pigtails that have sat atop his head since he was 10 years old were still there, but that baby face was long gone. He was all chiseled jawline and sharp cheekbones now, even more handsome than when you saw him last summer, if possible, and your heart fluttered at the thought.
You stared at those dark eyes that had peered into yours that cool summer night last year as he leaned closer, those soft lips that pressed against your mouth as you exchanged your first kisses with each other. Those lips…they consumed your thoughts. Those lips that uttered those three words that still kept you up at night as they echoed through your mind:
“Just one more.”
Heat rushed to your cheeks, to the tips of your ears and you could hear the blood rushing through your body as the memories played clearly through your mind.
The slight tilt of Choso’s head as he deepened the kiss just barely. The way you gasped when his tongue gently ran along the seam of your lip. How he sighed, low and deep when he heard the little sounds you were making and all because of him.
Neither you nor Choso have spoken about your first kiss since it happened. He’d walked you home from the beach that night, hugged you tight one last time and then you spent the remainder of the night clutching at your chest, desperately willing your heart to calm down.
“You still there?” Choso’s voice pulls you from your trip down memory lane and you clear your throat to buy yourself time to gather your thoughts.
“Yeah, sorry. I’m just…I’m sad. I’m glad everyone’s doing well, but I almost feel like I missed a part of that because I didn’t go back to the beach for the summer.” You fall back onto your bed with a groan. “I miss you.”
The words fall from your lips easily, though your eyes widen when you realize what you’ve said. While you had never been one to sugarcoat your words with Choso, you couldn’t help but feel as though those simple words held more weight since the kiss.
Choso doesn’t seem to be having the same thoughts, because he quickly replies with an, “I miss you, too.”
And just like that, the conversation picks right back up.
It’s easy with Choso. It’s always easy. You sometimes forget just how easy it is.
- - - - - - - -
That breather you thought you’d be getting for winter break? Yeah, that didn’t happen.
Could it be because your first year of college hadn’t gone according to plan which resulted in you ending the year with a lower than desired grade point average? Who could say? That wasn’t important anyway. The important thing was that you’d opted to take Winter classes as well. Because your life wasn’t already hell Monday through Friday during the spring and fall semesters. Not to mention the summer classes you’d taken earlier in the year that had kept you from being able to tag along on your annual beach trip.
College was turning out to be more of a drag than anything. Luckily, you had made plenty of friends here that made the fact you were missing out on these things a lot more bearable.
It was during the Winter semester that you’d met Iori Utahime, a beautiful young woman with a curious scar across her face that somehow only added to her stunning looks. The two of you had quickly hit it off, both wanting to take your studies seriously and needing someone to hold the other accountable for reaching their goal. Utahime wanted to pursue a career in music and while your majors differed, you were still artists just the same.
Your similarities didn’t end there either. You shared core classes and unfortunately also shared struggling GPAs, which only brought you closer to each other. So when you found yourselves paired up for a project for one of your Winter courses, you soon found yourselves together more often than not.
And she’d introduced you to more friends as time went on.
There was Satoru. Satoru was goofy. That was the best way to describe him. He never took anything seriously, because everything was easy for him. Seriously. He was a genius who never needed to study because he just knew he’d ace his exams. Because of this, he was all about enjoying the college experience.
You could catch Satoru at every party, the center of attention everywhere he went. He was Mr. Popular. There was no one on campus who did not know who Satoru Gojo was. Almost every student on campus either wanted him or wanted to be him. And although you didn't share the same desires as them, you could see the appeal.
Satoru was tall. Way too tall. And had the strangest hair color you’d ever seen– stark white and so messy. He claimed it was natural, though you had your doubts. In a way, his hair reminded you oddly of Choso, if only because you could only think about how it was the total opposite of your friends. And his eyes…they also reminded you of Choso. Because they were as blue as the ocean you’d sat in front of many times with him. As blue as the waters that had brought you to Choso in the first place.
But that was where the similarities ended. Satoru was carefree, going with the flow whenever he could. He never planned for anything, he just let things happen. And he bugged Utahime in a way you couldn’t understand. It’s not really like he had to do much in the first place to get under her skin. All he needed to do was breathe within the same vicinity as Utahime and she was going ballistic. And Satoru seemed to love that.
There was Suguru, Satoru’s best friend. Or more? You could never quite tell with those two. He also reminded you of Choso in a way. Not physically, but general demeanor. Suguru was quieter, more observant than Satoru. He was thoughtful and kind, not abrasive at all; soft spoken in a way that made you feel as though he truly cared for you. And you liked that about him.
When out, you’d often find yourself next to Suguru. His presence was warm and comforting, almost familiar. You felt safe and protected with him and you knew that if Suguru was with you, you could just count on him to look out for you. You’d grown close fairly quickly and had established a friendship outside of your immediate friend group. You spent a lot of time together, but there was never any connection between you two aside from friendship.
And then there was the last of your group – Shoko. Clearly there was something going on between her and Utahime. But if you asked either of them, they'd quickly deny it. None of you were dumb, even with your low GPAs. The stolen glances, the touches they thought you all didn’t notice, the way one always ended up leaving exactly three minutes before the other decided to call it a night.
You found it very amusing, the way they thought none of you knew what was going on.
Their situation made you think more about Choso and how he –
Wait.
Why were you thinking about Choso so much? Why did everything suddenly remind you of him? You couldn’t think about any of your new friends without comparing them to Choso. Even after all this time.
After your last summer vacation, Choso had spent a good amount of time on your mind. But it’s been almost two years now. A second summer vacation was coming up and you were once again abandoning plans to go to the beach with your family and opting to take more summer courses to boost your GPA.
And it wasn’t as though you’d spoken to Choso much, either. Between your studies and his own life happenings, there wasn’t much time to chat. You carve out time when you can and appreciate the usual nightcap you both share every so often. But you're busy with your studies and Choso…well…
When your second year of college began, that was also when Choso had broken the sad news to you that college would be put on hold for him indefinitely.
“It’s my dad,” he’d told you. “Fucker just up and left and we haven’t heard from him since. Not that I should be surprised. I guess I'm only shocked it took him so long.”
You could hear the words come through gritted teeth, how he’d tried to hide the venom that dripped from each syllable. He was beyond pissed. You knew Choso better than you knew any other friend. There was no better way to get on his bad side than to mess with his beloved siblings.
But you knew more than anything that Choso was disappointed, crestfallen even.
For Choso, getting out of that small beach town and getting an education was his path to a better life for himself and for his brothers. His father taking that from him felt like the ultimate betrayal. What could you even say to lift his spirits at that point?
“I'm so sorry, Cho. Fuck, I'm sorry.”
It didn't feel like enough.
You checked in with him when you could. And he checked in with you when he could, but he was busy working. He’d accepted a full time position as a manager at Panda’s and had even told you a spot would be there for when you returned the next summer.
But it looked like someone else would have to fill the position this year.
You missed your vacations back to your second home. You missed the warmth of the sand beneath your feet and the smell of the salty ocean air as you all spent your days at the beach. You missed scooping ice cream at Panda’s and doodling the horizon in your sketchbook from your spot behind the counter when work was slow. You missed sneaking out to bonfires and having Choso toss you his sweater the moment you landed in his arms in nothing but the shorts and bikini tops he so hated.
You missed Choso.
That last night at the beach revealed to you for the first time that you may have feelings for your best friend that are more than just friendship. Freshly 18 year old you with almost no prior dating history hardly knew what those feelings meant. But almost 20 year old you, well it's been loud and clear for some time that this has slowly become more than some childish crush.
You like Choso.
The whispered call of your name pulls you from your spiraling thoughts and you look up to find Satoru’s bright eyes staring questioningly at you from across the table. You’d all met up in the library to study for your exam coming up at the end of the week. Of course he was checking in because you’d zoned out in the middle of your cram session to daydream about your long distance crush.
Except, that wasn’t why Satoru was checking in at all.
It’s only when Satoru waves his hand next to him that you see another tall figure standing beside the table. Your eyes roam up his form until they land on his face. And it surprises you when you feel your heart kickstart and begin racing.
Because you thought only Choso could get that reaction from you.
“This is Kaito,” Satoru introduces him and Kaito smiles, eyes locked on yours and you think you can hear your heart pounding in your chest.
Kaito is tall, slender, but not in the way Satoru is. If anything, you’d say he has the same body type as Suguru. He’s lean. You can tell from the way his clothes accentuate his form that he’s fit. And he’s got the most beautiful smile, teeth so brilliantly white that you’re nervous to see how brightly they shine in the sun. Gorgeous emerald green eyes sit beneath long black lashes and wow, he is really fucking good looking.
He politely introduces himself, running his hand through a messy black wolfcut as he takes the seat right beside you after Suguru heads to his next class.
You all resume studying shortly after Satoru’s friend’s arrival. Kaito seems to fit right in, quickly becoming friendly with the rest of the group and you. But you soon notice that Kaito has taken quite a liking to you.
Again, 20 year old you is not as clueless as you used to be and the attention he focuses on you is giving you an insane amount of butterflies.
You catch his little glimpses at you from the corner of your eye, the way he’s quick to lean over and help you resolve an equation you were stuck on, the way he never breaks eye contact with you when you’re speaking with him. Like every word that leaves your mouth is the most important thing he’s ever heard.
“So yeah, that’s why hot cheetos are like the best chip there are.” You finish your rant, beaming because you finally got to tell someone your true feelings about this.
“Absolutely…fascinating…” Utahime comments sarcastically. She’d stopped listening to your rambling ages ago, nose buried in her textbook.
Shoko and Satoru had left to get refreshments so unfortunately for them, they'd missed the entire thing.
But Kaito, you’ve got his full attention. “No, really. It’s truly fascinating. I’d love to hear more.”
His grin has your tummy squeezing, that sweet tickle returning and you find yourself smiling right back despite your little epiphany about your feelings regarding your childhood friend just moments before Kaito showed up.
“Yeah?”
“Definitely.”
A loud slurping can be heard from across the table, effectively popping the little bubble that you and Kaito had suddenly found yourselves in. On the other side of the table sits Satoru, back from his trip to the cafe, guzzling a sweet juice while he watches you and Kaito talk over the rim of his glasses. Next to him, Utahime’s face is twisted into a look of pure hatred and disgust. Satoru ignores it.
“Y’all should go out,” Satoru suggests casually, like he’s talking about something as unimportant as the weather. “Talk about animal crackers or whatever the hell.”
Shoko snorts as she discreetly slides a snack over to Utahime while no one is looking. Except everyone sees it anyway because these two are so fucking obvious.
“Yeah, go out,” Shoko also chimes in. “Think you two would make a great couple.”
Your face ignites with heat, the sudden idea making you want to kick Satoru and Shoko under the table.
But Kaito smirks, eyes holding your gaze like they have been this entire time and he says, “I’d like that. Can I?”
You glance at Utahime who stares at you in surprise.
“Um…can you what?” You question, trying to buy yourself time to think.
“Can I take you out? Like, on a date.” His response is quick. It’s so easy for him. He just spits it out and says what he wants. And you’re sitting here still freaking out just over Satoru’s suggestion.
“I…”
“If I bring hot cheetos with me, would that make it more tempting?” He’s so charming, and cute, and sweet and–
Ugh, what reason do you have to say no to him?
The sudden vision of pigtails flashes through your mind. And suddenly, the excitement you were feeling seems to fall away. And Kaito seems to sense it, because his grin falters a little, becoming just a small smile on his lips and he simply nods and gives you a “sure” when you ask him, “Can I get back to you?”
- - - - - - - -
“I met someone today,” you speak quietly into the phone, lying in bed after leaving your study date with your friends. You’re nervous. Probably because you’re testing the waters here. Probably because your walk back to your dorm after Kaito had asked you out was eye opening.
Can you really open yourself to date someone else seriously when your thoughts are plagued by another man? Can you open yourself to the possibility of being with someone else when the person you want to be with is hundreds of miles away, in some little beach town?
Because that's what you've come to realize. You want to be with Choso.
You just need to know if he feels the same way you do. You have an idea of how Choso feels about you based on the last time you’d seen each other. But that doesn’t make you feel any less like digging a hole in the ground and burying yourself in embarrassment thinking about bringing any of this up.
“Oh yeah? Another new friend?” Choso asks distantly. He’s currently at Panda’s closing shop, so he’s got you on speaker while he completes his nightly tasks. You were happy (maybe too happy) when he'd answered your call tonight.
“Sort of a friend, sure…He’s nice…”
You’re hoping he’ll take the hint quickly here.
But when Choso just gives you an absentminded “that’s cool”, you know you’ve only got half of his attention. And you want all of it.
“Yeah. His name is Kaito. Really nice guy.” And it’s true. You think Kaito is nice, but you think Choso is nicer. That's not to say you're not into Kaito either. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t interested in him. But you’d also be lying if you said you weren’t interested in Choso as well. Maybe more than you are Kaito. Because for you, you’re pretty sure it will always be Choso. Even though you've never had anyone else, you know you don't need to. It's Choso for you.
That is why your thoughts have been consumed with him. This revelation has been so freeing.
You just need to know if he feels the same.
“Glad you’re meeting new people.”
He’s still distracted, the sounds of him pushing the chairs around the store’s lobby echoing through the phone. You didn’t want to have to show your hand so quickly, but you’re tired from a long day of studying and tired from years of beating around the bush. It’s been over a decade of your feelings slowly building for Choso and now your heart is ready to burst. You have no choice but to push this conversation along a little faster.
“Yeah, his name is Kaito. He asked me out on a date actually.”
And finally, you get an actual reaction from Choso. Not a grunt, not a hum in reply or some offhand comment. Instead, you hear him shuffling around, then the sound of tapping on his phone, likely taking you off of the speaker. His voice comes through, crisp and clear now.
“Sorry,” he apologizes through quick breaths. “What was that?”
“I said Kaito asked me out on a date…this weekend.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yep,” you reply cheerily, hopefully driving the knife a little deeper. Immature, sure, but at this point you’d do anything to get Choso a little closer to saying whether or not he has any feelings for you, if he wants you in the same way you want him. “Probably dinner at his place. Maybe a movie. Not sure yet.”
Choso hums quietly. “And you like this guy…that you just met…today…Kaito…” He says his name like he’s testing it on his tongue.
“He’s really nice.”
“As you’ve said.”
You’re about taken aback by the sudden bite in Choso’s tone, but you ignore his snarkiness. “I don't know how I feel about him yet.”
“Clearly you like him enough to be telling me about him.”
More bite behind his words. Still, you push forward. “I mean, is that bad?” You adjust the phone, moving it to your other ear as you get comfortable beneath your blankets. “You’re my friend, right?”
“Sure, but we don’t talk about stuff like this.”
And he had a point. Even during your summers entertaining Mahito, Choso never wanted to hear about any conversations you had with him. And it’s not like you had that many interactions with him anyway since Choso seemed to always be there whenever the silver haired boy was near you. And you had friends back home to talk about your school girl crushes that never resulted in anything with.
Aside from your first encounter with Mahito, Choso had also never discussed whether or not you were ever interested in anyone romantically and you had never thought to ask him either. Granted, you only saw each other over the summers and during the year, school kept you both so busy, you couldn’t worry about dating. Your parents were never against it and you'd gone to a movie or two with people who had asked you out, but it was never serious. You didn't care enough to commit to anyone, too focused on trying to get into a good school.
In the summers, the last thing on your mind was asking Choso if he had feelings for anyone else. Most of the time he was with you, anyway. And when he wasn't, he was with his brothers.
You'd never given thought to Choso…desiring anyone.
Suddenly, the thought of Choso with someone else makes your stomach churn, has your head spinning. Choso in someone else’s arms, hugging someone else, kissing someone else’s lips.
Oh, it has your blood boiling in a way you’ve never experienced before and you try not to sound too petulant when you finally mutter, “Yeah, but I want to talk to you about it now.”
“But why?” He sounds thoroughly confused. You try not to sigh into the receiver.
“Choso…we’ve literally kissed before, but talking about crushes is where you draw the line?”
It’s the first time either of you have ever mentioned the kiss, now a memory that continues to plague your thoughts and your dreams.
“Even weirder reason to talk to me about this,” you hear him mumble on the other end.
“How? We’re adults! We can talk about things like that. Besides…” you fiddle with your blanket, worrying your bottom lip between your teeth nervously. “It’s really not weird at all…unless the kiss meant something…more to you?”
You’re met with silence. A long stretch of silence that has you fidgeting anxiously. You almost want to laugh, say “I’m just kidding!” and hang up. But then Choso surprises you. He speaks so quietly, you almost don’t hear it over the thundering of your own heart.
“Did it mean something to you?”
Of course it did. What a stupid question. That silly little first kiss and those lips of Choso’s have been eating away at your brain for almost two years. Saying it meant something to you felt like the understatement of the century. You want to scream out loud that that kiss meant everything to you and you’re sorry it took you so long to stop being an idiot and realize that yes, the kiss was more than that. It opened the door for you to realize exactly how you felt about Choso.
But even so, you still answer with a very quiet “yes”.
And because it’s Choso, who has never lied to you a day in his life, he responds without hesitation. “Me too.”
Finally! The confirmation you were waiting for! The kiss meant something to Choso, too. You weren’t crazy!
“I’ve been thinking about it since it happened. A lot,” Choso confesses.
“Me too. Probably way too much.”
Choso chuckles, which makes you laugh in turn. It’s the answer you wanted to hear from him, but now that that’s out there and your heart is calming down just a bit, it gives your brain enough time to catch up. And now, you’re a little confused.
“Wait. Why’d you tell me I should go out with Kaito?” You laugh again; half from nerves, half from feeling so silly that you used the guy as bait instead of just outright asking Choso how he felt.
The silence has suddenly returned and any semblance of humor seconds ago has now vanished. Now, you feel nervous again. Like your gut is telling you to end this call immediately. This is the calm before the storm and that knife you were twisting into Choso’s back to try and urge an honest response from him soon finds its way into yours when Choso says, “Because you should.”
The knife twists.
“You like him, don’t you? Go on a date with him.”
“Ha ha.” It’s all you can think to say, because it’s keeping the pain at bay for just a second longer. Only a second longer.
“I’m being serious.”
Another twist. And the sting begins to settle in.
“Choso…”
He says your name back to you. “Do you like him?”
“I like you.” It’s the first time you’ve openly admitted it to him. A few seconds pass by with no response, so you keep talking, if only to fill the silence. “Obviously you feel the same way or that kiss wouldn’t be on your mind two years later, right?”
Choso sighs softly. How can he be so calm and collected when you’re sitting here just now realizing that you’re shaking, nearly vibrating out of your skin.
“I like you, too,” he finally admits. “Have for a long time. Couldn’t tell you when it started, but it’s been for as long as I can remember. So yeah, I feel the same.”
“Okay…” You should feel calmer now, confident in the fact that your feelings for each other are out in the open. But that sharp sting of rejection is slowly starting to build, the knife in your back ready to bury itself deeper. “But?”
“Hmm?”
“I know you. There’s a but coming…isn’t there?”
Another bout of silence and you’re starting to lose your mind having to sit through it. This is not how you expected this conversation to go. And you blame yourself for the way it feels like your heart is going to beat straight through your ribcage and fall flat to the floor.
“But I can’t do anything about these…feelings.” He spits the last word out like it’s bitter. “There’s no future where we could ever be together.”
The knife sinks in.
“Why not?”
“Because–”
“And don’t give me some bullshit reason, either.” You cut him off. Because you don’t want excuses. You want honesty, like Choso has always given you.
“What’s a bullshit reason to you?” His tone is snippy again.
What is a bullshit reason? You don’t know. All you know is that you have feelings for this man who once pulled you from certain death over a decade ago. And he has feelings for you, too! He just told you so! You want to be with him, but he doesn’t seem to want to be with you even if he hasn’t said so yet.
Ironically, all this makes you feel like you’re drowning all over again, struggling to pull your head above the water but going nowhere. It's Choso holding you under instead of pulling you out this time.
“...I don’t know,” you finally answer.
“I do,” Choso responds tersely. “I can give you a reason. Hell, I can give you two, three, maybe even four reasons why we can’t be together.”
“Cho–”
“But I don’t need all of those reasons. I only need one – I’m no good for you.”
You roll your eyes. “Choso, you’ve been my best friend practically my whole life. I cannot think of a single person better for me than you.”
He sighs your name, calling for your attention, but you keep going. “And you know me better than anyone else. I know you better than anyone else–”
Choso says your name again, a little harsher this time. You keep on.
“Besides, you said yourself how that kiss stays on your mind. It’s always on my mind too and we can–”
“Stop!” Choso’s harsh voice cuts through your droning. This time, you can’t ignore the snippiness. Never, in all the time that you’ve known Choso, has he raised his voice at you. At least, not in anger or annoyance. Maybe when you were kids, because kids yell. Kids are loud and bossy and Choso was both of those things as a kid. He was always yelling. But he had never yelled at you the way he just had.
You’re so shocked, your mind so suddenly frazzled, that you can’t bring yourself to respond.
“Why are you insisting on this?” Choso sighs, trying to calm himself, but his voice is still coming out a lot rougher than it ever has in your direction. And it’s hurting you in ways you hadn’t known possible, your little heart beginning to crack within your chest.
“I...I just thought –”
“Thought what, exactly?” Choso asks, a dry chuckle following. “Thought that we’d confess that we have feelings for each other and then we-we’d talk about our futures, make plans to be together forever and ever and then sail off into the sunset?”
“I mean–”
“No.”
That’s all he says.
“No?” You’ll need more than that.
“No. There will be no talking about futures together, making plans, sailing off into the sunset…none of it.”
Those little cracks in your heart start to spread, slowly chipping away. That sharp knife you were twisting into Choso’s back is now lodged deep into your own and it’s fucking killing you slowly.
“I don’t–” Your voice is quivering now and you have to take a deep inhale to steady yourself. “I don’t understand. If I have feelings for you, and you have feelings for me…you said the kiss meant more to you!”
“And I meant that.”
“Then why?! Why are you doing this? Is this because of Kaito?”
“Yes!”
“ I–I barely know him! I only brought him up being childish. I was hoping you would realize you had feelings for me. That’s it! I want to be with you!”
“But you should be with someone like him.” Choso’s voice is quiet now, the harshness of it finally gone. “It wouldn't have mattered if it was Kaito or Utahime or whats the other guy? Suguru? I can’t give you what he– what anyone who isn’t me can.”
Now you’re lost. “What?”
“I can’t be what you need me to be. I can’t be the boyfriend you need, the support you’d need if I were to become your boyfriend…”
It’s embarrassing how quickly you feel the tears brimming along your waterline. How your heart shatters into pieces as he lists off the reasons he isn’t good enough for you.
“Look at my fucked up life. No mother, a deadbeat piece of shit for a father, three brothers that I’m solely responsible for and have been for practically my entire life…” He says your name, like a plea, begging for you to listen to him. Like you should take his word for it and simply accept it.
But you won’t accept it.
“I know all of that, Choso. I know you and what you’ve been through – what you’re going through – better than anyone else. And I still want you.”
Now you say his name like a plea, begging for him to hear you and your words. You don’t care about his struggles, about how he’s had to keep his family together his entire life, forced to grow up too quickly and become the glue that holds everything together. You were there for all of that up until recently. And even through it all, you always found your way back to Choso. That won’t change now.
The quiet drags on, just dead air hanging between you two and when he finally speaks, he surprises you. “And I want you, too.” He tells you, lifting your spirits ever so slightly.
Then just as quickly, he breaks you. Again.
“But I’m doing you a favor, so please. Just go date whoever you want, whoever’s good to you.”
“Choso–” Your voice breaks, your lip trembling as you try to fight the sob threatening to crawl up your throat.
“Please.” You hear the way Choso’s voice cracks in a similar manner. Like he has a sob to match your own trying to escape as well. “You…God, you’ve got your whole life ahead of you. Don’t waste it on someone like me. You have everything going for you. I have nothing going for me. Just some loser working a deadend job in the same deadend town I’ve always been in and will probably always be in. And I refuse to drag you down with me. I’m looking out for you…Like I’ve always tried to do.”
Your protector.
Even when you don’t want him to be. Even when you wish he wouldn’t be. Even when it hurts you.
“It’s not that I don’t want to be with you,” Choso tells you. “I do. Fuck, believe me when I say that. I would love nothing more than that because I've wanted it for so long…but you deserve so much more than this.”
“You are not a loser, Choso. Just…stop. I think we can–”
“I have to go,” He interrupts. “Need to finish this stuff up and head home. Yuuji has a project due tomorrow that I need to help with.” He’s quiet again, but you can just make out the sound of him sniffling, choking down that same sob before he says, “I’ll talk to you later.”
Choso ends the call abruptly, before you can even say goodbye, and the shakiness of his voice stays with you for the rest of the night. Even as you shower, numb to the excruciating heat of the water. As you brush your teeth and crawl beneath your sheets where you finally allow your heart to fully crumple. Even then, you hear the clear tremble of Choso’s words.
It hurts. This is a pain you don’t have any experience with. You don't know what to do with it. This is a pain you’d hoped you would never have to feel. And you never expected your best friend to be the one to cause it.
But you’re hopeful that you two will be able to patch things up. That you two will be able to go back to normal, even if things are awkward for a bit. Because you don’t want to lose Choso. He’s your very best friend, long distance or not. He means way too much to you for your crush to get in the way. You just hope you haven’t ruined things between you two.
Besides, he did say he would talk to you later. You take solace in that, finally letting sleep take over even as your tears still fall.
If only you’d have known that when you opened your eyes the next morning and opened your phone to send an apology text to Choso, that your text would fail to go through.
If only you’d known that you would go to check Choso’s social media pages only to see blank screens because he’d apparently blocked you. You'd search through every account he has on every social media platform and find yourself no longer able to see any of his information.
“I refuse to drag you down with me.” Those words play on a loop in your mind.
Summary: When you see Choso, it's different every time. Every summer, he's a little taller. Every summer, his voice is a little deeper, a little richer. Every summer he's more handsome. And as you both grow together, so does your love.
** A story of love blooming between two individuals over many, many summers.
Pairing: Choso Kamo x F! Reader
Genre: Childhood Friends to Lovers AU, Summertime AU, College AU
A/N: This story contains depictions of drowning and will have NSFW themes/content. Minors DNI
Story Warnings/Tags: Angst, Mutual Pining, Childhood Friends to Lovers, A lot of Tears, Choso and Reader both being bad at feelings, Growing Together, Summer Romance, Jealousy (Both Reader and Choso), First Love, Possessive Behavior, Life Changes, College Struggles, Profanity (of course)
○ PROLOGUE (CHAPTER 1): The Day We Met ○ You were nine years old when you'd laid eyes on the ocean for the first time. You had no idea that the ocean would also bring you to the boy who would hold your heart one day.
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○ CHAPTER 2: Our Summers ○ A journey through time and all the inevitable changes.
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○ CHAPTER 3: Life Goes On ○ Things take a turn.
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○ CHAPTER 4: The Truth Untold ○ Will this pain ever stop?
