Soo I wanna talk about my (possibly) chronic illness, because I’m so tired of this.
My reason to self diagnose: I have to self diagnose, my dad doesn’t believe in “disorders and disabilities (specifically ones like chronic illness, he normalized it in such a horrific way, it made me feel like I was an odd one out when I realized how healthy everyone else is)” *please don’t hate him, we don’t have money for much things anyways, it’s fine*
If you hate self diagnosis, just leave and spare both of us,
For now I wanna talk about what makes me feel like I have chronic illness, and that is literally being sick, I’ll be generally talking about everything painful/tiring that has been affecting me for over a year now..
TW: Mentions self harm/hate, gore, of gag/spit/vomit, dizziness, unease, etc. if you are sensitive to this topic please read at your own risk,,
Let’s start, so lately ive been accidentally swallowing mucus, all day, all night, to the point I have to breathe from my mouth, which COMPLETELY destroys my smell and taste. Especially when I get the common cold..
Barely any mucus comes from my nose, it’s almost ALWAYS my throat and saliva, to the point I started to think my saliva and mucus have been completely combined now. Like.. literally.
my breath always stinks, minty tastes really sucks and I hate toothpaste, I hate the mint and the texture, I’ve tried some things like these little bottles of meds for the cold, but they NEVER worked.
I almost always have a headache, my heartbeat has went from my normal 60/70bpm to 90/120 min/max.. and I always get voice changes, sometimes too deep, sometimes too high, and sometimes I lose my voice.
AND YOU KNOW WHATS FUNNY?! I LOVE SINGING. ITS LITERALLY MY SPECIALTY, MY ONLY TALENT THAT I CAN DO WITHOUT ABANDONING IT LIKE THE REST OF MY FAILED TALENTS, AND IT FUCKING SUCKS SO MUCH WHEN MY VOICE CHANGES.
I’m sorry.
back to my point, when I cry, I feel like my mucus explodes from everywhere, my throat, nose, eyes, and when I blow my nose too hard it hurts my ears for a while.
I’m so tired, I can barely run, I don’t wanna say I have asthma, but maybe I’m just not energetic and lazy.. or something.. and I CANT. I repeat.. I CANT. SLEEP.
It’s almost physically impossible (unless I stay up for too long to the point I slowly faint to sleep, which has been normal now for me)
did I mention my constipation? (Maybe this isn’t related, I’m just curious what makes someone chronically ill, especially since I’ve had constipation for around a year now)
I can’t sleep, smell, sing, cry (I hate crying so much, it’s become so terrifying and horrible) laugh, (cause all the mucus chokes me and makes me gag and almost vomit.
oh how I wish I could just rip out my throat and replace my nose and throat for a working one. How I wish I could breathe normally, to smell, to sing properly, to walk properly without my legs hurting or straining, to laugh and cry without choking and gagging, spitting mucus in the bathroom for what seems like 30 minutes, to think properly without a headache, to feel NORMAL again. It’s been a year or two now. Cant I just feel like a normal person again?
