ᛝ ݁˖ ᴍɪᴋᴇ ᴡʜᴇᴇʟᴇʀ ʜᴄ'ꜱ
₊˚ ❦ . MIKE WHEELER who . . . spends hours on the telephone with you, in his own little bubble, until Karen screams for him to come down. This man cannot function properly without you, be a normal human being without you. She’s literally asking for the impossible. Why would he go down to eat dinner, when he could listen to you talk about Margaret’s new shoes?
₊˚ ❦ . MIKE WHEELER who . . . used to make fun of Nancy for having pictures of Steve/Jonathan on her desk, only to have a dozen on his walls with you. Not one, not two — but so, so many memories with you. If he could, he'd get the american flag with you on it, no hesitation. (RIP Mike Wheeler, born in the wrong generation 💔)
₊˚ ❦ . MIKE WHEELER who . . . on numerous occasions, has tried to make a romantic meal for you, only to burn said meal (and the kitchen) each time. Ted restocks on fire extinguishers every time date night approaches.
₊˚ ❦ . MIKE WHEELER who . . . is the type to swear up and down that mint chocolate chip is the most abysmal flavour on earth, only to do a complete 180 once you mention that you fancy it.
Anything you like, at all, he suddenly likes too! In fact, don’t you know the first thing he ever ate was mint chocolate chip ice cream?! His mom literally has pictures of it, you can ask her! (She doesn’t, and no, do not ask her.)
₊˚ ❦ . MIKE WHEELER who . . . is LOWKEY a pathological liar around you. Not because he has anything to hide from you or anything to lie about, he just loves to see your face light up whenever he says he enjoys something you do ⸺ even if he didn't know it existed until 3.8 seconds ago. He does it PURELY (almost greedily) to gain affection points from you, even if you love him the way he is.
You love shamrock green?? His walls are shamrock green! You like spicy food? He eats it ALLLL the time, he can handle spice like a g. Oh, you got hurt? No worries, he knows just what to do!
(Everything above is a lie, he's panicking.)
This guy will do everything and anything for no reason at all.
₊˚ ❦ . MIKE WHEELER who . . . literally gets down on one knee — no, no, BOTH knees, like you deserve, just to 'fix' your mildly loose shoe laces. Everyone in the party gives him the biggest STANK eye for that, Dustin flat out accused him of having a kink while Max just called it sad. It’s literally just him showing his devotion to you, 292 times a day, as any good boyfriend should, obviously.
As your sworn knight, protector, paladin, boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, chef, butler, husband, wife, you should never strain yourself.
₊˚ ❦ . MIKE WHEELER who . . . learnt your order by HEART. He will recite it like it’s the national anthem to the cashier, before you can even lean in to speak. He knows you can say it, but why strain those vocal cords when your own personal majordomo is here? The best, might he add.
₊˚ ❦ . MIKE WHEELER who . . . acts so unabashedly in love with you in public, all the time, without even realising it. Spaced out, zero shame. All sense leaves this idiot when he’s with you — when you’re the one holding his hand, talking to him, smiling at him. Micheal ‘frog-face’ Wheeler, who plays stupid board games and roleplays in his mom’s basement. When you're around, he suddenly forgets every couple he's side-eyed for PDA.
₊˚ ❦ . MIKE WHEELER who . . . fears becoming too much for you. Too over-bearing, too weird, too close. That one day, or perhaps in a few days, without him even noticing, you will get bored of him.
What if he was never entertaining at all, and you finally snap out of it? Sometimes, he believes it’s all a cruel high that will eventually come crashing down, and in times like those, you simply need to take his hand in yours to remind him that you’re there.
₊˚ ❦ . MIKE WHEELER who . . . conjured up a plan to confess, after years of bottling up his feelings. Years of sweaty palms, staring longingly from afar, words getting stuck in his throat. He’d confess. He’d do so during a campaign. His character and yours. When you'd falter, he'd dramatically but charmingly sweep in to save — Dustin and Lucas immediately shut the idea down. Max only hammered in the sheer idiocy of his plan down. If you rejected him mid-DND play, they’d spend the rest of the day (or week, weeks) in awkward silence. The rest of the party does NOT have the mental will-power for that sort of awkwardness, and trust me, they've been through a lot.
The power of love would not prevail with this one.
₊˚ ❦ . MIKE WHEELER who . . . instead, confessed to you on a random Wednesday while you were over, helping him out with ideas for a new campaign — and the words just tumbled out. Not a clean ‘I love you and you matter sosososososo much to me beyond words can put’, though he wished he done that instead.
What he did do, was start rambling. About that night you got slushies together and how you said his abysmal haircut at 14 was ‘nice’ and how you’re the only one who would constantly check if he, the heart, was okay and now he just can’t stop talking though he should because if he stops that means he has to acknowledge what he said (which he can’t take back) and he, for the life of him, does not want to. When he finally stops, mid-sentence, and realises with a devastating clarity what he’d just done — you stared.
And then you laughed, you laughed, and said you like him too.
₊˚ ❦ . MIKE WHEELER who . . . learnt that no matter how much of an idiot he was, by some miracle, you were always by his side — and he makes it everyone’s problem! Yes, you will be revived mid-adventure. Yes, you two beat the ultra-dangerous eldritch boss that killed everyone else with the power of love.
Yes, it’s allowed because he’s the leader so he can do whatever the hell he wants and NO ONE can do anything.
₊˚ ❦ . MIKE WHEELER who . . . is biased as fuck. If he ruled a country, everything would be in your favour. His ass would be overthrown 26 hours later. Democracy wouldn't even be in the question, it’s just you you you. 😭
IM SUCH A CHUD THIS IS SO BAD IM CRYING... so... technically my first fic on here?? i swear out of the dozens of drabbles/drafts i have, i chose to post the shit i wrote at 3 am like two days ago... this is was LOWK an excuse to be aesthetic 🤗
I was inspired to finish this by the queen @vurbenaa, basically the oat of the finn ff community, and a BIG thanks to my amazing spousey @dontmentionitseriouslyy who beta-read for me and supported me sm 🥹
WE NEED A FINNVERSE UPRISING, HIS NEW ALBUMS OUT YALL RISE PLEASE 🙏