#cirqueahyeon

[cirque-ahyeon]

The Final Lesson Lacks a Presence || Self

Feeling the pressure increase within the pit of her chest, Ahyeon held her breath, refusing to allow any moisture to build up and fall from her eyes.

She had to admit, she was trying her hardest to be angry. The young woman wanted the urge to stand from her bed and break everything in sight. More than anything she wanted to detest him, and see him to be no different from any of the others who had left willingly: Minhyuk (Though the possibility was still there that he just got lost), Hyori and even herself to an extent. At least she returned though. But … something told her Junhong wouldn't come back. He'd been a part of the family for ages; he had to be the oldest member right now- well, not anymore. Either way, the idea of him suddenly leaving after a respectable amount of years just to return later didn't make sense to Ahyeon. Therefore she wouldn't get her hopes up, not that she would have in the first place.

She really wanted to hate him though.

She just … couldn't.

The woman tried and tried, for a full hour, to gather all the negativity she could and put it toward him. She remembered every encounter she'd had with Junhong during her relatively short time as a part of the Cirque. And although she seemed irritated with him in each meeting, Ahyeon couldn't help but notice how her opinion of him had changed within only the last several months of his membership. At the start of the year she could openly say she didn't like him one bit and even believe it. However, if she said something merely similar now, the words would only feel forced and probably even leave a bad taste in her mouth.

Now that wasn't to say the brunette's feelings toward him were romantic, they weren't; in fact they felt more complex somehow. It was a respect which she denied regularly – an admiration and recognition of knowledge that she covered up with harsh jeers.

She regretted that now.

A barely-there grin stole her lips as a sudden breath released itself, almost like a brief laugh. It didn't matter how badly she treated him, he never seemed to be very affected. The immortal had actually taught her the most despite the fact that she had a habit of interpreting his words in the wrong manner. His past statements didn't make the same impression on her now that they used to.

They made her feel more guilty.

The man had undoubtedly been through an extraordinary amount of pain considering his age and yet he still managed to act so childish and somewhat innocent. He even went so far as to try to help her, aware of the regret she'd most likely face one day because of her attitude and harsh perspective.

He wasn't wrong in the least bit, and that time had come sooner that she would have expected.

Another brief laugh left her mouth and it was then she felt something drip down her cheek. Quickly Ahyeon wiped the surface dry with her palm.

This was ridiculous. Couldn't she just be angry with him and decide to start being horrible to everyone again? It seemed so much easier at this point. Then again, change wasn't easy and Junhong had told her once that she changed, if only to an unnoticeable extent. Of course the young woman didn't believe him in the least when she'd heard such a thing, but now she was starting to because never did she think she'd be upset to hear he left. Not at all.

Yet she didn't feel betrayed.

The question “Why do people keep leaving me?” hadn't even entered her mind. The inquiry just seemed useless to her at this point. No matter how she approached the situation, he had left so many more people apart from herself; in fact she was probably an unmemorable part of those he walked away from. And while his decision could be perceived as selfish, he could afford it. The only semi-threatening thought she would conjure up at the moment was “He better have had a good reason.” She knew he had to though. If he didn't, then she could be angry with him. For now, all she could do was admit she'd miss him.

Hoping for a distraction the young female made her way to one of the bags she'd carried over to the island and began to dig through it. Her brows furrowed at the familiar touch of light metal and without hesitance, she retrieved the object. As she held it up to her face, she scoffed and began lightly chuckling to herself.

Of all the times she could have found it, of course it had to be now.

Ahyeon pulled the necklace in place around her neck and momentarily struggled before hooking it properly. After falling into a sitting position with her legs crossed she began to mindlessly fiddle with the blue, flame-shaped stone using the fingers of her right hand. Finding it now, and in the effortless manner she did, seemed so convenient- too convenient almost. But she wouldn't complain; Ahyeon felt as if she had all the reason in the world to wear it now.

The young leader was upset that Junhong was gone, but to be completely frank, grieving over his missing presence or mentally cursing him both seemed pointless and even disrespectful. (The woman didn't fail to catch the oddness of that idea coming from her of all people.) She didn't want to treat him or think of him as dirt anymore, even if he wasn't around to witness the lack of cruelty.

A final sigh released itself from the cage of her lips as she stood up once more.

“This doesn't mean I don't see you as a brat anymore though”, she said under her breath casually, her tone becoming mockingly serious as she brushed the nonexistent wrinkles from her dress. She then headed for the door to her room and slowly pulled it opened. “Aish, you're gone and you're still annoying me,” she stated lastly before finally exiting the room.

[cirque-hyosun]

Liquid Confidence || Chunji x Ahyeon

Chunji raised the bottle to his lips and took a clumsy swig, the bitter liquid overflowing even with how much it felt like he had been drinking it, so that it filled his cheeks to the point where excess escaped from the corner of his mouth. Removing the bottle, he gasped for breath, everything feeling far too hot, yet perfect as his internal organs glowed with an energy they seemed to have lost on the journey. The world seemed to spin around him without any attempts at moving, and only then did the shapeshifter wonder if he had had a bit too much. Drinking had been a fun thing to do with his old friends, though lord knew none of those idiots were responsible enough to get them home, so good ole Chanhee had to do it. He would sip at it, knowing that his parents would kill him if they smelled it on his breath anyway, he would laugh along with their jokes, and he’d get them all home safely at the end of the night. How fucking pathetic –though strangely enough, he had enjoyed his role back then. Being needed had always appealed to him, even though he had never figured that out for himself, but he obviously wasn’t needed now.

Throwing the bottle out of the window, an annoyed huff escaping when it didn’t shatter –stupid fucking sand- he looked around the recently cleaned kitchen and suddenly decided that it being night time, sleeping wasn’t allowed. Vacation or no, he had turned into a hawk! And hawks didn’t sleep at night; they partied! Unless that was owls or some shit, but how could he bring himself to truly care? What did it matter? What did any of it matter? It didn’t, so that night, rather than go about his boring evening streaking on the beach or something, he would do something manly. Yeah, he could do that too! He was certainly a man –he was going to be twenty in less than three months! So tonight…he would stop hiding.

Staggering up, the alcohol passed through his body like a current as his face warped between his new housemate, the one with the foxy face, and the prettier features of the knife wielder that he had met earlier. Any type of intoxication messed with his ability to transform, but thankfully it was seamless when he didn’t think about it, and therefore wouldn’t disgust the source of his visit.

Strangely enough, it was like he blinked and was at the right house –well, he assumed it was the right house, at least- and he went peeking in windows until he startled a pretty female with reddish hair who had looked over and screamed. “Wh-What are you doing?” She asked in a suspicious voice, a potted plant on a table behind her curling anxiously. “’M looking for Ahyeon,” he spoke in an only slightly slurred voice, “Have you seen her?” A look of disgust came over her features, and she quickly grew something, and then passed it to him. “She’s in cottage three seventy-seven. And chew this –your breath reeks.”

Smiling at her, he popped the mint leaf in his mouth, then smiled at her and continued on until he had found the correct cottage, then resumed what he had done before, Chunji peeking in windows until he found the room that Ahyeon was in. When he found it, he rapped lightly on the window, took a deep breath, and began to sing off key since he couldn’t actually remember any love songs at the moment. “Pretty Ahyeon in her pretty room of her pretty house, won’t you come to me?” Of course he still managed to carry some semblance of a tune, since he wasn’t a half bad singer, but the mint leaf got in his way, so he had to stop to swallow it before continuing, “I’ve wanted to say this to you for so long, but you don’t seem to care for me. So I hid it away! Kept it to myself for another day! So Ahyeon will you come out of the…house?” Smiling up at the window, the drunken shapeshifter’s face his own once more, he waited to see what she would do.

[ex-cirque-amber-blog]

ooc

I'm sorry. 

I'm actually really sorry guys. 

I haven't been round at all (okay that's not quite true, I stalk the dash 24/7 but I mean in terms of posting and replying okay) even though I'm on semi and not full hiatus. That's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about, actually. I'm going to message the admins about it as soon as I wake up (no, I'm not sleep typing right now but I have to be in bed in ten minutes and also have to get ready for bed and what if tumblr eats my message and I just wanted to clarify beforehand and I'll tag the admins but also message the I promise as soon as this headache that really feels a whole lot more like someone clecnhing and unclenching their fist on my brain) but I'm gonna be needing to go on full hiatus. Until..well until Bee (Minho-mun) I think, I'm eally too tired to check and again I will specify this when I message the admins I just really wanted to type this out because I feel like I owe you an explanation. 

See, I thought I could do it. i thought I was okay and I could handle it. Rookie mistake I know. 

Simply put, school's a bitch (now for those of you who know about my issues with profanities and specifically those generally used in a degrading manner towards women and how I don't use them ever because if I do I'll most likely start crying on the spot no I'm not kidding if any of you thuought I was a sane and stable person ha hahaha hahahaha ha- well anyways, those of you will know how  serious I actually mean this). 

I have like three (?) weeks left and I'm barely coping. I don't really want to go into details but I'm really freaking busy. I have so many projects due..I don't even know what to do anymore. I opened up about my struggles with my schedule to a teacher today and he just looked me in the eye and told me, dead serious, that I should just make some choices then. But how. Everything I do counts for my final exams. Everything. I just- 

so yeah 

I wrote a reply to Jjong on Key today. I was at my grandma's and had about half an hour left between homework and dinner because I was starting to see stars and really if I had to do one more math problem my calculator would probably have ended up snug between my grandmother's lovely self-grown cucumbers. So yeah, I wrote a reply 600 words which is like a big deal for me nowadays because I can't get anyttyhing written down lately (and trust me I've tried) and I was actually quite proud of it because well it was just so Key (and I've been making Alyssa wait way too long and the Storm and and and)  but then I got called down for dinner. Yes the dramatic but (I just wrote butt that's how tired I am dramatic butt what even am i supposed to picture idek) was necessary, because I had written it in a word doc as I do but it just..the omputer froze ust as I went to save thedocument and soon after everything just crashed. Of course I only figured this out after I had gone up to check upon finishing my dinner (it was delicious, btw) and when I did see it I just broke down. 

I started crying like a two year old who had stubbed its toe and I just couldn't stop. And I didn't. Both my grandma and my mother now question my sanity which is just great because I'd made such an effort of not crying on front of my family (because really my mood swings are just ridiculous,  one momennt I'll exclaim this is the happiest I've felt in weeks..the next I'll be holdng my knees and rocking back and forth in fetal position on th efloor) and I just kept crying the entire ride home. It actually went as far as my mom stopping the car to come and give me a hug. I just couldn't explain why I was crying..I just kept repeating I was tired. 

Which I am. I guess that was the real reason of this ooc (which I realize, as I skim it lighlty makes me appear at least a little more stable than I'm feeling right now so that's a good thing). So in retrospect it could've been shorter. But idek. I'll probably delete this in the morning. I just need to vent?

Anyways, basically I calmed down after the hug  (in part because just afterwards exo came to me, speaking words of wisdom, singing baby don't cry and I just kind of smiled awkwardly through my tears because they're sUCH DORKS)

and now I'm sitting here, in an alarming state of undress (shh, I'm wearing a shirt. Also undergarments) because i wsa in the middle of changing when I realized I should typpe this. Becuase that's smart. Yes. 

I forgot what i was talking about or what I still wanted to say but really I love you guys and you rock and-

I should go sleep now. 

[cirque-ahyeon]

OOC:

I would also like more plots. 

Love me ... I love all of you. RETURN THE LOVE, MAN! 

[cirque-hyosun]

Like A Kind of Miracle || Ahyeon & Chunji

Even though they hadn’t been in Gwangju for that long at all, Chanhee had already begun to feel horribly, terribly restless –the gnawing in the pit of his stomach driving him to wander around, eyes focused less on the beautiful day, and more on something in the distance that he couldn’t quite make out. Something felt off about that day and that place, though he couldn’t quite identify if that was bad or not. Tightness in his chest warned him at the same time that his feet and fingers felt light, like they could carry him off. None of that added up, and he paced agitatedly around his tent until he finally felt like one of his tent mates would snap at him if they walked in on it.

Exiting to the outside world, dressed in his performing costume, Chunji strode dejectedly around even though it was too early for any guests to have arrived. The strange garb hugged his chest tightly, showing off more of his chest than he normally did, though it was baggier on his legs since the feeling of having his pants ride up wasn’t exactly a pleasant one. His hair tended to stay one of two lengths, and today it was the shorter of the two, to deal with the lingering heat passed on from the day, though the strands were a strange bright magenta, as if his own body was trying to convince him to see more on the positive side of his intuition, rather than letting the negative stain his actions.

Biting down on his lip as the wind ruffled his hair, he allowed himself to consider everything going on in his life up until that point, his mind drifting along to the old friend that he had found once again –Taemin, the first person he had truly “lost” though he had shown up again. He could never regret that, and it gave him honest hope to see a certain someone again, even with how fruitless it seemed. Then it moved to Niel, and CAP, but he couldn’t last for long without his protectiveness threatening to choke him, so he forced himself to move on, not wanting to make this tension worse.

Min came to mind next, the pretty elder girl making him laugh with the realization that she was older than him, yet neither of them treated it like that. At the best and worst of times, they treated each other as equals, and at the cutest of times, she called him ‘oppa.’ It brought a sly smile to his lips, Chunji feeling a strange pride that he could be an oppa to someone older. He couldn’t deny it fit for how their relationship started, though, but as of now… The memory of their kiss brought a hot blush to his cheeks, and he shook his head, wondering even now about his own strange boldness. Oh, he had wanted to kiss her, there was no doubt about it, but to just lean in when she was hurting… New nerves surfaced in his stomach at that, these resembled butterflies more than worries. In the end, though, it was more tension in an organ that only housed a very light breakfast, and he needed that energy to last him all day. So he moved on.

Fei came to mind next, and he shook his head with a shy smile, his mind mentally mapping her image out. But he couldn’t seem to focus on her –his attention darting from one thing to the next so that he was nearly drowning in his thoughts of her. Her smile, the sparkle to her eyes that she seemed to so lack now, the stripes that decorated her pale, pretty skin, the way her voice said his silly nickname that he could never regret, no matter how he heard it… The pain now in her expression resonated in him, and awakened memories of the one person he was trying to avoid thinking about.

Old pain glanced over his heart as he conjured an image of Ahyeon’s face, an imagined smile lighting up her pretty features, as Chunji’s eyes flashed a darker color then the brown they usually were, going to a strange mossy shade that hid bits of sunlight behind the guard he had taught himself to put up at the single mention of her name. Ara had taught him to grow from his pain, and that dwelling would only bring the wall he fixed down around him. It needed to be dropped –because when one had the audacity to leave a place where one of the rules was “you may never leave” they obviously had no plans on coming back. Or they were audacious as hell, and while he could see the elemental manipulator doing that, somehow he felt like she wouldn’t return. She had always seemed so grumpy, and what if she had found somewhere that could make her smile? The thought dragged a pained huff from his lips, a hand rising to them to try to muffle it. Other things of his past; he had to think of other things.

But that was physically impossible when his mind kept trying to conjure up familiar images of the past right in front of him like this… That or someone like Changmin or CL decided to play a cruel joke on him that day. A frown spread across his lips; this wasn’t funny in the slightest. Starting forward, unable to let whomever did this get away with it, he called a bold “hey!” and reached out to touch the arm. If it was an illusion, his hand would go straight through it…but he found his hand on warm skin. Gaping at the figure incredulously, mind refusing to process, his hand fell back to his side, eyes shiny as tears welled up, him finally whispering, “Ahyeon? Is…Is that really you?”

[cirque-ahyeon]

OOC:

[cirque-ahyeon]

OOC:

[ex-cirque-minhyuk-blog]

Magic Fingers {Minyeon Mix} 

Set Free: Katie Gray Color of Fire: Mechanical Bride Winter: Joshua Radin I Will Wait: Mumford & Sons Patterns of Fairytales: The National Magic Fingers: Hands Hands Open: Snow Patrol Tightrope: Walk the Moon

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