#ciscentrism

[aroworlds]

Fiction Collection: Aromantic and Transgender

Here you’ll find my short stories and novelettes featuring aromantic and transgender protagonists. Some stories–The Girl and Her Unicorn, Th

I thought Trans Day of Visibility a good time to mention that I have a post collecting my stories with trans aro protagonists. I often feel disconnected from the aro community in that the (albeit very limited!) representation we celebrate and bond over largely depicts cis aros. Characters who seldom encompass, because they are cis, much of how I experience being aromantic.

In order to be seen as aro, I must push my transness into the shadows. The reverse is true in trans-centred fiction, where acceptance--by ourselves and/or others--is often demonstrated via a character's experiences of romantic relationships and love. Time and time again, I must choose which part of me to celebrate and which part to ignore: I can only be transgender or aromantic in the stories about which my communities express delight.

So this is a list of aro stories about gender and trans stories about aromanticism, because we deserve recognition as trans and aro.

[eeee-lye]

Cis people keep recommending me “cis girl pretending to be a cis boy” books.

These books are, inevitably, a cistastic deluge of cis girls passing completely and effortlessly as cis boys (a passing that in no way matches my lived experience and alienates me right from the word go). This is combined with constant ciscentric and cissexist references to the belief that body parts correlate with a binary gender and multiple “really a girl” comments. The crowning glory is usually other cis characters, once discovering the protagonist’s cis femininity, applauding the girl’s ability to pass as a cis boy.

I suspect the kindest interpretation is that of cis folks recognising that there aren’t a great deal of stories relating to my identity and lived experience, so they’re pushing me towards the closest things they know about.

These books, though, are nothing like my lived experience as a DFAB trans/NB/agender person. I’m not trying to be something I’m not, to pull a false skin over my real self. I’m trying to pull the false skin with which society smothers me off my real self. My goals are entirely reversed from those of the characters I am reading about. Quite aside from the fact that these authors so seldom know what it is like to be DFAB and present as masculine, androgynous or non-feminine, I have nothing in common with these protagonists. Nothing.

I am only subjected to a narrative about a cis girl in a cis world experiencing gender through a cis lens, accomplishing what I, a trans person, cannot. This is an absolutely heartbreaking reminder of my position in a ciscentric world--that even cis people are better at the tropes associated with being trans than I am.

When I keep getting directed to the genre of “cis girl pretending to be a cis boy” books, I can’t help but feel that there’s a tacit message here--that, deep down, cis people still see me as a girl pretending to be a boy or a non-girl. I honestly believe that this isn’t their intent, but I’m hearing this message all the same: that, under your recognition of my pronouns, I’m a girl pretending to be a boy or non-girl, just like the girls in the books you think I’ll enjoy. Otherwise, how could you possibly think that I have any connection to a character whose experience is nothing like mine? How can I not think and feel otherwise when you keep directing me towards these narratives?

Stories about cis characters pretending to be the other binary gender are just that: cis narratives. I don’t relate to these any more than I do any other cis narrative.

[eeee-lye]

I just had a panic attack because Firefox redlined “transgender” when I copied text from InDesign to my WordPress page, all from the fear that the ten updated ebooks I reposted last night with the same new bio text would have some horrible misspelling.

Sometimes I wish I had the ability to hurl my own brain at the closest wall and then stomp on it for a few minutes, because honestly.

(Although I will admit that if Firefox’s dictionary encompassed transgender this wouldn’t have happened, and while I have now added it, I really, really shouldn’t have had to.)

[eeee-lye]

Trans and NB post: *exists*

Cis person commenting: I’m cis and GNC, but this post applies to me because...

You cis folks have got to stop doing this. If you are cis, being gender non-conforming does not give you a pass into non-cis spaces and non-cis conversations.

Please, start your own conversation about why the experiences described in the post are similar to yours. Start your own conversation about the experiences of being cis and GNC. If you want to have a conversation that’s about being GNC generally, open to cis and trans/NB folks alike, and see what experiences we have in common, start one--they are absolutely conversations worth having.

Just don’t jump into trans and/or NB-specific conversations and spaces that aren’t about you or for you as a cis person. Please.

[eeee-lye]

Dear cis people,

If a trans person says “I want to make a blog about some specific aspect of being trans--anyone interested?” please don’t consider this an open invitation for you to comment saying something like “I’ll follow because I want to be a better ally” or “yes, because I’m writing about trans characters and don’t want to make mistakes”.

Please do consider it an open invitation for you to be quiet and stay in your own lane. It’s shocking, I know, but trans people creating trans spaces and trans communities about trans experiences largely do not exist for the needs or interests of cis people. They exist for the needs and interests of trans people, and that includes the basic human right of not having cis people cluttering up the conversation and making it that much harder for trans people to converse.

(There are blogs specifically designed for cis people to ask questions and follow for reasons of research and allyhood, run by trans people who have consented to this kind of difficult work. Rather than assuming that every trans blog is open to cis people’s comments, how about you search up blogs that specifically allow this kind of cis interaction?)

If you want to quietly follow and the person making the blog allows it, do so. I don’t object to this: cis people need to learn more about trans people. However, this is not an open invitation to carry out the above intrusions. If you’re a good ally, you won’t make a trans space and conversation about you, a cis person, and your needs. When you enter trans spaces, you need to do so quietly, respectfully, knowing that you take a back seat to all discussions, that you are here only to watch, listen, read and learn so you can do a better job of supporting and including us in a wider world that seldom does either.

Unless clearly specified, trans spaces aren’t for you or about you.

Can you please be a decent ally and do us the respect and courtesy of stepping back and being quiet so trans people don’t have to talk around your cis intrusion?

[archived-twigwise]

if you couch your language about loving women in “i love vaginas” then you’re actively reducing other (cis) women to their genitals, you’re opening the door for (trans) men to intrude your conversation, you’re ignoring the nuance and lived experiences of intersex and ambiguously-sexed people, AND you’re completely and actively removing the womanhood of (trans) women. 

in other words, geddafuck out with that shit, i don’t got time for that absolute horseshit. 

[archived-twigwise]

If a woman wants to talk about her own vagina/love for vaginas, she should be able to ffs. Vaginas are stigmatized. It's not an attack on trans people to talk about your own body. Not everything is about you.

if a woman wants to make a song about the empowerment of women and how it’s cool to like the color pink, it shouldn’t be couched in language of “oh and vaginas are the best!” 

unless you want me, a trans man, to bust up in y’alls conversation about how my vagina is awesome and deserving of love... but that wouldn’t be fucking appropriate, because i’m a guy.

cease the genital-centric talk. it’s the only way to properly end the stigma that woman = walking vagina. 

[softbutchluvr]

Idk why enbies arent allowed to exist in the queer community without having to align themselves with a binary gender, as if that makes their queerness more valid. Like, its 2018, we dont have to tack on “woman” or “man” to our gender identities bc of some outdated ciscentric notion of what’s required to be queer.

Like, enbies who identify as lesbians are not and do not have to identify themselves as woman-aligned. It’s incredibly gross and disprespectful to try and force a binary gender on someone like that without their consent. Someone’s identity is not up for debate, even if and especially if u dont like it.