#claret lacey

[oliviawren]

Dear Liv,

It's feels a century since I last popped 'round for a decent chat, which is a shame since you're one of the spliffiest people I've ever met, as you very well know. I never asked what happened after graduation, but I'm sure you'll fill me in - saucy details and all. 

I wanted to ask how you were doing, not that there's anything to be boohoo over. Everything's a jig and ball, but it never hurts to ask I think. Let me know, and remember, the devil's in the details.

Stay Saucy.

xoxo

Claret. 

Dear Claret, 

You caught me quite off guard with your owl though it was a pleasant one. It has been a century and perhaps over but I suppose I'll have to forgive you since I haven't been the most diligent person when it came to communicating with you as well. Me, with saucy details? Never, though if you'd like to set up a time, I wouldn't protest to filling you in on all the extremely mundane stories I've accumulated over the past year. 

Well, it certainly seems as though you're suggesting that I should be "boohoo" over something. Care to share? I believe I have an inkling about what you're referring to but I'd rather not spill my guts all over to find out you're not talking about anything specific.  I dislike making myself look like an emotional wreck, you should know. 

Till next time, 

Olivia W. 

[-burn-book]

Who in your opinion are the top three most popular students and why?

Eh? Who gives a flying fuck about being popular?

Ah, well. Guess you're just bloody pathetic.

Lacey's out for the eve' bein' all Brady Bunch with the fam', so you get me instead. Yay. 

Lacey's obviously the most popular person on campus. All these fucking letters, mate. S'obviously because she scores high in all categories. Brains, looks, social skills. 

That twat, Barder. He's helluva lot more popular than one would think a vain bastard would be. He's a cool guy though, so I guess that makes sense. 

Don't fucking know. I want to stick Barclay and Moley in here together so they can fight over the place. More entertaining than Brisbane's pissin' lectures, I'll give you that.

Cyanide.

[-burn-book]

Chez/Claret friendship or Bradley/Claret friendship?

Okay, this is a toughie. Claret loves them both a whole lot, and it's like you're asking me if I love Batman or Ironman more. (Please don't do that to me, I will cut all your fucking children. Kay, love you.)  Good thing I'm not close friends with either of them (lone wolf, y'see) otherwise this would be fucking hard for me, too. Now to go all devil's advocate on this shit.

Chez and Claret are like brother and sister. They even refer to each other that way. He's really terrified of her, too. So, I'd say they're like Johnny and Sue Storm. Chez is Johnny; talented, flambouyant, vain, and cocky - and he'll occasionally get in over his head with his competitiveness and need to strut his stuff. Whereas Claret is more grounded, level-headed and they both know she wears the pants int his friendship. They entertain each other, and look out for each other. (Except Claret does it indiscriminately of gender. It's okay, kids. It's not Barder's fault he's afraid of girls). Also you'd need to understand that Hall is apparently also his friend, so I guess he couldn't go all Me Tarzan, You Dead on her. That being said, Johnny would do pretty much anything for Sue. I'm rambling here, look at their faces instead.

Aren't they adorable? Awe - I think I have a cavity now, fuck it.

Moving onward. Sir Bradley James Harris, and Claret. Ha, okay, so it's obvious why they'd be friends. Same house, both charming pricks, both have great hair, both are close (whether in a positive or negative way) to Guac and Chez. The reasons go on for miles. Their friendship was fairly unproblematic until Bradley's flavour of the week (and literally just a week, fuck) Eleanor Jane Hall decided that starting fights with your boyfriend's friends is a wise idea. Okay, this is Petra's job, so I'm not going to go too deep into it, but no. Just never do that. If you were my girlfriend, that would turn me off so fast, which is a shame because you're pretty gorgeous. It seems Bradley didn't let the word poison going 'round about Clary affect his opinion on her, which is noble and charming. Great props to you. I think they're great friends. Now, look at their faces as well.

But let's face it kids. Even if I did decide on the curly monster of epic adorableness, Chez would pop up and axe me worse than Deadpool would. Not a nice death, not a nice death at all. 

So, I guess that decides it.

The winner of this round is 

Br-

Guess not, Chez wins. 

May the force be with you.

Scott C.

[-burn-book]

@Princess: Name one planet you think suits each of your coworkers here at the burn book best, and why?

Oh! This will be fun!

Claret = Sun: The Sun is not a planet but I will make the exception because of the very uncanny resemblance between the editor and chief and burning star. Petra, Scott, and I would not be on the Burn Book without her, so you could say that we orbit around her! Physical resemblences? Her fiery red hair and quick tongue are sure to burn ya if you cross her the wrong way.

Petra = Venus: Besides the obvious reason of the planet being the planet of luuurve, Venus ties into people that are people pleasers and pleasure givers. How else would you describe Cupid Petra!? She's often hard at work helping people find their true love!

Scott = Mercury: I see this as the planet of knowledge and Scott is just full of it! Give him choices and he'll go into detail about each one before telling you his final answer. He's very smart and isn't afraid to show it. Got a question about anything (preferably comic related)? Scott is definitely the go to las.

Princess = Jupiter: Upbeat and wise, Jupiter people always think of most situations with the mindset that the glass is half full. I like to think of myself as a optimistic thrill seeker :)

Abbey = Pluto: because Pluto used to be a planet but not anymore.

[-burn-book]

Mildred or Eleanor

Oh, dude, you need to ask me about people who are talked about more. Okay.

Right, sorry for the belated answer, my young padawans, but I had to catch up on the rumour mill before answering this question since I have just not spoken to either of them in ages. So cheers to Clary and our friends over at the chatter for providing the information I needed to answer this commission. Seriously, I love you guys. You make my life more complete especially with the inability to turn to Google for my #whitegirlproblems. 

Moving on, let's start with Mildred Potent. Apparently she was given the Head Girl title. You go girl, buuut after a series of colossal cock-ups you lost it all, sort of like the Joker did in The Killing Joke, but at least you didn't come out of there with the same sort of fashion look otherwise things would be even worse for you I assure you. I guess at the beginning you were on some quest to find the perfect husband, but that ended. Thank fuck, it was beginning to sound like a really sour MTV drama when I was catching up, no offence. I'm not going to go into too much detail since apparently you were rendered without memory by a 30 pound ladder, and I'm really busy, like trying to figure out where they even make those. Ladders are normally heavy so I could do with a thirty pound one, kthank. Uh, she practices magic on a daily basis which is great, great role model stuff. Sure she wastes it on a flying wheel chair when there are potions that can heal her up, but whatever. Baby steps. I'd give her a 54 out of 100. I mean she's been less annoying lately, you gotta' give her that. 

Moving onto Eleanor Hall. Er, she's in my house but we don't really talk. She kind of popped up like a weasel in a whack a weasel game, and fuck did she get whacked hard by Claret. Then again it's to be expected. Clary is a badass bitch. Mildred might have locked in on the crying and sobbing categories, Eleanor is the Harvey Dent of this school. Like, wow, seriously. She's here just a handful of weeks and she's pissed off the most popular girl in school, landed and lost a boyfriend because she cheated on her boyfriend with uh that loud kid in Gryffindor. Apollo "louder than the Hogwarts express" Ross. I'm personally not too keen on cheaters. Props to Barder and Harris for forgiving her so quickly. I know I wouldn't, so I guess that makes them better people, kids.

Facewise I'd say Eleanor. She's a gorgeous lass, but let's imagine they were both wearing paper bags on their faces? Mildred easily. Going with my brain on this one. Potent wins this war. 

May the force be with you.

Scott C.

[gryffindork-ross-blog]

Library || Claret

Apollo seemed to have waken up very early this morning. Since he was up earlier than usual, he decided to head down to the library. Getting out of bed he changed into a white polo shirt with his Gryffindor pull over sweater on top and some jeans. He didn't really care about fixing his hair but he thought he'd at least put some gel in it. Before leaving his dorm, he made sure he had everything. Especially his wand since he's been forgetting that a lot lately. He just hasn't had much use for it lately. Mainly because he hasn't been going to classes this week due to being out all of last week and making up the coursework he's missed. The library was definitely good choice for Apollo.

Upon arriving to the library he took his seat on one of the tables. He began to study for what seemed like three hours when it was only five minutes. Looking up from the books he saw the familiar yet beautiful face of Claret Lacey.

[-burn-book]

Coming back with a bang, your favourite sexual instructor, Abbey Dawn.

Here are a few of the things I have planned for your incredibly saucy arses.

I’m going to start with the weekly poll. 

The weekly poll will be a poll published every Tuesday, to accompany Hogwarts’ lovely T.M.I. Tuesday tradition, and will consist of 6 names. A group of 3 girls and another group of 3 boys will be added to the poll as nominees for the title of the “Most Shaggable Student Of The Week” The winners of those polls will be asked 3 questions chosen by the audience. At the end of the year, the 2 people with the highest collection of wins from each group will compete against each other for the title of the “Ultimate Shaggable Student of the Class of ‘12”. 

Voting for the weekly poll will start on Tuesday and end on Thursday.

Results will be announced on Thursday night.

Furthermore, I would like to introduce you devious sexual muffins to my latest addition, Sexual Wednesday.

Sexual Wednesday will be another weekly event. Participation will be open to all students. Sexual Wednesday will be a more freestyle “activity”, which plans to encourage all kinds of freestyle activities between students. A task/prompt will be announced on our lovely Burnbook every Tuesday night, a little before midnight, so that those who wish to participate have time to prepare. When the task is complete, participants will inform me of their results, and my expellerific friend, Claret, will give her very own saucy take on the inputs. 

Now that we’ve clarified the rules of the games, let’s move on to the first poll of the year. The first group of girls consists of 

Lilith De La Cruz

Arya Wulfstan

Claret Lacey

And our group of lovely boys consist of:

Archer Bennett 

Lukas Clarion

Atanas Comaneci

Voting will be anonymous cause I am no fool, there are secret crushes in this school. Secret crushes that I can, and will, find out about. But all in good time, amigos. Remember this: Why would you want to be voted the most shaggable student by your own self?

Get to voting angel faces. 

Yours sexually, Abbey