> When I think about issues mentioned in said book I have getting in the way of my professional life. There were so many times where I was given opportunities and the doors shut in my face because of me. It had nothing to do with them, they did nothing wrong. I wrecked things for myself because I refused to take ownership and accountability and I let my past define my future by staying stuck in it. Instead of thinking I am worthy because I have Jesus and don’t need external relationships. I let these temporary people who wanted a quick fix not anything legit harm and effect me. I am glad I am recovered now from that and I don’t have a “love addiction”. My partner taught me a lot about love i didnt know otherwise and church. I found love in Christ that is everlasting where Christ now fills a void for the attention i received from men. I pour out my soul to Jesus. It comes with time it’s not an overnight process. You have to realize a temporary fix and a liquid bandaid is not substantial long term. That being said, saying “No” was hard for me because I was a bonafied people pleaser. So when guys asked I wasn’t even really interested i said yes. I often compare myself to Ella enchanted. That level of people pleasing. I am slowly learning about boundaries and saying no. It’s harder than it looks for someone who had zero boundaries with parents as a kid so is this way. I wasn’t allowed to have boundaries growing up so because of that i didnt develop them as an adult. My parents were horrible parents who refused to let me put my foot down and get frustrated and say no. It caused an insecure attachment style. That and the fact I have grief I am trying to get over. Grief at a young age and zero therapy to cope with loss of half a family is hard and never saying goodbye. I went from self harming which I no longer do to freedom from it years later. And yes back then I used AA for that. (There is zero shame in asking for help when you need help). Admitting and reflecting is like saying yeah there were times I needed medical attention and didnt go get it because I felt the stigma around health. I am good now. But there were times I wasn’t. I am never going to be 100% , but I am doing the best I can do in this moment and I forgive myself for not getting help all those times I desperately needed it. The issue i have with this country is how they view mental illness. I don’t agree with romanticizing it but I do agree we need to teach this stuff in schools to help kids. I didn’t go to therapy until I was 18 years old and had full control and even then it was a college therapist. It’s a difficult road when you have had as many issues as me but the light at the end of the tunnel is how you are in recovery. I am blessed because I have Jesus now. Jesus filled holes i never thought could close for me. I realized if those were important opportunities I would have been given them. If Jesus wanted that for me he would have made it happen. Figuring out the correct path has been hard for me. It’s just no everywhere but I have faith and trust in Jesus that it will be okay. Whatever my purpose is I will find it. A closed door means they could not have helped you the way god wanted or led you in the correct direction. So do not be afraid for a moment because a door closes for a path that was never meant for you to begin with. Rejoice because you don’t know what could have happened if you had and you don’t know why god blocked that. Maybe that person and that job wouldnt have gone well. God knows what he is doing. I no longer morn but I thank god for closed doors, and saving me from suffering.