#closet jokes

[gwartcando]

Which ship will sail?

Chapter Eleven: first kiss

triger worning! claustrophobia

Skizz always believed that the first kiss in any relationship should be something special. A magical moment—shared after a romantic picnic, a meaningful trip, or a long evening together.

Two people, dressed nicely, gazing at a sunset—leaning in for the perfect kiss.

And most of the time?

It was close to that.

Except this time…

This time was nothing like that.

It was just another normal day.

Skizz was busy building another addition to his pyramid when Impuls stopped by he had a now TV and he want to watch somting with skizz. They talked. They walked. Everything was ordinary.

they arrived to Impuls’s house and Impuls proudly showed off his lava lamp.

And then… somehow… something spilled.

Maybe juice? Maybe something else?

They didn’t think much of it—just walked toward the storage closet to grab the mop.

Impuls stepped inside, reaching for the mop stuck all the way in the back. Skizz followed in to help.

And boom.

The old door slammed shut behind them.

Skizz struggled with it for a solid ten minutes before finally accepting defeat.

Now, here they were—

Clothes dusty. Hands sore from trying to force the door open. Impuls calling Korales, because Korales was the guy for this.

Korales always showed up to fix things—unblocking drains, opening locked doors, solving stupid mistakes.

And then, in the tiny space of the closet—

Their faces brushed against each other.

Impuls’s cheeks burned.

Skizz’s cheeks burned.

The closet seemed to heat up even more.

And by the time Korales pried open the door—he found them in the middle of it.

Lips locked.

Kissing.

Korales whistled. "Wow. Impuls, I know you just came out of the closet—but did you really have to make such a big event out of kissing your new boyfriend?"

Impuls yanked himself back, face flaming. "Korales, shut up."

Skizz just doubled over laughing.

Korales grinned. "Alright, alright—I won’t interrupt the happy couple any longer! Bye, lovebirds!"

And, just to be extra annoying, he flew off through the window—

Which Impuls just now realized was open the entire time.

Impuls groaned. "I hate him."

Skizz smirked. "I love you."

Impuls hesitated. "I—"

Skizz grinned. "Hey, you don’t have to say it yet. Just… when you’re ready, Dipple Dopp."

Impuls narrowed his eyes. "Are you really still going to call me that, even now that we’re dating?"

"You’ll always be Dipple Dopp to me."

Impuls sighed. "Not quite how I expected our first kiss, but… well. It happened."

Skizz grinned. "So… that new TV you got. Still wanna watch something?"

Impuls chuckled. "Actually—" He grabbed the mop. "Let’s clean this mess up first."

[celestialvoid-fanfiction]

Closeted Relationship

Stiles and Derek have managed to keep their relationship secret for months, but one mistake leads to everyone finding out.

 For @evanesdust – happy birthday!

  Stiles laid against Derek's bare chest, his head rising and falling with the man's even breathing. He nuzzled his face into the man's warmth.

A soft smile crept onto Derek's face, turning up the corners of his mouth as he craned his neck and pressed a kiss to the crown of Stiles' head. He rested his cheek atop the tousled mess of chestnut-brown hair.

His fingers traced the curves of Stiles’ bare back, tracing the constellations that his moles mapped across his skin and curves of his sculpted muscles.

Stiles let out a heavy sigh, letting his eyes fall shut for a moment as he melted into the warmth of Derek's embrace.

There was a loud thud as the front door shut.

Stiles and Derek bolted upright, suddenly alert and alarmed.

"Derek?" Cora's voice rang out through the house.

"You forgot to lock the front door?" Stiles hissed under his breath as he pulled the blanket up over himself.

"I was a little distracted," Derek relied.

They heard footsteps coming upstairs.

"Get in the closet," Derek said, grabbing Stiles' jeans and shirt from where they'd thrown them on the floor and tossing them to Stiles.

Stiles caught them, levelling Derek with an unamused look. "Really? It's taken me this long to come out of the closet and you want to put me back in."

Derek rolled his eyes. "Just get in the closet, please."

Stiles scurried across the room and pulled the closet doors shut--and not a second too soon.

There was a quiet click as Cora pushed the door open.

"Geez, Derek," Cora growled, turning her eyes away as Derek pulled the blanket up to cover himself. "Our flight leaves in two hours, why are you not dressed?"

"I, uh—I don't have any clothes," Derek lied.

"What? Sure you do," Cora scoffed. She strolled across the room to his wardrobe, pulling open the doors. 

Derek's eyes flew open wide as he looked at Stiles, who stood off to one side, hiding as much of his body as he could with his scrunched up clothes.

She started rifling through his clothes. "You have this jacket, these jeans—hi, Stiles—and this—"

She froze, blinking as realisation struck her. 

Stiles and Derek exchanged worried looks.

Cora straightened, turning to glare at her brother. "You have five minutes to get ready."

Without another word, she stormed out of the room.

"That went well," Stiles said once she was gone. He stepped out of the closet and dressing himself.

Derek said nothing. He pushed aside the blanket and swung his legs out of bed. He grabbed his clothes and got dressed.

Stiles pulled Derek's favourite jacket out of the closet, the worn black leather soft to touch. He passed it to Derek.

"Thanks," he said quietly.

"Hey," Stiles said softly, craning his neck to catch Derek's eye. "Is it really so bad that someone knows?"

"I guess not," Derek replied quietly. "I just... I don't want things to change."

Stiles stepped over to his side, sliding his hand into Derek's. "They won't. Nothing's going to change."

Stiles phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out, looking down as a photo of Scott lit up the screen.

"It's Scott," Stiles said. He reluctantly let go of Derek's hand and answered the call, holding the phone up to his ear. "Hey, Scotty."

"You're sleeping with Derek?!" his friend shouted into his phone.

Stiles flinched, blinking in surprise.

“What? No,” Stiles said, feigning innocence.

“Cora just texted me,” Scott replied.

Stiles fell silent, trying to think up an excuse or a way out of this conversation.

“Please tell me this is a one time thing,” Scott pleaded.

Stiles didn’t reply.

“Oh, geez,” Scott said, exasperated. “How long have you been seeing each other?”

“A few months,” Stiles admitted, glancing across the room at Derek, watching as he pulled his shirt over his head—his muscles flexing as he moved.

“Months?!”

“More like A year and a half,” Stiles confessed. “Look, I’ll explain it all later, right now I’ve got to go.”

He heard Scott say something else, but he hung up—cutting his friend off before he could finish whatever it was he was going to say.

“I guess everyone knows now,” Derek said quietly.

“I guess so,” Stiles replied.

Derek let out a dejected sigh.

Stiles took a step closer, looping his arms around Derek’s neck and pulling him into a tender kiss.

Derek instinctively wrapped his arms around Stiles’ waist, pulling him in close.

As he drew back from the kiss, Derek rested his forehead against Stiles’.

“Nothing’s going to change,” Stiles whispered. “It’ll always be you and me.”

A soft smile lifted the corners of Derek’s mouth. He lifted an inquisitive eyebrow. “Always?”

Stiles smiled back, looking up at Derek lovingly. “Always.”

“Derek!” Cora shouted from downstairs. “Let’s go.”

“I should probably—”

“You should probably go,” Stiles finished, reluctantly uncoiling himself from Derek.

Derek craned his neck, pressing a chaste kiss to Stiles’ lips before grabbing his jacket and hurrying downstairs.

 [AO3]

[bekobler]

i'm so deep in the closet, I think i'm in Narnia

[watchoutforthefanfics]

Does anyone else just drop as many hints as possible, as a person in the closet?

Like just dropping my stance on things, in every way possible.

Family Member: "When you get your future husband~"

Me: *clearing my throat* "Spouse."

~~~

Family Member: "What are you wearing?"

Me: *casually wearing pride suspenders* "Whaddya mean?"

~~~

Family Member: Your brother's hair is so long, he looks like a girl.

Me: Didn't know your gender was in your hair. Wow, you learn something new everyday.

~~~

Family Member: You know you support the LGBTQ+ group a little too much... Are you gay?

Me: First off, Stephanie, there is a thing called an ally, and secondly, sit down, I'm going to teach you a little bit-

~~~

Friend: "So legitimate question, I don't fully understand my identity-"

Me: *already pulling out a chair* "Please, sit."

~~~

Friend: "Hey, I'm going to be honest with you. My gaydar is CRAZY with you."

Me: *twitching nervously* "What a skill you have there."

~~~

Me: "Oh, hey. You wanna hear some of my favorite songs?"

Family Member: "Wha-"

Me: *starts blasting 'Everyone Is Gay' by Little Big World* "-and make gAY LITTLE BABIES~"

Family Member: "Can yo-"

Me: *starts blasting 'Honey' by Kehlani* "-I like my girl just like I like my honey~"

Family Member: ???

~~~

"Soft" aesthetic people with floofy hair: *exist*

Me: oh no *sexually-confused panic*

[all-thedrarry-feels]

ron: why are you naked?

harry: uhhh... i'm out of clothes...

ron: *opens closet* actually you have shirts, pants, hi draco, plenty of shoes,

[xxdemiigodxx-blog]

Lookin for a pan

So my mom was cooking. And then this happens.

Mom: Where's the pan?

Me:*pops out the bedroom* HERE.

She literally looked at me, rolled her eyes and continued looking for the pan...

Mom:Guys anyone seen the pan?

Me:It's still in the closet.

*pops out the bedroom*

[pilot-of-a-cruel-machine]

Find Anatole

Hélène: *shoving Anatole in a closet* I'm trying to save your life STAY IN THE CLOSET

Anatole: I've never been in the closet, dear sister.

Hélène: do you WANT to die

[scaredysap]

parents: why do you care so much about queer characters on TV?

me: no reason *hides in the closet*