Anon Advice Asks - Feb 25
cold anon (new), 988 anon, saree anon (new), alone anon (new), don't need advice anon (new but not)
cold anon (new)
How do I deal with colds as an autistic person? I always crash out when I might have/am on the verge of a cold, because I feel trapped and bullied by my body and my surroundings. To be honest, the mental frustration and annoyance is the worst part of having a cold.
I’ve had both Covid and malaria and experiencing those felt much easier than having a regular cold because they don’t trap me in my body and make all my sensory issues go haywire
I get all bitter and angry and upset when I have a cold, and I want to know how to handle it :(
omg I feel this so much. Like not being able to breath through your nose is the WORST thing in the world because it affects all of the senses, it's AWFUL.
I mean, there's obviously medication you can take, but I think besides that the important thing is to be gentle with yourself. it sounds like you're not only getting annoyed with the situation but with yourself and how you're reacting! remember that you are allowed to give yourself grace and take care of yourself <3 I hope you feel better soon!
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988 anon
omg I'm so sorry you're not feeling well and dealing with a storm, that sounds awful. and your parents not being understanding definitely must make it worse. being a teenager is super stressful, like I truly wouldn't wish it on anyone. but I'm glad you know that it will get better. Things will change- you'll get more freedom and choices. this isn't forever. I hope you feel better soon, and the snow melts! <3
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saree anon (new)
Hey cas!
I might be trans...idk.. I'm kinda freaking out tbh. I still have a certain amount of doubt but now I'm thinking maybe I'm just afraid to admit that I might be trans because I don't think my parents will be accepting of it.
I am now perceived as a girl by everyone and lately that label felt very suffocating to me. I've always been considered a tom boy throughout my childhood (I'm nineteen now) and I've had issues with gender, now looking back, all along. I used to have short hair and everyone in my school bullied me for looking like a boy. So I think my brain kinda registered that looking like that makes me a freak. I overcorrected it in my early teen years by being very much into stereotypical fem clothing like being very interested in wearing a saree (I'm a south Indian). Because it was something that was not available to me (there is a general "rule" that girls shouldn't wear sarees before attaining puberty), I was convinced that wearing that would "make" me a girl.
The problem was, though it felt good for a while, the fem clothing started to suffocate me too. I felt more comfortable with baggy tshirts and shirts. I started having body dysphoria.(redacted) I look in the mirror and I absolutely do not feel like the girl looking back is me. This past year I've been contemplating whether I was non binary or just gender fluid but then neither of those labels felt right. Ever since I started paying attention to this gender panic I have going on, I noticed that I felt more comfortable with neutral words or even stereotypical words that refer to men like partner or dad (yk when people say oh you're the mom of the group? Well I prefer dad.)
One of the major issues I have is that my parents are not aware of any of this. They are currently very confused as to why I'm borrowing my brother's clothes for college or why I feel so uncomfortable in traditional fem clothes (the same saree I yearned for is now choking me to death). They just think it's a quirky thing that I will grow out of but I don't know how to explain it to them especially since I'm myself not sure with what gender I'm choosing.
The thing is, the idea of being a man terrified me. It's not the "being a man" part but the part where I have to deal with the consequences. I have to come out to my parents, which I'm pretty sure will not go well; they don't even let me get a hair cut. The long hair I have is not helping with my body dysphoria. I just... I always negated the possibility of me being trans by thinking that oh I don't have bottom dysphoria, I only have top dysphoria so I'm not trans, surely there's another word. But recently I found out that bottom dysphoria is not a requirement for being trans. I..I had an epiphany when I saw it. I'm freaking out now because a part of me is happy that there is finally a word, trans masc, that kinda makes sense for me, a part of me is terrified that my parents are going to disown me (my mum is literally saving up jewellery for my wedding), and a small part of me is scared that I might not be trans and my brain is just doing all of this for attention.
Idk why I just completely trauma dumped on you but it feels nice to get it off my chest. I wish I had the opportunity to just experiment, use a binder or cut my hair without having to worry about my parents finding out but there's nothing I can do about it. Thanks for listening. You're doing an incredible job, providing a safe space to vent❤️
Hi hon! I am so sorry that you're dealing with all of this confusion and fear. It's so difficult no navigate all of these things even in a safe space, so to do so in an unsafe environment must be terrifying </3
Remember, though, your parents will only know what you tell them. You can tell them you wear baggy clothes just....because you like them! You can wear a binding sports bra, and say that you just like the support! You can ask to have your hair a bit shorter and say it's just easier to manage! If you feel unsafe, you don't owe ANYONE the truth, but that doesn't mean you have to overperform femininity either. I hope you're able to find a way to dress a bit more comfortably for you while still staying safe...your safety and happiness are both so important!
I'm here to vent whenever you need!
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alone anon (new)
Hey cas i need a bit of advice. I have this big group of friends, but ive realised im utterly alone and i dont know what to do to help myself.
Hi! I'm so sorry you feel like this, it's an awful feeling. Can you give me some more details? Do you want to stay friends with these people or find new friends? What makes you feel like you're alone?
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don't need advice anon
Hey Cas! I don’t need advice right now, I just wanted to say that I wrote you a while ago about thinking about switching schools because of bullying but being worried about leaving my friend group and a new school, and I just wanted to say that your advice really helped me and because of it I did change schools which so far has made me so incredibly happy and feel so much safer. So thank you so much! Without you I don’t know if I would have done it at all— you’re radical :))
Hi! sorry I had to give you a new name, you didn't give your old one! But I'm so glad you're feeling safe and happy, that's so amazing! I'm so happy for you <3 I hope you continue to feel safe, and thank you for sending me an update, this made me smile!
