Mar 17, 2018
Examples of what living with anxiety is like ^
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Examples of what living with anxiety is like ^
What Does Anxiety Feel Like?
I’m not sure what anxiety feels like for everyone else, but I think I can explain a little bit of what it feels like to me.
Have you ever been in a vehicle, whether as a driver or passenger, when someone cut you off and for a millisecond you thought you were going to be in an accident? Imagine if that stomach lurch never ended.
For me, anxiety comes along with a host of god-awful physical symptoms too. For instance, I often feel sick, nauseated, tense, or dizzy. Anxiety can feel like you’ve just contracted a stomach bug, and it’s swimming around in there just waiting to make the right move (the one that makes you puke at the most inopportune time).
Sometimes “dread” is the only word that does what I feel any justice. Sometimes, on my way to class, work, or even an ostensibly “fun” social event, I feel as though I’m marching toward my doom. I’m not speaking hyperbolically.
What does anxiety feel like to you?
Uncertainty is Freedom
For those of us with anxiety the above title might seem counter intuitive.
Hear me out anyway.
This past summer I went to Russia, and that journey helped me on my personal one, in part because of my newfound ability to be at peace with not knowing or being out of control.
#ThankYouRussia
I figured out this one key thing that has helped to decrease my anxiety (although it definitely hasn’t made it disappear).
Most of the things that make me anxious are things I don’t have control over. They’re also things I don’t WANT control over.
For example, I have spent wasted hours thinking about what other people think of me. What if I said something they disliked? What if they disapproved of my behavior? What if I communicated something deliberately OR accidentally and nonverbally which displeased them?
I have apologized for things hours and even days later. Oftentimes the other party has already forgotten about it.
But here’s the thing: I can’t control other peoples’ thoughts or opinions. I also don’t need everyone to like me, and I don’t need to like everyone. Instead, I can be grateful for only needing to control my own reactions and check my own biases. I can enjoy myself.
This isn’t my only example, but it’s an apt one. You might apply it in another way, if it’s helpful to you. For instance, if you’re afraid of flying you might say, “I don’t want to be in control of airplanes I’m flying on - that’s why I didn’t become a pilot.” Then, pop in your headphones and listen to a meditation.
“YOU have anxiety?”
Discussing our anxiety with other people can be a daunting task, whether we’re speaking with loved ones, friends, or even therapists.
Sometimes my inner monologue spills over with potential sarcasm that, alas, is never realized.
So, in case you’ll find it relatable, I’ve decided to share that inner monologue here.
Other Person: YOU have anxiety? I never would have guessed!
Me: I never would have guessed that you were on the lookout for anxiety.
--
Therapist: So, what’s the worst thing that would happen if you DID have a panic attack?
Me: Didn’t I just say I’d have a panic attack?!
--
Doctor: I never would have guessed that you have anxiety, given that you do dance performances!
Me: I never would have guessed that artistic inclinations were indicators of mental illness or its absence.
Note: that last scenario actually took place - my doctor said that to me. I didn’t reply, because I was taken aback by his statement.
What are some real or imagined responses you’ve come up with when discussing your anxiety with someone who didn’t “get it?”
How Does One “Social?”
Many of us, regardless of our specific diagnosis, struggle in social situations when we have anxiety.
Have you ever looked at people having a conversation that seemed effortless, and wondered to yourself, “how do I social?”
Well, I’m not in a place to answer that question.
But what I can do, is share a few social interactions which to me are almost invariably awkward. I would love to hear about whether or not you relate, and which situations you tend to feel awkward about!
That awkward moment when...
...you say good-bye to someone, but then discover that you are walking in the same direction.
...you pull up to a drive through window to order, realize that you don’t know what you want, and hurriedly place an order for fear of others waiting on you.
...you combine two words such as, “cool” and, “awesome” so something along the lines of, “colawesome” comes out and you just pray the other person didn’t notice.
...you think the teacher just called on you, but the person behind you starts talking at the same time.
...you wish someone a happy birthday too early (perhaps their Facebook is a liar) and then you don’t know whether or not to wish them a happy birthday again on their actual birthday.
...you feel awkward about talking to your therapist about a particular subject, then realize they’re paid to listen to your predicaments, no matter how bizarre or awkward.
...your face doesn’t know which expression to make after making eye contact with someone (do I smile? should I do a cool head nod with a straight face?).
Regardless of these awkward situations, we somehow manage to social day in and day out. Together, we’ve got this.
Replacing the Object of Your Fears
Recently a good friend of mine had surgery. Prior to her surgery we discussed the anxiety she has, which was amplified by the upcoming procedure.
She told me about a strategy for managing anxiety which I hadn’t thought about previously: replace that which you are afraid of with something hilarious.
Essentially this is a linguistic version of the Harry Potter spell “Riddikulus!”
Below are some examples - see what you can come up with, and if this strategy works for you!
Original Thought: I am feeling anxious because I’m afraid of falling from heights.
Replacement: I am feeling anxious because I’m afraid of dancing uncontrollably when up high.
---
Original Thought: What if my teacher thinks my answer is stupid?
Replacement: What if my teacher thinks my answer is in another language even though I’m clearly still speaking English? She would think she was going mad!
--
Original Thought: I’m sure my friends are all partying without me.
Replacement: I’m sure my friends are all belching without me.
The goal is to make the replacement thought - well - ridiculous! Have fun with this, and remember that you have a 100% success rate of living through your anxiety. That WILL continue!
Inner Monologue Theatre
Recently a friend and I were discussing intrusive thoughts.
Many of us who have anxiety are prone to experience these, and we tend to become preoccupied with them in a way people with anxiety don’t.
What can we do to cope with these thoughts, though?
One of the most hilarious is this: imagine your intrusive thoughts are being narrated/shouted to you by your least favorite politician. It turns, out, that turns fear into an ineffective heckler!
Here’s an example.
My intrusive thought: I’m going to just lose control and yell profanities in my (rather small) workplace and embarrass myself in front of my boss.
Me: *Working*
Intrusive Thought Trump: We have a problem, and the problem is you’re going to yell and curse, and you’re going to get FIRED! You’re FIRED!
Me: *Keeps working*
Intrusive Thought Trump: Hey, you take me serious now. Yell, “#(%)(&%(!@%” and “%$#&(” - lose control, you’re stupid AND you’re fired! You’re FIRED!
Me: *Giggles to self thinking, “my intrusive thoughts are dumb AND have a horrible fake tan!*
You can imagine silly voices too, or a child throwing a temper tantrum to get your attention. Get creative! There’s no end to the possibilities here.
This or That
There’s a fun game those of us with anxiety get to play on the regular: “is this _____ or an anxiety attack?”
For example:
Is this low blood sugar, or is it anxiety?
My heart rate increase - is that because of anxiety?
Am I excited, anxious, or both?
What are some of those moments you have?