#compression anon

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - July 1

compression anon, breached shield anon (new), bisexual anon (new), 14 anon, usaid anon

compression anon

Heyyyy Cas, it’s compression anon, still haven’t asked about a binder or such, but last time I sent an ask, I thought I was genderfluid, turns out I’m just a trans man :)

I’m so happy I figured it out (a while ago lol) the realization has actually made me feel so much more comfortable in my skin, surprisingly.

That’s all. Thank you for doing these asks and stuff, you’re amazing <3

Hi! I'm so glad you feel more comfortable in your skin now! That makes me so happy for you. Keep me updated if you want, sending tons of love!

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breached shields anon

For context: I (nb, 18) live with my mom and her husband (my dad). Yesterday my biological father came to visit.

He told me the day before that he would come over, so I was nervous enough already.

I didn't hear the bell ring, or my mom calling me, so the first thing I know of him being here, is my father standing in my room.

The problem is that my father has never been in my room. And I liked it that way. I liked being able to control who is allowed in this room. I have always been safe here and now it feels like the shields have been breached. It feels less safe. Less like mine.

He's never physically hurt me, I just don't feel very comfortable around him.

And now I don't feel entirely comfortable in my own room and I don't know what to do about it.

Fuck, that's so frustrating. What if you did something different to your room, to make it feel like yours again? Maybe rearranged the furniture, put up/take down some decorations, paint it a new color? That way it's not the same place your father was in when he was there, you know?

Keep me updated! <3

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bisexual anon

no anon name i just remembered smt and wanted to share with the class

so what happened was my friend came out to me as a lesbian. and i didnt really know what the meant. so i said good4u like any normal person would. and then AS A JOKE REMEMBER THIS AS A JOKE my friend said that i was homophobic. so i asked what lesbian even meant and she said that it meant girls being attracted to girls or whtv and then I SAID THAT 'yea well im attracted to girls and boys thats normal' and then she just looked at me. and said 'youre bisexual then?' and then because i didnt really know what that meant i said 'sure im bisexual'

and then i went home and proceeded to find out what bisexual meant, and that almost all the singers and actors i followed were LGBT (mostly bi yea) and THAT I LISTENED TO SAPPHIC SONGS and the absolute confirmation of being bi just hit me.

but even then i was like 'cool im bi yay'

LIKE I HAD THE OPPOSITE OF A BISEXUAL CRISIS

IM DYING LMAOO 😭😭💀

Okay but this is how it should be!!! Like everyone just likes who they like and it's no big deal!!! I love that it was this easy for you <3 I hope that it still is, and everyone in your life is supportive

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14 anon

14 anon

holding back tears because I’m so angry right now.

my mum is being a fucking DICKHEAD. All day she’s been a right arse to me because I said the word ‘no’ to her with an attitude. And why was that? I’d already told her my answer twice and she kept asking me so I was understandably annoyed. she gave me that look that only mothers have and snatched the new teddy I’d had for literally only two days that I got as a present for having good attendance at school for the last few months.

I fucking SOBBED for at least 15 minutes in my room and she gave no shits, just stayed in her room and then called me to come talk to her while she was in the bathroom helping ( directing/ bossing) my dad b it up the new shower curtain pole and was like “don’t you think there’s something you should say” so I’m like “sorry” and she launches into her favourite rant of “you know the age I started changing my own sheets? I was 14 when I was doing all the wallpapering and decorating blah blah” that she only has because her mum was a bitch too and she thinks she’s the best parent to ever parent

she tells me something along the lines of I have to correct my attitude and keep it in check to get my hippo teddy back. Then now, a few hours later, she calls me downstairs and says if I tidy out (horrendous) living room I can have my hippo back so I start doing that; I take all my birthday gifts upstairs and then together we start clearing away old packages because she’s got a bit of a shopping addiction because she likes the dopamine rush and she gets carried away by a package with the item still in it and starts going on about that and then finally when she’s done with the lamp she starts talking to my dad about the new shoes she bought and I’m like what do I do now and she says “turn off that attitude” or smth and then I ask her again after a few minutes and she tells me to go away because she’s sick of seeing me??!! I’m sick of seeing her I want to yell and cry and fucking run away but obviously I can’t

I just want my hippo back

Hi hon <3

I'm so sorry, I definitely remember dealing with my mom acting like this when I was a kid and it's so shitty. I think sometimes parents forget to try to communicate, you know? It's very frustrating. I really hope you get your hippo back soon <3

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usaid anon

Hey its usaid anon about the bags. Lowkey proud of myself. i only cried twice the entire time so yay me

And the bags they made us fill out a form and are mailing it to the house we're staying at but we cant get updates and im only here for 2 weeks. Im living off of my aunts closet (thankfully theres someone in this house with a similar size bc i have been jetlagged and would not have been able to get completely new clothes in the first two days) but im going to go clothes shopping today

ALSO everyone keeps talking about the plan if my mom gets fired like can we NOT

Also also the supreme court is pissing me offff

-

Cas cas cas cas cas

I GOT MY BAG BACK OMG

-usaid anon

Hi!! I'm so glad you got your bag back! I've had my bag lost before and it's the WORST. Like...the amount of important things in one bag is insane.

Anyway, I can't imagine how stressful it is hearing about your mom's job. I'm so sorry that you have to think about that. It's not fair, and I know you know that, but please know that I'm here and I care.

The supreme court is also pissing me off <3

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - March 17

compression anon, fearless anon, vent anon (new), ambulance anon, 14 anon

compression anon

Hi cas! it’s compression anon again :)

I haven’t asked my mom about a compression sports bra yet lol, but I like almost started crying earlier looking at my gender envy board on Pinterest because I’ll never be a blond boy with wavy hair and ugh. Sorry but it’s made me so sad and. That’s all sorry have a great day :)

Ugh I get this feeling. There's definitely people I really wish I looked like. But remember that there ARE ways to achieve at least some of the gender euphoria you want in the body you have. Play with things like contour, different shapes in clothing, different ways of styling your hair, etc. I know it's hard to not be able to look exactly like a picture, but you CAN do some things, I promise <3

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fearless anon

if this got sent for the third time, i'm so sorry. it's fearless anon, i saw your post about having an anxiety day a couple of days ago and i hope things have gotten better.

my relationship with my mom, actually both my parents, is a love-hate relationship to say the least. sometimes it's like they're the best parents, and then there are times when they're the worst part of my life and they're the reason i feel like i'm a fuck up. i was an extremely good student when i was younger and that just kinda made them set such expectations for me that i feel like i'm under this crushing pressure all the time and whatever i do it's just simply never enough no matter how much i try. the worst part is that they keep telling me that i have the potential, that i'm capable of it and that i'm smarter than everyone else in my year if only i put in more effort and that just gave me such a complex about me being better than everyone else, even when i'm not but at the same time it's like the more effort i put, the worse it gets and sometimes i wish they'd just get mad, but they're more disappointed than anything and honestly that's worse. they can't move on from it either and it's like a constant comparison with everyone else and i feel like i'm falling behind but i'm still above average so that's not exactly true and at the same time no one seems to understand exactly what the problem is and it's always about wtf is going on in school all the time at home. i finished my finals two weeks ago and i had been studying to the point of burnout for almost five weeks and they expected me to just start studying for next year after that weekend and then my marks turned out to be average and i had a shitty af week because of it and my parents just refused to let it go and i got so emotionally drained because i knew it was disappointing and what they kept saying just made it worse. i'm pretty sure that my fear of loud noises is because my mom kept slamming the door and she has a tendency to get extremely mad and say and do shit that she normally wouldn't do (pretty normal in our culture but still lowkey hurts). and all my dad ever seems to care about is my academics and nothing else and everything in his eyes is a distraction from it and i "keep finding ways to disappoint him" as he said a few months back. should i be used to it by now? probably. and it's just like nothing i do is ever good enough for him and he doesn't even get mad he just ignores me and that's worse than my mom's anger because i can take the anger and i can deal with it but i hate being shut out. my mom sometimes takes my side in arguments with my dad only to come back five minutes later and lecture me like i was the one in the wrong but she just took my side before and that's like whiplash. anything and everything i do just seems to be the wrong thing. the way i talk, the way i dress, the way i laugh - they literally find faults in everything. if it's not being done their way, they have a fucking problem. this stopped a few months ago but i don't want to get too complacent because for the last two years it's been "why are you acting like this", "fix your behaviour", "fix your attitude", "we don't feel like talking to you because of your rude behaviour" and then just being distant af until i confronted them like i just don't have any energy whatsoever how tf do they expect me to show "attitude" or whatever. and everything's just my fault in this house like even when my dad says something shitty i shouldn't have reacted like that.

oh and the wonders my mom does for my self confidence like she keeps telling me that my best friend doesn't care about me as much as i care about her, that she's only this attached to me rn because she has no one else, that she has abandoned me in the past for other people and would do it in the future like yes, she did that, but if i stopped caring about people who have chosen other people over me in the past, i'd only care about myself and she's changed, and she's the only reason i dragged myself to school for months because even at our friendship's lowest she was a better friend to me than anyone else at that time even if she cared more about another girl at the time. my mom knows for a fact that i only have two friends so when she says that, it hurts because my best friend does actually care even if literally everyone else seems to think that she's a self obsessed selfish bitch who doesn't. and she tells me that my ex best friends were there for me when i needed them and that i shouldn't cut them off but like, they abandoned me and they don't actually care so like no i don't want to keep in touch with them. also we were watching cobra kai together and it's basically about karate and as someone whose favourite romance trope is enemies/rivals to lovers, i obviously went "that's gay" at every rivalry fight and then there are two characters who went from best friends to enemies to best friends (long complicated story short) and i was just telling my mom that they would be so good together and they were definitely gay for each other and she was like "why do you have to make everything gay." firstly, woman, i don't have enough queer representation on tv because they keep cancelling everything with it. secondly, queer rivals to lovers is even rarer and i would literally die for that trope so obviously i'll root for fanon with that. then there's the "you don't have to say that you're gay right off the bat", "you may not be gay, you never know", "when you and your boyfriend or girlfriend" and "everyone in a girls' school says they're gay" bs. one, i don't. two, how do you know. three, can you like stop saying boyfriend before girlfriend like you expect me to get a boyfriend. four, it has nothing to do with my school. not to mention the overprotective bs. you can't go out to the mall without adult supervision (i've been to it over five hundred times by now), you can't wear makeup, you can't dye your hair (okay this one i'd still understand if it was only while i was underage), you can't participate in this festival because chemicals are used like just lock me into a glass cage and throw away the key atp. and every single time my mom comes to my room, she has some complaint or the other - "why did you do ___", "why didn't you do ___", "why are you doing ___" - like just give me a break. they don't have any faith in me either, like i don't have the best track record, but at the same time, shouldn't my parents at least believe in me).

my best friend described them as "asshole-y" and in a way that's true, but it's also not like i have shitty parents because they do go out of their way to do things i like and make me happy too but sometimes it just feels like their love and pride in me is a bit conditional even when they say they aren't and i hate disappointing them so much and sometimes it just hurts so bad that i have to physically make myself feel it. i can't seem to do anything right in their eyes and that's why i kinda relate to barty but i just can't bring myself to stop trying to please them even though the pressure they're putting me under is slowly killing me and i've just burnt out because of they had maybe let the pressure ease off in middle school, even just a bit, i could've stopped being so tired in high school and actually fixed my life. i put so much pressure on myself and i hold myself to unrealistic expectations because they do and then i just end up eventually disappointing them and myself and i hate the fact that they made me this person who is never satisfied and never thinks she did enough.

Hi <3

Unfortunately, I think this is a really common thing that happens with kids and their parents. Parents want the best for their kids, so they put a lot of pressure on them. But they forget that putting so much pressure can actually make things worse. That they need to love their kids as they are, not just for what they can be. Sure, as a parent, it's important to have expectations for your kids and push them to be the best they can be, but it's also important to create a safe space for them to be able to push themselves, and parents miss that part.

It seems like your parents love you, but they might not know how best to show that all the time, and that's super frustrating. So I think as you get older, you need to start thinking less about THEIR expectations and more about your own. WHat do YOU want for yourself? What do you expect from you? And then, rather than basing your self esteem on your parents' expectations, think about your expectations. If you can tell yourself that you met YOUR expectations, feel good about what you did, and fuck everyone else! because when you're an adult and living on your own, your parents' expectations won't matter. It's YOU that matters.

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vent anon

Sorry to vent.

(redacted)

I feel worthless now.

One choice, especially this choice, does NOT make you worthless. Those ten months still exist and nothing takes those away. You are important, your effort matters, and you should be so proud of all of the steps you've taken in the past year to get to this point.

This is a road bump, not a road block. You can keep going, and you are worth so much. I promise <3

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Ambulance anon

Ambulance anon,

Thanks!! I am alive, I will have to stay at hospital for a few weeks, but I guess I can manage that! I need to have a surgery, something is wrong with my chest area (sorry I don't know the health issue names in English).

But I will live and heal I believe!! If we look on the bright side, free top surgery lol-

Anyway, thanks! Writing helps to spend time while resting, and your fics are always a good way too!🩷💜

Omg that sounds so scary! I'm glad that you seem to have a positive outlook and you're safe now. I'm sending you happy healing vibes, and keep me updated if you want to/remember to!

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14 anon

I’m fucking terrified they’re taking all our council benefits away from us

Council benefits are basically payments of money we get for certain things. so like we get one that covers most of the rent and housing benefits etc. well before Christmas everything switched to universal credit and they’re taking all the extra money that we need bc my mum doesn’t work away from us. We’ve lost more than £400 a month and they’re just gonna keep taking.

What if they take my disability living allowance away, Cas??!! That’s £549 and that can already go down when I reach 16/18.

We’re gonna be properly poor at this rate and I don’t know what to do. We have to buy specific foods and water because of my eating issues and we won’t be able to afford that very soon, I feel.

14 anon

God, that's terrifying. It sounds like you don't live in the US so I'm not familiar with specific programs that are available but are there other programs available? Are you able to ask your doctor? Can you look into reasons WHY they would do these things? When I'm anxious, I find that figuring out as much info as possible helps me.

I'm so sorry that you have to worry about this now. You don't deserve that. It's absolutely awful.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - February 28

nyx anon, compression anon (new), pg anon, alabama anon, she/they anon

nyx anon

okay so thus is the nyx anon and this one js about my nan… shes uh…. Well we arent speaking right now bc when j saw her a couple days ago i ended up calling my mum and begging her tk come get me bc

My nan called me lazy

called me narrowminded

told me i use autism as an excuse for everything (because i was explaining my literal autistic traits)

told me to my face she would not love me anymore if i was gender queer (i am in fact gender queer she just doesnt know)

told me as i was talking to her about my girlfriend that its okau i might still end up straight

told me i don’t experience homophobia bc she has gay friends and she obviously she knows best

commented on everything i ate and at lunch gave me less than half of my little brothers portion and when i asked why she said it was to “get me in shape” (she knows ive been diagnosed with body dysmorphia) and when i was like… hey i will have a migraine if i eat this little she said “thats a risk you’ll have to take”

she started naming all the boys she thinks ive liked before (im a lesbian, she knows this) and she incLUDED MY COUSIN IN THIS LIST (NOT EVEN THE FIRST TIME SHES SUGGESTED INCEST TO ME???)

said it was okay ajd i might grow out of being autistic to be normal

then stoof outside of the bathroom i locked myself in and listened to me cry

told my mum after i went home early that i wasnt invited to movie night on sunday anymore. GIRL I DONT WANT TO GO 😭

anyways. That was an experience (this isnt even the worst time ive had with her 💀

Hi <3

I'm so sorry she's acting like this. I'm glad you know she's absolutely wrong and you were brave enough to stand up for yourself and leave early. That takes a lot of guts, and I'm really proud of you! I hope your mum was on your side?

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Compression anon

Hi cas!! I don’t know how to start so I’ll just get right into it. I think in genderfluid, and I want to get something like a binder. Not the actual thing just yet, but like a super compression sports bra type thing. I’m a minor and I live with my super supportive (like of everyone under the trans umbrella) parents, my dads super chill and my mom constantly likes and reposts stuff like “trans kids matter” on Facebook… but I don’t necessarily want to come out yet, cuz I’m not really sure. Is the there a way I could ask for this without coming out? I’ve already talked to my mom abt it slightly, I just lied and said I wanted a compression sports bra because it was uncomfortable for like gym and physical activity… should I stick with that? I have a binary schedule at school, so that would allow me to wear it at least every other day if I felt like it. Any suggestions?

Sorry this was so long, feel no need to respond :)

Yeah I think that's a good place to start if you're uncomfortable saying anything more! Just make sure to buy from a reputable place, use the sizing guide, and I'd probably still take it off after 8 hours like a binder.

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PG anon

HI

ranting about religion is fine!

As far as everything else, I think a therapist is an amazing idea. Whether or not you're depressed, you have a LOT going on right now and it sounds like you're holding a lot of peoples' emotions, so it would be nice to have someone to hold yours. You also deserve that support <3

I'm thinking about you and your friend, and I hope things get easier.

_________

Alabama Anon

hi, Alabama anon again. I just found out tonight that the school I’m going to has a GSA (gay-straight alliance). Granted, it is small, but there is one. I didn’t know this until today. Now I’m thinking to myself, “why didn’t I know about this until today?” I most likely won’t join it. I don’t know how I’d explain that one to my parents. But I’m just really happy that my school even has one. I wanted to talk to the person who was telling people about it, but my mother was following me around and I couldn’t.

while I’m here, I figure I’ll just update you on some other stuff. I have been trying to sort of hint to my friends that I’m not straight. I legit called a girl hot right in front one of my friends (one of the workers at one of the cafes around where I live) and she still thinks I’m straight. Either I’m bad at this, or she’s just not picking up on it. It’s most likely the first one.

I’m still not planning to tell my family anytime soon. My parents are still making sort of homophobic remarks in front of me. My English teacher was telling us about pronouns the other day and was telling us how they’re used (like we don’t already know) and said “or if you’re talking about a person you’ll use he or she” or something along those lines. It isn’t the worst thing I’ve heard, but it still annoyed me. So I’m just having a fun time all around. Anyways, I still like your writing, and I’m going to continue trying to indirectly come out to my friends.

Hi! I'm glad your school has a GSA! I know in my school we don't advertise it a TON, just so people don't actively campaign against it. Maybe that's why you didn't know?

As far as coming out, I feel like most people tend to assume others are straight until explicitly told otherwise, so that's probably why.

I'm sorry your parents and teacher aren't being great. I'm sending you love and I really hope that you're able to find a support system as you grow! What about the teacher who runs the GSA?

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she/they anon

i'm thinking of identifying as androgynous maybe?

idk honestly i'm afab but i prefer presenting as masc but at the same time i don't like he/him it just feels weird yk so like would that actually work

- she/they anon

Hon, you can identify however feels right for YOU. If that feels right to you, then that's absolutely perfect <3