Okay it’s the anon I got updates with the exhibit and whatnot
First of all, I do wanna say that after reading your response to my last ask it made me realize I don’t think I was ever this happy with my ex. Seriously, I feel like I can breathe and it’s amazing
Anywho
We went to the exhibit today, and what was there was pretty cool. It wasn’t too use it was obviously geared towards younger kids. Like, it was a lot of activities and not a lot of reading or learning. But the models were cool!M (and I stimmed a lot because I love dinosaurs and Lego so much)
But Connor said multiple times throughout the exhibit je was going to buy me something, which was followed by me saying “I don’t need anything!” Yeah apparently that doesn’t work with him and every time I seemed remotely interested in something at the gift shop I looked at him and went “no. Do NOT think about it”
But it was pretty fun :D
We also checked out the space exhibit the place had, so that was an added bonus for today
After today I have to admit that holy crap this man gives me butterflies. Like, at lunch after the exhibits we were sitting there chatting and even just his voice had me flustered
Is this what genuine attraction feels like? Because I’m staring to wonder if I ever had this with my ex
awwwh this sounds so fun and it sounds like he treated you wonderfully. it makes me happy to hear you're so happy! I mean, all relationships are different but it sounds like he makes you really happy and that's what matters. rather than comparing him to your ex, just focus on what you're doing and feeling now, you know? Enjoy what you're feeling <3
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spotify anon (new)
Hello cas, how have you been? Ur microfics are still the highlights of my day so like, I love you so much for that.
I wanted to ask if u heard about the spotify boycott thing. I'm not in america so I jst found out that it ran ice recruitment ads and stuff, promoted ai, and other bad things for their image which sucks...
If u did hear and you do plan on switching platforms (unless u never were on Spotify which would be awkward) what platform are you using?
I'm thinking YouTube music but I'm not sure.
How is your cat? (I'm sorry I'm bad with remembering names 😭😭).
Hi!
This is a fair question. I do use spotify and I have for a while. When I heard about the ads, I did consider switching, but when I did some research, I found out that the other major music platforms also have done problematic things? Sometimes it just feels like no matter what you do, you're feeding into the problem, it's so frustrating. Like I just want to listen to music lol. I don't mean to make it all about me, but I know other people are feeling like this too: it becomes so exhausting, to try to exist without supporting horrible people.
It's not an excuse, but I kind of got into the mindset that it wasn't worth it, because I might as well stick with the platform I had, since I already had all my playlists there, and every platform was problematic in some way. I also heard that spotify pulled the ads, which is good.
Based on that, I decided not to switch yet. Idk, I think it's hard. I probably should switch.
The cats are good!
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friendship weird anon (new)
Hiii!!
I'm in highschool and I leave after next year and I like my best friend.
I am gonna ask him out but I just don't want to make our friendship weird if he rejects me.
Do you have any advice to ask him, and maybe some on how to react if he says no, and how to just keep being good friends with him??
Thanks so much!!
Hi!
Honestly, I think communication is important, here. Be honest with him! Tell him that your friendship is most important and you really, truly don't want to ruin that. If he says he doesn't feel the same way, tell him your fears about things changing, and ask him if there's something you should do to make sure things don't change.
The truth is, you can't control his answer or reaction, but communicating your needs and fears can help make sure there's no issues with miscommunication, which causes so many problems.
Good luck!!
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fearless anon
Hi!
Ugh I feel like friendships are so hard in high school because honestly, even in big schools, your choices are limited. And not only that, but people tend to be very similar. Most people were all raised similarly so they have similar views, and it sucks when you're different. Please know that when you go to college, it's SO different. There are so many people and so many different views and it gets so much easier to make connections with people who share your views (read: aren't homophobes.)
As far as your friends being defensive of their partners...yeah, that's so fucking annoying. I get it--I once had a friend who married a die-hard Trump supporter. That friendship ended because I just couldn't deal with being around that and i felt betrayed that she accepted his behavior, but it sucks to see people you care about making poor decisions. I think there's a balance between like...calling your friends out when they make those bad decisions, being there for them when things dont go well, and also protecting your own peace. It's hard to find that balance, and I don't wish that problem on anyone <3
vibes anon (new), fearless anon, bi-awakening anon (new), mortified anon (new), on and off anon (new), midnights anon
Vibes anon
I have a... question
So when people just put like... "any/all" or "I don't know" in their bio for pronouns, what do you use? Cause like I appreciate the rejection of gender but I don't want to like... do the wrong thing. And being online, I fall into the trap of making up like vibes or even appearances for my friends kinda like I do with book people. So I don't want to get into fhe habit of thinking about people wrong. I just don't know how to handle it best. (Coming from someone who doesn't really get gender but doesn't want to make people uncomfy)
Honestly my first reaction whenever I'm unsure is to ask people. But if they really say I can use any, then I tend to switch it up. Because I think when someone says 'any' or 'idc' or whatever, and you tend to go with the pronoun they're like...perceived as by society, then that's almost assigning them a gender? At least it could be taken that way.
But I don't think it's bad to ask clarifying questions!
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fearless anon
hi cas it's fearless anon
so i read this term somewhere it's 'nimby-ist' i think and the meaning's basically a not in my backyard liberalist and that perfectly describes my parents
my mom keeps telling me that i shouldn't wear the fact that i'm gay "on my sleeve" like brother i don't, not really, like my friends know i'm gay and i talk about the girls in our year that i like/have liked with them with codenames and we never bother changing the pronouns so yeah people might've found out from that and the fact that they have no volume control and a few of them know because i actually told them but like i don't go out of my way to make it known, not because i'm secretive about it but like it's not really relevant most of the time so like yeah but like even when i first came out she didn't want me to tell a lot of people or actually anyone at all because i'd get "labelled" and shit and what if something changed later. she had a friend who dated a girl but got married to a guy so now she thinks that maybe somehow i could be the same despite me telling her that i don't like men and am honestly a bit repulsed by them bc the boys my age here that my friends and i have interacted with so far are shit and because she grew up with most of her friends being guys she thinks i just haven't met the "right guy" like tf woman. oh and when i told her that her friend was bi she said that everyone is and i'm willing to bet that if i was straight she would've never said that. and she actually mentioned in the past that i should think about it carefully because it might hold me back in life like it's literally a part of me i can't exactly change it??? also she read a book with a trans mc once but recently she saw a picture of her ex colleague's son who was openly gay already and he looked like he was transitioning or at least looked very fem which my mom obviously took to mean as transitioning and then she's like "yeah i don't have a problem with you being gay straight or bi but i still have a problem stomaching trans people" like she doesn't have a problem maybe but she's definitely not as comfortable with it as she keeps saying she is.
and then my dad. well we don't really talk much about this shit because he's focused more on my academics than any other aspect of my life and doesn't really talk or want to talk about the rest but when i was telling him about how gay marriages may be banned in one of the states, he was like "stop getting so worked up over it and it's not even our country" and no, it isn't legal in our country either which is actually one of the reasons i want to leave but sure whatever.
i mean they aren't homophobic but they're also not not homophobic like they don't have a problem with it in fiction but they, especially my mom idrk about my dad, doesn't really like it irl and unfortunately for her, her daughter is gay.
Okay I'd never heard this term before so I googled it and...yeah, that's so many people, isn't it? but this IS homophobia, because it's still wanting queer people to be treated differently that straight people. And it's believing stereotypes, not wanting to be around queer people, etc.
It sucks that so many people are like that, and I'm glad you can recognize that. I hope you know that no matter who you end up with, it's acceptable and valid and your happiness is what's important.
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Bi-awakening anon
i recently realised sirius black was my bi-awakening, being the androgynous king he is. then i realised he was also my brother's gay awakening. now im confused af. a little advice would be nice. our parents are 100% lgbtq-phobes, so that doesn't make it any easier either. we're twins and all we have for support in this matter is each other, because our friends think we're joking when we say we're bi/gay respectively.
Hi!
I mean a person (real or fictional) can be one than one person's queer awakening, and can make one person realize something different than what another person realizes. Especially in this case, where the person is fictional, it's completely valid for this to happen.
I'm glad you two are able to support each other. If you ever need to talk, I'm here!
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mortified anon
Oh my gosh Cas I was absolutely mortified earlier
I went to my maths classroom but my other maths teacher and a sub were in there so I ran and went to my friend down the hall and pretended I needed a pen and went into the room and one of the boys was like “is she meant to be in here” and my friend said I was just getting a pen and he kept asking if I was supposed to be there and my friend had a go at him like “LEAVE POOR XXXX ALONE” and honestly it felt nice to have someone stand up for me like that but I felt so awkward tho bc like I had to walk right past the teacher to get in 😭
Hi!
I knew this feels embarrassing now, but I PROMISE you that by tomorrow (a few days, tops), ten other embarrassing things will have happened to other people, and your moment will have been forgotten about <3 At least you learned you have a great friend!
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On and off anon
Hey cas
I have a problem
So I'm dating this girl right, we've been in a relationship for almost 2 years now
Its been feeling on and off like idk what to do right
And today this boy asked me out and it got me thinking, should I keep dating her or should I break up with her, should i say yes to him idk cas i don't want people to judge me either
And if I say no, idk how to let him down slowly either
Hi!
Honestly, I think if you're not sure about this girl and you're considering someone else, it's not fair to act like nothings wrong...like you at least need to communicate with her that things don't feel the same. It might be that she says she wants to work through it and when she says that, you decide the same, or maybe she'll say the same and you decide to break up. Or maybe you just decide to break up right away. But like...I feel like if I was in her shoes, and my partner was considering leaving me for someone else and I had no idea? I would be so sad.
And honestly it could just be that you two have grown apart, and that's okay. Sometimes relationships just fizzle, and that's sad, but it doesn't mean anyone did anything wrong. But you need to talk about it with her. It's okay to be confused about your relationship, but I don't think it's okay to like...keep all that from her.
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Midnights anon
Hello! It’s midnights anon! I’m really sorry for sending in another ask
Before I get into the annoying/bad stuff I have good news! I had a good weekend! I read, cooked my own food, listened to vinyl, and I felt content and did my homework in advance. I felt pretty good! I wasn’t all that tired or melancholy, and I even read/annotated for 2 hours straight!
But now that I have school again the bad stuff comes back
I don’t really know who I am honestly? I want to be quiet but I’m still so so overstimulated and overwhelmed at school and I love my friends but… sometimes they make me feel like I’m bothering them? Honestly it doesn’t matter, I just have to hide and push that bad stuff down for later, but it still hurts, y’know? I just wish I knew how to be quieter when overstimulated. I wish I didn’t laugh as loudly or acted the way I did. But it doesn’t matter, still. I have a plan for life and I’ll stick to it. My 5 year plan is mostly for me to organize life in general and learn to exist and be a normal person. The first year (this year) is to be normal. It’s to do my homework, go to school events, and cook, basically use willpower to beat depression, autism, adhd, anxiety, etc.
2nd year I’m not sure, probably physical stuff, like ways I really like dressing and expressing myself, what my brain thrives on when it comes to food and studying, etc., maybe get a job
3rd year is like, interpersonal relationships and stuff and unpack any lingering issues/trauma from it
4th year is my senior year, so it’ll mostly be about studying for SATs and college stuff (I’m planning on becoming a therapist, and I’m really excited. There’s this YouTube channel, cinema therapy, where a therapist and movie director watch and analyze the mental state of movie characters and how the direction interacts with the characters, and I’ve already learned SO much about therapy and the human brain)
And 5th year is (probably?) my first year of college (I’m probably not taking a gap year, but who knows) and I’m gonna use it to settle in to college, and get used to being on my own
Also, I’ve been reading a lot more (most of it being marauders fan fiction) and it’s comforted me so much? It reminds me of my own life in a sense? The marauders being in 4th or 5th year, with talks of a war arising, murmurs about a (clearly evil) guy rising to power and gathering followers, discrimination based on identity/birth status, etc.
And reading the sad fanfics have helped too. It’s like… if bad things happened to the marauders, the betrayal, the death, the breakups, the destruction, the trauma, the pain, the loss, it kinda shows me that good things can happen too? Even if there’s so much pain and anguish, Wolfstar managed to exist in the little moments that weren’t spent fighting a war. It’s made me less afraid of dying, which sounds stupid and weird but I… am not terrified of death?
Obviously I want to live (and I’m really really happy I’ve started to mean those words more and more), but dying doesn’t seem so scary. James and Lily died but their lives were good and exuded kindness and good
With all that said, I have a question
What’s it like being an adult? Like, you have a job and a wife and a life. That’s AWESOME, and I was wondering how different being an adult felt than being a teenager?
I hope you’re having a good day, and thank you for reading. You’re a kind soul and so many people are grateful for you :]
Hi!
I'm so glad you seem to be doing better overall, and you have a five year plan! Trust me when I tell you that nobody has themselves completely figured out- it's okay to not have yourself figured out either.
Being an adult is complicated, lol. I think there's pros and cons...like I miss being a teenagers because being a teenager means you can kind of just...act silly whenever you want, and adults don't bat an eye. When you make mistakes, they tend to be easier to fix. And, if you're lucky, you have things like your housing, food, and basic needs paid for and taken care of.
But when you're an adult, you don't have anyone controlling you. You can make your own decisions and you have a lot more freedom. You have more responsibilities, yes, but you have so many more choices.
I don't know which I prefer in a vacuum, but I'd say I'm happier now.
fearless anon, skater anon, ice cream anon, youth group anon
fearless anon
Hi!
Okay so first lets talk about the friends thing...
I think this is so hard because what you're experiencing sucks but sadly it's extremely normal. Like when you move away, your friends ARE going to have things happen without you there, and you may not be let in on every inside joke or everything that happens. But remember that that doesn't mean they don't care about you. A change in your friendship doesn't mean the friendship is over, it just means it's different! And as far as your new friends, if you trust them, you SHOULD let them in on the little things in your life. These are the people who will be there to see those things, you know? It's okay to have both new best friends and old best friends, and it's not a betrayal to do that <3
As far as the feeling behind thing...
There is no such thing as an acceptable timeline for life. I know it feels that way now- like everyone is doing things all at the same time and if you don't do things when your friends do, you are wrong or broken- but that's NOT true! The BEST way to do things is when YOU are ready and when they naturally happen for you. The worst thing to do is to force something or do it before you're ready because if you do that, I promise you someone will get hurt. I promise when you look back, things won't seem nearly as dire. Enjoy where you're at now, and know that things will happen when they're supposed to <3
Sending love!
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skater anon
Hi
Skater anon here, not much has actually happened since I last sent an ask lol
I asked if she'd want to come to prom with me if our parents would let us (bcs I know she'd say she has to ask her parents), she said yes but prom is in July and tickets are sold in January so we won't ask yet
But I have a piano exam today and when I told her I'm nervous she sent goodluck and that I'll do great but she also put a read heart emoji at the end of the text, which she's never done before and she's never used emojis
What does it mean like is it a good signnn
Hi! That's so exciting about prom! And as far as the emoji...I mean I can't read minds but based on prom and the emoji, it's def not a bad sign! It sounds like things are going well!
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ice cream anon
Hi! It’s icecream anon. I guess I was worried about nothing bc she was fine today and didn’t say anything about it. She even asked to hangout outside of school soon.
Good! I'm glad it worked out <3
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youth group anon
Hi!
Yeah just remember that you don't know exactly what's going on in her head. Just because she said she doesn;t want to date, doesn't mean we know her exact feelings. There are a million other things that could be affecting it, you know?
fearless anon, draft anon (new), @emmypotter7, male friends anon (new)
fearless anon
hi cas it’s fearless anon
so um a lot of things have happened/are going to happen.
firstly, i’m no longer friends with P. which is a bit hard for D and R to reconcile with and they’ve asked me multiple times to forgive her because “that’s just how she is” and like, no, i’m not going to do that because what she did this time (confirmed that i like one of the girls i used to like to her friends) is something she did like 1.5 years ago. how does someone have no character development in almost two years??
secondly, i’m so happy i get to introduce two new characters, V and M. i made friends so that’s great, i went to hoco with M and her friends and i have french with both of them and i sit with V at lunch.
now this introduction was a bit relevant because of my ecs. i tried out for mun with M and her friends but my second tryout was awful so idk if i’ll get chosen for the conference the school attends in january.
and i joined scioly. which is great, even if it means i can’t do robotics with V, and my tryouts start tomorrow. i signed up for five like an idiot and now i’m suffering the consequences. my main competition from my year are these insanely smart people who are in ap calc ab. the good news on the other hand is that i’m in the same classes as them otherwise and in some cases ahead of them since i’m in ap chem and ap physics.
except i’m kinda freaking out. there are people in calc ab while i’m still in precalc. i feel so behind. and what’s not helping is the 9.5/15 that i got in ap physics and have to write two essays and do a bunch of problems to remediate.
Hi!
I'm so glad you made some new friends! Honestly, I think it's awesome to have multiple friend groups, that way if you need a break from one, you have another. I think you have every right to take space from P, and if your other friends don't get that, then getting closer with V and M is a great idea. You don't have to dump your old friends or anything, just having multiple groups is awesome.
As far as all of your extra curriculars...I think it's important to remember that there's a balance between doing a lot and having cool things to put on your college resume and also not stretching yourself too thin to the point where you exhaust yourself. Maybe wait to see what you get in to and then pick a couple of your favorites from there? Because you want to have enough time to commit to those things and do them well, you know? Plus...mental health is important!
Sending love!
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draft anon (new)
Sometimes if I’m lying in bed trying to sleep but I can’t because something is bothering me I just draft out an anon ask to you in my head
And I don’t send it because trying to sleep + screen time = bad but just the process of articulating it in my head and imagining sending it to you is actually helpful
So ig what I’m trying to say is thank you for being a safe space for so many people
Awww that's so sweet! I'm glad that helps. Honestly, sometimes when I can't sleep, writing down all the thoughts in my head helps a lot- it sounds like you're doing something similar. We all need time to process the day, you know? And I think with always being on our devices, we tend to miss that time until we lay down at night.
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@emmypotter7
So, I have a crush on my friend, but idk if he likes me back. We are on our forth year of knowing each other, and we have recently gotten a lot closer. Should I tell him? I kinda get the feeling he likes me back but im not sure.
(also this is a picture of me and him and the raccoon plushie he helped me win at a fair. your microfic with barty reminded me of it lol)
awww okay first of all that picture was adorable! I'm so bad at answering these asks thought because I always go back and forth- I'm always terrified of losing friendships! But I think the thing is, looking back at the friendships I was terrified to lose that I ultimately lost anyway...it's usually better to know. Like it's better to say something, and know you did all you could to put your feelings out there. You just have to be prepared for that possible rejection and know that if you ARE rejected, it doesn't make you any less of a cool person. <3 But yeah...I think usually, it's better to ask and know, that way it doesn't eat at you for years.
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male friends anon (new)
Words won’t explain how much I yearn to be friends with boys irl. I’m trans and I’ve never really been friends with boys. I guess I was as a kid but that was before I realised I’m trans. I’m also friends with a couple boys online but that’s not the same thing really. I don’t really have a dad and irl I have one boy I’m friends with but we’re not close and he doesn’t know I’m trans but it feels like to cis guys their male friends are such a big part of their lives and I’m honestly insanely jealous.
OH MY GOD WHEN I TELL YOU I FEEL THIS SO MUCH.
I'm transmasc and like...I work in a girl-dominated field, most of my close friends are girls or non-men, and most of the men I know misgender me and YES THIS IS SUCH A REAL FEELING. Like I enjoy being part of girlhood sometimes but want to be one of the boys so badly, too. Please know you're not alone and your feelings are so real <3 I think my brother and my brother in law are the only people who treat me like a 'bro' and it's such an affirming feeling. I hope one day you find people who do that for you, you deserve that so much.
eugene anon (new), fearless anon, androgyne anon, big creator anon (new), biological boy anon (new)
eugene anon (cw- pet death)
Hi, I need to talk to someone abt this and i think my family might break down if i mention it.
It’s been a year since my cat, Eugene, died. He was a fluffy brown tabby and the softest thing in the world. I always like to just like face plant him and hug him, I thought it was a recent thing but there’s a picture of me when I was 10 or 11 doing it. I loved that cat, he was my best friend. He never but it scratched people ( he was a bit of a killer though) and he was even gentle with our other cat who is a violent prat (no hate to Ralph, I love him, we’re goth twinsies)
I wanted to keep him as a house cat but he wasn’t happy, he always broke out and screamed at the door, he was miserable, I loved seeing him outside more than anything, it’s just so sad that outside killed him. He was my baby, I had him from when I was 10 to when I was 15, he always slept on me in winter and he’d watch my favourite movie with me and he was the first person (cat) I came out to. I miss my baby.
In January we got a cat who looks a lot like him and I love her (my Pandora baby) but it’s so difficult seeing her at the back door or sleeping on my mums bed because like that should be my baby.
Everyone’s trying to move on but I can’t, he had a chair in my mums room that he was slept on and the day after he died my mum put it out in the garden, it’s rotted from the rain and doesn’t stand anymore, we’re also moving house soon and it feels like we’re going to be so far from the memory of my sweet boy
Hi <3
I am so sorry about the loss of your cat. I can't even imagine how hard that is, and I'm sending you a million hugs.
I think the thing is, with any loss, everyone mourns differently. Your feelings are so valid and you have a right to be sad and to have mixed feelings now dealing with new cat and upcoming mood.
Please don't stuff these feelings down. You're allowed to mourn <3 I think the best thing you can do is to talk about this, even if you cry. Also remember that healing isn't linear. You can be sad about it one day and feel okay the next. Be gentle with yourself, and you're more than welcome to inbox me anytime <3
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fearless anon
hi cas it’s fearless anon
precalc is going well but i had a 40 point quiz in ap chem today and i got 95% on the mcq and 70% on the free response so now my grade’s 82.5 and i feel like crying because wtf how did i do so bad and then there are these guys who i share several classes with and if they scored better than me i’m going to crash out because it’s bad enough that i’m taking ap physics 1 as a sophomore instead of as a freshman like some people did because my old school didn’t have it
i’m still sitting alone at lunch and i have a couple of people to talk to in french and chem and that’s about it. it’s only two weeks into the school year but i feel like i’m so behind because well the 82.5, but there’s like an aggregate of 300 points or more so in the long run it won’t matter much hopefully but i got a 90% on the placement test how did i fuck up this badly. i know which one i probably got wrong but i had practiced that type of problems before so idfk anymore.
Hi <3
hon, you are being so hard on yourself! An 82.5 is amazing, especially for the first test in a very difficult class! PLEASE take a moment to acknowledge that this is tough, and you are trying so hard.
I think it could be a good idea to ask your teacher what you got wrong. That way you learn from it, you know? But also know that YOU DID AMZING! You did your best and an 82.5 is fantastic. I' proud of you <3
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androgyne anon
hi cas it's androgyne anon
i think i'm going to go with genderfluid? like how i feel about my gender, my clothes and how i'm presenting does change, and so i think i might be genderfluid? but idk if i'm ever going to tell anyone that i am or my new pronouns. i want to, but it'll change everything irrevocably and i don't know if my friends would accept it because they're very weird about gender (not sexuality though). and it would just make things harder so i'll probably just stay she/her and not tell them or anyone else for that matter about they/she. like i put it on my tumblr and that's fine but it's not that easy irl unfortunately.
Hi!
That makes sense! I'm so sorry that you don't have people you feel safe to tell right now </3 I hope someday you're able to find those people. Until then, I'm so glad you felt safe telling me!
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big creator anon (new)
Do you have any advice on what to do when you know a big creator is a very hateful, creepy, borderline pedophile but they have too many followers to safely speak out? It's one of the hardest things for me, to watch people go and follow and worship this person when I know they're horrendous
Hi!
I think this is a really hard thing to give advice on because I don't know the specifics of the situation? And I think it would really depend on the specifics. You're welcome to dm me/inbox me with more details, though!
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biological boy anon (new)
(New anon btw)
Hey Cas. So I’m questioning if I’m trans or not. I mean, the fact that I’m questioning it makes me think that maybe I’m not? Idk. I was born a girl, and I thought I’ve felt comfortable that way, but recently I’ve been not that way. I don’t like my curves or height or feminine face or voice or anything that makes me appear like a girl. I thought it was kinda sudden, thought it might have been hormones, but looking back, i don’t think I’ve ever liked being a girl. I’ve always felt uncomfortable dressing feminine. And I liked to be around boys because I felt more… I dunno assured I guess. Now I think I’m just starting to realize it. But I don’t wanna be trans. I want to be a boy. A biological boy. So sometimes I think that maybe it’s just body dysmorphia and I’m not trans at all. But, to be fair, I’m raised by Mormon parents. (Their views on transgender are basically you can feel that way but don’t act on it.) I don’t follow that faith at all really, but it’s been shoved in my face my whole life. So maybe I have religious guilt or something? And I know that you can’t tell me if I’m trans or not, I know I need to find that out for myself but I guess I just want to get it out to someone if that makes sense. So yeah. Not sure what I am.
Hi!
I'm so sorry you're struggling with this.
I think the thing that's important to think about is...I obviously can't speak for all trans people, but I would guess that the majority of trans people don't want to be trans. Sure, there are a lot of trans people who have embraced their transness, who are proud of it and confident in it. But I think a lot of people would also say they'd be thrilled if they didn't have to transition- if they were born physically like the gender their brain knows they are.
All this to say, you saying you want to be 'biologically' a boy and 'not a trans boy'...I don't think that's a deciding thing. Because in the end...they're both boys.
I think your best bet now would be to do some research on transness and trans people's experiences (nobody's experience is the same, but the information is valuable) and also, if it's safe, try to experiment with your gender expression a bit! Try different pronouns or different clothes or a different name. None of those things are permanent and it could help you see where your brain is at. And remember--it's okay to not know. It's okay to play around with gender but not put a label on it. It's okay to just be YOU!
Hi Cas! Thank you so much for the kind words in the last ask, I really appreciate it!
Also, I wish I was a pirate. Like, not a historically accurate pirate.
I just wish the world was so different. I wish communities were a thing, and you go into the market with a pouch of gold coins, not because technology is rudimentary but because people prefer to use gold coins to keep in touch with nature.
I wish buildings had genuinely beautiful architecture and not just “modern homes” that have no real chutzpah (no offense to anyone with a modern home btw). I wish that the governments weren’t crooked and that having a job in the government didn’t mean being a stuffy old business weirdo but meant someone trying unite and connect with the earth,
I wish agriculture was done more sustainably. I wish public transport was so good that cars are obsolete and I wish people used horses instead of cars because it’s better for the environment, it can help someone take care of themselves if they take care of another creature, and also because it’s just more fun
I wish people didn’t revel in making others miserable. I wish it didn’t sound stupid to wish that coins and horses were common just because it’d be more fun and whimsical.
I wish I could be a pirate, and my government (that was super not evil and actually cared about humanity) would send me off on quests. Not to steal or pillage or colonize, but to make friends, do fair trade, learn about the world, and then I’d summarize my findings and put it in a big tome in the governments library and I’d have a cool house slightly away from the eco friendly and bustling city that has a garden that sustains itself by pairing different plants together to help eachother grow, and the local animals would recognize me and be happy I returned from another voyage,
And I’d go to be thinking of all the people I met and helped and traded with, and I’d be grateful because somewhere I’d know there was a worse timeline, where governments were cruel and the environment was dying, and that people scoffed at joy and enjoyed causing pain
Id be sad for that timeline and the people in it, and I’d promise to enjoy my life because me and everyone else in other timeline me’s world have it so much better that what could’ve been
—yearning anon
ugh this is so real. Like if the whole timeline could change that'd be so great. It sounds silly but the freedom of just travelling sounds so amazing.
Have you tried writing? like write about yourself as a pirate. It's a way to escape, at least for a little while <3
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teen angst anon
helloooo I’m back! (Teen angst anon here)
I … fucked up.
yeah the crush I told you about? Turns out he was playing me and mocking me behind my back. AND NO ONE FUCKING TOLD ME! So. Yeah. He also apparently did this to like three other girls in the span of like 36 hours. So I’m not even special. Anyway. Unfortunate, but not altogether surprising developments. I’m gonna go back to being gay now, this wasn’t a fun experience (I’m bi lol)!
oh my god, that's awful. do you know where he lives? I just wanna talk to him (kidding.)
But seriously, please remember that the way ONE person treats you doesn't signify your worth. You are special, regardless of how one asshole acts. It sounds like HE'S the trash, here.
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ted talk anon (new)
Cas do you just.
Feel internalized homophobia so much, hate yourself, call yourself sick, deny your identity,
And then just look at that one specific girl.
And go Damn I am gay.
Bc I am having existinal crisis over this. Like I am not gay- (i have a job so I can't bother with anything that may cause me any type of discrimination lol) but damn if I believed a deity exists I would believe she is the one.
Just so hot. Just so damn hot and I don't know what to do.
Have you ever fell for your coworker? I heard it never ends well and I am afraid a little. She is like- diva, idol or whatever people use for the word perfect at this time.
(and she is Omni!!! I am known as the 'religious girl's sadly bc my family and friend group is too religious -putside of my control lol- and I look religious? And I kinda depend on family still for financial things so)
And people assume I am homophobic immediately.
But like she come out to me three months ago! Like she trusted me to not be a hypocrite and I obviously supported her but I was so happy!!! (People usually expect me to hate all LGBT. I wear hijab so that's why people assume.)
But cas she didn't mind that!!!! I also told her I was bi-curious and unlabeled
Bc I don't know my identity and still having a crisis and denial and also don't know I don't know I am so pissed at myself rn uni and job both sucks and I don't have time and helpppppp
Anyway thanks for coming to my Ted talk, please tell me what you think I am? (I know I don't need labels but that shit is so annoying at this point so)
Can you please suggest some things that I may be? Bc it's hard and I am not too educated on this.
Is there a name for I hate everyone except this very specific person? And not demi, I don't know her long enough just her the moment I saw her and only her
Thx
Hi!
I'm gonna be real, I don't think I know enough about you to suggest some things to look into for labels. BUT I can say (1) I'm so glad you are accepting regardless of your religion and you and this girl have developed a friendship and (2) I think you should take some time to do some self-exploration. Think about not only how you feel, but what you want to DO about those feelings. Like, how do you feel about different genders and at this point in your life are you safe to do anything about it? If so, would you? Do you want to? I don't say this in a judgmental way at ALL, I just say this because I think all of this is important to know at least vaguely before getting in a relationship, you know?
Don't push yourself. It's okay to not know. But give yourself the space to reflect. Maybe write about it, talk with safe people, or express it some other way. You DO have time. You have as much time as you need to figure it out, I promise <3
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convince anon
Hi hon <3
I'm so sorry you had such a rough day. How are you doing now? If this happens again in the future, could you maybe do something sensorily that cuts off the adrenaline? My wife sometimes holds a bit of ice to calm herself. It's safe but still jarring enough to cut off racing thoughts.
I'm sending you so much love <3
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fearless anon
hi cas it’s fearless anon
i gave a placement test today to be moved up to precalc and you need a 80% on it to get into regular precalc and i could do like 90% (i don’t even remember if it was 90% or less atp) and i’m not convinced that i got everything that i did right so idek if i’ll be put into precalc but i’m done with most of algebra 2’s syllabus and i really don’t want to spend another year there. and on the normal track precalc is for seniors but my school is very competitive and there are a few sophomores already in precalc and i desperately want to be in it and i only had three days to study and i know for a fact that i got two wrong and i left out six or seven out of sixty questions and there are others i probably got wrong too and now i’m just freaking out about it like i was fine and now that i’m thinking about my test again i’m freaking out beca i need a 48/60 which means i can only have three other sums be wrong and idk if it went that well and yeah there’s no shame in being in algebra 2 as a sophomore but i don’t want to be ordinary.
and i found out that my school only has clubs on three days and one of the four that i wanted to do has meetings twice a week so i’ll have to give up at least one or two of them.
i have barely spoken to my new friends (?) this week so idek if we’re actually friends or just acquaintances and i’m so tired of all of this bs because i don’t really have anyone to talk to at all in any of my classes.
hi cas, fearless anon (again)
i know it’s too soon to send another ask, given that my last one was yesterday but they put me in precalc!!! it’s on a trial basis for the next 4-6 weeks because i fell just short of the prerequisite but i think i can keep up and that’s the most advanced math class sophomores can take so i’m pretty happy about it.
Hi! Congrats on getting into precalc, that's amazing! and as a sophomore, too? that's fantastic!!!! I'm sorry clubs are only a few days a week. could you maybe do some this year and some next year? Have you been able to catch up with your friends now?
Also dw about sending asks quickly! You're welcome to send them whenever you want!
