God i wish I could go back me at 18 and tell myself to stop wasting my time hating myself so much.

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God i wish I could go back me at 18 and tell myself to stop wasting my time hating myself so much.
I feel like I can't trust anyone currently. Like all the friends I make are just looking out for themselves. I'm really sick of feeling so alone.
I hate everyone currently. How are you?
when I'm at my best all I want to do is smile and give all my friends hugs and kisses. when I'm at my worst all I want is my friends to smile and give me hugs and kisses.
I want to swim away and never come back
Honestly will I ever be loved the way I want to?
Will I ever wake up happy?
i also know that my girlfriend is fallible and she is allowed to fallible. that my girlfriend can be wonderful and also be angry, moody, and complex.
I hate when people play the same games I do.