send me ‘hc’ + a word and I’ll write a headcanon about it!
being beautiful wasn’t something inej was much concerned with when she was young. maybe because she is beautiful, and before being taken to ketterdam, she would have been considered so amidst her people at least. mostly because I think she was too dedicated to her acrobatics and daring herself to get better and better in that, that the attention she wanted wasn’t from her looks but from what she was capable of doing.
still, people in ravka have plenty of prejudice, and at fourteen she undoubtedly experienced some of it firsthand. and beyond that, her time in the menagerie impacted a lot of how she feels about many things, and even the relation between beauty and her being suli suffered through it. while there, girls were stripped not only of agency but also of identity, reduced to an interchangeable role because who they were didn’t matter --- they were literally sold as exotics because of their looks.
and in that sense, I feel like some of the idea there is a way pretty girls, good girls, the ones who could be the main characters in a story or the heroines look is somehow established in her mind, and it’s not like her. I feel this is particularly remarked upon during her conflict with dunyasha, and that although inej finds in herself to accept who she is and what she is exactly the way she is in much more than looks, I think the text indicates some part of her did see looks as something else dunyasha seemed to excel at, one more thing inej was good at but dunyasha was still impossibly better. even when her enemy is falling to her death, her stance and her looks are remarked upon and compared to imposing and positive figures
Even now, in this last moment, she looked like a girl from a story, destined for greatness. She was a queen without mercy, a figure carved in ivory and amber.
even then, I don’t think she ever lacked confidence in her appearance or felt ashamed of it or anything like that. I think it’s subtler -- not a lack of confidence in how you look or wanting to hide or even wanting to look different, but rather thinking someone else is prettier because of her pale skin and red hair. but that might be just me reading too much into it.
nevertheless, I do think mostly beauty was always simply second place to her in regards to what she wanted to be seen for. after the menagerie I think she feels this particularly strongly though. having to endure forced work at a brothel didn’t help, in a broader sense than only connected to her being suli. there are things people may say as compliments to her beauty that no matter the intention she’ll not take well to, for example and most notably if it’s about her skin, be it color or smoothness or anything else. much like being touched certain ways is still hard, so is listening to certain things, even if they’re phrased as compliments.
with everything she’s been through, being beautiful was never really in her mind much. she was struggling to survive, and when she’s with the dregs, all inej wants to be is dangerous, not beautiful. even when it comes to gifts or things in general, she values practicality before beauty. which is not to say she despises it or resents it, in herself or others. I think it’s still true that most of the time physical beauty isn’t what’s most remarkable to her (and she knows well enough monsters don’t have to look monstrous to be so), but it doesn’t mean she doesn’t see it, or that she doesn’t think about it ever or that she doesn’t admire it. she does. she appreciates it. she likes pretty things. she likes feeling pretty. I just think more often than not she sees beauty in other things beyond just looks. for example, nina is beautiful and inej would consider her so regardless of how she was as a person, but her confidence, her personality, that’s what really makes her striking.
and last but not least, I think when it comes to looks, it is easier for her to see beauty in others than looking in a mirror. nina is beautiful, she’d think zoya is beautiful (like everyone does and they’re right but). she can look at them and marvel at their beauty, at what makes them beautiful -- the eyes, the smile, the hair, etc. she’s not really keen on looking at herself in a similar way to that. she’s pretty, she knows she’s considered pretty, but inej doesn’t care much and doesn’t think much about that. saying she’s dangerous is more of a compliment saying she’s beautiful ever would be.
