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nothing more frustrating than being in an INCREDIBLY popular fandom where u ship a decently popular ship but EVERYONE keeps making ur fav bottom a top.
NOBODY UNDERSTANDS MY VISION 😭
For the past 24 hours, whether it be my speakers, some in game audio, or my current pair of headphones, there have been very noticeable imbalances in stereo audio. Like sound is never balance and is either too strong on either the left or right. It been driving me absolutely bonkers. I feel like I'm going insane or I'm losing my hearing. I look like a freak on the train switching my headphones from my ears every other song.
You know what else sucks? Being seen as an accessory to other people. It sucks when people can only see you as part if a pair, or as someone in a group. When you get referred to as "____'s friend" or something similar to that. It kinda makes you feel like "hey I learned your name, the least you could do is learn mine" . Plus in top of all that, it makes you feel unimportant. All that time you can only see yourself as that accessory, that nameless person in a group. Suddenly you don't have a name anymore. Suddenly you don't have individuality. Sometimes, suddenly, it doesn't feel like you have a purpose without those people to make you even be recognized in the first place.
I REALLY WANT THIS MIC AND PRE-AMP, BUT I DONT QUITE HAVE THE MONEY.
I could pay it off with credit and such, especially since the last bundle is gone, and this set up is the same package for cheaper, and an extra mic but HUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
I’m afraid when I do have enough it wont be there, but I also despise being in debt.
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFfart
my mom does this thing where she listens to my concerns about my step dad’s behavior and then makes excuses about how he sees things.
for example
me: “dad is stressing me out about getting a job when i am emotionally and mentally screwed up right now in a way that would make me unable to hold down a job”
mom: “he just is worried about your future. he has only seen you being lazy around the house and not doing house work or even going to college for an education”
Me:~ is very depressed and lucky when able to get up to wake brother for school, does house work but the dishes are immediately reused erasing all my hard work, is broke and very concerned about possible going into debt(to the point of anxiety, had already finished a school years worth of school for a class in a month~
mom: “oh but don’t be upset. we both love you”
gosh they piss me off... they have already neglected me during my childhood, not cared enough to remove me from a school where i was being brutally bullied to the point where i was able to become depressed and self destructive, never give me physical contact which is something that can be very beneficial to people, forgot i existed in most cases unless i was in trouble which wasn’t often cause i was trying to be like my sister so as not to disappoint them, and them ‘looking’ into things to help me (glasses, breast reduction, counseling for depression&selfharm, social anxiety, the effects of the bullying, and possible BPD) but having things that are ‘more’ important show up (brother needs psyche evaluation, trying to be there for violent step sibling, brothers counseling and meds for ADD ,that he wont take). to top it off they made me super nervous about possibly moving in with my birth dad because he lived so far away when he might actually have a beneficial effect on me because he understands me a whole lot more than my mom.
i am like 90% sure living with my mom and step dad is going to kill me. i am not able to move on from the shit i went through and grew up through because it is all around me, i have no possible way to get real help with the things going through my head (things that are making me feel like i must be the sort of ‘crazy’ that typically goes into the psychiatric ward in the hospital), my step dad says things that upset and stress me out, my mom ‘tries’ to be supportive but she tries to please everyone so i again get stuck in the wayside. it is really unhealthy to have a constant cold and painful hole/ache in my chest.
i hate the whole 'be detatched and cold and hide your feelings' shit. this is the shit that fucking almost killed me.
i am the fucking type of person that wants to be reliable so i would work myself almost to death to be there for my friends. then came along one friend that has so much shit going on that even though i was depressed and suicidal i was almost addicted to trying to help them allowing myself to get so overwhelmed that i was about to snap. i won't lie i was a cutter and am recovering from that but When i couldn't do it anymore i had to avoid them like the plague and it has been three years at least. I STILL FEEL SO GUILTY THAT I CHOSE TO SAVE MYSELF.
you want to know how this fits in with the whole detached thing? i am also the type to bottle up all my emotions that are not anger and neutrality/indifference. i was unable to express the feelings that came from being overwhelmed because i was raised being told ' tears/emotions are weakness, your feelings don't matter, and girls are meant to be seen not heard' and most of these were from others not in my family but my family still made me feel unimportant and unheard.
I despise that the concept was ever created. i hate that the only way to be 'strong' is to be like a fucking rock.
hey! if you don't mind me asking, why are you against Meyers Briggs and enneagrams? i don't really know a lot about either and i'm not super into a lot of personality typing but i was just curious
I'm so glad you asked. Because I would loooove to rant about these things. (please be aware that in the following rant, I'm mad at personality testing, not at you for asking).
You know all those tests out there to tell you what harry potter character you are, or what animal you'll be reincarnated as, or like the alignment one I did? They are all as "accurate" and "useful" as Meyers Briggs and other personality testing that has become a huge business.
That is to say, not accurate or useful at all.
Today I went to the fair. I got my palm read. The palm reading was pretty accurate, because the palm reader kept things mostly vague and told me stuff that most people want to hear (until she got to the part about me finding true love but that's a story for another time).
That is how Meyers Briggs works. By being vague enough to apply to anyone.
If people were taking them as a test just for laughs, like we do to find out what disney princess we are, they wouldn't bug me. But I have been forced to take these tests again and again for my employers, so they could fit me into a little box, and tell me what my strengths and weaknesses should be, and then give me advice on what to do with that information that isn't tailored to what I do or how I actually learn.
Employers love these tests. Employees often fucking love them. Because after you do them and they tell you what kind of person you are, most people are all, "That's soooo me," just like folks who believe in astrology.
Everybody who has their Meyers Briggs on their tumblr should go take it again. Because there's about a 50% chance they'll get a different result.
Personality testing also assumes people will fall into mutually exclusive categories. With Meyers Briggs, you're either an introvert or an extrovert, leaving out all the many people who fall between. Enneagram has all these either/or questions, ignoring that people that can be both of something or neither.
Like are you either:
romantic and imaginative
pragmatic and down to earth
Turns out I am imaginative and pragmatic. I am not romantic. Nor am I down to earth.
Personality tests are supposed to help you find the best career path that will work for you. But there's "no evidence to show a positive relation between MBTI type and success within an occupation … nor is there any data to suggest that specific types are more satisfied within specific occupations than are other types.”
All of this shit is nothing but an excuse for employers to categorize employees and distract from actually taking care of their employees' needs. Instead of working with each employee as an individual and learning how to help them succeed, they make you go through a couple hours of personality testing and pointless activities, assuming that this will magically make their employees more productive.
It's used as a bandaid when morale is down because employees are paid poorly, work too many hours, and have crappy benefits.
People have fun with the tests, and that's fine. They're perfect for wasting time.
But I'd much rather waste time finding out what movie monster I am.
And then not tell anyone because my love of those ridiculous internet tests is a secret shame.
I was told i shouldnt watch Egoraptor's new Sequel-whatever vid with Zelda.
Told i'd get pissed off and that it wasnt worth it, that it was just him Shitting on Ocarina of Time And Skyward Sword and that hes an Idiot. SO I went ya ok i wont watch it , fuck him. But it Kept poking at my brain like Baby Cory Was just like " fuckin do it, Press the damn button and see what happens." "But baby cory, i was told not to press the button." " Yeah well i got a knife and imma stab you in the thumb with it " "baby cory youre really violent." " whatever just play the dumb fuckin video . " "ok fine" And I watched it for 13 minutes and just snapped. He devoted a bunch of his time to pretty much just shitting on Skyward Sword and Ocarina of time, Games that I actually like, He spent the last five seconds Complaining about Hyrule Warriors , WHICH HASNT EVEN COME OUT YET! And I mean fuck me, i wasted 30 minutes finishing a vid about a guy saying " Hey everything you love is garbage and I hate Fun , and Also Hate fun."
