Transference is when someone unconsciously transfers old desires, expectations, and feelings onto someone else. This most commonly occurs in therapy, but it can happen in any relationship. They think that it happens in therapy most because the relationship we have with our therapist is so different, and a place where we are supposed to be open to all that we are feeling, needing, etc. Now countertransference is another component of this because if your therapist responds poorly and lashes out as a result of the transference, then that would be countertransference. They are reacting to the transference that's happening. This usually isn't a good thing and it can mean that the therapist needs to do some of their own work in therapy so that they can remain calm and helpful instead of reacting to the possible negative situation happening in the room. Transference can also be romantic or loving in nature. We can be seeking this out in our lives and maybe have had a tough time with it, and therefore we are trying to figure that out in therapy. That's why we can get a crush on our therapist or find ourselves wanting to see them more and more often. In order to move past this and stop it from happening, we need to talk about it with our therapist. I know you just cringed and are wanting to shut off this video, but trust me! This is so common, and it's actually really helpful. What it really tells us is what else we need to work on in therapy and it gives a better idea of what past relationships we should spend some time processing and working on. This will inevitably stop us from transferring things on to others in our life because we have processed through those tough relationships. Another trick is to look into all the ways that your therapist is different from that other person. If it's your mother or father, how is your therapist different from them? Last, know that if transference is getting in the way of you being able to participate in therapy, you can ask for a referral. I hope this was helpful and reminds you that transference is okay and part of the process in therapy. Please share! You never know who this could help! xox
