Crack!AU where Coryo while at college found one old record and he plays it and it was an old forgotten song "My tears ricochet" by Taylor Swift and he spent at least one whole month closed behind his bedroom's door sulking and listening to it endlessly.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 38/38
Fandom: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Relationships: Cicero/Delphine, Delphine/Eola, Cicero/Lucien Lachance
Characters: Brynjolf, Eola, Aranea Ienith, Delphine (Elder Scrolls), Delvin Mallory, Vex, Cicero (Elder Scrolls), Astrid, Esbern, Sapphire, Calixto Corrium, Gabriella, Arnbjorn, Nazir, Veezara, Babette, Festus Krex, Farkas (Elder Scrolls), Ria (Elder Scrolls), Arngeir, Greybeards, Paarthurnax, Lucien Lachance, Odahviing, Madanach, Elisif the Fair, General Tullius, Legate Rikke, Ulfric Stormcloak
Additional Tags: Dark Brotherhood - Skyrim, Thieves Guild - Skyrim, Alternate Universe, Blades - Skyrim, Romance, Het, Action/Adventure, Crack, Female Character In Command, Femdom, BDSM, Dark Brotherhood - Freeform, Thieves Guild, Fantasy, College of Winterhold - Freeform, Polyamory, Threesome - F/F/M, Threesome, Threesome - F/M/M
Series: Part 1 of Cicero Dragonborn
Summary:
Instead of an anonymous prisoner at Helgen, another Dragonborn has arisen. The Greybeards have called Cicero to High Hrothgar. What could possibly go wrong?
Reblogging a lost classic. Or trashfic AU. Up to you. NOT WRITTEN FOR MINORS. CONTAINS SMUT. LOTS OF IT. NOT KIDDING, 18+ ONLY.
Also stabbing. Lots of stabbing too, although if that was not obvious from the premise, IDK what to tell you.
Some more of the Angel Sammich shenanigans of Spin of the Wheel. Man, their dialogue is fun. :D
Given he knew better than to expect an actual answer from an angel – let alone Gabriel – Sam merely sighed and shuffled his way back into the shared motel room. Strangely, Dean was nowhere to be seen. His gear was there and after, a peek out the door before shutting it, so was the Impala. So . . . huh. Admittedly, he’d been at the bar longer than he’d meant so maybe Dean went for a walk?
He pulled a face. No, walking was something Dean did out of desperation, not for stress relief. And if the Impala was still in the lot then that meant . . .
“Gabe, you didn’t already do something, did you?” he asked to the empty room. Sam groaned and covered his face. I shouldn’t make deals when I’m drunk, he groused. He dropped his hands and stared.
This wasn’t the grubby motel room he’d been in the last week. This was an opulent suite, decorated to the tens and hideous as a result. To his left, on an ornate stand that looked hardly strong enough to hold dust, sat two ice-filled buckets with very expensive champagne bottles nestled inside.
He groaned again. His life was so much simpler when he was just a demonic abomination. “Balthazar?” he hedged.
The blond angel came sweeping around the corner, two champagne glasses in hand. He thrust the mostly over-filled one into Sam’s startled hand. “Cheers, darling,” he purred, throwing back his own before brushing past Sam for the bottles that waited.
Sam’s glass was leaking steadily and he took a hurried sip before shifting it to his other hand to lick the excess from his fingers. He froze as Balthazar watched him, the pale blue predatory.
Sam took a swallow from his glass and shoved his empty hand into his back pocket, wishing like hell that Balthazar’s eyes would go elsewhere. “So. Uh. Hi?”
Balthazar smirked. “You’re usually not so shy, Samuel.” He reached out with his bare hand and pinched Sam’s chin between thumb and fingers. “It’s adorable. An improvement to the one without the manners.”
Remembering that Gabriel had mentioned Balthazar – and desperately shoving aside why – Sam cleared his throat. “Uh, nice . . . room?” he managed.
Balthazar glanced around and shrugged. “Garish, yes. Expensive?” He grinned. “Oh, darling; if you only knew.” He sipped more sedately at his glass this time, never letting his eyes stray far from Sam.
Now I know what ‘deer in headlights’ actually means, he bemoaned. Unsettled – but admittedly more than a bit turned on by the direct stare – Sam spun around and headed deeper into the suite. Anything to get Balthazar’s attention shifted, honestly. Though, there was a bit of an ego boost to it, he could admit that. Balthazar wasn’t unattractive.
He rolled his eyes at himself as he took a seat on the black velvet couch in the next room. You’re worse than Dean, idiot, he chided. To his relief, Balthazar took a seat opposite, one leg crossed over the other as he leaned back, savoring his glass.
“I’m going to assume Gabe’s behind this?” he prodded, setting his glass on the crystal-topped table in front of him. Christ, I can’t imagine how Balthazar’s vessel is feeling right now. He’ll be lucky to have the clothes on his back by the time this is over. Though, if Balthazar’s vessel was anywhere near as hedonistic as Balthazar himself, the poor guy was likely having the time of his life.
“Correct,” Balthazar drawled. He waved his empty hand. “It appears that even he is rather . . . put out by our siblings and their . . . dramatic behavior.” He shrugged. “Bloody gits need a good shag, honestly.”
Sam snorted, not missing the curl of Balthazar’s mouth at the sound. “Yeah, I suppose.” He leaned forward, arms on his knees and hands clasped. “But Dean’s gone. From our room. But the car’s not.” He didn’t want to worry but his brother was damn near all he had anymore. And just because he wanted Dean to stop being obstinate, didn’t mean he wanted him hurt. “I just didn’t expect Gabe to do something so quickly.”
Balthazar chuckled. “When it comes to pranks, that’s the only time he’s quick.” The innuendo thick like fog in Sam’s ears. Again, that aggressive gleam in the pale eyes. “He mentioned a . . . wager or sorts?”
Sam’s face went hot and he fought the urge to squirm in his seat. “Maybe,” he muttered. Christ, Gabe. What’d you do, post it to a bulletin board? He rubbed the back of his neck and sat back, avoiding Balthazar’s eyes. “He, uh, might have . . . asked for something in return.”
“Indeed.” Balthazar shifted, his glass clinking against the table between them. “I’d suggest biting his earlobe; he likes that.”
Sam twisted in his seat, staring at Balthazar. He gaped for a moment at the placid look on the angel’s face. “You? I mean, you and him?”
Balthazar frowned, not unhappily. “Of course. He’s delightful, you know.” He smirked, dancing the fingers of one hand in the air between them. “Very vocal. You’ll enjoy it.”
Sam wasn’t certain if he was about to pass out or combust given the subject matter. He swallowed, horrified and obsessively imagining the honey-haired brunet bouncing in his lap. “But . . . that . . . aren’t you two . . .” he trailed off, unable to finish.
Balthazar’s laughter was gentle and warm this time, nowhere near as snide as in the past. “Darling, please. We’ve enjoyed each other for centuries. And if you think he and I haven’t partaken elsewhere, you’re as clueless as your kin.” His lips curled in heated amusement. “Besides, we often share; when the subject is willing.”
Sam snapped his mouth shut, blindly staring at the bubbles in his champagne. Share? As in . . . both? He swallowed, flicking his gaze to Balthazar who watched unconcerned and then back to his glass. That wouldn’t be terrible. Right? He had a quick vision of the three of them and yes, it wasn’t terrible.
He bolted the last of his champagne, coughing at the scrape of bubbles in his throat. “I can . . . um, that’s . . . that’s good.” He winced at the lame answer. “I mean, if you want . . . you can . . .” he stopped and covered his face with his hands, groaning. I hate angels, I hate angels, I hate angels. Especially sexy ones. “Yes, okay? I want to do both of you.”
“Aw, little Sammy’s all grown up,” crowed a familiar voice. Gabriel’s hands were warm and quick on Sam’s shoulder as he planted a kiss on the crown of his head. He plopped himself beside Sam on the couch and leaned into him, contented as a cat.
“Where’s Dean?” Sam asked, ignoring the pleasant way Gabriel’s hand snaked around the inside of his thigh.
“Let’s find out, shall we?” He snapped his fingers and a large flatscreen television descended from the ceiling, the screen popping to life as it did.
Dead center was his brother, knocked out cold on a bed alarmingly similar to the one in their motel.
Gabriel patted Sam’s thigh and winked at him. “Show time.”
Another chapter/song of “Hughmilton: A Star Trek Musical” is live!
Since I’m writing these out of order like the chaotic crack!AU this is, the latest song is actually the opening number “Alexander Hamilton” — and I’ve reordered the posts in the series so that they follow the order of events in the show.
As always, a Huge Hugh thank you to The Hugh Crew here on tumblr 🙏❤️🖖 And if you are entertained by any of my ridiculous song lyrics, drop me a kudos/comment — they sustain me in these dark times.
Description: Jungkook comes home to a drunk roommate screaming out song lyrics and declaring he’s an independent bitch. And that’s great and all, power to the singles, it’s just... Jimin’s boyfriend of two years might disagree.
Literally no angst, I promise you. It’s crackheady and then it’s soft and uwu.
~
“Jungkook, you have to come back home. Now.”
“What?” Jungkook whispered into his phone, a frown set on his eyebrows as he nervously glanced around the university library, all too aware of how much noise his phone had been making when it began to ring. He really needed to remember to put it on silent more.
“It’s Jimin. He’s upset.” Yoongi, a music producer who honestly still intimidated Jungkook a bit, sighed into the phone, before muttering something along the lines of okay Taehyung just- wait a minute, would you?
“Why, what happened?” Questioned Jungkook, trapping his phone between his ear and his shoulder so he could shove all his books back into his bag. He was meant to study for at least two more hours, as per his personal goal, but he wouldn’t be able to retain any information from the overpriced pages now.
“Taehyung and I had a bit of a disagreement-” Yoongles is a dick! Taehyung called from the background “-and he looked for comfort in Jimin. Jimin decided comfort meant wine.”
“Oh God,” Jungkook groaned as he stood, swinging his rucksack onto his back. “I’m coming home now.”
“Okay. I- Taehyung, get off! I took the wine that he had and placed it in that cabinet that he can’t reach,” ah, the cabinet above the fridge. Jimin hated that cabinet. “But to be honest he probably just went to get more-” Jiminie should be allowed his wine you dick! “So, good luck with that.”
“Thanks, man.”
Jungkook and Yoongi said their goodbyes - Jungkookie, get the wine down for jiminie! - and Jungkook quickly made his way back to his shared apartment, wondering what state his flatmate would be in.
He didn’t expect to find the shorter man standing on the sofa with a bottle of wine in hand, belting out the lyrics to single power ballads.
“This is my current single status, my declaration of independence! There’s no way I’m trading places, right now a star’s in the ascendant!” Park Jimin screeched along to the music, using the wine bottle as a makeshift microphone. Jungkook threw his rucksack onto the floor and toed off his shoes, before walking towards the sofa with a frown. There were a lot of wine splashes on it, which would be great fun to clean up.
“I’m single!”
“Jimin-”
“That’s how I wanna be!”
“Jimin-”
“Single!”
“Jimin please-”
“That’s how I wanna be!”
Jungkook scoffed and walked towards Jimin’s Bose speaker, which was blasting the song from a ‘single pringes’ playlist on Jimin’s Spotify app. Usually, Jimin was a wonderful singer - it seemed that wine changed that specific quality.
“Don’t need to be on somebody’s arm to- Jungkook!” Jimin whined, stomping one of his feet and trying (failing, as he was holding a bottle) to cross his arms. “I was listening to that! How dare you!”
“Jimin, it’s late, you shouldn’t be playing music that loud at this time,” Jungkook replied, gently taking the bottle of wine and placing it on the coffee table before reaching up to lift Jimin down, however the latter recoiled away from him.
“No! Me and Beyoncé were doing just fine without you!”
“Jimin... Beyoncé doesn’t sing that song.”
“Yes she does!” Jimin whined, once again stomping his foot. “She sings every single single song, queen of being single!”
“Jimin- Jimin she’s married. They literally have three ki-”
“Shhhh!” Jimin hushed, bending down and smushing an index finger into Jungkook’s lips. “That’s irrelevant. Next you’re going to be telling me that I’ve got a boyfriend.”
“But Jim-”
“I’m a strong, single, independent bitch who don’t need no man! Boyfriends are overrated!”
Jungkook’s not really sure where that left him... Seeing as he’d been Jimin’s boyfriend for the past two years.
“Jimin...” Jungkook started, slowly, reaching up to bring his boyfriend off the sofa (glad that Jimin didn’t move away from him this time). He placed the black-haired man on the ground and then cupped his cheeks, swallowing nervously as Jimin tried his best to turn his head away. “Why do you want to be single?”
“Because Yoong-ass broke my heart!”
Now Jungkook was confused. Yoongi was Taehyung’s boyfriend... how did he break Jimin’s heart?
“How did he do that?”
Jimin turned his head to face Jungkook, a scowl taking over his usually soft features.
“Because he told Taetae that he was annoying and clingy and they had a fight and it’s broken my heart and now I’m praising Beyoncé that I’m a single, independent bi-”
“But Jimin... You’re not single.”
Jimin looked at Jungkook as if he’d just butchered his puppy.
“Do you- does this mean you want to break up?”
Jimin’s eyes searched Jungkook’s face, and a small hand came up to stroke at the taller’s bottom lip. “Not if you were my boyfriend I wouldn’t.”
“... but you are... my... boyfriend,” Jungkook said slowly, raising an eyebrow.
“Really?!”
“...Yes”
“Really?!”
“Yes.”
“I’m pregnant!” Jimin shouted, pulling Jungkook even closer to him to rest his head in the taller’s neck. “Now you’re trapped and can’t leave me.”
“Jimin... that’s not how gay sex works.”
“WE HAD SEX?! YOU STUCK THAT DICK IN ME?! Blessed. You- you should do it again-”
“I don’t think it’s gonna get up no matter what you do at this point,” Jungkook stated, raising his eyebrow as Jimin pushed away from him to move backwards.
“Even... this?!”
Now, Jimin had intended to do the Bend & Snap, but the bend was a little too powerful and he ended up smashing his nose into the coffee table and letting out a pained wail, spilling wine everywhere.
“Yes... especially that.”
Jimin looked up at his boyfriend with teary eyes and a bloody nose. He looked utterly helpless, and as much as it hurt Jungkook to see his boyfriend in pain, he couldn’t help the endeared chuckle that left his lips.
“Come on, let’s go and get you cleaned up.”
Jimin couldn’t help but stare in awe at the man standing between his legs and dabbing a tissue to his sore nose as Jimin was sitting on the bathroom counter. Jungkook was truly a beautiful person, the most beautiful of men, and Jimin couldn’t seem to wrap his head around the fact that Jungkook was really his. Jimin’s. Property of- okay, maybe not property, but like... he couldn’t think of anything less offensive in his drunken mindset.
Then again, he’d probably lost Jungkook now. He was sure that after everything that had happened, Jungkook would be packing his bags and leaving just as soon as Jimin’s nose decided to stop being an inconvenience by bleeding everywhere.
“Are you... are you going to break up with me?” Jimin asked, quietly, tears still falling from his dark brown eyes.
“Jimin, you were the one who was just trying to break up with me,” Jungkook said, gently, bringing the hand that was resting on his boyfriend’s shoulder up to cup his jaw.
“I- I was?” Jimin questioned, moving backwards to look up into Jungkook’s eyes, his own blown wide in fear. “But- but I’d never try to break up with you. You’re you. You’re... you’re too good for me, because you’re you, you know? And-” Jimin sniffed. Jungkook felt his heart beat. “And you’re too good. You’re like a pupper, you know? Too good for this world. We don’t deserve. Queen of being undeserved.”
“Jimin,” Jungkook chuckled, “I’m not gonna break up with you.”
He moved back in to try and sort the rest of Jimin’s nose, but the shorter moved further away. “Are- are you sure?”
“Jimin, do you love me?” Jungkook questioned, looking deeply into the aforementioned man’s eyes.
“Y-yes, of course I do, you’re the best, my favourite person, the mostest bestest boy-”
“And I love you too, Jimin. You’re my favourite person, too.”
“Your mostest bestest boy?” Jimin mumbled, flicking his eyes down to his lap as his fingers clenched together nervously. Jungkook smiled fondly, and placed a hand under Jimin’s jaw as a silent instruction for his boyfriend to look back up.
“My mostest, bestest boy. I love you Park Jimin, and as long as there is love between us, I promise I will never, ever leave you.”
“Never ever ever?”
“Never ever ever.”
“Never ever ever ever?”
“Never ever ever ever.”
“Never ever ever ever eve-”
“Jimin.”
Jimin looked back down to his lap. Jungkook rolled his eyes fondly, before he leaned in and pressed a soft kiss against his lips.
“Never ever ever ever ever.”
A smile lit up Jimin’s whole face. Despite the red and swollen nose, he looked absolutely beautiful, and Jungkook had to wonder how he ever managed to get a boyfriend as beautiful, inside and out, as Jimin.
“Come on now Beyoncé, let’s go to bed. You’re going to hate yourself in the morning.”
Jungkook gently gathered his boyfriend up into his arms, a giddy smile coming to his face as Jimin’s legs wrapped tightly around his hips.
“Kookie?”
“Yes, Jimin?”
“I will never ever ever ever ever leave you, too.”
~
See, I said there was no angst! You impressed? I’m impressed.
I came up with this last night and wrote it all today in one go, so that’s also pretty impressive lmao. I hope you enjoyed it!
Shout out to my wonderful darling @letsgo-baby bc the bit when Jimin was talking about being pregnant and jk’s dick was basically our conversation about what Jimin and jk would be saying lmao.
Please feel free to leave me any feedback/comments in my ask box, reblogs, or message me privately! It’s really motivating to see your responses, and it would mean a lot to me <3