#crack drabbles

[sunwarmed-ash]

I bet gavin fell into a comatose cus of the grimace shake

okay A this is hilarious, I love it. B. Here you go. this is probably one of the most fun and ridiculous things I've ever written. So thank you for that! Love you <3 <3

“What the phck is this?” Gavin asks, left eyebrow firmly raised up as he eyed the oversized, lilac monstrosities in the Android's hands.  Connor’s previous smile fell, eyeing the three drinks in their paper holder in his hands with worry. If he still wore that damn LED it would probably be flashing red in overload.  “I- the woman at the store said, they were new. That I should try them. Well, I can’t, but I thought you two could…” “That was very thoughtful of you babe, wasn’t it Gavin?” Hank teased/threatened, bumping the back of Gavin’s shoulder with his arm.  “...Yeah…” Gavin says, still eyeing the diabetic's nightmare wearily.  “So what are these Con?” Hank asks, taking his own drink from the holder and removing the lid to lick the whip cream.   “‘Grimace Milkshakes,’” Connor says, not quite understanding the significance, or the name.  “Like the huge purple phck?” Gavin clarifies, taking his own, because he was not gonna be labeled a bad sport in his own home.  He looked at the golden arches on the plastic cup for one more trepidatious moment before taking a sip.  -*- The obsession did not end in his living room that night.  One sip, and Gavin was hooked, faster than any drug he’s popped, snorted, or smoked. He wished, he really wished he could have just hated the damn thing and moved on with his life but no. the Grimace Milkshake had become his latest obsession. So much he was replacing meals for it.  It had been going on for weeks and so far, no one had called him out on it. Did he have to go to painstaking lengths to keep this obsession a secret?(like hiding them in his coffee thermos and having to wait until it melted enough to be liquid and not raise suspicion)Yes. but it was worth it, for the incredibly sweet, berry taste of the limited time beverage.  He figured it wouldn't catch up with him. He had spent most of his life narrowly avoiding consequences. He was crafty like that. And still young. And yes 37 is still young, thank you very much. It was just sugar. Shit was packed into everything he ate anyway. What's the worst that could happen? Turns out the worst that can happen is Connor and Hank finding him in a sugar coma, passed out on his living room floor after ingesting 6 of those stupid drinks and taking humiliating pictures to blackmail him with later...  If he didn't love his two moronic boyfriends so much, he’d phucking kill them.

[incorrect-silentmary]

Okay so.. what would ya think if I'ld do a crack drabble series of the Silent Mary Crew and her days in the Triangle?

[deathishauntedbyhumans]

For the crackship pairings, could I please request Mr. E/Nan Blake?

It’s been 300 years but y’know we’re still out here. 

I hope you enjoy this anon I have no idea what’s going on. 

Summary: E breaks in to look for the Planispheric Disk that the kids have, but his plans are foiled when Nan (a past affair) catches him in the act.

AO3 LINK

SEND ME CRACK PAIRINGS

—

“Nan--”

“Don’t you Nan me.” Nan raises the lamp in her hands higher, and E rapidly waves his arms.

“Wait! I’m not here because of you, I-- was looking for something!”

A light flicks on upstairs. Nan whirls around to see Daphne at the top.

“Mom, is everything alright?”

In a flash, Nan rushes forward, pushing E out of sight. “I’m fine, darling. Go back to sleep!”

Daphne yawns. “Okay. Be careful.” Her door closes again.

E takes Nan’s hands. “Nan…”

“Don’t you Nan me,” Nan repeats softly, but she leans in to kiss him. “We can’t keep doing this.”

[pyropsychiccollector]

Pervy Meredy Documentary

Note: You ever watch one of those educational documentaries, where you learn interesting stuff about real animals, people, and places? Well, this isn't one of those. This might just break your brain, if you try to take this too seriously. This is a breakdown of where @procellasdracon and I had just a little bit of fun with an innocent character like Meredy... and promptly twisted her into this massive pervert type of character.

And all of this happened on January 1st of this year, by the way. Funny how Meredy was reborn in our threads on New Year's Day~.

So, I got the ball rolling with this post.  Just a little fun. Probably would've gone back to 'normal!Meredy' afterwards.

Natsu: Do you feel like we're being watched? Gray: ... Nope. *Takes off swimming trunks; dutifully ignores the high-pitched squeal from somewhere nearby* Natsu: Weird... I swear I smell some chick nearby. 'Cause she's makin' that weird smell that Erza sometimes makes when we're in the bedroom... Gray: OOOKAAAY subject change. *Takes a deep breath, goes back to pretending that Ultear didn't bring along her 'daughter'* Natsu: Are you in denial or somethin'? Gray: No. And if you know what's good for you, you'll stop asking inconvenient questions. *grumble grumble* Meredy: O_O *Stupid wide grin, almost hyperventilating as her eyes are fixated on Gray-oniisan's... hose; rubs legs together a little to relieve herself a bit* But then @procellasdracon followed up with this....

So Meredy would put her magic on both Ultear AND Erza that same night... The next day, no one would hear a peep out of Meredy until the next night since she was put into a coma. XD Her fantasy of 'both at once' had come true - 80% true actually. But now she knows she'd absolute faint if she had both of them at once. "...I love being a wizard..." Meanwhile, Ultear can guess why Meredy didn't show up at all that day. Natsu: Hah, and Ice Pick here didn't believe me... Gray: Don't you have some random family's home to punch a hole in the wall...? Natsu: Not before you join up with the rest of your group that's performing tonight. What's their name again - oh, Chip'n'Dales...!? Erza: Natsu, be nice. Besides, Gray has a body more than equal to those partly men. Gray: *smug af* Hah! Natsu: -__- Hey... Erza: *smiles* ...but who could resist your body, my dearest love? Certainly not me...*gives him a nice wet kiss* Ultear: Please Erza-dear, there's children about. Erza: And it's how they came to be ... *smirks* Meredy: ... *manages to walk down the stairs* H-Hi everyone. Sorry, I wasn't feeling very good last night... ***You kidding me?! 15 times between them is waaaay too much!*** Erza: Oh Meredy, are you sure? You still seem flushed in your cheeks. Ultear: -_- I bet... *gives her 'daughter' a glare* I told her about eating certain kinds of 'fruit' before, but someone doesn't like to listen. Natsu: ... oh, it makes her sick? Ultear: More like she doesn't when to know to stop eating... Meredy: ... Oh 'Mama', I'll be fine. I only had 15 servings last night... *looks pointedly at Ultear* Ultear: 0_o Fi-fifteen!? *glances at Erza for a moment?* ...how many red and how many black...? Meredy: *faint smile* 8 of the red ones... Ultear: DAMNIT! Everyone else: 0.o

And of course I couldn't just let that go, so...

*Dying over here* XD Meldy-chan is well-equipped for that kind of peeping, isn't she? You'd think she'd be in a coma for a week. And that Erza and Ultear would be able to tell something's up. XD Ultear: Which fruit 'tasted' better, Meldy-dear? *twitch* Meredy: That's not a fair question, mama. The red was good and rough, but the black was extra ki.... I MEAN FLEXIBLE! No, damn it, I mean special! Erza: *narrows eyes* How is fruit flexible? Ultear: I think Meldy is trying to describe a banana in the strangest way possible. *death glare at pinkette* Can you at least say the black banana tasted better? Meredy: O_O Banana...... *glossy-eyed at the memory of both those snausages; there was some hawt deep-throat action that night* Ultear: O-kay..... *snaps fingers in front of Meldy's unseeing eyes* What about foreplay? Erza: Will you just leave the poor girl alone? She's obviously got bad memories of that fruit. Ultear: *Snorts* Oh, I think she enjoyed herself A LITTLE TOO MUCH. Pig. Meredy: *drooling at all the sexy-sexy memories*

We were at the point of no return by this point...

Damn it, stop! You're helping to feed the bunny! Bunny: FEEEED MMEEEEEE~ 0.o ~*~ Natsu: Huh, I never pegged Meredy for being that much of a fruit lover. We still got that basket in our room, right Erza? Erza: NO!... Um, not *that* one, Natsu. Remember? You promise that we would 'sample' them together? Natsu: But I'm not the one getting them sh- oww! Erza: *lifts her heel from his foot* Anyway, my dear, shall we go relieve this casino of it's monetary assets? Natsu: *shakes his foot out a bit* Huh? The only a** I want here is yours *grabs her hips and pulls her body against his* Erza: *purrs gleefully* Oh yes dear, but first, we need the money to pay for all of the extra...'items' we got up in our room before we can continue. Natsu: Oh... OOOOHHHH, I get it. *Grins and holds out his arm* Let's get that money, Erza! Erza: Hell yes! *loops her arm around his and they both strut towards the casino Ultear: -.- ... can't they be even the LEAST be subtle about that? Gray: -_- ...you're asking for subtly from Erza and Natsu? Who are you and what have you done with Ultear? Ultear: ... I suppose you have a point. Come MEREDY. Hopefully you can keep your wits about you for a few hours longer... Meredy: ...yes...longer....harder... Ultear: STOP THAT! *blushes* Gray: Hey, isn't that what you wer- owww! Ultear: Come, 'dear', we must go. *drags both him and Meredy into the casino too* Gray: **Y'know, I think Natsu is on to something here...**

So yeah... me 'n @procellasdracon are a couple of raging perverts, but hey~.... Think about Meredy and her Maguilty Sense, and tell me she would only ever use it seriously. That she's not secretly a pervert. Go onnn.... XD

[deathishauntedbyhumans]

Waluigi and Fred ;)

you FOOL they’re too powerful together

[read on AO3]

[send me more crack ships]

Finding someone whose love of traps matched his own seemed an impossibility for Fred. It brought him no comfort to be around his trapless friends, and one day, it became utterly unbearable. So he left his hometown of Crystal Cove and travelled far, far away.

One day, he stumbled upon legends of an island filled with traps. From then on, his sole goal became to find it, and to have a great and glorious romance with the person responsible.

And after months of searching, he found it.

Fred searched the island, naming off trap after trap and avoiding setting them off as he rushed about. At the centre of the island, he found a small house, and when he knocked on the door, a tall, skinny man shoved it open with a bang and stepped outside.

“Who are you?” he asked.

“My name is Fred,” said Fred, with literal hearts in his eyes.

“Well, Fred, you’re the only person who’s ever made it through my island of traps,” the man told him. “My name is Waluigi. Would you like to come inside?”

Fred did, and they lived out the rest of their days together on that island filled with traps.

[deathishauntedbyhumans]

Alrighty, how about an MML / GF thing? :}

It has been done. (Trigger warning for implied non-con. Very vague spoilers for S2 of MML.)

[Read on AO3]

The sound of laughter startles Cavendish from sleep. He looks around wildly to find the source until his gaze lands on a strange triangular figure floating in the corner of the room.

“You’re a piece of work, aren’t you, Top Hat?”

Cavendish rubs his eyes in disbelief. “Are you an alien?” he asks, and the laughter sounds again.

“No, but you’d think that, wouldn’t you.” The figure floats closer, until he’s just above the bed. “I’ve been watching you.” He reaches down, his touch fiery hot and deathly cold as he traces Cavendish’s face. “This is going to be fun.”

[deathishauntedbyhumans]

I wanna give you a prompt thing, but first, what fandoms do you have to choose from??

I’ll do any fandom that I’m in but I’ll also attempt anything I don’t know in a probably shitty manner??

Disney, Sherlock, Milo Murphy’s Law, Phineas and Ferb, The Arcana, Harry Potter, Gravity Falls, Dead Poets Society, Voltron, MCU, Portal, Dear Evan Hansen, Be More Chill, SVTFOE, Scooby Doo, Interview with a Vampire, Ducktales, Hamilton,,,,,, I’ve written for most of those to give you some idea? But I also just wrote a homestuck/princess tutu drabble with No Knowledge of either of those things so,,, Go Wild

[klaraholic]

Klaus puts his sausage in Caroline's egg McMuffin.

“So, let me get this straight,” She turned to face him, arms crossed, hip popped, eyebrows raised once she saw the name of the restaurant he’d taken her to, “After three years of chasing me, when I finally give you the date you want you take me to McDonalds?” 

Klaus shrugged, offering her his arm as he led her towards the door. “I figured you would want a date like no other. So I’ve elected to give you a date like no other, and yes love, the first step of that is getting brunch at this atrocious chain restaurant you Americans seem to love so much.”

“I’ll have you know that most people hate it okay? The food is disgusting, there’s something about like a pink slime? And not to mention that whole Super Size Me documentary thing.” 

He held open the door for her, gesturing for her to walk in and she gave him a small smile as a thank you before he followed her in. “Would you rather eat somewhere else?”

“I mean...we’re already here...” He chuckled at her words as she led him over to the counter, waiting for him to decide what he wanted before they went to place their order.

No more than 7 minutes later, they were sitting in one of the tables tucked in the corner, dividing the food between them. 

“Ok so, I got the Egg McMuffin, you got the pancakes with sausage patty, eggs and orange juice.” Caroline slid his food over to him before unwrapping hers, groaning at the smell. Sure, it was disgustingly unhealthy to eat it but she was a vampire. It wasn’t like she could die from diabetes or anything. 

“You know what’s actually really good,” Klaus interrupted her right before she could take the first, delicious bite of her food. 

“What?” She narrowed her eyes at him, “If you’re gonna say something gross like adding blood to this or something then I’m leaving...”

“Here, may I?” He held his hand out and she cautiously set the McMuffin on his open palm, watching as he set it on the small plastic platter before him and took the top muffin off. He then proceeded to take his sausage patty and set it ontop of the layer of egg before giving it back to her. “I learned that from Kol. He used to be obsessed with this place when it first because well known.”

Caroline gave him an odd look before taking a bite. Damn him. It was actually good. She tried to suppress a groan as the tastes blended on her tongue and she rolled her eyes when she saw his smirk.

“Shut up. Just because you putting your sausage into my Mcmuffin was good doesn’t mean anything, okay? So wipe that smirk off your face and eat your damn pancakes.”

Ha. Gail bet you didn’t see that one coming.

Also, please note, that i have never tried to combo of putting a sausage on an Egg Mcmuffin because i hate sausage and all mcdonalds breakfast foods (besides their pancakes and oddly enough their eggs but only if you put cheese on them) so yeah take that all with a grain of salt.