#crack drabble

[verynormalhuman]

Important question, even to this day it still confuses me how magic and shit like that exist in Devildom yet these guys think a smart vacuum is a disk. Like how in season 3 these mf’s were STRUGGLING with the ice cream maker. Not to mention Levi’s otaku games are like next level yet these guys have no idea how forks fucking work? It still leaves me frustrated to this day. Like PICK A SIDE either have no technology or be advanced than humans. “Oh nooo!! My ultra new game that teleport you as into the game accidentally preloaded MC! We are now stuck playing the game IN REAL LIFE!!” And then two seconds later in the human world “MC what is this? A torture device maybe?” (pointing at a blender). It’s super annoying like how the base game could never choose if these guys were smarter or dumber than humans.

Like at one point in story the demons are like “oh yeah the great mystery of humanity.. we know them all” and then the next lesson is like “oh how does one acquire meat in the human world? A butch her..? What does lesbians have to do with this MC? Oh its pronounced butcher? Oh.” It’s ultimately so funny and stupid. The includes Solomon as well, if he had more than two sentences in every season you would deadass see him be like “Oh! MC may i ask.. what is slay? Why do the girls on the street told me they would kill me? Is this a youngster thing a humble human like me cant understand?”. And i know solomon has a NASTYYY FOMO.

Solomon is a human yet because he is super old i bet everytime MC says a modern slang and he doesnt understand, he feels upset. Like demons cant understand human slang but HE CANT UNDERSTAND TOO!! What is the difference between him and those demons if he cant also understand a human slang as a fellow human?!?! MC please stop saying 67, he doesn’t understand. are you juggling balls with your hands? Why do you keep saying two numbers?! Is this a new jester thing?

Anyways thank you for listening to my TED talk.

[gardenia-lover]

Something that is crazy to me is that all the toons (except for toodles and gourdy) can LEGALLY DRINK???

like imagine ur a poor toon who's carrying dandy and this dude is singing California girls at the top of his lungs💀

Also.. sprout is covering EVERYONE'S drinks even when he's wasted.. obsessively thinking about writing a crack fic about all of the toons x reader when they're all a bar😭😭

[lady-lazarus-13]

Does Julian Bashir Have An Ass?

We polled the residents of Deep Space Nine to get the scoop on Starfleet's most eligible bachelor. We're asking the big questions we know you've all been wondering.

Here's what they had to say:

"Why are you asking me about Julian's....Julian's ...?" The Chief went bright red.

"No," Worf answered.

"Yes," Jadzia said. "It was one of the first things I noticed. I was a little jealous, but Curzon said something about how he'd love to bounce a nickel off it."

Sisko rolled his baseball between his hands in thought and then threw back his head with a hearty laugh.

Keiko glanced away in deep thought. "You know, I rarely see him out of his uniform so I'm not sure and Miles refuses to tell me."

"I would go out of business if I shared my customer's measurements," said Garak with a small, mischievous smile. "But let's just say a tighter fit would accentuate his particular...assets quite nicely."

"You humanoids are so obsessed with your looks and body parts," said Odo in his gruff voice. "But yes, Doctor Bashir has a 'booty' as you put it. Just like the rest of you homo sapiens."

Leeta giggled. "What a funny question! He does. Not as grabbable as Rom's though...."

Quark waggled his eyeridges. "Oh, definitely. Look, consider me an expert."

Major Kira snapped the microphone in half before walking away as if nothing had happened. We did attempt to fix it, but unfortunately our recording from Morn was too garbled to accurately quote.

((Fanfic crack drabble for @tinyfaust))

[vampiresheepgyts]

Hihihi! I really love the way you write! Could I get a Neteyam x Male! Ex-mangkwan! Reader where the reader dispises the mangkwan and humans, but he loves their music (21st century pop and rap like pitbull and kesha) and some of their tech (speakers mostly)?

"You ever wonder why the hell they made music that slaps this hard just to abandon it?" The question slips out while you're elbow-deep in rusted wiring, fingers sticky with decades-old grease as you wrestle the ancient human speaker into something resembling function. Neteyam blinks at you from across the fire, his tail flicking in that way it does when he's trying to decide if you're serious or just doing that thing humans call 'shitposting.'

The jungle hums around you both, a living thing that doesn't give a damn about your salvage obsession. Somewhere in the trees, a creature shrieks, could be a predator, could be some poor bastard who stepped on a vine. You don't flinch. The smell of burning synthwood mixes with the acrid tang of melting plastic as your jury-rigged power source sputters to life.

Neteyam's nostrils flare when the bassline kicks in, a distorted pulse of Pitbull's "Give Me Everything" crackling through the corroded speakers. His ears flatten briefly, then twitch forward with reluctant curiosity. "This is what you trade three hunting knives for?" He has to raise his voice over the chorus, which is honestly the funniest shit you've seen all week.

You grin, wiping your hands on your thighs and leaving streaks of grime. "Bro, you don't even know. This is the soundtrack to entire wars." The speaker wheezes, skips, then drowns out the jungle again with Kesha. Neteyam's expression is priceless, half horror, half fascination, like he's watching a venomous snake do a backflip.

"(Reader), what the fuck is this?" He asks halfway through a laugh, ears twitching at the tinny autotuned chorus like it physically pains him. You catch him tapping his fingers against his thigh though, subtle as hell, some warrior discipline bullshit trying to fight the bassline. The firelight catches the way his pupils dilate just slightly when the beat drops again, like his body's betraying him one pulse at a time.

[mydahliarose]

Miiri chatlog series: venting gone wrong 🃏🩵🪽

Michael: *crying about lucifer, how much he missed him*

Michael: i just miss him so much niiri....i want him back in heaven so everything can be back to normal....

Niiri: oh Angelica....i understand that deeply, sometimes i miss brother leviathan despite what happened between us...dont worry i love you way more than him thats for sure so you can put the knife down on the plushie...or actually do stab it as much as you like hehe~.

Michael: ... really? *Sniffling*

Michael: you miss your brother as much as I?

Niiri: indeed... what im saying is you can talk to me about anything relating to your brother anything that you can take that weight of your shoulders, we seem to have alot in common about that aspect so i won't judge whatever it is-

Michael: d-do you also fantasize in kissing your own brother some day?....

Niiri:.......

It then went awkwardly silent while they stared like this for the next 24 hours.

How would they eventually break the silence and contenue as if this shit didn't happen? The world may never know

Niiri is no brother kisser even if her and levi aint blood related she cant see him as more than a family so poor Michael unintentionally made it awkward for her thinking shed relate to his Lucifer delusions shhdhdhhd

[nottmodr]

Bakerystrid 

“I cast, thicc.”

*Poof*

Astrid looked down on herself “Gods darnit!”

==

“What in all of Perun’s might was that?!” Viggo asked the Druid in front of him, trying very hard not to lose his cool.

“What you told me to do.” The old crone said, disinterested.

“I told you to do something that hindered them, not whatever that was!”

“It will hinder them, the boy will have to make her new pants now. And saddles.”

*The druid then proceeded to write to her old friend, Gothi, and inform her that all was according to plan.

==

Hiccup gazed upon the shelf like mounds of Astrid's greatly enhanced posterior. There was a faint jiggle about them at her every move. Her hips had greatly widened too, making her form, as Tuffnut would say, “dragonesque.”

He opened his mouth to try and say a word of encouragement or comfort.

“Not. A. Word. “ Astrid angrily cut him off with a finger on his lips. “Or I will squish you.”

[sunandflame]

read your most recent lucci fic about butt pats and am now currently giggling and kicking my feet thinking about him having OTHER cat mannerisms, like inexplicable zoomies at 3am.

i’m vividly imagining another member of cp0 going to get a glass of water in the middle of the night or something only to have the absolute bejesus scared out of them by him just sprinting past at Mach Fuck™ speeds like an absolute lunatic for no reason and being like “lucci what the hell is WRONG with you man 😭”

anyways, thank you for your service as THE rob lucci writer of tumblr (^_^) you’re a treasure 🫶

sincerely, @siegescript :3

OH MY GOD 😂 you just unlocked a mental image I can’t unsee—Lucci with full-on cat zoomies energy 😂 Here is a little crack drabble 😘

It was three in the morning when Kaku shuffled out of his room, yawning, hair a mess, just wanting a glass of water. The base was quiet, save for the hum of the refrigerator.

He opened a cupboard, reached for a glass—

FWOOOSH.

Something black streaked across the living room at inhuman speed. The air actually shifted with the force of it.

Kaku froze, glass halfway out of the cupboard. “…Lucci?”

No answer. Only the faint clack clack clack of shoes on tile, echoing down the hallway. Then silence.

Kaku rubbed his eyes. Maybe he was sleep deprived. Maybe—

SLAM.

Lucci came hurtling back through the room, vaulted off the arm of the couch, ricocheted off the wall like a missile, and vanished again. Hattori flapped wildly after him, screeching like an alarm clock.

The glass slipped from Kaku’s hand and nearly shattered in the sink. “WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, MAN?!”

From the dark hallway, a low voice: “…training.”

Kaku blinked into the shadows where Lucci stood—shoulders squared, chest heaving slightly, pupils blown way too wide for comfort.

“…at three in the morning?”

Lucci said nothing. He just crouched on the back of the sofa, still as a statue, watching. Waiting.

Kaku took a very slow sip of water, shook his head, and muttered, “You’re out of your damn mind,” before shuffling back to bed.

Behind him, the FWOOOSH started again.

Taglist: @auryborealis @tenaciouskittenanchor @7wanne @hethia @thatanonymouschocolate @mellyrally @sagyunaro @kreaturehorder-blog @cryptip0wer-blog @katmihawk @toga-003 @nin-dy-tro @superbeaglewitch @poe-slittleraven13 @wontknowbetter

[waldensblog]

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?

Little Hellion... I... didn't expect to see you here...

But now that you are-

Are you and Lodgok drunk?!?!?!

He is, but that's besides the point. Surrender now or-

Uuuugh wait until Sebastian hears about this. I am never gonna hear the end of it...

***

@ephemerasnape's Unique Dark Wizards Redux mod is one of my fave HL mods of all time!!!

It reskins some of the locals into iconic Dark Wizards, populating Hogsmeade with Ashwinders galore - which makes sooo much sense for the canon, given how active they're supposed to be there, and it means the Hogs Head is literally a bastion of them!!! You have no idea how much I loved seeing Rookwood just standing in a corner there!!!! I've taken way too many screenshots every time I've walked in now, because Rookwood seems to always in in the Hogs Head for me!

And since Lodgok was just drunkenly swaying next to him this time, I absolutely could not resist but write up a little crack drabble about it!!!