#crackbunny

[amarriageoftrueminds]

Hollanov Ficbunny: 'It's not what it looks like.'

AKA: Gayass Straight Bro Culture Farce:

Pursuant to that post about how homoerotically straight dudes interact with each other

+ the fact that both the Mets and Raiders fans apparently burn effigies of the boys =

The Raiders prank Ilya one day by buying a male Asian sex doll (complete with badly drawn-on freckles), putting it in a knock-off Hollander jersey, and leaving it in Ilya's seat in the locker room.

Cue Ilya (who is immediately thinking, 'FUCK if Hollander finds out about this he will be horrified this cannot be allowed to reach social media') having to laugh it off while also get sexdoll-Shane away from his depraved team-mates.

Ilya *sitting with sexdoll-Shane in his lap* 'Okei new rule! No one is allowed to fuck with Hollander. This is my job! Anyone tries to fuck with Hollander is doing bag skates for the rest of the season!' *boos in background*

Cue Ilya pulling a heist where he has to somehow shuttle this thing across the parking lot and fit it into his mercifully window-tinted but impractically-low-on-trunk-space supercar without anyone noticing / realising what it is.

Cue Ilya speeding home, getting pulled over by Boston PD, and having to Slavic-Rizz his way through explaining why there is a Shane Hollander sex doll propped up in his passenger seat.

'...Why do you have that, sir?' 😶 'Emotional support?'

And, Plot twist:

The Mets also do this to Shane.

Only, unlike Ilya, this is his idea of a living nightmare, and Shane never manages to get rid of sexdoll-Ilya. It's too stressful to contemplate. He definitely has to enlist the help of both Hayden and JJ to get it into his range rover. His mother definitely calls while they're in the middle of doing it and Shane having an actual panic attack meltdown.

Cue Ilya, many weeks later, going through Shane's closet to borrow something to wear, saying, 'ohhh... Hollander... you have my jersey?!' 😏

And Shane realising, in absolute horror, that he still has sexdoll-Ilya hidden in the back of his closet.

Cue 'it's not what it looks like?!' and Ilya collapsing onto the floor weak with laughter.

[wuxiaphoenix]

Reprise: Steamy Alien Romance!

Been a little under the weather, and part of that has been reading various Kindle samples of alien romance. You know, light, fluffy, something to amuse a tired brain… So I thought I might reprise this post in case we have any amused fanfic cover artists out there.

In - ahem - honor of Amazon constantly putting an advertisement for their latest paranormal alien romance at the bottom of my “recommended” emails, I propose people consider how said alien paranormal romances might be written in-universe, in the Stargate setting.

Have some titles!

Captured By the First Prime

The System Lord’s Slave

The Queen’s Choice

Ha’taks and Honor

Bound By the Tok’ra

Coils of Apophis

Like a Zat to the Heart

The Blue Book of Love

A Token for the Tok’ra

The General’s Alien Mate

False God, True Bride

Haunted by Hathor

Love? Ra, Ra, Ra!

Getting to Know Yu

Hunted By Heru'ur

(Any title with Ba'al's is probably NSFW.)

Not to mention the sizzling trilogy, Forbidden ‘Gate, ‘Gates of Love and Duty, ‘Gate to My Heart.

And don’t leave the Asgard out of the fun! How about, Hammered By Thor, Tricked By Loki, Fettered By Freya?

Picture Indy Jones!outfit Daniel Jackson, with Sha’re clinging to his leg a la slave outfit Leia. Jack in a torn black t-shirt, cammo pants, and way too many weapons harnesses, fending off Hathor in a lab on fire! Or a topless Teal’c, bridal-carrying Major Carter with long tumbling blonde hair, almost out of uniform.

Thrill to the descriptions of daring SGC doctors trapped behind enemy lines with injured alien soldiers, using all their medical skill to heal their wounds - and their wounded hearts. See how these romantic heroines handle their... staff weapons!

(Picture a furious General trying to track down the intelligence leak. Sam making notes of all the - ahem - classified data evident in the books, a la those poor guys analyzing The Hunt for Red October, head buried in her hands. Daniel arguing for an academic analysis of the influence of alien cultures on modern literature. Various SGC technicians trying to hide the paperbacks whenever SG-1 walks by. Janet steadily accumulating a confiscated pile of pulps.

Teal’c: “The details of the intimate encounter between the Jaffa guard and the planetary captive are... surprisingly accurate.”

Jack, reading over his shoulder, snorting.: “Well, there’s no way that part is accurate.”

Teal’c: Raised brow.

And at least half the books are written by Sgt. Siler under a pseudonym. Hey, what else is the guy going to do waiting around for the ‘Gate to open all day?)

Feel free to take and run with these. Do cover mock-ups! Blurbs! Heck, write ‘em if you want! Take that, alien paranormal romance!

...Ahem. Maybe I should lie down now....

[amarriageoftrueminds]

Shane Hollander torture sequence:

in 2012 the married guys in the team lose a bet with the WAGs and the forfeit is that the whole team now has to watch the movie Magic Mike together.

Shane is brilliant red from the neck up white knuckling that fucking chair clenching his jaw so hard he's chipping a tooth pretending that cushion is on his lap because of reasons.

Ilya is doing a watchalong with him via text and not helping.

[amarriageoftrueminds]

tell me why I, a person who hates kid fics and random hetsex in my slash fics, am currently giggling to myself imagining a visibly-pregnant woman running up to Bucky when he's out and about with his recently-be-boyfriended Steve, and being like 'omfg thank god I finally found you!'

...and why I am imagining a long crack sex flashback to That Night of enhanced 'doesn't realise he's a bit too much for a normal woman to survive' Bucky having what he thought was an extremely Mid night of sex but she thought was a religious fucking experience??

[wuxiaphoenix]

Plotbunny for Hire: Hats Incredible

Okay, crack crossover idea for you: Joseon Dynasty Korea vs. Girl Genius’ Jaegers.

Think about it. The Joseon Dynasty lasted from 1392-1897 in our reality. We don’t know the exact timeframe Girl Genius is set in, but as a “Gaslamp fantasy” it’s probably around the 1800s or so. At that time Korea was still the Hermit Kingdom, seeing themselves as the true Confucian heirs to the Ming Dynasty, holding off foreign entanglements by tooth, nail, and musket. They made it work for centuries; even with Sparks on the loose they’d probably give at least as good as they got with their own death rays and mad Confucian scholar-scientists. Weaponized feng shui and fortunetellers! Hidden weapons! Musketeers good enough to hunt tigers! They could do it.

...There’s just one little problem.

Jaegers love fancy hats. And it’s traditional to win them from a defeated enemy. (Preferably one with the same head size as you.)

Anyone who’s seen a sageuk (Korean historical drama) can attest, their hats are awesome.

Granted, the Jaegers are loyal to the Heterodynes, and usually don’t wander too far from where the latest Heterodyne Spark is wreaking havoc. But some of them have, historically, been dispatched on lone or small group missions. And they could have wandered pretty far.

Far enough to get to the equivalent of China (with its own fancy hats) and run into Korean scholars traveling there? Who knows? We can be sure, though, that if a Jaeger did take a hankering to a scholar’s gat, and then had the great good fortune to realize hey, this scholar has a sword, and he’s not bad....

A few possible ways this could go. If the fight was really fun, the Jaegers might try to kidnap the hapless scholar and smuggle him home; Heterodynes love learning new stuff! If the Forbidden City/local port guards manage to break up the fight, we might have some cat-and-mouse going on as Jaegers and scholars each try to figure out Who Were Those Guys? And either head toward or away from trouble, depending. And if by dint of numbers of allies, skills, or dumb luck, the scholar-swordsman got clear and hotfooted it back to Korea, there might be a dirigible or steamship following him....

For added mayhem? Vampires as in Scholar Who Walks the Night might originally have been a Mad Science experiment, and I could easily see Kim Sung-yeol soundly thrashing a troop of Jaegers, clanks included. The chaos! The mayhem! The explosions! The Jaegers would consider it the best day ever.

...Ahem. So. One crack crossover bunny, free to good home.

After all, those hats rock.

[amarriageoftrueminds]

“hannibal accidentally killing one of will's dogs and having to try and find an identical randomly-patterned mongrel of the same age and sex”

[mikorei]

#Easter #imdoomed #retailhorror this is what they're setting up in the mall #crackbunny #rabbit🐇 (at Boise Towne Square)

[amarriageoftrueminds]

it’s funny how all my ideas for hannigram fall into one of three categories:

1) painful fluff

Will falls asleep standing up in the shower because he’s so tired while they’re on the run and Hannibal goes in to wrap a towel round his shoulders and cuddle him from behind in an attempt to wake him up and their first kiss happens because still-half-asleep!Will turns his head to nuzzle at Hannibal and peck him on the cheek without thinking about it and later doesn’t even remember doing it

2) plausible crack

Will first bringing up the possibility of sex between them while Hannibal is cooking dinner one night and thinking that he’s taking the news pretty calmly until he realises that Hannibal is trying to grate a pestle and has just put the roast in the dishwasher

3) porny filth

Will finding tiny beads of cum in his hair