A lesson in how to get what you want when a guy is not listening to reason and is trying to take you back to his place instead of driving you home like he promised:
Step 1: spend a few days at home wracking up anxiety and fraying your nerves from having your parents micromanage your every move like you’re 5 and can’t even tie your shoelaces.
Step 2: sleep poorly the night before an interview and then stress out about falling asleep so then you drink a wee bit of tea and you become wired.
Step 3: have the fortune to acquire an eccentric old dinosaur to interview you who just wants to troll you the whole time and not actually listen to any answers, but then realizes that he actually has to do a good job of writing you a letter because your career depends on it. So then he asks you all the hard hitting questions in the last 5 minutes of an hour long interview.
Step 4: escape parents finally at the airport and then text said boy and said boy offers you a ride but then you say nah because nah you’re not trying to get a lay when you’re crazy exhausted.
Step 5: fall asleep on the plane and then midway through the flight wake up with a jolt because your brain finally caught up and realized that your bus card is nearly inaccessible in your suitcase without a great deal of unpacking and embarrassment. Contemplate how to unpack suitcase with minimal damage.
Step 6: casually text said boy cursing yourself out for your folly. Said boy will inevitably think you’re asking for a ride and that he’s getting lucky.
Step 7: decide you would rather embarrass yourself now than later. Brace self and get ready to unpack suitcase. Said boy will say he is coming for you so don’t leave.
Step 8: wait for said boy and wonder how this will end. It helps to imagine crazier and crazier scenarios.
Step 9: get into car. Said boy makes a show of putting your address into his phone and then 10 minutes later stealthily switches gps to his address because he thinks you’re too stupid to realize that you’re deviating from a straight path.
Step 10: interrupt his stupid small talk and raise your voice. Tell him to pull over the car.
Step 11: if he refuses, be eerily silent and then flash him crazy eyes. If he looks over, lunge at him from the passengers seat and yank on his ear. If he tries to slap you away, increase intensity of crazy eyes, volume of voice, and coherence of threats.
Step 12: the final step: threaten that you will shove him out the car and drive it yourself. If that doesn’t work. Threaten you’ll never speak to him again and give him the silent treatment until he gives in.
Result; success! Boy is salty af but it doesn’t matter cuz you made it home.
Tldr; utilize your PMS. Feel the PMS coursing through your veins. Embrace the PMS and be one.
